3Rd Child on the Way

I have a girlfriend who went throught the same situation. What she did was include her on everything. She would ask her what she thought about the room, the name the clothes and took her shopping for big brother. My girl friend had her baby about three months ago (number 4)and the oldest is so excited because she got to pick out so much of what brother was playing and sleeping on.
I hope this might help alittle
Good luck

Giving your daughter direct responsibilities for the care and well being of the baby or anyone in the family will make her feel a sense of belonging and importance. And after all isn't that what we all want. Discuss with her that you need her help and explain to her how much it would mean to you. Maybe give her a list to choose from. Also, after the baby boy is born and you begin to get your strength back make a date with just her on a regular basis. Let her choose the activity. This will give her a voice which makes a child feel like they matter.

L., First, Congradulations on # 3.

I was 18 when my mom had my third brother. Even though I was older, I felt "jealous" of the baby. I wanted all the attention, that he was getting. After I had my second son, and then four years later, was having my third son, my oldest was acting just like I was. I did what my mom did, to me. I would set aside the time we had together, and play, do homework, watch a movie, or even talked. My mom would take walks, with my third brother, in the stroller, and we would go together, and just talk. I started to do that, and they loved the idea of pushing brother in the stroller.

I would make doctor appointments while my two older sons, were in school. That made it so much easier with handleing the doctor appointments with just one.

On the weekends, as soon as it was nap time, they knew it was time for their time. The oldest would pick out a game, or a book, and we would read or play together. I would let the oldest one pick one day, and the middle one the next.

When I had my Girl (#4) I was able to show my youngest boy how to be a big brother. He was the only one home at the time. They all love each other, now. I would never change the way I helped them cope with a new sibling.

I have six children, the two oldest are girls, and then four boys. We have been through this a few times, it just gets easier, Or maybe I get better at it, I don't know which. Basically It's the GRATITUDE ATTITUDE. Everyone feels good when they are valued. Kids love to help, and they learn so much when they do. As long as you are grateful, and let them know how much they are valued, things go pretty well. Just let her know how much you are looking forward to this baby getting such a great big sister. She is so loving, helpful, a great example, etc. Then let her know how grateful you are to have her, what she means to you. Then let her be as much a part of the baby's life as you can. When she wants to help, let her, then praise her. From reading your post, I think you are probably already doing these things. Don't worry it will be fine.
I now have two girls, ages 13 and 16 who are excellent youth. They are responsible and happy, and will be wonderful parents someday!

I don't have much advice for you, but thought I'd mention a great book called "Baby on the Way" by Dr. William Sears (askdrsears.com). It's great in explaining to children how life is while a new baby is growing inside Mommy, how everyone is affected and what they can do to help and enjoy the time. It has two older siblings in the book, but might not address your specific issue.
He has other books in the series, one about life with a new baby, potty training, etc. I loved this book while preparing myself and my son for our 2nd child. You can get it at the library.
~N.

Congratulations to you! Another baby, how wonderful! And what a perceptive mom you are! So many moms arent even aware of the impact this is on the oldest child. Is there time for you to plan a 'big girl's day out' once a week, or every other week, or even once a month? Use the time to talk with her about the changes, and give her opportunity to share any thoughts she has. This outing may be to go shopping for some of the things she needs, or maybe just a walk in the park. It can be a 15 min walk in the neighborhood or a couple hours doing something she would enjoy. Give her some acceptable choices and let her choose what it will be each time. Incorporate her help at home, too, with things she is capable of doing. Bake cookies together, clean a room together, organize a closet together, etc.....mentioning how nice it is that she is getting big enough to do these things with you! Keep it fun and full of talk! It is the opportunity for sharing, most of all! Take her along to shop for the new baby supplies, too. Does she ever accompany you to the doctor's office so she can hear the babies' heartbeat? Ask her what she needs.

The other moms gave great advice on including her on everything. The only thing I would add (worked with my oldest). Have a heart to heart about how she is great at being a big sister to little sister and that you have a job that only SHE can do. Teach and guide little sister on how to be a big sister. Little sister might have a hard time adjusting once brother is here (you said is is excited, that might change when she figures out he stays). Tell big sis that you will need her to help out with little sis, playing, reading to her, etc... when you are focused on baby so little sis fills like she still belongs and is not left out. But then you have to make a point of praising her when she does. It will fill her up and she will want to more often.

Good luck with 3! I have 2 girls and then a boy....amazing fun! Enjoy them!

HI L.,
Congratulations on another baby and getting a boy this time! I am currently preggo with my 5th and in order to make the kids feel more involved and not replaced I include them on everything. I make a point to listen to their opinions and answer questions as best I can as appropriate for their age. I let them feel the baby move, I've let them look at the magazines with the baby in utero pictures. I give them weekly updates on the size of their sister. I let them pick out new clothes and help me choose paint colors for the baby's room. When it comes to the clothes and toys let them get what they want don't make them feel like you don't want or like their tastes. If you're going to have a baby shower take them along and let them play the games too and if someone close to you is planning it see if your daughters can be involved in the planning. I take them to my checkups, with hubby along too, so they can hear the heartbeat. I show them the pics of the ultrasound and explain things the best I can. My oldest seems especially excited and I think its because of how involved I am letting them be and I don't ever use the pregnancy as an excuse to not do things with her. Yes some things I can't do, like carry a 50 pound kid around but I can still play with her and spend time with her. My back hurts like crazy all the time but I don't let the kids know that so I try to keep things as normal as possible. The last thing you need is for your daughters to think the baby ruined mommy. If you end up on bed rest or with limited movement explain things to the girls in a way to make it your own fault or the Dr's fault but never place blame on the baby or pregnancy. I hope I've helped you some. Good luck!

C. C

We also have three children and when number 3 was on the way, we put our oldest in the roll of "teacher" for her younger sister -- showing her how to hold the new baby and feed it, play, blah blah blah. We also enrolled both girls in a New Big Brother/Big Sister class that was offered at the hospital where we were having Baby #3. Our oldest had also taken it when we had #2 but enjoyed taking it again, the second time as a mentor to her little sister. We also tried (although it can be hard!) to make a big deal out of all the help both older girls gave us and so on once the new baby was home. Good luck and enjoy!