3 Yr Old Fighting and Crying When Going to School Now

I'm not judging you here, if you have to send him to preschool because you have to work, then you do.

It's this simple: he doesn't want to go to preschool because he wants to be home with you.

When my daughter, the most social female on the planet (now 17), was 3, I tried to put her in preschool and she cried all day, so I brought her home, and waited another year, even though I really didn't want to. She had no problems going at 4.

If you have the option of removing him from preschool, do it.

I'm so sorry you are having to go thru this because I know it's so stressful for everyone involved. These are all great suggestions, and I think we are all on the same page. I can tell you that when I was a child I was SUCH a mama's girl and when I was away from my mom I was worried about HER because she said she missed me. I felt like she was sad. Clearly as adults when someone says we've been missed we take it as a compliment but a 3 year old takes it at its most basic meaning, that we are sad when we are away from them, which of course makes them sad, too. Your new approach should definitely help a little bit, but obviously hasn't solved the problem completely.
As for the rest of it, I can tell you we experienced something similar last year when my younger child started 1st grade. He had also been in daycare or school since around 10-12 weeks of age and had never had any reservations about school which made it more baffling. When school started he cried almost all day, EVERY day, and we were all stumped. He said he liked his classmates, his teacher, he denied being bullied. I'll spare you every attempt we made to solve it but will tell you what FINALLY helped: a written schedule. I was so skeptical when they suggested it, but his teacher made him a photo schedule of his day, like putting coats/backpacks away, first lesson, snack time, recess, lunch, etc. A little photo of every activity and a box to check each item off as he finished it. Then he could see how close he was getting to the end of the day and going home and it WORKED! I really couldn't believe it but it might be worth a try for you! Best of luck!

My daughter went through this too - about 3.5 . We tried it all... not making a big deal, walking out calmly when we left, getting the teachers to help during drop off, my husband taking her etc... She isn't typically a clingy kid, but for about 2 mos she went through this. It passed (wish I could tell you how???). She too goes 3 days a week, but used to go full time. I did try to focus on the positive relationships she had there w/ friends, i.e. you will get to play with xxx today etc. I really think in her case, it was just a phase... and my only advice is to remain calm and supportive of his feelings, but let him know today is a school day, mommy loves you and will see you after school. Hang in there!

You are not a bad mother. The hard part about this age is that they are old enough to realize how long the days are. They are old enough to remember days when you are off like the weekends, holidays, and vacations. They understand that some people are home like moms of friends and grandparents. They are not old enough to understand why you have to work or may choose to work. He will work through this.

As far as the school goes, make sure someone isn't being mean to him. I'm not talking about teachers. I'm thinking of other kids. This is a very ripe age for kids being mean in so many ways.

My neighbors daughter went through this around 3 1/2. Full blown falling to the ground in hysterics when they tried to get in the car for preschool. My neighbor was heart broken about it. It killed her. And she felt like a horrible mom. She had to change her approach a bit. She just tried to stay positive about school. "Let's go to school to play with our friends! " " It's going to be a great day". That sort of thing. She stopped agreeing with her daughter...by that I mean she stopped saying things like "I know you don't want to go" "I miss you too". She made the drop off as short as possible with no lingering. Goodbye, I love you. Have a great day. It took about a month, but our neighbor's daughter stopped being so difficult. Then suddenly she looked forward to school. She began to love it. When the neighbor started kindergarten, they went through the same thing. This time is lasted less than two weeks. Hang in there mama. He'll adjust. One day you'll walk in to pick him up and he will tell you to "go away" because he doesn't want to leave. I worked daycare for years and saw it all the time.

staying home isn't an option for so many of us, so i sympathize. but being friends with the owner of the school doesn't guarantee he's having a great experience there. why so quick to dismiss his communications with you? it may be that the days are just too long for him. is there some way to shave an hour off the time he spends there? or to spend some extra special one-on-one time with him inbetween? 3 year olds don't have a grand scheme for guilt-tripping, they pretty much express what they feel. i certainly wouldn't ignore his attempts to express himself to you. check out what's going on at daycare. is someone bullying him? has there been a change in teachers? are they pushing a game or class that he's not ready for? none of this is an indication it's a bad place, it's just a way to understand what's underlying the change in behavior. i don't think it's a good idea to either dismiss it or to assume that it's your parenting. dig a little deeper.
khairete
S.

Check with the teacher.
Bullies, gangs, and ongoing hostilities between one or more of the classmates may be the problem. Children do menace "mama's boys." I submit it is likely that something changed at school that precipitated the behavior change, or escalation of negative behavior. Often a teacher is aware of negative relationships but are not fully aware of the repercussions of the problem, so they don't bother you with what they see as children being children. A parent-teacher/ councilor conference is in order.
He should not be aware that your quitting work even exists as an unrealistic option.
See what county counciling services may be available, you're a mother, not a early childhood development specialist. While you're looking for an excuse for the behavior, a professional has techniques to cut through the "I don't knows."
A child does not have the depth of reasoning an adult has, don't assume you can be logical and the child will see the merit of your thoughts.
Your second comment about who is picking him up being a concern makes me think you should try to find out which person he rides with worries him and why.

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