3.5 Year Old Potty Accidents

Updated on April 16, 2010
A.K. asks from Minneapolis, MN
9 answers

My daughter, who is 3.5 years old, has been potty trained for a long time. She does wear pull-ups at night. During the last month she has had three accidents where she has peed her pants. This is very unusual for her. Each time she had full access to the bathroom and didn't seem to be too busy or anything, she seemed a little surprised and bewildered each time. The first time was at home, she wasn't that upset afterwards. The second time was at daycare, she didn't even say anything to our provider when it happened. Our provider (who we love... so don't even go there) had emailed me so I knew it had happened, but I didn't say anything to her when I picked her up, and in the car in a tiny voice she said really fast "I peed in my pants and I'm really really sorry and I won't EVER do it again" and started to cry. I asked her if she thought I was going to be mad at her and she said YES. I told her it was just an accident and I wouldn't be mad and not to be afraid to tell me anything.

Anyways, it happened again today at daycare. Our provider said Mya was devastated and apologized about 20 times. I'm sure it is embarrassing to have the other kids around when it happens and when our provider is cleaning it and her up.

I hate that she was upset and wish I could leave my stupid job and go pick her up, but that's a different post. ;)

My questions are: Has this ever happened to your kids at this age? Should I be worried that she is, like, "regressing" at potty training or something? Today when I pick her up I plan on acting like it is no big deal, accidents happen.... does that sound like a good way to address it?

thanks for your POSITIVE advice and shared experiences!

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S.G.

answers from Rapid City on

It isn't unusal at that age. My granddaughter is 3 and half and she has an accident once in a while and will appologize over and over for it. I finally sit down to be face to face with her and said "Do you think grandma would be mad at you for this?" and she said "yes" and I said "everyone has an accident once in a while... even old grandma's who sneeze or cough too hard sometimes" This made her really relax about it and when she has an accident she still appoligizes but she doesn't keep on.

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L.G.

answers from Sacramento on

Always have a change of clothes for her at school if you dont already. And is there a chance she has a little bladder infection or something causing her to have to pee really quick? I think you are handling it well by being kind, she knows what she's supposed to do so I'd just try to see if there's something physical...otherwise, maybe have her try to go (even when she doesnt necessarily feel it) right before school, and at different times at school. (right before lunch, right after, at playtime) maybe the teacher could remind her.

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D.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

Like Mel, our son will be 4 in June and has been potty-trained almost a year. He still has occasional accidents.

We ask him what happened so we can understand (in the event we need to work on something). Usually, he just waits too long, is too interested in something and doesn't pay attention to the cues his body is giving him.

We don't scold him for it, but we do talk it out and make sure he understands how important it is to try to get there before an accident happens. I remember having to go with my mom to school when my sister was in 1st grade because of an accident.

I think this is normal even with her longevity of being potty-trained. Hopefully, these are isolated!

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T.S.

answers from Sacramento on

Well, that's no fun! It doesn't sound like she'd doing this deliberately, so no amount of "pee pee belongs in the potty" is going to help... she knows THAT. I think you're doing the right thing by keeping it light. It might be empowering to her if you and the care provider teach her how to take care of accidents herself (where to put the wet clothes, where to get clean clothes etc.) so she's still a big girl when it happens.

Secondly, might she have a little UTI or something? Little girls can get infections really easily from a number of things but wiping back to front and bubble bath are high on the list of reasons. I personally got bladder infections a TON as a little girl for no apparent reason. Even just a bit of regular soap that doesn't get rinsed out well enough can cause a little irritation or infection. It's probably worth a trip to the doctor to check.

Good luck. Hope this helps.

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E.M.

answers from Denver on

I have a four and a half year old and she is totally potty trained during the day (still in diapers at night). I can tell you that my daughter and just about every one of her girl friends that has come over has had accidents. In fact, we have lent out so many pairs of underwear--and she has worn home friends' underwear --so many times it is funny! At first we were surprised but I've seen it happen to little girls so many times now, I know my daughter is totally normal and I don't sweat it.
I remember one time when I was four I peed my pants in preschool. I was scared to go into the bathroom (the stalls were scary!) and so I made the conscious decision to pee in my pants sitting at the snack table. I'm sure all the teachers and my mom were theorizing that I was too busy or regressing and in reality, I knew exactly what I was doing and why. :)

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S.B.

answers from St. Cloud on

Oh do I feel for you! We are having the same thing righ now with our 2 1/2 and 3 1/2 year olds! They were doin greally well, very rare accidents, weather got warm, yesterday, three accidents, today one already! (It's only 8:00!) I asked our 3 1/2 yo what happened, was she trying to get her pants down but worried about the button, even though she is skinny enough to just pull them down? Yes! Maybe try elastic waisted pants, jeans or knit pants for a while. If you aren't already. I know ours are gung-ho for bluejeans with the snap and zipper. Today they are both in knit pants for ease! Best wishes!

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M.C.

answers from Nashville on

In my opinion, it is totally normal. My son will be 4 in June. He's been fully potty trained day AND night for over 1 1/2 years. He will still have an occasional accident at daycare. Like you, I just say accidents happen and remind him that we need to try to do our best to stop what we're doing and run to the potty. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to them at all. It's just.........an accident. LOL I think you're addressing it perfectly and the best thing to do is just follow with a gentle reminder. Maybe even another gentle reminder whispered in her ear as you're kissing her goodbye at daycare. =0)

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M.W.

answers from St. Cloud on

Have you tried the chiropractor???

I did daycare for 5 years and this would happen to a little boy I watched. His mom would take him for an adjustment and then he would be fine for awhile again. The chiropractor told her that he is probably NOT even feeling the urge when this happens because he is out of alignment..........

Worth a try. It might help!

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

My daughter went threw the same thing and as fast as it came it ended to. Sometimes I think they just don't realize how bad they have to go until it is to late. I would however have her checked to make sure she doesn't have a bladder infection. Otherwise I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Hope it gets better.

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