Hi moms! My 4 yr. old daughter is pretty good at dressing herself for the most part. Needs a little help with some things, like socks, on occasion. She has even been known to go into her room on a Saturday and put together a complete outfit that matches, etc. and dress herself in it when no one is aware that she is doing it. The trouble is, I work and she refuses to dress herself in the mornings. We are becoming increasingly late and cannot get out of the house due to the struggles that I always end up giving in on because we need to get on our way. Help! I am at my wits end and have tried everything and have absolutely begun to lose all patience on this issue. Thank you for any and all suggestions!
Thank you so much for all of your input. It really helps just to get a fresh perspective on the situation and arm myself with some great ideas to try. Thank you, especially, to those of you who spoke non-judgementally & with understanding. We have started a sticker chart (we did this with potty training as well) and yesterday was great - today was a huge struggle, yet again. I really loved the idea of choosing 2 outfits (one not so nice) and giving her the option of getting dressed or "mommy will dress you, but you have to wear this one". ;0) We may have to resort to that. Still open to any other ideas. I am definitely going to get myself ready earlier in the mornings when I can - my husband has to be at work around the time we have to be up - so it is very difficult to be getting ready with one bathroom when he needs to be out the door & is rushing around. Thank you all again for your thoughthful answers!
B.,
Let her go as is. If that means she leaves the house in her pjs then let her go. And stick to it. I did this once with my son. We went to Happy Harry's and he was in his pjs. Never did it again. If you give in she will keep doing it. It isn't worth fighting with her if she refuses to get dressed. It's just her way of showing her independence.
M.
Hi B.,
To me it sounds like she is wanting to spend some quality time with you before heading off to a busy day. This might be her one way of getting this time with you and that is why she struggles with it. She might think that she won't have any one on one time with you if she gets herself dressed in the mornings.
L.
I would make it a game. As another mom said set a timer and see if she can make the time. Then the next day or so make the time shorter and see if she can beat her time from the day before. Then you can reward her with something special.
I think you just need to get up a little sooner and help her, she is only 4? My son started kindergarden this year and I help him get ready most of the time. They are tiered like we are when we get up too. I get up get ready for work help my son, then I get my daughter, soon to be 4 ready for prek. I have all there clothes ready the night before so We dont have to think about that. I know it is hard but we will want this day back when they are dressing there selves, and hate what they put on, if you know what i mean. good luck, you can do it. K.
Hi B.,
I too went through this with my son. I started setting out the clothes the night before. I would let him pick what he wanted but let him know he couldn't change it in the morning. Then we would have a game to see who could get dressed first. I would help him with buttons, etc. but this helped. It will pass, but I totally understand.
My now 5 year old used to get herself ready, but would get easily distracted and the process would take lots of reminders and time. I know your situation is a bit different, but our solution might make it fun, and help in the process: We took photos of different steps in the process. A photo of her brushing her teeth, getting her pants on, a photo of putting socks on, etc. Then put them in order on a poster board and she followed it like a checklist. I agree your daughter is probably either trying to assert control over her day or trying to get some time with you in the ams. Maybe you can try something like making it a race or this checklist idea and give her the incentive that if you and she are both totally ready in time, then you'll have time to read a quick book together on the couch before you leave for the day. And if not, then no couch time that day. Good luck!
This could be her way of saying she doesn't want to go. I am thinking that she got dressed on the saturday because she knew she was staying home? They are so smart and sneaky at 4 :-)
I wonder if a reward chart would motivate her. Have her pick a prize - a small toy, a book, stickers, the promise of a special dessert, etc. Tell her if she dresses herself every morning for a week then she will get that prize. Use a chart with stickers or smiley faces to keep track.
You could also stock a prize box and rather than her focus on getting a pre-picked prize, she could pick a prize at the end of the week if she meets the criteria.
It sounds like she might feel like she needs a little one-on-one time in the mornings with you. Maybe you could try setting a timer or having her get ready by a certain time. Tell her if she is all ready by that time, then you will have enough time to do something together before setting off for the day. Clearly it won't be a long activity, but you could probably squeeze in a book or small puzzle, even a little visit to talk about the day's events while snuggling in a chair for a few minutes. Then she can get that time she seems to need with you, but it can be happier and less stressful for everyone.
Hi B.! Your darling doesn't want you to go to work! She is stalling and creating havoc just so that you will be with her longer. Plan ahead. Lay out clothes, bookbag, breakfast bowls the works the night before. Get up a bit earlier so that you can be dressed and ready before you wake her up so that you have the time to spend with her in the AM getting her ready to go. Be calm, controled and super organized! AS she gets into a solid routine have her help you get it all set up the night before, be honest with her, "Mom has to work." don't whine about how you wish you could stay home...just tell her. "If I could I would, but I can't so we have to make the most of each moment we have together and I don't want to waste them fighting with you...do you?" Tell her what time you HAVE to leave by, and what time you will be home. If you are going to be late home call her. Being honest as much as you can and as much as ahe can understand always works best. Remember you rule her world....she shouldn't and can't rule yours! Best wishes.
First, I give you a ton of credit. I stay at home with my daughter, and I know how long it takes to get ready to go to something simple like story time at the library, and there are no consequences for being late there. So, I can't imagine how frustrating it is to have to get your child ready and be somewhere on time where there are actual consequences for being late.
With that said, and this is NOT a judgement, but do you think your daughter is doing this so that she can spend a few more minutes in the morning with mommy? Could this just be her way of trying to get your attention? Again, please don't think I am judging that you go to work, I am just thinking of why it only occurs when you have to leave.
If it's not that, then it must be one of those wonderful phases that our children go through with no explanation as to why!!! Good Luck!
Lucky for you. I wish sometimes that my 4 year old wasn't so independent - she won't even let me help her even if she is having trouble. Anyway, we have been having a lot of problems with getting our daughter to bed in a timely manner and do various other things in with good behavior, etc. What I did was develop a rewards chart where she gets to put the stickers on the things that she deserves them for. We'll see if it works for the long run - we just started so not sure how it will pan out. This might be an idea for you. Gook luck.
