3.5 Yr Old Son Absolutely Cant Stand His 1.5 Yr Sister.

My kids are also 3.5 and 1.5 yrs old. We have some sharing problems and my son can be very mean to his sister. I have worked very hard to promote a team concept. I ask one to take the other their drink, help the other up, bring a toy to the other etc. I remind them we are a team. I also use the book 1,2,3 magic for discipline.
Goodluck!
J. M

wow! That's awfully young to notice that kind of well i wont say hate because that is not what it is! I think there may be some kind of jealousy over the little one maybe but not hate. Seems to me he wants his own space and time and that should be granted. But however he still needs to know that this kind of behavior will not be stood for and there will be consequences if continued. take him aside and see if you can get to the bottom of what's going on in his little mind, maybe it is a phase or maybe something has bothered him up to this point and has made him angry enough to lash out on someone younger than him. Does he go to daycare? Does he treat his cousins this way? there is a root to every problem Good luck let me know how it goes

That's a tough one. He is obviously jealous. I guess you would handle it the same way, you would handle two kids that didn't know each other that were acting that way. Normally parents would put their children in time out, if they did that to another on the playground or anything like that. I guess that is probably the best thing to do, if he hits her or says mean things to her. Let him know it's wrong to treat anyone like that, and that he will be in time out if he does it. Tell him to say he's sorry to her. If he won't tell him he cannot get out of time out, until he is ready to.

With my two, I just try to remind my oldest how "great" it is to have a brother. I make sure HE always gets her something that she really wanted for Christmas and Birthdays and make a big deal over how he loves her and wanted to get her something really nice. I remind her how great it is that she is the older sister. She is often jealous of all the attention the little one gets. I explain that the older one gets to go places and have friends and do things that the younger one simply can not do yet. I try to make individual time for her when ever I can, and try to let her do "big girl" activities during that time like painting. (something I would never let the little one do). I always point out how lucky she is to get to do these things and how her brother can not yet. He is really into trains. When we went to see Thomas, I made sure to buy her souvineers as well and make it a really fun family day. Do more things all together as a family too instead of individaul things. When you take family day trips, talk alot about how much fun it is to be together as a family and how great it is to have family to share fun times with. Lastly, when they throw tantrums and become mean toward their younger brother, remind them that they are older. I always tell my daughter that she is 6.....not 2. If she wants to act like a 2 year old I will treat her that way. I will take away her "big girl" privlages. I also try to remind her that her little brother is always hanging around her because he thinks that she is really cool. I tell her things like, "he looks at you, like you look at Hannah Montanna." He thinks you are really cool and smart and you can teach him a lot. "He is going to look at you to figure out life." She loves when we say things like this. Use positive reinforcement. When they are getting along well, tell them. Reward them. Say things like, "I am proud you two have gotten along so well this morning. That is a big help to mommy when you get along. Since you got along so well this morning, I am going to take both of you to the park or chuck e cheese for a little while today." I know it is a sad thing to see. You can not make it ALL stop, but this too will get better. Good luck and hang in there. Sorry this is so long.

hi M.. im sorry for your trouble. im sure it just breaks your heart for both of your children. they both seem like they are very loving in their own way. im sure it will work out in time.... my neice went through a stage similar to this and come to think of it... she was 3 too. but it was towards her older brother and almost everyone. she was down right hateful and mean to almost anyone except her mom. she would refuse to talk to people, or hug or kiss them. if i would sit next to her at the dinner table, or on the couch, she would whine and grunt at me to go away. and she used to love me! i did notice that the more my sister (her mom) pointed out her behavior, or "made" her give hugs and kissed the worse it got. eventually we just all ignored her for a little while an gave her some space. sad to say, it did take a few months. but once she wasnt getting the attention and a big fuss made over "what was the matter with her?" and "why doesnt she like this person?" she just got over it. and she warmed back up to people. and now she just turned 5 and shes the most loving an friendly little girl. you would never know she was once that grouchy little 3 year old! im sure your little guy will phase out of this as well. i dont want to tell you to ignore him. especially if he does something to hurt your little girl. but if you are spending a lot of time asking him whats wrong and accomodating his desire to not have his sister around... he maybe is taking advantage of that and will start to manipulate the situation??? not sure. but maybe try if he gets upset at the dinner table b/c his sister is there... just tell him... this is our family, this is our dinner, this is how we eat... ect, ect... and if he chooses to not participate then i think after a while he will be sad that hes not involved and eventually perk up? i wish you the best of luck and im sure he will come around. isnt it amazing how different your children can be? and still you love them all so much b/c of their individuality. before you know it, he will be the over protective big brother trying to keep his friends from dating his baby sister! it will all work out! take care!

My kids are the exact same ages as yours except that my oldest is a girl and my youngest a boy. My daughter pretty much followed the same pattern as your son (ignoring the baby in the beginning and then showing interest and now being more hostile). I don't know about you but I found that when I listened to myself I was constantly on my daughter to be nice to her brother. I've tried to change that by recognizing the times that he really is getting on her nerves and into her things and saying things like, "Nathan, your sister had that first. Please give it back to her," or "No, Nathan you can't have that your sister is playing with it now," or even trying to have him say thank you to her when she does something nice for him.

I've also given my daughter permission to gently push her brother's hand away if he gets into what she is playing with but not to push him hard or yell at him and that she needs to get us when he won't stop and not take it into her own hands by hitting. As far as when they start getting irrational like your son saying he won't sit in a chair or watch TV when your daughter is around I usually tell my daughter very calmly, "Nathan is allowed to watch that show also. If you don't want to watch it with him you can go somewhere else." And if she throws a fit, I put her in her room and tell her she can come out when she's done. Or at dinner, you could say, "That's fine if you're not going to sit with us. You need to go to your room instead and if you decide you'd like to eat dinner with the rest of us in your chair, you're welcome to come out." I also try to say a lot, "Don't we love Nathan?" or "Nathan, don't we just love your sister?" I hope this helps. My daughter can still be really nasty to her brother but we're making progress. Even though the behavior isn't always acceptable, it's still normal for their age. We've also had success with potty training by using a sticker chart with rewards from the dollar store and I've been thinking of trying the same thing by rewarding my daughter with anything positive at all she does with her brother. Good luck!

Hi, I'm a new mom (of a 4-month old) but am also a school counselor. How much attention are you giving your son in relation to the amount of attention you're giving your daughter? He may not be mad at/hate her, but might be using her to let you know that he's not getting enough time and attention from you. It's actually pretty sophisticated thinking on his part! Try having dates, just you and he. (Also do this with your daughter.) Dad needs to do this, too. Kids need to know that they have an individual relationship with each parent -- absent from siblings. If he realizes some confidence in your love, time, and attention, he get that he doesn't have to resent it when his sister gets it. Hope this helps. Good luck!

Are they always around each other or do they get time apart each day. Maybe you 3.5 yr old just needs a little time without his sister each day (maybe an hour so). You could explain to him that for 1 hr his sister won't bother him, but that he does need to share and play with his sister sometimes.

When my older son had bouts of hating his younger brother (1 1/2 years apart) I always took this to mean that I was somehow not meeting his individual needs for my attention. If there is resentment, instead of blowing it off...take it seriously. Some children are more needy of "fairness" and attention and you should give it to him. I know that sometimes, I have to take my older son's side in an argument not because I think that he is right but because he needs to see that I am not always giving in to his younger brother and I have HIS back once in a while too. I noticed it as well with my nieces and nephews, the ones that have the WORST sibling relationships are the ones whose parents give in to one sibling vs. the other ALL THE TIME. It is somehow noticeable from the standpoint of others...not yourself.
My older son will sometimes say "you love him more that me" and I have learned to take that as a cue that if that is how he feels than that must TRULY be his perspective and I need to change my ways.

P.S. It's pretty normal for siblings to not always like each other...especially the older one...I hated my little brother at times!

Hi M.. My children are now 7 and 4, but when my daughter was born, my son just turned 3. He has liked her since the day we brought her home. He wanted a brother, plus he liked getting all the attention. He was fighting for our attention from the very beginning. Here are some of the things that we tried - we made sure that we (my husband and I) spend some time with him one on one without his sister being around; we also encourage him to help her and teach her, this is more difficult, but as he gets older and has learned how to read and write, he is able to show her how to do things and read to her. They still fight on a daily basis and he tortures her everyday, but we do see the side of him that really does love her. One thing that he does is make sure he always gives her a hug every night before bed. It took a while, but he eventually came around. Hope this helps.

Hi M.. I hate to tell you, but in my experience your son is totally normal. Kids go through these stages and it is a real pain! Try finding some time for either you or your husband to take him out of the house and do something alone with him. Something that his little sister has NOTHING to do with. He is trying to tell you that he is sick of all the togetherness and needs something of his own. Actually your lucky...I have three girls and of course all their intrests are very similar so it's really hard to find each of them something of their "own". Good luck!

While I haven't had this experience personally, I offer you these thoughts. "Behind every behavior is a positive intention." What is your son's positive "intention"? In choosing your battles, certainly the one he must get loud and clear is that physically hurting another person will not be tolerated - period! I recommend that you and your husband, separately and together, set time each day to have private time with your son, even if it means getting someone to watch your daughter for an hour, like a neighborhood youth after school. He is looking for the attention. In the situations of his choosing to not watch a show, etc., let him experience his choices without any emotions or pleading from you. Practicing being neutral, rather than emotional reactive, will stop feeding him what he is getting from these exchanges that keeps him coming back for more. This will take time to turn around - be consistent.

G.