4 Year Old and Allowance

I agree with Liz re: the consequences of tying money to chores at this point. I'd like to share some of the things that I had my son do when he was 4. He understands that as part of the family, he needs to do work as well...and that if he helps, then the sooner I have time to play with him. Keep in mind that they can do these things but they won't be perfect :-)

1) pick up sticks in the yard after a wind storm
2) Load the dishwasher
3) Empty the dishwasher
4) Arrange the cushions on the couch
5) Put dirty clothes in the laundry
6) Sweep up messes with a dustpan & broom
7) Set the table
8) Clear the table
9) Put away his socks & underwear from the laundry
10) Dust

Good Luck!

my daughter is 2.5 (3 in august) and we have her put her plate in the sink after dinner (she even wipes the extra in the trash first), for tub time she puts her clothes in the hamper. when i empty the dishwasher she likes to put the silverware away (she likes to match). your husband does the laundry, who puts it away? i'd say leave atleast his sox and underwear so he can put them in the drawer.

my daughter knows when she takes off her shoes, she puts them right in her closet. she has a habit of when we're home she likes to take off her pants - she puts them on the hook behind her door. when she finishes a juice box or fruit snack etc... she puts the wrapper in the garbage.

this started out because she always wanted to be with me when i was doing laundry, emptying the diswasher etc.... so i thought of these things that she can do....she doesn't get an allowance for this, i just wanted to get her in good habits... she's actually better then my husband that these times.

I think kids should do chores no matter what, it shouldn't be tied to money at a young age. They should always make their bed, clean up after themselves, etc. I think you could give him 50 cents for extra hard work at the end of the week, but at four helping mommy and daddy around the house should be fun for him and a learning experience about responsibility not an opportunity to make money. Some kids will start to assume that they will always make money for doing something even things that are expected of them, like taking out the trash and raking leaves, tidying up their room, etc. What we did do to introduce money for our son, was we started a big large bank for him (It is a large 5 gallon water jug). He is only two but loves to put money in the bank. He doesn't really understand the money concept yet, but loves his bank and when he is older he'll have an opportunity to spend it but for now, he is just having fun saving. We are going to instill the concept of saving money and respecting money and when he is older he can have the opportunity to make extra money, but probably not until he is in elementary school. You could give your son some change at the end of each week and have him start saving it and then when his bank starts to get full you can ask him if he wants to go pick something out at the store that he wants to buy all by himself. that way he will begin to understand the the concept of saving which is very important and when he is a little older he can start doing bigger chores for a little more money. But at this age he can try to make his bed, put his own laundry away, help set the table, dust, even vacuum (if your vacuum is light), just helping mom and dad with chores is a good way to start teaching responsibility. I think the opportunity to make some money can come a little bit later.

Since my kids were both young, I tried to have the help with chores-- just because it teaches them useful skills and they think it's fun. My son has been helping me unload the dishwasher since he was two. The also love to help load the washer and dryer and 'swiff' the floors. Recently my four year old has helped with picking up sticks in the yard and pulling weeds. He loves it! We tried not to tie chores with money, as I wish them to help because they want to and it's part of our duties; not for a monetary payoff.

As far as allowance goes, we tend to give them change, but not a set amount per week, to put in their three piggy banks: one for each kids to split between spending and saving, and the third is for donations. They get to decide what organization or event they wish to contribute that money to. We use the money to teach counting and recognizing the various amounts and try to talk about why money is important to help run the house; otherwise, I hope I have a few years to go before the big life lessons kick in!

Wow, you're geting great advice, here's what I suggest.

1) Chores that get done because as part of your household everyone should have responsibilities. After all do you get paid to do dishes or cook dinner?

2) Options for chores to earn money. In my house these change according to what I've already done.

I am a single mother of one and I need to work full time, so it's non-negotiable that my 12 year old daughter does her share. Currently she does dishes, puts out trash and must keep her room clean and do her own laundry. She has been doing all but the dishes since she was about 6, and will never get money for these things. (I do the rest, and no one pays me for it). If she wants to earn money there are plenty of other things around the house to do. And the amount of money depends on the difficulty of the chore. Cleaning the bathroom earns the most because of the yuck factor. Vacuuming the 8x12 space carpet, not so much. And if she doesn't do her "must do" chores, than she has no option for the ones that earn her money. No exceptions. Ever.

I believe this is teaching my child that there is a responsibilty to herself and her home that money can't buy, but the harder you work, the better the rewards.

We have had extremly great results with tying chores to allowence. We started about the same time you are....maybe just before the twins turned 5. The way we do it is the chores are weekly, on a chore board with many options to choose from. The number of chores the girls have been responsible for is tied to their age. At 5 it was 5 a week....simple ones when they were younger. Like take the duster and dust the stairs or empty the bathroom gargages. The amount is monthly, at twice thier age. This might seem odd to give a 5 year old 10 dollars a month for doing the chores but it must be coupled with a backing off of buying everything your child wants. It is amazing how much less impulse stuff we ended up with if the girls had to spend their money for it. No borrowing against next months allowence. Teaches them to plan their spending and live within their means. When the girls were 9 we took a train ride in a sleeper car out to Michigan. The girls saved up and each bought their own dvd players and a protective case to take with us. We took the girls to Disney just after they turned 10. They had both saved $100 from allowences to spend on stuff on vacation. We still bought Sweatshirts and speciall momentoes but they chose and paid for the various stuffed animals, snow globes and the like from their savings. They were proud of themselves for being able to buy the stuff with their money. Yes, they still spend their money on an occational mocha collatta or comic book, but for the most part they are better about saving and spending money on what they really want than my 26 year old sister is. They both have hundereds of dollars in the bank for the what ifs of the future. It is great to see them set financial goals and strive to reach them. Sometimes they end up going back and reallocating funds.....like when they HAVE to see a particular movie at the theater when we just do not have it in the family entertainment budget.....they pay for the two of them to go. At 12 we have let the two of them go to the movies without us while we wait out in the parking lot with our books or walking the dog. The chores are harder now and we have some manditory chores that need to be done every day like dishes and the litter box. The bedrooms need to be spotless and vaccumed to have friends over and at least once a month inspected prior to getting the allowence. They are each picking out what they want to prepare for food for one meal a week. They have been going through the cook book to make the shopping list and everything. They do know that you need to help out around the house sometimes just as being part of the family...but often will ask if they can count it as a chore.

Best of luck with your 4 year old....I believe our kids are better for the whole chore/ allowance experience.

Dear S.,
My boys are teenagers now but when they were little like your son I created a chore list and put it on the fridge.
It had a list of chores and small amounts they would earn for each chore. I didn't want to be nagging them every week to do their chores so this way it was voluntary. Some chores: clean the table after dinner, sweep the floor, dust the furniture, etc. Each chore depending on how hard it was got anywhere from ten cents to fifty cents.( this was back about 10years!)Although your son sounds very mature, four seems early to start chores but every kid is different!

I believe at that age 25 cents is a good start because you can increase it by the same amount every couple of years. As for when to give it, I would base it on when you get paid; if you get paid weekly, you can do it weekly. As for other chores he can do at that age to help out and earn his allowance, maybe he could set and clear his own spot at the table (maybe even the entire table depending on the type of dishes you use). Maybe you could talk to your hubby about having him help with something small with the laundry like helping to sort the clothes. As he gets a little older and can do a little more, add another item to his chore list like bringing the cans/papers out to the recycling bin. Eventually, you could even have him bring the trash out or take care of clean dishes, etc. Hope this helps a little bit.

I personally think it's too early to start showing the whole working-for-money concept. He's got a lifetime to learn about it and I think our society is too obsessed with money. At his age, he should be doing little things, like pulling up the blankets of his bed in the morning to "make it" or picking up after himself when done with toys, even putting the dishes in the sink after dinner is perfect for his age! And I believe he should just be doing this because it's respectful to the household. Kids his age want to contribute to the family chores, but they should just do it because they are a responsible member of the family. Give him lots of respect and admoration for it, "what a great job you did!!" and "thank you for helping the family with our chores!" But I think it's too early for the whole money thing...maybe at 7 or 8.
Hope this helps,
E. K. :-)

If he shows an interest in cash, that's fine. If not, he can earn points or stickers toward a toy or a special privilege - going out for ice cream, whatever. I think 4 years old is not too young to have responsibilities - but it can be too young to see the value in things if he has to wait a week to get paid. SO, I would institute something that changes every day, such as the chore charts others have mentioned. You can still build up to a cash reward every week but he should be able to see some movement toward it. You definitely don't want to create the idea that everything has a price and if he doesn't need money he doesn't have to help out!

Maybe he can set the table (except glassware) - silverware and napkins are helpful and safe at this age! Putting laundry away or sorting it is a good idea. So is sock-matching. As he gets older and creates more laundry, your husband may want to relinquish some of that control! Our son was in charge of his own laundry by his early teens - it made him take better care of things and not throw clean stuff on the floor. Once he was past the stage of getting really dirty, he learned that his jeans could be worn quite a few times before being washed - when he had to do everything, he got smart about it!

I echo the comments by others that there are chores that require doing just because family members have responsibilities. That said, his help can make you and Daddy less tired and better able to do something fun like rent a movie or go on a picnic. Family rewards are very important, not just financial rewards. GOod luck!

Hi,

4 is actually a little young for allowance and money concept. He is just beginning to have the motor skills to do things that the reward is more about your pride (and his own) in his new found abilities. For example if he can get all the placemats and napkins on the table at dinner that would be more about "hooray for you" than "you earned your allowance" - You might want to try the piggy bank first - give him your loose change for a couple of weeks. Bring him to the store where he can dump his change in the money counter, he can get the ticket from the customer service and then you can take him to the toy isle - he can probably get more if you take him to wallgreens. Then you can help him see what he can afford with his money. I did this with my son and he started to get the idea. Now when he wants something I say well you can save up your money . If he wants something that is not about him saving up money (ie treats)he might say "mommy do you think you have enough money today to buy me this...?"

As for laundry - I know my son LOVED when he first learned how to properly fold clothes. He was extremely proud of himself - now if I am not in a hurry I give him a few shirts to fold - it takes him about three times as long as me. He just turned six and he still says "look how good I folded this!" Good luck!

I have a 6 and 4 year old daughter. My philosophy is this.... if you live in this house- you help take care of it! I don't get paid to respect and care for my home, and neither should they. They have learned that the care of our home is the job of all us who live here.
From the time they could reasonably help, they have folded laundry, picked up their things, cleared/set the table etc. Now my 6 y/o will hear the dryer beep, and go and switch the laundry around. She enjoys helping out and takes this responsibility seriously. My girls do not expect anything other than a job well done, for doing their part.

Now, if you want to teach your child about money responsibility, 4 is pretty young to start giving them money to do this. We discuss how to spend and save money. We compare prices in sale ads, and in the grocery store. When my girls see something they would like we talk about why they want it, and what they would use it for. We also talk about value and wether it's something they will continue to use/respect once it's no longer new and exciting. 9 times out of 10 they decide on their own, that this item is something they don't need.
I honesty think that at this young age, it's the concept of smart spending/saving that they need to learn. Not actually handling and spending real money.

-S.

Hi S.

I was a nanny for 10 years to a few different families and have seen different ways to go about this situation. There are some things that a 4 year old can be responsible for and in return receive a small allowance for. For example, simple everyday tasks like picking up toys/room, clearing their meal plate from the table (i.e. putting cup/plate/utensils in sink), after getting dressed putting his/her clothes in the hamper, etc. The way i look at it is to think of things that you want your son to do in the future as an older kid without being asked. As he gets older change up his responsibilites but expect that the ones he did when we was young (like 4 or 5 years old) to continiue as a daily routine. With one family I recently worked with we made a chart/checklist of the childrens daily responsibilities that they needed to accomplish and if they got a "check" or a sticker in each box that they had completed, then at the end of the week they would receive a few dollars (or five dollars, I can't remember what the mother decided on). We kept this money in an envelope in a safe place and at the end of the month they would take their earnings and spend it on something they really wanted (I would usually take them to their favorite toy store or even Target to pick out something they really wanted.) You could also do a chart where they receieved 25 cents (or whatever amount you wanted) for each chore they accomplished throughout the day or week. Making a chart is alot easier than it sounds.....make one up on the computer and save it and just print as needed. or just make one with construction paper and keep a master copy to make extra's as needed. And kids LOVE stickers (as you may know!). Hang your chart on your fridge or somewhere your son can see all that he has accomplished over the day/week or month.....it will make him feel really proud of himself! Best of luck! =)

Hi S.,
I won't weigh in the money issue because I've gone back and forth on that myself. However, my son (who's now nine) has been collaborating in the household since he was about your son's age. The chores he's been doing are:

1. Make his bed - always
2. Tidy his room - always
3. Clear his dishes from table - always
4. Fold his laundry and put away - always (when he was littler, with my help)
5. Set the table - sometimes
6. Help me clean the bathrooms - sometimes

And other odd things that I ask him to do. Sometimes yard work with my husband as well.

Hope this helps.

Same here, the kids help around the house because they live here. Both my 10 year old and my 5 year old have chores, but different responsibilities depending on age.
My 5 year old will start getting pocket money when she starts kindergarten. My goal around pocket money is that kids learn to wisely spend and save for something bigger. It works for my 10 year old.
My 5 year old has to help me with the dishwasher (she loves doing the silverware) and she is responsible to take the milk bottles out to the box. My 10 year old clears out the dishwasher on a schedule, takes the recycle out to the garage and to the curb on trash day. I also ask him to help clean the kids bathroom because it is mostly him who is making a huge mess.
I do pay my 10 year old for some odd jobs, we have a push lawn mower and he can mow the lawn. I pay for "washing" the car.... I know they love to make money and I will give them some opportunities, but I will not tie it to general daily chores. It sets you up for a power struggle with no end.

I think 4 is too young to start with an allowance. Try 7, maybe 6 years old. In the meantime your son could help because he is part of the family. I wouldn't tie chores to an allowance but I would allow extra chores to be a way to earn additional money. As for the laundry, that's a great place to help out. Maybe he could match socks or fold washcloths? My son is 6 and he has been cleaning the bathroom since he was 4. I asked him what he wanted to be in charge of and he picked the bathroom. He does a great job and cleans the toilet, the sink, the floor and the tub. I sometimes have to mop up a bit but it looks great and he is proud of himself.
Good Luck.

I would like to pass along a tip from a good friend and former Kindergarten teacher.
Make sure the chores fit the attention span / physical capability of the child. Make
a chart that he can mark each night before he goes to bed. This keeps him focused
on doing the chores. Pick 3.....setting the table, watering your plants, feeding the pets without reminding etc. They are never too young to teach them about money!
But giving it to them without structure could lead to spending it in ways you don't approve of. Give him 3 same sized containers. Label them: Spend, Save, Charity so he can put 1/3 in the spend jar, 1/3 in save and 1/3 in charity. You can imagine how this can be effective in teaching them about the importance of spending, saving and giving.
C. C.

My in-laws actually give my children money every week. It's a lot, so now they just give it to us, and I sit with my son, who's 5, and put some of it in his "savings" jar, which we take to the bank and save Then I give him $2 to put in his spending bank, and either $.50 or a $1 to give to charity. Then, when he feels like he wants to spend, we buy something - candy, a toy, etc. At the end of the year before Christmas, we take his charity money and buy something for toys for tots or the giving tree at church. He love the idea of charity, understands that there are people who have less than us, and is learning that you can't just spend every dime you get - free or not. Good luck - I think 4 is a perfect age because they really are just a blank slate and you can go any direction that you like!

Also, my son LOVES to use the dust buster, and will swiffer/dry mop anytime I ask. Have fun!

I am about to institute some sort of allowance with my son (3 1/2) also because he has recently shown an interest in learning about money. I saw a piggy bank at onestepahead.com (they probably have it elsewhere -- it has won some awards) that has four slots for coins -- one is for savings, one for spending, one for charity, and one for investment. Although I don't think we can really explain all of these (esp. investment) this young, still the bank seems like a good idea.

In any case, I have read (and agree) that one gets much better results in terms of kids learning to be motivated to do work (as kids and later as adults) and value money if they have chores linked to an allowance. At 4 it might not be necessary for your child to have spending money, but at some point it will be, and you certainly don't want to face the consequences of having a kid with no concept of how much work went into getting that money. I think as soon as your child is able to understand money and do some simple chores (even if it's not entirely helpful yet), you can start to introduce money concepts and work ethic. However, I also think that there should be some things that you expect your child to do just because he is a part of the household; otherwise you might end up with a kid who thinks he should get something for everything. Here's what I currently expect my son to do (no allowance for it) and what I will continue to expect him to do for no allowance: clean up his toys, put his dirty clothes in the laundry, clean up if he makes a mess, put his milk in the refrigerator and dirty dishes in the sink, and feed the dog. He does all of these things well (he only needs assistance for the dog feeding). Once his piggy bank arrives, I am considering giving him the following things he can do to earn money: vacuum the floor, mop the kitchen floor, sweep, weed the garden, clean the windows, pick up sticks in the yard, rake (when it's fall), wash the car. These all seem like extra things not directly related to taking care of himself or his belongings. Of course, he won't be able to do these things without my close supervision, but the point is not to get help with household chores just yet; it is to give him an idea of the value of money and the value of work.

One thing I have learned from my husband is that people (or at least I) often have lower-than-necessary expectations of children. My kids are always surprising me with what they are capable of doing, and my husband is always pushing them to do things earlier than I would have. My initial reaction is usually, oh he's too young to be expected to follow directions/dress himself/empty the dishwasher/understand XYZ, and then I see that in fact he's not too young. So to parents who think 4 is too young for an allowance, I'd ask why it's too young. Although I haven't actually started an allowance with my son yet, I have no doubt from our previous conversations that he's ready to learn about money (and has already learned some about it), and he's very excited about getting his piggy bank and doing some chores.

Rubbish to those who say he is too young to learn about money and chores! You know your son :) Mine has been bussing his cup/bottle and baby sister's bottles to the sink since he was 18 mos. He throws out both of their dirty diapers. He knows where recycling, compost and returnables go already (age 2). He thoroughly enjoys helping Daddy vacuum. He sweeps and does a horrible job of it, but we love that he is interested in helping around the house and I love all of the suggestions for chores in the next few years! Good luck and enjoy :)

hi S.,
In our home we dont believe in allowances yet!LOL! We have a 10yo that helps around the house with chores b/c it's everyones job to help. He'll start getting one after this summer!
I know some parents use allowances vs chores but I believe 4yo is way TOOO YOUNG!
good luck!