So this is a...um...personal question. I have a 3.5 yr old little girl. Since she was little (like a yr old) she would kick repeatedly in her carseat or chair etc. I always thought she just liked to kick. Well then my husband and I started slyly asking why she did it etc and quickly we started realizing she is doing it because "it feels funny". Now she has started doing it with toys like in the bathtub.
I am wondering, Is this normal?? What have other parents done or handled this? I dont want to make her seem like this is a BAD thing, but then again I really dont want her doing this. How do I explain that this is a "private thing"? Do you think its a phase? Do all kids do this and I just didnt realize it? I am at a lose for words HA, NEVER thought I would be asking THIS question : ) Any advice/stories would be appreciated!
SOOOOOOO Normal. We simply redirected and showed when/where it was okay and it "went away" all those nerve endings are still there it just is not "the same" is how my doc put it when I asked about it.
My daughter loved "exploring" that feeling at about that age! Totally, totally normal. It was funny because she would do it unabashedly in front of us, during story time at bedtime, etc. We let her know that it was absolutely fine to do, but a private thing, so she could do it when we were done with story time. Sometimes we just let it happen because it seemed a bit punitive to stop reading or leave, but we tried to gently reinforce the idea that it was a private thing and certainly not something to do at school, etc. The phase finally ended though I'm guessing we might revisit it one day!
This is totally normal, and there's really no reason to put a stop to it (unless it is excessive and can't be controlled - then it could be sign of anxiety and she's trying to self-soothe, or something else. Then you might want to talk to your pediatrician). Just let her know it's something she needs to do in private. As in, she can go to her room and do it if she is alone, not in front of everyone else. My daughter is 4 and has sporadically grabbed or rubbed at "herself", especially after discovering how it feels after wiping herself after going pee, or cleaning herself in the tub. She has said, "It feels funny!" when it's happened. And I just tell her yes, I know, and it's okay to do that if she's by herself in her room if she wants to, but that's it.
Some kids are just more this way than others. I wouldn't worry about it. If you make it bad or embrasssing for her she'll just do it when you're not around. I would ignore it as much as possible but at a certain point you're going to have to say something like, this is something you can do only when you're by yourself or with mommy. I wouldn't let it take on too heavily though.
Just my opinion
Oh so normal. Don't worry.
We explained to our girls that your privates were parts that were covered by bathing suits and touching them should be done alone and in the privacy of their rooms. Reminding them that you don't see Mom or Dad doing it helps.
Since you asked for stories, my friend told me her husband freaked out when he realized the reason his daughter kept asking to play horsey (bouncing on his knee) and pretended he'd hurt his leg.
Don't freak out. This behavior is completely normal. Some children never self-stimulate, others wait until they are older, but it is actually within the range of normal, even in this age group. It's great that you don't want her to think it is a bad thing. Once you feel she is verbal enough to understand the difference between public and private, and you can do it without being embarrassed, talk to her about how touching herself on her genitals is something that people do in private, by themselves, and it is fine if she does it. But people have agreed that it is not something we do in public places.
Totally normal!
My daughter went through a huge phase of humping the sofa arm. I pretty much let her do what she wanted unless we had company over, in which case I'd redirect. I did notice that she did this more when she had to pee. If I noticed her on the sofa I would ask if she had to potty. Often she'd jump off and run to the bathroom and after she'd peed she'd get involved in something else.
I think it's confusing to tell a 3.5 year old certain things are private. They really don't understand what private means or how those boundaries work. Which is not to say you shouldn't be talking to her about who can touch her or not. That's more specific and easily defined (i.e. Mommy, Daddy, babysitter, grandma, my doctor can touch my girl parts, but no one else should touch or ask to touch).
Exploring one's genitals is a totally and completely normal thing for small children to do. Please don't shame her or tell her she's "bad." I encourage you to ask yourself why you don't want her doing something that is natural and normal.
For some kids, it can definitely be a phase. My daughter is nearly three and when she first discovered her "tickly spot" (maybe a year ago?) she was fascinated and couldn't get enough of "tickling herself." Now, she might "tickle herself" occasionally in the bath or if her diaper is off, but the novelty has definitely worn off and so the activity has subsided.
At 3.5 years old your daughter is old enough to understand the difference between private and public activities - things we do in front of other people and things we do privately. E.g., the bath is a fine place and time to touch yourself but this is not something we do when we are playing with friends. If that's a problem or becomes a problem, you might want to frame it that way with her.
Take care.
