i have a daughter who turned 4 in feb. i am at my wits end and i dont know what my next step should be! here is my dilemma:
she has been potty trained during the day just fine since 2. but now she will hold her pee to the point where she cannot stand up and she has to "duck waddle" to the bathroom and cries because she is in such a panic to take her pants off. i see when she has to go (she sits on her foot) but she just wont do it on her own!! she waits until the urge is gone, and keeps on playing/eating/whatever she's doing until she's at the point where she is about to pee her pants. when i ask her if she has to go, she says no. but when i take her, she cries and then pees like niagra falls. how can i get her to go by herself??
she sleeps very deep. we had tried to train her at night, taking her pee 3 times a night. sometimes she still peed the bed. sometimes she got up, but not often. then she regressed and peed every night. we put her back in diapers at night. her diaper is we every single morning since. she even wets the bed at nap time, which is only 2 hours or so!!! this past week, she has peed the bed every day during naptime, even if she pees right beforehand.
what do i do? she is 4!! am i crazy to think that she should be over this already? i dont know how i can train her to get up at night and she is even having problems during the daytime now.
how does everyone else do it???
please help! i'm desperate!
Thank you so much for the wonderful replies and suggestions.
I know that these things take time. I just needed some ideas and perhaps some reasons of why this is happening.
As for the daytime, i have decided to just take her to the bathroom every couple of hours or so. We do it calmly and matter-of-factly. I have just told her that this is just what we do and its not big deal to get on the potty and try, even if she doesnt fee like she has to go. I dont get upset about it anymore. we just make a game out of it and "race" to the potty or hop, skip, jump or dance our way there. that way, she doesnt feel like she's in trouble or that it is a negative or an obstacle to her playtime since we're still having fun. i just reassure her that everything will still be in its place and she wont "miss" any playtime. it has been working remarkably well. i have finally realized that when i put a smile on my face and make it a game, i can make my kids do ANYTHING!! (even with my other children!) why it took me this long to figure it out, i dont know.
As for night time, i think that i will spend more time with her without her brother and sister and perhaps just be patient. I think that I will increase my one-on-one time with all of my children so that they dont feel that they are competing for my attention during the day. i have noticed changes in them since the arrival of our baby. we'll limit her fluids and start taking her pee before our bedtime and see how she fares. as for now, its just one day at a time.
thank you again so much. and i will update this section as i see improvements at night so that some of you may see how my experience went!
xoxo!
I've seen great results with chiropractic care in this situation.
If you want more info. please feel free to email me.
L.
As to the bed wetting - it sounds as though she has just not outgrown sleeping so deeply. She will eventualy. In the meantime, try to limit her fluid intake earlier in the day and, if not already doing so, try waking her up to go to the bathroom right before you go to bed at night.
As to holding it too long, if not already doing so, but she to have her go to the bathroom as soon as you notice the signs. She needs to develop the habit of going as soon as possible, unfortunatly this will take some time.
Hope it helps.
We're going through the same thing with our 3 year old boy. I've had 3 girls and two boys. The only way to prevent a toddler from wetting is to stop giving them liquids at least an hour and a half before they are due to lie down. No juice, no milk, no water. Make her go potty before she lies down. I ran the water while they went so they could really empty their bladders. Make her wipe really good so that she feels like she has to pee again. That helps empty the bladder more. Then tell her to lie down. I live in Salem, too, maybe we can talk about it....
K.
I am having the same exact problem!! My daughter will be 4 in May! She wears a pull-up at night and it gets so full, I am not so concerned about the night time--but she will not stop playing sometimes and will just pee in her pants- sometimes we will go a weeks without any accidents then she will go through spells where she pees in her pants several days in a row. The most frustrating part is she goes to pre-school everyday and never has accidents. She just gets to busy, and then has to go so bad that she can't stand or she will pee. Sorry I don't have any advise, just know you are not alone!! Hopefully somone can help us both!
I am a mother of 5 children ranging in ages from 8 to 25 and I've seen almost all children "duck waddle" as you call it. It's similar to the "not wanting to sleep although exhausted" routine. They feel like they will miss something if they go to the bathroom while they are in the middle of something.
You mentioned that you can tell when she has to go. I would not ask her if she has to go since she's telling you "no" and it's obvious that she has to go. Just take her by the hand and tell her "let's go to the bathroom now". Leave whatever you are doing to take her for a few times. Then later when you see that she has to go don't ask her. Tell her gently and casually to go to the bathroom. Your daughter should feel that it is natural and commonplace to go to the bathroom even when we are busy.
Also, this might be a little regressive behavior because although she may not have sensed so much the arrival of your now 2 year old child she definitely senses your 7 month old and the extra care infants require. She may be doing this as a way to get more attention--and that's ok. Give her the attention. It's ok. if this take a little longer. I hope this helps.
first I'ld make sure she does not have a bladder infection next time you are at the doctors. I would not worry about the night time until day time is going better especially naps. I'ld also stop giving her drinks1-2 hrs before she sleeps. You may have to go to some sort of reward system for peeing and for keeping dry during naps.
It sounds like your daughter is afraid to wet herself b/c she doesn't want to disappoint mommy. My daughter was almost 4 before she was fully potty trained. The best piece of advise given to me was - all kids get potty trained eventually - just be patient.
Patience is the key, if your daughter sees you stressed out over her potty problems, she might resist learning.
Here are some tips that helped me:
- Set a timer and put her on the bowl every hour. This takes alot of patience on your part - trust me that hour comes quickly. Plan to do this when you have a few days you are planning on being at home. Be persistant, don't miss an hour b/c she is resisting you. Even if she doesn't go at first, she will eventually. You may want to keep her in big-girl underwear when you do this.
- Let her pick out her new big-girl-wear. My daughter loved Ariel, and so I bought her ariel underwear. She didn't want to get Ariel wet, so she tried extra hard to go on the potty.
- Get some books and read to her while she is sitting on the potty. This will take her mind off the fact she's been sitting there for 5 minutes. (an eternity to a 4year old)
- Everytime she is successful, give her a prize hershey kiss or something small she likes. I used stickers and tatoos. If she goes on her own - she gets 2 treats or a bigger one.
- At night, don't give her anything to drink an hour or so before bedtime and make sure she goes potty before she goes to bed.
You may want to tackle the daytime potty training first, once she masters that - the PM potty time will come easier. Also, mastering #2 is harder for alot of kids.
Reward her with praise when she does well- make a big deal out of her sucess'... and when she has an accident - tell her that you love her and that she can try again next time.
I hope these tips work for you. I am starting to train my 2yr old son now too. Good luck!
When you see that she has to go, MAKE her go. Explain to her that it is unhealthy for her to hold it.She can cause herself all kins of infections.Which will in turn require a trip to the doctor and medication. She may have a legitimate bladder control issue. She's not too young to be able to explain the consequences (above stated);she can understand.
First take her to the doctors and make sure there is nothing physical going on (infection) that makes it hurt for her to pee. If nothing physical is wrong, go back to basics. Set a timer and let her know that when the timer goes off it is time to go. Don't "ask" her to go "TELL" her to go. It's a power struggle. My 4yo boy has done the same thing. Your daughter should be mature enough to understand that if she keep doing this it will hurt her (infection, incontinence later, etc) and if it continues you will have to take her to the doctor again. Good luck.
My daughter was just the same way and I think we finally nipped it around 4.5 yo. She is 5 now. She would not take the time to go and when I would notice the signs, she would refuse to acknowledge and would refuse to go. I decided not to give into the power struggle. If I notice she has to go and I suggest she go, if she doesn't and has an accident, she gets a time out. I make sure she understands she is being disciplined for not listening to me, not for having the accident. She was also getting constipated for not going and then she had such huge BM to pass it hurt (and clogged the toilets!) That was a tougher one. She was soiling her underwear but not quite having an accident. I would throw away her pretty underwear and told her if I needed to buy new underwear before she needed another size, I was buying plain white ones, not the pretty ones. This continued until one week when she had looser than normal stool. Ever since then, she has been fine although I don't know if there is a connection. You have a new-ish baby in the house...could she be having adjustment issues? EVery child and every parent is different, so it is hard to give advice. But I would caution you to avoid power struggles. My girl has always been great at bedtime (though she doesn't go before bed and she often doesn't go when she gets up) so I don't have any thoughts on that. Good luck. Isn't potty training grand....
I see you have a 7 month old, also. Could this possibly be a way to get mom's attention away from the baby? Or is your 2 year old potty training also, and taking mom's attention?
About the peeing at night, cut off all liquids about an hour before bedtime, only a small sip of water if she's thirsty. Make sure she pees before going to bed and nap. If she's peeing that much at night then she has way too much fluid in her bladder at bedtime.
I would explain that it is not good to hold your pee until the last minute, it can make her sick. I would not force her to use the potty, at 4 this is more of a power struggle. Just tell her she makes the choice of waiting or going to the potty, and she can deal with the consequences. Once this is not a power struggle from mom and does not get her the attention, she will most likely go on her own.
You can also buy a nice kids calendar, stick in next to her potty, and tell her, "if you do a pee-pee, you put a star on that day...and mommy will watch all of the stars that you have added to your special calender week, and if at the end of the week you did a great job with remembering to go, you can get one small treat...(you can give her choices...A. a trip somewhere, B. a ride on a merry-go-round, C. a book or a toy at a store, D. a place to eat with just you and she...etc.Make it a postive issue with her!
(This is what some of the mom's I have worked for, have done! It made the kids happy...some of them got to hang out with mom and do fun things..(they made the choices) and some got a new toy, like a train or whatever, some went on special picnics or to a park that they don't go to often or the zoo, or wherever, some got some paints, etc...
You decide what the "specialties" will be for the "rewards!"
It kind of helps them to think "how to work on their mistakes and or what they are "responsible" for!! They have actually bragged to me, along with others just what they do in order to get what they want! Sometimes the kids have opted for a t.v. dinner, or a smaller item or just to be able to do special things like going to work with mom or dad for the day!!
Just an idea...maybe it can help!!
I wish you a lot of good luck on this "project!" *smiles*
J. K.
My daughter wet the bed until she was 7 and the same exact siutation. She was fine thru the day but at nite she would sleep so sound she failed to wake up. Don't fret. as long as she is going thru the day and not having constant accidents. My daugther is no 11 and she still has accidents so don't let this little obstacle get you down.
D. G
This may be something to discuss with the pediatrician - sounds as if there may be other things going on. Maybe something doesn't feel right or is uncomfortable and she is unable to explain it. Good luck.
Hi S.,
There is a Parenting Support Group that may have answers for you at:
http://Attachmentparenting.meetup.com
or a Child Development specialist: Dr Katharine Leslie
at ____@____.com
Good luck. D.
I agree with an earlier responder... take her to the doctor to have her checked out and discuss your concerns with them (preferably not in front of her). I have a 4 year old (almost 5) who is having trouble making it through the night. It isn't a power struggle for her, she just sleeps too soundly. I have been told it isn't her fault, some kids bodies mature at different rates and some kids just can't hold it long enough or the parts of their bodies that signal to them to go to the bathroom don't respond like they should.
It sounds like your daughter may be fighting you because she sees it gets a rise out of you. So many kids seem to want attention, even if it is bad attention. Making it a process instead of a struggle (using the timer to tell her to try) is a good idea. I think it's important to find out if she may have a medical/physical problem because wouldn't you feel horrible shaming her or getting mad at her when it's something bigger that you don't understand? Perhaps it is uncomfortable for her to pee. Perhaps she gets confusing signals. Perhaps she feels the urge all the time and doesn't understand when it is real (possible with an infection). Perhaps she needs to go back in diapers and then tell you when she's ready to wear underwear (and let her pick out the underwear understanding she can't wear it till she is ready to use the potty every day). Pushing them to be ready when you think they should be, can back fire. If it's their own idea, they are much more likely to succeed.
Does she have any other friends who wear underwear? Perhaps you can ask her friend if she has special underwear and find out what she picked out. Then maybe discuss whether the friend is able to go to the potty so she doesn't mess up the underwear. That is a nice indirect way of discussing the subject without putting your child on the spot, shaming her or telling her she's not measuring up. I think it is so important to build their confidence but it is so easy to get irritated and break it down.
My daughter tries with all her might to make it through the night and she is so upset when she isn't successful. We currently wake her up just before we go to bed and it seems to help her make it through the night. I know you aren't at that point yet, but hopefully it's helpful to know that even kids who WANT to do it are sometimes unable. I've been told some kids aren't able to control the night time till they are 6 or 7. I hope for you and for me, we are able to get this worked out before that.
Good luck to you and your daughter. Just remember, if nothing else, try not to let your frustration show, reward the good and simply say things like "Hmmm, you didn't quite make it in time... it looks like you need to come earlier next time."
Also, Bear in the Big Blue House has a great video called "Potty Time". I'm sure there are many more videos that address the subject.
Good luck. I hope to read a "So what happened" success story from you soon... :)
Liz
You are not alone and it's a blessing to see that I am not either. My daughter will be 4 in June and we have been potty training since last summer. She still sleeps in a pull-up and it is soaked in the morning. Right now I'm not really stressing on the night-time if I could get through the day-time without an accident. What is more frustrating, is that when we go out or are at someone else's home, she has no accidents. Though, when we are home, she wet's herself constantly. I worry about when she starts pre-k this fall, but with her not having accidents away from home, she may be fine.
We have an almost 3 year old. We make her go every hour even if she says she doesn't have to. They say kids are just too busy doing/creating/playing- to be bothered with that sort of thing. So I think it is kind of typical, especially if she is in the middle of play.
One thing - you may want to talk to the pediatrician. If she has some sort of infection that makes it painful for her to go, she may hold it to avoid the pain
Have her tonsils and adnoids checked. When my daughter was 12 and had to see the ear, nose and throat Dr. the first question that was asked was if she wet the bed. It is worth looking into and at least if this is the problem you know a solution.
