4 Year Old and Race Discussions

Yea,My daughter yelled that to at daycare.She said "that brown kid toke my toy" She is only 2,and does not understand.Talk to her about it later in life.

I think an honest description & observation from a 4 year old is always appropriate.
I'm proud that skin color is 4th or 5th on the list of terms when my kid is describing someone. He's 10.
I never made a big deal out if skin color variety. Or hair color, or eye color....

The short answer is that your son's choice of words is developmentally appropriate. He observed a skin color that he recognized. It's what I'd expect at age 4.
The question of whether "brown" is the politically-correct/culturally sensitive term is one that is more difficult to answer.
What terms are legally and informally used differ from place to place. You're from LA so you may be comfortable with African American, Latino, Asian, and White as legal terms, but hear brown, black, and Anglo used as well. If your son can say the names of his favorite dinosaurs, he can probably wrap his tongue around African American.
I'd probably call myself black although I am light brown. My ex would probably say he's white although he's a ruddy pink. Our biracial daughter says she's brown. But she calls her Ethiopian, Salvadoran, Vietnamese, and Arab friends brown as well. And she's more likely to say that a white person is Jewish or Irish or Italian than white because ethnicities rather than races are what the white people she knows feel comfortable talking about.
Many multi-racial societies in Latin America use brown rather than black to describe most people of African descent. I hear parda and mulata a lot when I travel in Latin America or attend gatherings in the Latino community. My extended family in Louisiana call themselves Creoles though they are not phenotypically very different than my close relatives.

Honestly, I allow my daughter to call it as she sees it.

If someone is going to be offended by a child's innocent honesty, they have bigger issues to face than the offense of being called brown. Lol.

I truly think our country has become entirely too politically correct. I am all for being polite and trying to keep people's emotions in mind when dealing with them, but I'm not concerned in the least with making sure every word that comes out of my (or my child's) mouth is deemed appropriate for society. Lol.

The only time I step in when my child is making observations is if she is being excessively loud about it, and I tell her to use a quieter voice. If she makes an assumption about the characteristic, then I may have a talk about it. Like, if she thought that because the "brown boy" made the mess in the library, ALL "brown boys" are messy, we would have a discussion addressing that issue.

I wouldn't say anything at this point. The other little boy IS brown. Let it go for now.

Like Christy said - the other boy IS brown. No discussion needed right now.

I say let your child call him the color he sees. I can't understand why someone would encourage you to use a person's hair color or height as a description either, when clearly their skin color will help you identify the person quickly. Too much PC for me. And I don't like the term African American either. Were they born in Africa? Lots of white people were born in Africa, so that could get confusing.

It's unfortunate you even have to ask this question. You son, every child has to be taught to not say what's on their mind, to not call them as they see them. It's kinda sad.
But it's the world we've created, every one gets a trophy and every one gets offended.
I wouldn't have any discussion with your son.
sorry for the rant.

Personally, I would encourage not to use skin color to describe someone. He could have said, "No, that boy did it." He didn't have to insert the word brown. If he really feels he must make it clear which boy he is referring to, it is better to use clothing or even height or hair color. Skin color should only be used if he really, really needs to make sure you know which person and he really, really cannot come up with any other way to distinguish the person.

I think how you react would cause more questions than letting it pass.

He also called the person, boy. So, would you correct him and say, no, say 'person'?

Age, race, height, hair colors, gender, are all just descriptors.

Your child is actually more honest in his words than a PC adult would be.

Hmm, tough one. I recall my brother having a fit as a little guy when someone corrected him by tell him that his little friend was "black" and he was "white". The little booger looked that adult in the face ad told them they needed to go back to school to relearn their colors. That his friend was "brown" and he was "peach".

While most kids do see a difference in skin color, it's more of an obvious noticing. Not a discrimination notice. Make sense?

Perhaps you can down play the "color" next time. Maybe redirect him away from someone's race being a descriptor at all.

Just keep things cool and common place for him. He'll grow up picking up on how you behave and your ques.

My son is 6, and our husband has friends that came over to visit from various countries - so various ethnicities and shades. He also referred to one of the gentlemen as brown, because that's what color his skin is. My son calls himself and us "beige", because we are. You can redirect with another descriptor like shirt color, etc., but no "discussion" needed.

I would let him do what he's doing and only bring it up if he asks about it. My 2yo is currently asking about and commenting on skin color. He knows who's brown (us), but he referred to my uncle's light-skinned wife as "white". I told him that she is just a lighter shade of brown. I'm glad that he hasn't asked about any actual White people because I don't know how to describe their skin color. Peach and pink seem inappropriate...but maybe not.

I wouldn't worry about offending "brown" people by letting your little guy use that term. They know that they're brown, right? While it's good to be sensitive to others, I would not borrow worry. What you are allowing is just your child's observation and not generally offensive. You should wait until somebody actually becomes offended and offers an alternative. Then, weigh that.

To be honest, your son is correct, most are brown, not really black. I don't think you need to have a discussion at all. He didn't commit any social faux pas and I have heard many african american children argue with people when they call them black - they correct them and tell them they are brown, which they are. It isn't racial at all - it's descriptive. If you haven't taught your son bigotry, he doesn't know about racial discrimination. That is learned behavior.

My son calls people brown or pink or gray. Although his speech isn't exact so when he says someone is gray... it can be awkward.

This could be just me, but I wouldn't correct it just yet. You don't want to point out certain people as DIFFERENT or make your son worry about offending people the way we adults worry. I know some young black kids who were absolutely convinced that calling someone a "white guy" was a huge taboo. :-)

I just tell the kids that some people have darker skin than others and some have really white hair and white skin.

We have all colors from albino to blackest black. I let the kids know that skin color has nothing to do with the person inside, we're all blood and guts if you take off the outside wrapper.

What exactly would you say in that moment at the library? The only things I can think of would make it quite awkward for the grown ups, and completey lost on the kids. Maybe next time instead of caring who made the mess, suggest your kid pick up a few things just for the sake of keeping a public place neat and contributing to the community.

My kids are in a pretty diverse school and when it comes up at home I usually say something generic...that people come in all different sizes, shapes and colors and have a variety of interests and abilities...that it makes it really interesting when you meet new people and make new friends. Eventually I can see our discussions including the idea that pointing out differences could hurt other people's feelings but we haven't had to go that direction yet. I'm going to enjoy, and protect, their innocence as long as I can.