3 Yr Old Throwing Tantrums

The most effective way I got my daughter (recently turned 4 y.o) to stop was place her in her room while I explained that although no one wanted to hear scream and bang on the floor, she was more than welcome to come out when she stops throwing her fit. Once she comes out calm, cool, and collected I spend time with her in a positive way by including her in my activities (not discontinuing them). This has been effective in extinguishing undesirable behavior but may take several times of doing this.
At times when I do not have time to argue, such as getting ready in the mornings, I tell her that she will lose a privilege (watching cartoons) or access to an item that she loves (toys). The privilege or item may be lost until tasks are completed or you may impose longer lengths of time, depending on the situation. This works as long as you follow through with these efforts and are consistent.
Kids seem to be very cunning in their abilities to manipulate us, if we are not careful. I caution you not to treat your kids as the center of your universe by dropping everything because they will learn to expect this from others and the world does not work this way. It may also negatively reinforce the behavior by making her think that every time she wants attention, all she has to do is throw a fit and can become a habit.
I admit that using the techiniques I outlined concerned me because I did not want her to feel rejected and did not want to cut into what little quality time I had with her. However, it never seemed to hurt her feelings (it helps her cry less in the long-run) and improved the quality of our time spent together by not creating a situation where I had to appease her all the time or put up with the whining after a long day of work.

I have a son who turns three shortly. We are experiencing the exact same type of tantrums. It could be over the smallest of things and it doesn't make any sense. My son goes to pre-school and they gave me a suggestion, which so far has worked. Tell your daughter when she starts crying that she has 10 seconds to stop and use her words to tell you what she wants. Count to 10. If she does not stop with the tantrum, pick her up and move her into another room. Explain to her that if she is going to cry like that, she has to be by herself until she stops and can use her words. What I have found is that my son just wants the attention and usually when he gets to the other room, he stops or within a very short period he stops. He comes out, finds me and I keep encouraging him to use his words to tell me what he wants. Then we compromise and I use words like compromise, cooperate, I love you and sorry.

The other thing I found is that the more tired he is, the more these tantrums occur, so I adjust his bedtime by 15 minutes. Maybe the combination of both approaches has helped, but for instance, this morning, he was starting to throw a tantrum about getting dressed and I simply walked away into another room and was loudly talking about how neat something was. Out of curiosity, he came in and the tantrum never really started. He got dressed while we talked about the item I had. Distraction sometimes is a good rememdy too. Good luck!

I know the feeling. My lil boy is 2 going on 3 and he throws the most terrible tantrums. I just put him in his room until he calms down and then we talk about what made him so upset.

My 5 yr old was and still throws some good ol' tantrums. It often is also over the smallest things. I am guessing in your situation that your daughter could be looking for some attention from you especially since she doesn't seem to throw the tantrums for other people. It might be worth letting the dishes sit a little longer in the sink or play a little outside when you get home in the evenings. I know that can be hard. I too work full-time. However, the tantrums might lessen a little and you can both enjoy some time together.
BUT....I also would NOT let her get away with the tantrums. Give her as many "this one or this one" choices as possible to give her some feeling of control.
Hopefully, these tantrums are just a phase she just has to outgrow! Good luck!!
J. (working mom of 4--7,5,3,1)

I don't know if this will help, but I had similar behavior from my 3-year old any time he came back from an overnight, or long day, visit to my in-laws. (I thought it was the transition to a place with rules, after being with my MIL who feeds him chocolate pudding for lunch and lets him color all over her kitchen appliances.) But, I found that the answer was to spend the first half-hour or so, doing nothing but playing with him. I realized he needed my attention after being away, and I had been bustling around preparing lunch, etc. instead of focusing on him. Once I just put off whatever I was doing and really paid attention for a little while, the tantrums stopped. Good luck!

J. H.

My daughter has a neighbor girl friend, when she doesn't get her way she'll throw a tantrum...gigantic style! Yesterday she threw one and her mother came over and argued with her for quite some time, she engaged her. After her mother left, this neighbor girl pouted for awhile and wanted to play tetherball with me. I said sure girl, give it your best and she threw a tantrum when I won. I told this neighbor girl to go over there and throw her tantrum. It was up to her if she wanted to spend her time pouting and I asked my girl if she would play tether ball. Once the neighbor saw she was not getting any feedback and was making the decision to have an awful time, she totally got over herself within the minute!