My 3 yr old son still hasn't gone once on the potty. We have tried EVERYTHING, books, dvds, bribes, watching Daddy, big potty, potty chair, big boy underwear, etc. He'll sit on the potty chair for 30 minutes at a time, he knows when he has to go, he actually holds it until he's off the potty. We try to talk to him about it and he tells us he's scared to go on the potty. We cannot convince him to go. I just don't know what to do anymore. It comes to a point where he gets so worked up and upset about it, I'm afraid it's just going to set him back even more, so we back off for a bit. Any advice?
Thanks for all the advice. It's good to know we are not alone. There were a couple of suggestions we will try. Fingers crossed!! We really want this so he can go to pre-school, which he will love - but even explaining he can't go until he's out of diapers doesn't work.
I went thru simmilar things, it took until my son was 4 and 3months to use it regularly and "get over" his reservations. Try taking him in with you when you go if you are comfortable with that and overall back off from the potty training. I know it seems like a hassel but it worked for us and has worked for many others. It seems like useless advice when you are stressed and "so over it" but it really is the best way to go.
Another mom gave me great advice on here about the same thing once. Tell him about the toilet, the inner workings of the sewer/septic system, where the poo goes when it goes down the drain, etc. I went into great detail- the poo goes down the hole, down the pipe, under the house, out under the ground, to the giant poo hole where it meets other poo, goes down the street to the poo factory, etc... My son thought this was awesome, and light bulb just went off about the whole thing. He couldn't wait to use the bathroom after that, and when he did, we had to "follow" the poo. We walked through the house, out into the yard, and over to the curb, while I pointed out where it might be. After that, we had no more problems. I hope this helps make it not so scary. Wow- I wrote "poo" a lot in this post. :)
Just give him a rest. He is not ready. Many children are frightened by the potty.
There is no way to make a child go potty if they are not ready.. .I promise, when he is ready, it is going to go so fast you are going to wonder why you did not wait for him to lead the way..
I know this because our daughter who was early doing everything.. did not get the potty deal till almost 4. We had tried a few times and she was just not ready..
When she was ready she just went on her own. I also think it helped at day care seeing all of the little potties lined up and the kids going on their own. She also loved the idea of being able to read books wile going to the potty.
Explain that pee and poo are waste--parts of what he drinks and eats that are not useful for his body.
Explain "where" the poo comes out of--let him look at his....um...plumbing exit. LOL
Get the book "Once Upon A Potty" (boy version). It explains a lot.
De-mystify it. Love MamaDuck P.'s advice!
IF all of that doesn't work, maybe consider backing off for a few months.
Lots of children don't meet the suggested goals on training-readiness checkllists until well into their third year or so. If you've already 'tried everything,' chances are your son feels pushed into something he was not yet prepared to accomplish. Now 'fear' is his excuse, but it might have started out as less-complicated 'resistance.' Now, his fear may actually include a fear of failure or of disappointing you, but he's way too young to sort all that out.
If I were in your position, I would assure my child that he will want to use the potty just as soon as he's ready, and so I'm going to leave that up to him. Mention that all big boys use the potty, and he will know when he's ready, just like he knew he was ready to walk and talk. He just did it!
Meanwhile, Dad could take him on occasional 'wilderness' outings, and casually let him observe Dad peeing on a tree. No pressure, just a happy, satisfied daddy using the Great Outdoors naturally, the way all the wild animals do it. I'll bet that captures your son's imagination, and he'll want to try himself once he realizes there's no requirement that he do so. This has worked for a couple of families I've known with reluctant boys.
And at home, Dad can use floating cereal for target practice. That also makes peeing (at least while standing) fun and non-threatening.
Meanwhile, here's an informative website you might find helpful. It gives a few variations on"readiness" checklists, plus tips on various training strategies, the best ages to start them, and the advantages and disadvantages of each approach: http://www.parentingscience.com/potty-training-tips.html
Boys are typically a little harder to toilet train. Alot of kids are afraid to go to the bathroom because they think that part of them is coming out. They don't understand the whole digestive thing - and why would they?
And for some kids it's a control thing.
Let him know that it's okay to be scared of things. Let him know that anything that comes out in the potty is old used up food and we don't need it anymore so it comes out.
Let him know that once he starts using the potty all the time, there are big boy things he gets to do.
I don't think lying to a kid and telling him the doctor said he had to stay in the bathroom until he went potty is a good idea. That's not too traumatizing for a 3 year old. Nothing like transferring that fear to somebody who is going to take care of him when he's sick or needs his immunization shots.
Hello J.. I am re-posting this from another mama's similar question. May be helpful...
I had a similar issue that you are having with your son. We started introducing the potty around 2 yrs, and my son seemed very interested in it and loved to sit on it, but only with his diaper on. He would freak out if we even suggested removing his pants or diaper. So I decided he wasn't ready and for a few months I just let him enjoy sitting on his potty, usually when mom & dad were using the toilet. My neighbor suggested letting him walk around with no pants or diaper (easier if the weather is warm but you can crank up the heat if need be.) When you do his morning diaper change, just leave the pants off and no diaper. He'll probably love it like my son did. Then when you go to use the bathroom, ask if wants to sit on his potty. For my son, worked like a charm. My husband and I both work so we made this a weekend experiment. On the first attempt at this method my son made his first peepee in his potty! We are still working at the whole potty training thing, it is a work in progress but this idea really got us onto first base. You just have to plan on keeping close eye on him and also expect that there will be some puddles in the beginning - not a carpet-friendly plan btw! Wish you the best of luck!
take it out of your hands - tell him you talked to the doctor about it and the doctor said that today he has to stay in the bathroom until he has gone potty on the toilet. You tell him that you argued with the doctor, but the doctor insisted that it had to be that way, and you are so sorry, but that mean doctor is in charge and so today he has to stay in the bathroom until he goes on the potty. You'll bring him meals in there today if needed.
That will solve it if YOU follow what "the doctor" said. He just needs to know it's ok and sorry but that is going to take ONCE of him being forced to do it.
I agree with Laurie that it simply sounds like he's not ready yet. And that's ok! My son didn't start potty training until he was over 3 1/2. He also just wasn't ready. He didn't like the flushing toilet. My daughter is now 2 and showing some interest in sitting on the toilet, but she won't actually do anything. Just sit there. I have no intention of pushing her or making up stories about the doctor telling her to. When she's ready to give it a try, she will. But the more you push, the more I think your boy will resist. You're making it a bigger deal than it need be and he's seeing that and thinking this potty thing is a really big deal and that's a lot of pressure for a 3-year old.
It sounds like you all need a break to take the pressure off and reset. In the meantime, you can ask him periodically if he has to use the potty, but don't force the issue. If he says no, let it be. If he says yes, ask him if he'd like to give the potty a try. If he says no, let it be with a "Maybe next time. It sure would be cool to use the potty like Mommy and Daddy do."
Good luck! He'll get it eventually...most do :)
My daughter was the same way. What worked was to back off for a few weeks, then we approached it differently. We treated it as a 'celebration', as it was! I blew up a handful of balloons and put them around her potty. Decorated it! Then I bought some cheap Dollar Store items & wrapped them in tissue paper. Each time she used the potty, she got to pick a prize. (These go quick once they get the idea, so stock up for about a week!). This worked with her! She LOVED using it. She too would scream at the mention of the potty before this. She was trained (not accident free), in a week. After that we switched to small animal crackers & m&m's for pooping. We phased the treats out slowly, and that was almost a year ago. Make it FUN, be creative! Good luck to you!!!
I still remember when she watched "Flushed Away" and could not use the potty anywhere, the automatic flushers were enough to make her run out of the bathroom screaming. We just stopped.
She got tiny M&M's for going. One for pee and two for pooh. She really wanted the candy and did not get anything special except the candy for pottying. She eventually came around. Just be patient.
The boy loved to get jelly beans for his potty time.
