I used to have a an eating problem kid. She was always taking such a long time to eat, no matter what. I don't know that your child has a fear of choking so much as she may be using that as her reason. This struggle is her way of getting your attention. If the situation escalates, she knows you are focusing on her. I spoke with a counselor regarding our situation and she recommended an egg timer. I pulled it out when I could see we were going to have "one of those nights." I didn't stand over her counting or coersing. I just continued to eat with my family and tried to have some pleasant dinner conversation. When we were done, we got up and left her at the table with her timer. When it dinged, her plate was taken away. If she wasn't done, she didn't get dessert, usually a small treat. Eventually, she began to finish her meals without too much drama. I motivated her with dessert but she had to deal with the timer, not an angry mom. And I no longer had to be the angry mom with an upset stomach.
It's frustrating to get things done when you only have a short time to accomplish them. Dinner, homework, showers, getting ready for the next day... it's easy to become impatient with a child that seems to be so unreasonable. She clearly has some emotional issues and is looking for attention, good or not so good. I hope things get better for you guys. I do have a little story about my daughter and I. Hope it gives you some perspective and hope...http://livingintheory.blogspot.com/2008/02/spirited-cries...