3 Yr Old Not Talking...

As the mother of a child on the autism spectrum I can say that it is hard for any mom to hear from someone else that there might be something "wrong" with their child. No matter how you word it or what you do, she probably will not be receptive. Also, you said "as a nurse she should know better" maybe she does know what's wrong but is just not ready to face it yet. Since she is with you for so much of her day I would continue to report to her mom what her daughter is doing every day but it is really up to her to take the first step. You could find a local resource for her (Early Childhood Intervention) and give her the number just to try to push her in the right direction.

Good luck,
K.

My son had the exact same symptoms that your neice has. I started to notice it when my son was about 1 1/2/ years old. He was extremely busy, he had no eye contact (actually a speech therapist pointed that fact out to me ) he did not speak or say words on his own but he would repeat television comercials word for word. He did not say the words mama or daddy. He did not ask for things he would only point and he would become frustrated and have a complete meltdown if we did not know what he wanted.
I talked to his Dr. about this and she stated that we were just doing everything for him so he had no need to talk. I did not buy this because I was always encouraging him to speak so I made an appointment on my own and took him to a speech therapist. After the first session the therapist noted that my son my have autisim although she did tell me she as not able to diagnoss it for me. But she noted that he seemed to be struggling to communite and he had no eye contact. My son was also echolalic meaning that he would repeat things over and over that he did know.
I had my son tested though our public school system to receive services like speech therapy and occupational therapy for his sensory issues (something else I was unaware of) today my son is 5 years old and he speaks very well, he is reading, his tantrums are just about gone, his sensory issues are much better. his teacher feels that he will be mainstreamed into a regular 1st grade class next year. Right now my son still has some issues staying focused on his school work but he is the best reader in his class.
So, to make a long story short, it really helps to get a child the help he or she needs as early as possible because it does make a great difference. A few parents I have spoken to are reluctant because they don't want their child labeled. However, it's the only way to get them the help they need in school because these problems will interfer with academics.
If I were the parent I would be calling "early on" or the public school system (she is old enough to attend a school if she gets tested and it is determined that she needs special services) or a developmental pediatrician.
Sorry this is so long. Hope it helps.

A lot of those symptoms sound like symptoms of autism (not having direct eye contact, fidgety, etc). Is it possible that she has a form of autism that has not been recognized or properly diagnosed.

I'm surprised that a pediatrician hasn't noticed anything at this point in time. I know they're not concerned when they're less than 2, but ours is very good about asking, at each appointment about developmental milestones and where our kids are falling on meeting them.

Here are a few websites that might provide some clarity on where she should be and what the symptoms of autism are.

http://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddle...

http://autism.about.com/od/whatisautism/a/symptoms.htm

As her aunt and day care provider, you should be able to have a candid conversation with her parents. I don't know what to advise if they're choosing to ignore your concerns/advice.

My daughter started speech at the age of 3 through the school district. I took her to the Kindergarten round up, where she was tested. She couldn't talk, grunted, pointed, cried, said "words" that only I could understand, hit herself and banged her head against the wall because of her frustration and inability to communicate. When she was 4 she was in Early Childhood, where they discovered she had hypotonia, which put her into OT/PT; she will graduate from OT/PT this coming week.

My daughter was very sick as a child. Fifteen ear infections before the age of 5 months and her first ear tubes. She had two more ear tubes before the age of three, adenoids out. At the age of seven, her tonsils came out.

What caused it? Her colds? The pharmaceutical drugs? The vaccinations? My having had food allergies/intolerances while pregnant, that I didn't discover until she was 8 years old? Honestly, we don't know; it probably was/is a multitude of things. Since she's had her tonsils out, she hasn't been sick. No cold, no flu, no ear infections. No, I take that back; one ear infection. In three years. You have no idea how hard it was, finishing up one bottle of medicine, only to have one day of respite before she started all over again with a new med. Of having to take a baby to the ER at night, alone, while hubby was out of town on business, because of yet another ear infection. It was, literally, three years of a living nightmare.

If only I'd have known then what I know now about the allopathic medical community...well, what's in the past is in the past. We can only move forward from now on, and that means we eat organic food, severely limit our sugar and pop and artificial sweeteners, preservatives, colorings, etc., etc., drink reverse-osmosis water from a well, and follow homeopathic and naturalistic medicine. Lots of supplements to build up our immune systems and make sure we don't have any depleted nutrients. Lots of veges and fruit, which are very good for detoxification and the B Vitamins.

When my daughter entered Kindergarten, my husband and I had had enough of the tantrums, running away, hitting herself, crying for no reason, just a ton of different things that weren't "normal." We took her to see a childhood specialist, who "diagnosed" her off the record as having Sensory Processing Disorder (it isn't in the psychiatric manuals, so she can't be officially diagnosed. However, it will be included under the umbrella term Autism Spectrum Disorders when the new update comes out in 2013.) Instead, the specialist treats her for anxiety and OCD, which she also has, and helps me figure out how to help my daughter with her sensory issues.

My daughter is very intelligent and is a straight B student. She will enter the 5th grade this fall and will still be taking Speech, but they have high hopes that next year will be her last year.

It isn't normal for a child to not be talking at the age of three. Please, try to get your sister-in-law to see that and have her daughter tested. Our school district has been absolutely wonderful in their handling of my daughter and her issues. While they concentrated on helping her with speech and OT/PT, we have been able to concentrate on helping her with her social skills, which is the problem area with sensory issues. The longer your sister-in-law waits to find out what's wrong with her daughter, the harder--and longer--it will take to help her daughter get better.

Bless you for being concerned and reaching out for help.

I agree with the possible autism spectrum disorder. Many key symptoms are there, and she should be evaluated. I speak from experience, as my nephew has it, undiagnosed becuase his mom is in denial, and we are watching my 3yr old for it.

Anyway, since you have your neice during the day, it would be possible for you to implement some things to help her. Wouldn't really need to ask her mom's permission.

Ex. my in-home daycare provider has labels on EVERYTHING in her house. - door, frige, water, hot, cold, potty - etc. She also has pics for things like food, colors, etc. During the day, when the kids want a food, crayon or drink, they can point to the pick, but the HAVE to try and say the word too.

Something else to try is to have circle/table time with the older kids. Make up worksheets with 5 words/pics a day. Point to a pic or object and have each kid take a turn at trying to say the word. When the say the word, they get a sticker.

Just some thoughts.
M.

By the way, I love Omaha. I ate at Mr C's and had the Minestrone and loved it. Whenever someone says they are going to Omaha I tell them they just have to take thier kids to Freedom Park. I know it's sill but I have nearly one whole photo album from there and a few pictures from the SAC museum.

When I had a Child Care Center we had a resource and I can't remember who it came from. It may have been through the local Health department or the local Mental Health facility. But anyway, there was a Psychologist that would come to my center once a week and their job was to help my staff with any issues they were having. (It was proposed that staff turn over in the field could be reduced if the resources were there to help them through issues.) So, if the staff was having a problem with one of the kids it was nice that this person could be in the classroom and observe what was happening and make recommendations to the parents too. If you can find a resource like this then you may have a back door to find some help with working with her one on one. I presented the program to my parents and told them a counselor from ??? was going to be in the center once a week and he was going to be working with the staff as part of a new program. I was afraid they wouldn't like it but they were pretty receptive. A few even used him to "check out" their children.

What I'm trying to say is that you may be able to act as a speech therapist with some guidance from a professional without offending your sister-in-law. It's obvious there is something going on here and it may be that the SIL just can't accept that something may be wrong with her "baby".

Mamandemany,
In my modest opinion.........if you have this little girl 11 hours a day then it shouldn't totally matter what is going on at home. She should be talking. Can you be a little more direct while maintaining a light attitude, without being judgmental?

For example, "Okay, I know I don't know everything (laugh). I'm learning new things every day when it comes to my own kids. You are such a good mom and I love that you allow me to take care of your daughter. It gives me great pleasure. I hope you don't mind my sharing a little concern because I know you are a wonderful mother and I don't want you to think I am being too much in your business. All that said, can I share my concern with you?"

Okay, you just asked permission. If she tells you to back off, then back off. However that is unlikely. You now can tell her your concern. Don't go overboard. Think about what you want to say before you broach the subject. After that..... you made your best shot and you will have to let it go. The ball will be in Mama's court.

Whoa!
Let me start by saying that I am a stay at home mom to 5 kids (11,9,7,6, &2). Prior to staying home I taught elementary school and have recently started subbing again.
Our 2 1/2 year old also is also non-verbal and it does get frustrating. My daughter is very bright, happy, and active little girl who is able to communicate her needs and wants with us via pointing, grunting, a few 1 words, and some sign language. But I truly believe that the key is to be patient and make "talking" fun.
My daughter and I will play little "games" such as: "Mama says....lalallalalala what does Sabrina say...and sometimes when she's in a good mood she repeats the sounds back. We do a whole bunch of different sounds: babababa, dadadada, ohohhohohohoh, yessss, noooooo etc... We then make silly faces at each other specifically moving our tongue in various ways (rolled, curled, try to touch noses, side to side, in and out).
My daughter is extremely shy...she refuses to make any eye contact with anyone she doesn't know, including extended family members. When we try to encourage her to say words usually she won't try, but she is listening and watching our mouths form the words. When she does say a word, and we praise her, she gets embarrassed. (She also struggles with possessives) We really try not hound and badger her, but ask her questions, and include her in our conversations and she will babble an answer, encourage her to say words and praise her lightly when she does...we've found that if we isolate her and try to make her talk, she mumbles and gets fidgety and she will just retreat into herself.
I guess what I'm trying to say is relax....seriously....make it fun and sit down and play directly with her....encourage her mom to do the same. Suggest that the mom calls the school district to have her daughter evaluated...perhaps speech services are needed or something more...or maybe she just needs some more positive encouragement. and one on one time. Remember though, she is only 3 and is just as busy as she can be...focusing is not high on the list of most 3 year olds ...they like to be entertained and spend a lot of time playing.

if not talking, no eye contact, fidgeting, im sorry to say it might be autism. my 3 yr old nephew has it and he is rockin and rollin now! it is not doom and gloom just because someone tells you that word. my nephew reads!!! my 4 yr old doesnt even read! i hate to say it, but my nephew is a idiot savant and now in special ed in a public school! yay!! good luck and best wishes!! pls keep me posted!!

This is very concerning. You should definitely sit your sister-in-law AND brother down, and have a serious talk with them.

There is a landmark study, published in the book "Meaningful Differences," that shows that how many words a child hears affects how many words the child learns. Children with professional parents tend to hear thousands more words, and are talked to more, and they go off to kindergarten with large vocabularies that enable them to be successful. Children with working class parents tend to hear far fewer words, and children with parents in poverty hear even fewer. They go to kindergarten with an enormous vocabulary deficit -- thousands fewer - that makes it harder to understand what the teacher is teaching, and makes it harder for them to be successful.

Your niece's speech and communication problems sound quite serious. They should have her checked out by the school district (yes, at 3), and they can get her into speech therapy.

Good luck, and do post again to let us know how it went.

It is a shame this mom is not willing to face the truth. This child should have been tested 2 years ago. I do not think you are judging, I think your fears are founded.

Where is the father in all of this? Maybe he needs to see a chart of what developmental milestones this child should be at. Do you have children in your care that are 1, 2, and 3 that are talking? Could the parents come and observe?

Our nephew from the moment he was born, NEVER focused on any faces. He grunted and reached at a year and thank goodness his pediatrician told my SIL to have him tested. He has had all sorts of therapy and is now in high school and doing great.. Yes he has Aspergers and has some social issues, but he is really doing great. There is nothing wrong with any child, they are all different in some way.

The best thing you can do is let the mom know about Early Intervention services. This is all run through school districts so the services are free. They will definitely get her a speech therapist, and maybe more. They will do an in home visit and test the child for what she can and can't do, and then will set up a program to help. We noticed our son needed help early on (he was a preemie), and heard about this from a friend. Have you sister-in-law call the school district, or you can, and get the ball rolling. It really does work wonders. Good luck.

I have to say that it is easier to see a problem in other peoples children before you see it in your own. I sounds as though there might be some sort of disability where the child would need extra help. Telling a child to use their words is a good idea, but if they have a disablilty it may be a no go any way. My oldest has had issues like this and she is now in 9th grade. It has plagued her through school and continues to do so. It effects all her classes and she has extra help in everything. She has been in speech and language since 3. I would keep incouraging your sister in law to get her daughter the help she needs.

http://www.childfind.ne.gov/

check out Child Find for your area and give her mom the number and sit down with her and call. Lots of moms are in denial because they think the problem is bigger than it really is. Also, even medical professionals dont really know about the services available. Her little girl needs to get checked out and Child Find can often do speech, behavioral and hearing testing at no cost. If you cant get through to her mom, sit down with dad. They are family and they can handle you doing that. They will thank you in the end.

When you call, you should ask about Child Find Part B that covers kids over 3. It's sad that she has put this off for so long because she could have been receiving services at first sign of the problem like at 18 months.

I am not a doctor, but it sounds like signs of autism. Has she had a recent check up? May be you could suggest that to her Mom.