4 Year Old Bag Lady

At least you have a girl doing that. I vividly remember my brother doing that same thing for the longest time! And we called him the Bag Lady. He was very very adiment about carrying that bag around everywhere! He is now 24 years old and for the most part he came out alright. Like all things, this too will pass. It will make for a great story when she is older!

Hi M.,
This is called hoarding. It is a result of anxiety. 4 is a very typical age for anxiety to show up. It is likely you can find anxiety in her family tree if you look. You need to seek some help for her. My daughter started displaying anxiety symptoms at 4 also, she is 8 now. If you are ok with the idea of medication, Dr. Mech in Plano is very good at prescribing the right meds and will watch closely. If you want a good therapist who works with children with similar symptoms Dr. Rebecca Jones in Plano is very good. I've used both.
-Nita

I bet it is a 'comfort' issue, as some struggle with the pacifiers. I would just let her carry her things around, and I bet it will pass in a couple weeks. I wouldn't even bother washing the items, unless they are really really dirty. "This too shall pass."
~K.

It's very normal for kiddos to attach themselves to something like that. Usually it's a blanket, or a baby... but a bagfull of stuff would be just the same. I wouldn't worry, it seems to be that she's just got her "favorite" thing... Maybe when you guys go out for fun things, you can tell her that you're leaving your purse in the car, and why doesn't she? Or if that's too far away, maybe you can offer to hold her purse while she goes and plays, or something like that. Eventually, if you offer those things, she might forget that it's there 100% of the time... and only carry it around the house or something.

I don't have any suggestions to help because I am going through the same thing with my 2 year old. He got a tool box back in November and has become so attached to the soft plastic screwdrivers it came with. He carries them everywhere we go. Like your daughter, he even sleeps with them. He is a very good sleeper but he will wake in the middle of the night and scream "Uh Oh" very loudly so we will come in there to pick it up off the floor if it falls out of the crib. When I take him to daycare it is so traumatic because I won't let him take them. For some kids it's a pacifier, teddy bear or blanket...WITH MY SON, IT'S A SCREWDRIVER!

My best advice, as a grandmother of four toddlers, is: give it a rest! "This too shall pass." I wouldn't make a big deal of it. It's just a phase, and when she gets tired of it, she'll move on to something else. If it were me, I'd either shrug it off or make a game of it. I might even ask her to put some of my things in there, too!

My son he will be 3 sat. He did it with probaly every other new thing he got. Soccer ball was 3 months in bed with him, stores, library, etc. The only bad thing about that was he was sleepin wit us. Then there have been shoes where he slept with them on.LOL, Cars, big trucks, dino's, deigo toys, legos. Then he jus stopped the only thing is he has to have on one of his hatson, when ever we leave the house. I guess maybe he jus got tired of carrin around somthing. I say give it time. We carry in our handbags things we need. She feels she needs thoses things with her..

Why not get her a really cute bag that she can handle on her own and let her take a few favorites with her when she is out-this is her way of feeling secure when she is in new places and there isn't any harm in it. You can set limits on how much she can take and she can change it from day to day. By letting her know it is okay, you will help her move past this phase. She will outgrow it in no time and it will become one of the cute stories that you tell her boyfriends when she is older.

My oldest went through that stage around age 3. Everywhere he went he wanted to wear his cap, belt and carry a Bob the Builder backpack.

I would let her continue carrying it with the disclaimer that she should not cry when items from her bag need to be washed. (I'd tell her to stop crying. She is old enough to understand that she'll get the items back.)

I would also encourage her to go places where she can't take it. She is also old enough to understand that she can leave the bag in the car for a few hours and come back to it.

Those are the only things I see as problems. In life, she won't always get her own way.

But I think it's cute that she has a little bag she's attached too. My son turned 7 a few weeks ago and I miss those days when he had comfort items. Enjoy these years. They are so precious!

Oh God yes. I remember going thru that with my daughter. She had a Little mermaid bag that she not only had some of her toys in but also had her brothers toys too. lol Just let her do it. It's a control thing with her. She is finding out what she has control over and what she doesnt. She is learning. Wash them when she is asleep. lol make sure to put them back before she wakes up. It really does not hurt anyone for her to carry it so let her.

Princess

No advice, just thanks for the morning laugh!! She sounds adorable!!

Hi, M.!

I laughed when I saw your title - we call my daughter the sae thing, and she is now 6 years old. I also call her a little raccoon, because she loves to collect bright, shiny objects! My 3 year old is beginning to do this, too. It is very normal...very developmentally appropriate. Just sit back and enjoy it (I know it's frustrating in some ways), and soon she will move on to other things. Or not!

Have a great day!

My now 8 year old did the same thing at that age. It is frustrating, I know. It is also very normal. She still carries around a purse with it full of things to keep her busy when there isn't anything to do. She tells me that she likes to carry a purse just like I do. After she told me that, I just let her carry it around. How flattering for us that our girls want to be like us.

hi M.!
i think all toddlers have so many 'role models' to see and a bunch of us are always carring bags or big purses w/our 'stuff' in it! it is most likely a passing thing but she is probably carrying some really important things w/her and is very proud of them. so just let her be and continue to enjoy!!

Your letter made me smile. My mom always talks about how I was a "bag lady" when I was little. If it makes you feel better, I grew out of it -- so by the time your daughter is in her thirties you shouldn't have to worry about it any more :)

Thats too funny!! How long has this been going on? I really don't think its a big deal. I think its a phase and it will pass!!! Just like a security blanket or whatever.. Just wash the stuff sneak it while shes sleeping. :)

I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, but I did something similar as a child her age. I put all of my special things in a bag and wanted it where I could see it all the time. I was afraid there would be a fire or someone would steal my stuff (or steal me for that matter...I was a paranoid kid), and I would lose all of my important, sentimental things. Maybe your daughter feels the same way and it's comforting to have her favorite things safe with her all the time. I'm not sure what got me over it, but I do remember my parents putting a little alarm on my bedroom window and practicing fire drills. Hope this helps and good luck.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THINGS SANE AND BEAUTIFUL - DO NOT MEDICATE THIS CHILD!!!!!

I am shocked that thet was even suggested!

i say indulge her and it will pass...i have a 4.5 yo daughter myself...she has gone thru similar phases. you know they grow up so faast anyway...i can almost guarantee this will be over by the end of the month. Help her pack her bag and help her keep up with it and most of all enjoy this special time with her.
As with most parenting issues, i ask myself "why not?"
and try to honor my child and who/where she/he is today.

do you carry a purse? do you try to keep it nearby and packed with the things you think you will need? sounds like she si doing the same in her own way.

I have a ten year old now who did the same thing when she was that age. To her this is her "purse" the items inside are precious to her. If you don't want her taking the bag into stores or restuarants offer to secure it in the trunk. She will out grow it and later you will miss these little things they do!

My 6 year old girl will do things like this too. I don't let it bother me, but I do put down limits. For example, yes the bag can go with, but it can not leave the car. Her security blanket is no longer allowed outside of the house, and I don't care how many tears are shed! However, my daughter is happy with these compromises - she may not be able to take her bag into the store for example, but its waiting there in the car. Besides, there are a lot of interesting things at the store, who needs a bag? :) If your daughter won't accept compromise then ask yourself: why am I so against her bringing the bag with? Is it image? Are you afraid people will stare? Or is it that you don't want her to lose it? My only issue is I will not be responsible for it, and if it gets lost I won't put up with the tears. (I may sound mean, but you have no idea how many tears a day I do put up with!) Since I let my daughter dress herself image is NOT an issue for me. I could care less if other people look at me or my daughter strangly (some of them really need to look in the mirror). Your daughter's friends won't think anything of it, and if any other Mom's should say something just tell them to wait, their turn is coming! So PLEAE take a look at your reasons for not wanting her to carry the bag around. She's 4 years old, is this REALLY an issue? Is this really a battle you want to fight? Blessings.

This story sounds very familiar! My almost 4 year old also likes to hoard things. It can be random stuff from a piece of colorful paper out of the mail to pencils to toys. She ALWAYS has to "pack" a bag or grab a handful of baby dolls before we go anywhere and she will get extremely upset when I tell her that we aren't taking anything else into mommy's car. My husband thinks that I perpetuate the problem because I help her pack her purse sometimes. My thought is that it is a comfort measure for her and it also gives her something to play with when we get somewhere. I try to direct her "packing" by encouraging her to bring things that she is willing to share with others or that make sense such as a wallet and keys and sunglasses in her purse instead of a seashell, crayon and a dead bug or something!!! I have a 14 month old so I am sure that it has a lot to do with the fact that I pack a bag for her when we go anywhere. Presley is VERY sensitive and also strong willed so this is just her way of having some control over the things surrounding her. I won't be worried until she goes on a date and wants to take along a suitcase full of random stuff!!!

My daughter is now 5 and since she was about 3, she has loved stuffing anything she finds of interest into her purses. I feel like it is an innocent phase and it doesn't indicate a problem by any means. I think it is a natural way of children feeling secure and safe with what's important to them. It is funny what my daughter sees as her valuables....a sequin that fell off a dress, a bead she found, etc. We now have a special drawer in her nightstand for her "collections".
A funny side note is not too long ago, my mom found one of my childhood purses, and when we opened it up, the items were very similar to the things my daughter carries.

I just have to say that your title cracked me up!! Your little one sounds adorable!!!

Very normal, and so cute! My 4 yr old son went through a period when he would ALWAYS take something special to bed with him, whether a pinecone, a toy, whatever. We loved going in after he was asleep to see what he treasured that day. It might also have to do with being the middle child. Mine is, and I think he really treasures what is "his."

She may be craving attention she used to get before a new baby came along. Try holding her on your lap once a day and reading a story or someting where you are holding just her. The bag is her friend. I had a girl younger that had a blanket that was her friend. I couldn't wash it without her standing at the clothes line waiting for it to dry. It was good in one regard, that I could take her anywhere, and she was content and would go to sleep if we were at a (bowling alley) as long as she had her blanket. She outgrew it. And other than it bothering you and what (people may think) It will probably blow over soon, as she will get occupied with playing with friends etc.

Dear M.,

If your 4 year old needs to have her bag, let her. Its a phase that she will outgrow and you will be laughing about it a year from now. My neice did the same thing, and my daughter also will carry her bag of goodies when she needs it. I don't make a big deal about it and this is not a battle that you need to fight with her. Just let her be 4 years old. I promise she won't grow up into a bag lady or need her bag when she goes to kindergarten. Just don't make a big deal out of it and she will likely not need it as much since you aren't bugging her about it.

It sounds like your little on has found her "security blanket". Kids tend to latch onto items that provide them a sense of security that is NOT their parents. At her age, she is having her first shift towards independence (or at least as much as a four year old can have!) She isn't attached to mom's lap or chest anymore and is slowly exploring her world. These items are her sense of security. My neice had 2 "B's" (blankets) that she would NOT part with. She was never a tantrum thrower until you tried to wash her B's. They would be smelly, covered with food, and tattered but she didn't care. My sister had to buy the exact same blankets ( ones that looked similar wouldn't do...she always knew) and swap them out when she was sleeping (I mean slide one under her arm while pulling the other one out). This just to wash them. My sister was the same way when she was little with a stuffed dog and a blanket. Kids like their things and will try to take them everywhere. At least your little one is putting them in a bag!

You may want to try swapping one item for another. Offer her her favorite...shoes or something in exchange for the outfit you want washed. The thing to remember is that they all grow out of it at some point. (It is funny...I am watching Dr. Phil and there is a girl on it who has a tattered, beaten up, blanket that he is speechless that she still uses as a secutiry blanket. No kidding! I guess most kids grow out of it!:)

I would not fight the battle to be honest. Nothing is getting harmed, everything is fine and this too will pass. I think the novelty will die off eventually and something new will take the bags place. Maybe it makes her feel secure now and while we may not understand why and consider it silly, to her it's her bag of stuff. I carry a purse and while I don't very often need the items in it, I still carry it. I wear a watch and never look at it but feel complete with it. Maybe its kinda the same thing. Maybe you can go shopping together and get her a purse of her choice and she can pick what she wants to put in it and if she chooses a shirt and socks then it was her choice and she will feel like she still has control over the matter. From a mom of 3 also, I know kids do the strangest things sometimes but one day you will look back and say ahhh remember my baby girl and her big bag o' stuff! I pick and chose battles at my house and since her bag while a pain maybe, is doing no harm I would let her have it. Try the purse thing and maybe you can make something special from the idea and she will go for it. Good luck.

I have a 4-year-old daughter who between my husband and myself call the BAG LADY! My daughter will take any random bag from her little purses, backpacks, lunchbags, Target bags, whatever she can get her hands on and fills them with random things. They are all over our house. She fills them with papers, crayons, clothes, jewelry, playfood, or any random item and carries them around with her. I feel it is just her being a girl and copying what she sees me doing - carrying around a purse and diaperbag. I will say however, I have noticed some mild Obsessive Compulsive Tendencies in her. She likes things in their place in her room. Everything has to be a certain way or she will throw a fit. THat or she waits until we close the door at naptime or bedtime and she fixes whatever is not right in her eyes. I think in her room she feels like that is HER stuff and she wants to be in control. I don't think it is anything major to worry about and I am sure she will outgrow it. I have heard from other Mommy friends of mine their daughters used to do the same thing when they were younger. Since she wants to sleep with it and take it everywhere maybe this is her "Security Blanket". Maybe you could let her pick out a nice little girl purse at the store and she could put whatever could fit in it and then let her take it with her. We have a Hello Kitty purse that my daughter fills with different things and she takes it pretty much where ever we go. This could just be the thing that comforts her and makes her feel in control. Good Luck.

You need to talk to her pediatrician. This was the beginning of OCD for me. Please go talk to your pediatrician.

If she was 10 or 14 I might be quite concerned. She's only 4...it's a security thing like a blanky or favorite animal. My 3 yr old does much the same thing, dragging her bag all around the house. Seeming to "live" out of her bag. She'll grow out of it in time. Of course, she can't take it all with her every time you leave the house, but perhaps she could be given a small tote she could put a few "extra special" items in for the day and put the rest of her stuff in a "safe place" until she comes home.

I think it's just a phase she is going thru. When my daughters were young, they had their favorite outfits, and for the life of me, I couldn't get them to wear anything else - they even wore them to bed. They grew out of it. Re: her bags - take her shopping to target or walmart, and by her a bag/purse to tote around (better than a paper bag). Reverse psychology is always a good tool. Let her bag be heavy, and eventually, she will probably stop.

O'that is too funny!! Thanks for the laugh!! She sounds adorable!!
You should start buying her new bags on occasion and begin to ask her which one she would like to carry each day!! Play into it! Have fun! It is a great way to teach about accessorizing (HA!)!