4 Year Old Only Thinks She Needs to Pee When Her Panties Are Wet...

Definately ask for her urine to be tested when she goes to see her doc. When I was her age and younger I had to stop taking baths totally. I had a small flap of skin that would grow over my area and it prevented me from going potty reguarly because it burned. It was very uncomfortable. It could be bacteria or urinary tract infection. I am not a doc, it could be nothing and she is trying to control what she can as Dawn said. I would definately add more fiber in her diet. My son takes fiber chewables and it has helped so much! Water, lots of it. Good luck. I know it is stressful but, your her comfort don't take that away when she needs you. Let us know how everything goes. Take care.

Laurie is absolutely right. You are thinking about this issue entirely wrong.

This idea that she is just stubborn is getting you nowhere and causing you all kinds of problems. Children can control so VERY LITTLE in their little lives, and pottying and eating are the two things they CAN control. If you punish and push and badger, you will just cause more problems in addition to the ones caused by her not being able to tell that she needs to pee until she has already wet herself.

Put together a diet plan that gives her as many fiber grams a day that a child her age is supposed to have. Don't guess - find out. She needs to be drinking water - enough to make it so that the fiber can work. Fiber doesn't help move the bowels unless there's enough water to facilitate it. When it doesn't hurt to poop, kids poop when they aren't afraid that it's going to hurt. Breaking the fear cycle is the other part of breaking the constipation cycle. It's hard because you have to work at both, but FIRST work on the food issue.

Her intelligence has nothing to do with this.

She's 4 - there are plenty of kids with this problem. You and she are not alone. Right now you are ascribing a much older child's attitude towards her and it isn't helping either of you.

I had a friend who did this with her 5 year old daughter. She would fuss about what a 'bad girl' she was for wetting her pants. And this child COULD tell she needed to go but didn't always do it, especially when she was busy or excited about something. I didn't have kids at the time, but I felt so sorry for that little girl over the lecture she got in front of me. My friend's mom stood there, closed her eyes and sighed - I knew that meant it was one of many lectures. She quietly came over to me when backs were turned and apologized. She said "Sometimes my daughter doesn't realize how to be a good mommy". It shocked me, but I've never forgotten it. My friend didn't realize she wasn't being a "good mommy", but it was a good lesson for me when I had kids, NOT to fight with my kids about the potty.

Good luck,
Dawn

She is not stubborn, she is only 4 years old.

She does not understand what it is to feel like she needs to urinate. This is not unusual. It is a maturity issue.

Our daughter was also very bright.. always ahead in other ways, she could read, do simple math, her artwork was advanced and detailed, but she was not interested or able to potty train until she was almost 4.. And then she was potty trained.. fully , day and night in 2 days. It was her that led the way. She was in day care and seeing the potties all lined up and the children going to the potty with a book, just finally clicked for her.

Until your child can figure out the feeling of needing to have need to urinate.. As well as how to hold it and control it till she gets undressed and onto the potty, it is just going to be something she has to figure out.

Think about how you would put into words how it feels to have to urinate. There are no words to describe it, you just know the feeling.

I am going to guess the constipation is the result of her afraid to go potty in her panties, fear of disappointing you. And getting a punishment.

She cannot perform when under pressure. And so she just holds it in, causing the constant constipation.

I cannot even think how you would punish a 4 year old for not being able to control her bodily functions.

Be sure to tell the doctor exactly what you have posted here. It will help give lots of insight.

Hi! I have a 4 year old son and I just wanted to share what worked for us. He loves my phone so I just had my phone alarm play a silly song every hour on the hour. It was our "potty alarm" and whenever it went off we made a huge deal out of it. Basically I danced and sang like a goof ball. It got to the point that when he heard the alarm he would go right to the bathroom on his own. If he went potty he was given a few peanut M&Ms as a reward. If he had an accident we would just talk about how to tell if he needed to potty and why it was important not to go in our pants. Eventually we stopped needing the M&Ms and then we stopped needing the alarm. I hope this helped. He still has a few accidents. Mostly they happen when he is doing something fun and holds it too long. I totally get how you are feeling I felt like my son would never be potty trained and then one day he just got it. I hope everything works out and I hope your doctor was able to help you. Also don't worry about the negative comments. It's amazing how many perfect mothers with perfect children are on the internet.

Have you had her change her panties every time they're a bit wet or she wets them, to show her she's not to pee in them? Saying something matter-of-fact like, "Oh, your panties are wet now, you need to change them."

And, take a look at this site that offers an approach in working with a resistant, older child:
http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm