My 4 month old has been a poor sleeper since birth, but this is getting ridiculous. Initially he was just a short napper (20 minutes), and this has continued. Then about 2 months ago bedtime became very difficult - it takes 3-4 hours for me to get him to sleep and stay asleep. Now over the past 4 nights he has started waking throughout the night and will not go back to sleep. He used to wake 1-2 times to eat (he is breastfed), then go back to bed in about 30 minutes. Last night, for example, he woke up 6 times (fed him twice), and each time it takes at least 45-60 minutes to get him back to sleep. I always hold him and bounce him to get him to fall asleep. Then I put him (sound asleep) in a swing (not moving) to sleep. He has reflux, and the semi-upright swing seems to help. His reflux does not seem to be any worse than usual, nor does he seem to be having any other discomfort. He doesn't cry (usually), he just won't go back to sleep. Doesn't seem to be sick or teething. He's been getting 4-5 hours of sleep at night, and he only naps for 2 hours total during the day (the nap part is nothing new).
Do you think he must be uncomfortable from something? Or could this just be a developmental thing? Do I need to train him to fall asleep on his own? (He has never been able to soothe himself to sleep). I have discussed w/ his doctor, who was not helpful. Needless to say, he is overtired, and I am so exhausted I feel like I will collapse. Plus I have to go back to work in a couple weeks - there is no way I can go back to work like this. And I don't think it's a "phase"; his other poor sleep "phases" (naps/bedtime) quickly became permanent. I'm not swaddling him anymore (he's way to big/strong), and I'm already using white noise and blackout curtains.
Thanks.
This was the start of an unfortunate downhill spiral for my son... He slept less and less during the day and night, as time went on. Eventually we had to bite the bullet and try to sleep train him. We let him CIO. We also put him to bed on his tummy. One of the two things really worked. He cried for about an hour the first night, and we had some occasional crying spells since then. but he literally changed overnight. He went from the sleep schedule listed above, to falling asleep on his own, in his crib, without a paci, etc. He started sleeping 14-16 hours a day! This change happened literally overnight.
I have always felt opposed to CIO. I went so long trying to comfort my baby to sleep. But in the end, what we were doing just wasn't working! And not just for me, my little guy was exhausted and miserable. It seemed he truly NEEDED to learn to soothe himself to sleep. And once he learned it, he caught on so quickly, even his naps were easy! He is now 10 months and sleeps 11 hours at night and takes 2 naps during the day (1-2 hrs each). He is SO happy!
Hello J.,
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Wow. sounds like a seriously over tired Mommy and Baby. You have got to draw the line and get your baby sleeping for his health and yours. You can check with your Dr to rule out ear infection or any other health issue but then it's up to you. You need to get him on a schedule. Probably about 3 naps per day at this age. I would say wake up, breakfast, play then about an hour or an hour and a half later (as soon as you see any eye rubbing, yawning) it is time for a nap. The nap shoudl be at least an hour and a half. Then repeat. Wake up feed, play and at first sign of tired down to nap. I think mine were napping about 3X per day at this age. I have twins and both had reflux. If you feed upon waking and then keep him upright to play and he should be fine sleeping in his crib. It would be beneficial for you to let him learn to soothe himself to sleep. Lay him down drowsy but awake and walk out. If he cries for 15 minutes you can go check, maybe gently rub his head or back/belly until he calms and then leave again. At this age my girls went down at 6pm and slept until 6 am. They would usually wake up around 5 and make some noises and then fall back asleep.
It will be hard but so worth it! It may take several days or even a week or two to get to the self soothing and going to bed but be patient. Right now you are in an over-tired cycle and over tired babies are not good at self soothing they are literally too tired to sleep! You definately need to fix that. At this age I believe you are aiming for a lot of sleep, maybe 14-16 hours per day...
Good Luck!
Time to be tuff put him in his bed and turn off the lights don't go back in until the morning. He'll figure this out. but you have to start know the older they get the worse they will get. They know you will come take care of them. So teach him know that bed time is bed time. This will take a few very painful nights but don't give in. He isn't going to starve to death before morning. He will be a better baby if you teach him to self sooth by himself.
Good luck,
J.
If you stopped swaddling - I personally wouldn't go back to it. 4 months of age is the perfect time to sleep train your baby. After 4 months, it gets harder and harder. I consulted w/a sleep expert and my babies were sleeping 12hrs/night at 12 weeks. It takes just 3 days of consistency AND following her instructions. Go to www.3daysleepsolution.com and get her video. Davis is the BEST!! You won't need white noise, blackout curtains, swaddling, etc... I put my babies down, say goodnight w/lots of hugs and kisses and walk out of their room....they put themselves to sleep. It's the best thing in the world AND they are the happiest babies! :) Good luck!!
My sleep bible is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. It's helped me solve ALL of my sleep problems with my children!
I would try swaddling again. The miracle blanket is awesome, although my daughter is a Houdini with it! She is also 4 months and pretty big. If he isn't crying, is he just laying there looking at you? It is okay to let him lay in his crib (or wherever) like that. He can entertain himself until he falls to sleep. I think you definitely need to train him to fall asleep on his own. With my daughter, when she was still waking up to feed at night. I did the side lying position and she usually drifted off immediately after eating, and I would just put her back to bed.
Do you have any sort of schedule for him? Or at least a routine? that could help with both the nap and nighttime. Good luck.
This happened with my second one. He went from being a great sleeper to a very restless one. I couldn't really swaddle him because he too was big and strong and seemed to get frustrated.
One of the things that worked for me I found out by accident. I laid him down on his tummy to see if he disliked it as much as his sister but to my surprise, within seconds of laying him down, he put his thuimb in his mouth and fell asleep. I know this is not recommended but I kept my eye on him and he was fine. He had not really sucked his thumb before and had definitely never fallen asleep so quickly or easily. This worked like a charm.
The other thing that I noticed that helped was he wasn't getting full enough. I breastfed him and pumped and stored for when I went back to work. After I breastfed him I would give him a couple more ounces of stored breastmilk and he would fall asleep more quickly and sleep for a longer time.
I think 4 months is a little too young to sleep train. I personally don't believe in it at all. It takes time for them to learn to soothe and get in a routine that is comfortable for them. Also, if you are tense or stressed (which I know new babies kind of have that effect :-))he will pick up on your tension.
I practiced attachment parenting with both of mine and after the initial adjustment period they became great sleepers and still are to this day.
Whatever you choose, I wish you luck...and sleep :-)
A lot of babies have what's called a 4-month sleep regression. Check out Wonder Weeks (the book, website, or iPhone app) to learn more. There is also info on askmoxie.org. Don't worry, this too shall pass. In the meantime, ask for lots of help!
I would get him in his crib for all naps and bedtime. There are lots of crib positioners you can use for his reflux. I think the crib helps for many reasons.
1. It is the place he'll identify with sleep. Unlike the swing that may be used during the day to play as well.
2. When your asleep it will take you a little longer to hear him and it will help him learn to self soothe. It will never take you so long to hear him that he'll be screaming mad. Us mommas have a way of hearing every whimper, but every whimper doesn't mean he needs anything.
3. When they are in their crib it is their own space. It's quiet, relaxing, not overstimulating. It is much easier to relax in your space than it is in the living room.
I swear by swaddling. My eldest was swaddled until almost a year. My second didn't care for it and slept fine without it by four months. My baby, now 11 weeks is still swaddled. He sleeps okay without, but sleeps awesome with it. They make swaddle blankets for all sizes. I use the one by summer. I like it becasue it is light weight so he doesn't get too hot and if he gets cold I can put another blanket on top of him.
I hope you find a solution that works for you soon.
My first thought would be to go back to swaddling. My niece has a baby with reflux, and was breastfed. They swaddled her until past 6 months, she slept swaddled, in her carseat, in her crib. It's more about age than size for the swaddler. He's probably still having involuntary muscle spasms, and the swaddler can help him settle faster. If he wants one arm free, leave it out. He should be sleeping in his crib however you can make him comfy, so he know that's where he goes night-night. Go in when you hear him, if you must, but only make eye contact and talk to him if you're going to feed him. Otherwise, pull up a chair (NOT facing the baby), reach into the crib, and pat and shhushhh until he is settled. If he's not fussing, leave. If he fusses, come back in, sit down, and start over. He will learn to soothe himself when you let him. Neither of you is getting enough sleep, so I hope this helps. Good luck finding something that works for you.
PS. I apologize to anyone who read this same response ,only on a different post. I somehow posted my response on the wrong one first.
