3Yr Old, and I'm Loosing It!

What about play therapy? Apparently there is a really good one named J. off on I--45 in the woodlands. Would that work to help control his temper and anger.

Call the pediatrician and request a referral or go directly through your insurance.

Better yet... refer your son for a full special education evaluation through your school district. The parameters in each state are different, but it sounds like your son's needs are pervasive to the point where he is uable to engage in age-appropriate activities, so he would likely qualify for supports and services at no charge through the school district. Call your office of special education and ask how to make a referral to the preschool program.

Please, do NOT listen to anyone who says that your son has autism or ADD without even meeting him! These conditions, if they are present in your son, must be carefully diagnosed by a professional who examines your son multiple times.
The advice to talk to your pediatrician is excellent. You should do that right away. Many moms only consult their pediatricians on health issues and not behavioral ones, but pediatricians now have some training (although not nearly enough) on identifying behaviors that require attention by a professional psychologist or other type of professional.
In the meantime, I would also suggest that you try the 1-2-3 method. It has worked for our family like a charm!
When your child starts having a fit (do not wait until he is already completely out of control) give him warning #1. Say something like: "If you don't stop that when I count to 3, I will put you in time out. This is warning #1 " Say it again for warning #2 and repeat that he will go to time out if he doesn't stop by the time you count to #3. Be firm and make sure that he is listening to you by getting to his level and saying it firmly to his face. When you give him the 3rd warning, tell him that this is his last chance, if he doesn't stop, he will go to time out. If he doesn't stop, then TAKE him to time out. ALWAYS. Consistency is the key. If he doesn't stay in time out on his own, hold him in time out for 3 minutes. Get a timer so he can see what you are doing.

Soon, he will know you mean business and will learn what to expect and the consequences of his actions. When I first started with this technique, I had to put my daughter in time-out almost every time for a couple of months. By now, she corrects her behavior by the time I count to #1. The effect is gradual, and takes practice. But it worked for us really well.
This technique combined with the ABC described by Laurie below will help you, assuming there is no other health issue that is causing his problems.
Best wishes.

What I would suggest to you is that you start keeping what they call an ABC Chart, to track your son's outburst to find out the hows and why of it. This will help you better understand how to better address the issue.

"ABC" stands for "antecedent, behavior, consequence." Quite simply, each time he throws a fit, write down:

* The time of day that it occurred.
* What he was doing immediately before he got upset.
* The behavior or what he was doing during his fit.
* What happened as a result of the fit.

After taking this information down across a week or two, you will probably start seeing a pattern like, it only happens during transition times or he wants your attention but you are diapering the baby and are unable to give it to him right then. I think the key here is to really take a step back from this and try your best to observe what is going on so that you can slueth out and figure out an action plan from there.

One thing you may want to consider is the fact that some children will act out if they are not feeling well. This is definitely not always the case but if you have a child who is not able to understand what is going on with their body and are unable to articulate how they feel, they are going to find a way to communicate their discomfort somehow and that is usually by acting out or showing behaviors just as you have described.

As far as time outs go, once you start implementing it, you will see an increase in behaviors initially before you see it really start working. Time outs are only effective when they are done long-term and consistently.

I do think that maybe you would benefit from consulting with a behavior specialist. It would help your son but mostly, their parent training will definitely help you and your husband. Not all children are the same. What worked for your daughter, won't necessarily work for your son.

I hope that you can get the answers you need.

ADDED: Just saw your "So What Happened". When my son was 3 and had serious behavioral issues, his doctors refused to put him on meds (and I was okay with that). Told me that he's still very young and his brain is still developing, and you never know how the meds will effect him in the long turn. They told me that behavioral therapy would have to be our first line of defense. My son is 7 now and is not on meds. They aren't needed.

My son is about to be three, and has recently become a handful! My lifesaver with my first and second children was a website called, "Raising Godly Tomatoes". I am about to order the actual book online for reference when disciplining my almost three-year-old. I have kept my sanity (thus far), and with baby number four due in three weeks, I am really down to the wire! Good luck!

I would strongly suggest you meet with a pediatric psychologist (someone in private practice that your regular pediatrician might suggest--not the restidents in the big hospital). We used one a couple of years ago and strongly recommend it!!!

Sounds like Autisim to me. Do some research online, there are several online Autisim groups. I also recommend that you watch is diet carefully. Make sure he never gets MSG it will make an Autistic or ADD, ADHD child violent. The outbursts, hitting, etc are signs of a violent reaction to MSG. You can look up the Autisim Diet online, it is a Kasin (dairy) and Gluten free diet. It can be very difficult diet to follow especially since you have other kids. Many grocery stores carry foods that fit in to this diet. If taking dairy out of his diet is too difficult make sure you at least take out yorgurt, he can have the Silk yogurt, since it is made with soy.

Talk to your pediatrician. Hopefully he/she can give you other resources. Ask about family therapy, parenting classes, etc?

A three year old screaming for 30 minutes is not that unusual. They so badly want their way. So I am unsure if your expectations are unrealistic. I don't know if your consequences are consistent. Are you giving in to stop the screaming? Whatever is going on I think your family needs more help than we can give you here. Start with your pediatrician. Call the church and see if they know of resources in the community (I bet you are not the first with such a problem). Ask friends and family. People often have experienced things we know nothing about, but when they see someone in a similar circumstance they will open up about their experience. Good luck to you and your family!

Visit the website ADHDdiet.com. This really helped our family. It sounds nutty and off the wall, but it really does help. I feel your pain. I have 3 boys and all are ALL BOY! I am not saying that he is ADHD, but this diet is for all kids. Try it for a month and see what happens.

I had a very similar situation as yours when my son was 3 and my daughter was a baby. He was completely out of control and on the verge of being kicked out of preschool for throwing massive and scary tantrums when I left (for over an hour...sometimes all 4 hours). He was so hysterical for so long that they would send him to the office to be with the office staff because his fits were scaring and distracting the other kids. Looking back on it, I would have pulled him out of preschool and recognized that he was having a very difficult time with the new baby. ....not to mention that 3 is just a very hard age anyway. I'm really disappointed in the staff for not recognizing this either. They had been teaching preschoolers for 10 yrs. I was made to feel like my son was a freak and they didn't want to help, they just wanted to get rid of him. By Christmas, I pulled him out of that school and put him at another place where I knew the director. They had experience with a few challenging kids and were firm but patient and loving with him. I really think the fact that there was a new baby in our lives is what set things off for him. It wasn't obvious at the time because he loved and adored her. It seemed as if he was thrilled that he had this new baby. However, I now know that kids are kind of weird and have anxiety that they don't understand. Stop telling him "stop" all of the time, don't try to teach him right from wrong with words. It won't be effective. He is likely feeling out of control in his head and is not going to process your words. Instead, drop what you are doing and remove him from the situation (if you aren't home, take him out to the car and call it your calm place; if you are home, find a closet or corner of his bedroom with a beanbag, fun pictures taped to the wall and maybe a MP3 with calm music he can listen to). Always use this place so he doesn't confuse being in trouble with learning how to calm himself. It's not going to be so cut and dry at first. I'm sure he'll be kicking and screaming and you will feel like you are just wasting your time. However, just keep it up! He will eventually figure it out. Teaching a 3 yr old how to calm themselves when they feel out of control doesn't happen quickly. My son is now 6 and a half and we are still working on it (although, much, much, much improved!). Do not leave him, stay with him so that he feels secure. Even if he's kicking, screaming, saying mean things, etc. Just let him calm before you speak (even if it takes an hour) and don't make him feel threatend by looking him in the eyes. This is going to be extremely hard because you have kids, but make him your priority right now. He needs more attn than your other kids right now and don't feel bad about it. Explain all of this to your 8 yr old. I do suggest exhausting every effort to find out what is going on. At least, this is how I choose to do things. I'm not much for, "let's just wait and see if he outgrows this." My son was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder. He saw an Occupational Therapist for a year (I recommend a big gym type of therapy center over an individual who comes to your house). The gyms are far better equipped and have many more ideas than the individual therapist. Ask your pedi for a suggestion. They will evaluate him first to determine if they think it's sensory related (don't let this word scare you. We all have sensory processing issues; some just have it a little worse than others). We saw a psychologist when he was 3 and a half who diagnosed him with a mild form of ADHD. I took that with a grain of salt because he was so young. However, now that he's in kinder, this may actually be the case. We are currently looking into this. My gut is that he is just easily overstimulated and I don't know if this is ADHD or not. Don't let me scare you. He has gotten past this craziness but he is a strong personality, easily excitable, overly energetic and extremely strong willed. He is definitely not the favorite student, so I will always have to deal with my son being "that kid." However, he is really smart, inquisitive, funny and I do sometimes love that he has so much energy and he's so excited about life and passionate! There are a lot of awesome and positive traits that these children have; it's just hard to see them at the age of 3! ha-ha! Another thought, have him food tested. Most of these pediatric allergists poo-poo food sensitivities. They only seem concerned with true allergies. So, I wouldn't go to an allergist. I don't know of anyone in Houston but there's a doctor named Dr. Kendall Stewart in Austin (Neurosensory Centers of America) that will do extensive food testing and will check for vitamin deficiencies (maybe call and ask if they have a Houston clinic). Turns out my son had a severe B vitamin deficiency (as do I) and is sensitive to gluten. After treating that, things have improved tremendously! He's not perfect or the easiest child in the world but it has really, really helped!! He isn't as sickly as he once was either. Start subscribing to the Kirk Martin, Celebrate Calm newsletters. If you can afford it, buy the CD set. It has really helped my family understand anxiety in children and how to help them. I'm sorry to say there's probably no quick fix for you. This stuff takes time and these kids are absolutely exhausting. I've been stressed out for 3 yrs, but it's always improving. Don't give up on your boy. Make sure he hears a lot more positive words than punishments. It's okay to not punish sometimes. Just remember to try and recognize his anxiety and not punish him for it; instead use that opportunity to teach instead of punish. Kirk Martin always says, "bad behavior is a manifestation of a need that is not being met." It gets harder in school though because most of these teachers haven't learned what I have and they punish, punish, punish. It's affecting him and he tells me he always gets in trouble but he "does nothing." He doesn't understand why. It breaks my heart because we have reached an age where others can affect his self esteem. I just try to remind him of what teachers consider appropriate and remind him of his awesome qualities. He'll come around, just love him more than you punish him. Help him feel secure and take him on mommy son dates twice a week (no siblings). He needs you right now. You are not alone in this world, even though it feels that way.

I have a strong willed child and have been on the hunt as well. I read Strong Willed Child, but the additional spanking didn't work for our family. It just caused more hitting without better behavior. I have started reading PARENTING the STRONG WILLED CHILD because of several recommendations. I'm super excited about what I've already read... and the book includes a 5 week program to getting your child back on track. So nice to have a book that spells it out with a step by step program. And also explains how we get into these yelling, screaming wars that backfire. The child reinforces it by only responding when we resort to extreme measures! But then it backfires with them modeling your behavior and unleashing aggression on you. Hope you'll give this book a shot! Good luck. These strong willed children will be amazing adults if we can grab the reigns now! Once you feel better about his behavior... down the line.. then make it a priority to read NurtureShock.

My MIL tells me horror stories of my husband when he was about that age. He wouldn't listen at daycare and even snuck out of a window at nap time once to go and play on the playground. The daycare eventually called her and said come and get him he is no longer welcome. He was always a dare devil and walked the line. He is a great father and wonderful husband today! She found an in home daycare where he received more one on one interaction and the woman was patient yet firm. My MIL adopted the sitters methods at home and there was consistancy through out his day/night. I am sure it is hard because you have other children to tend to. I would definately call your pediatrician and see if you can get an evaluation done through the Early Intervention system. You will make it! Boys are fun and they are FuN :) I have one with special needs and he has really taught me a great deal about life. Just try to walk away if you feel your frustration build. Good luck and I hope things ease up a bit for you all!

I'm sorry you're not getting the help you (and your son) so desperately need.

There has GOT to be other resources for you--even if you have to drive to a neighboring city/town.

I think the advice you've received to ask your pediatrician for help/referrals is very good advice.