3 Yr Old Doesn't Listen!

oh no!!! I teach pre K in an elem. school that deals with little ones who have behavior issues. CONSISTANCY... thats the main thing. being I dont know you I cant say what you are or arent doing. maybe its just a phase.. hopefully... but be consistant is really all I can say. dont threaten and not follow thru. kids are so darn smart. they pick up on this in no time. Wish I could wave a majic wand for you! good luck and hope he outgrows it fast!

Lots of good advice here. I just want to add that its very important that you NEVER "let him see you sweat" over his defiance and oppositional behavior. Young children are extremely intuitive is ways we adults have lost touch with. They will notice any degree of weakness and use that to their advantage. If they see any chance they can break you, they will continue and even worsen their outbursts to reach their goal. Remain calm and with a poker face as much as you possibly can. It's hard at first, but if you mean what you say and follow through, it will pay off and make things much easier in the long run.

My daughter is 3 and has a very dominant personality. On one hand it is a blessing because I want very much to instill in our children that no one has the right to limit them or force them to behave a certain way. On the other hand, when it comes to her safety or the safety of others there obviously have to be rules that she understands. I agree with the others that discipline must be consistent, but I also feel that children need to be empowered to make good decisions. We give her two or three options always of good decisions, be it behaviors, meals, whatever the circumstance and let her control her situation. We reinforce (positively) what our expecation of her is. We explain all the time, I do not believe that children cannot understand WHY something is, and since I am very headstrong and do not take no for an answer, why would I ever expect my children to? So we talk, a lot, about why something isn't acceptable. We do implement time out, if it gets to that point - and it really doesn't all that often. But our rule is, 1 minute per year of age, so 3 minutes total - any more than that and the child cannot understand why they are being alienated. Time out always ends with another discussion about why she was in time out, an apology from her, and a big hug!

fist of all don't stress all kids go through the terrible toddler times. timeout, spankings, whatever you discipline strategy is start it now. It is not cute for a ten year old to tell you to shut up in public!!! get ahold of it now. when your child acts up tell him that he will go to his room until he learns how to behave or you can pop his butt put him in the corner on a mat and tell him to sit until you tell him to get up. generally one min for each year.

Try a more positive approach by steppin g in and offering him something that he CAN have or do rather than just telling him that he can't have/do whatever he is doing that you don't like. If you know he is likely to make a bad choice and get into something he shouldn't, put it up or away so it never even happens. If it's something else that you can't 'put away', like playing with the light socket or jumping on the bed, distract him positively and sound upbeat, changing the tune and inviting him to do something with you that is more fun! It sounds like he may be bored or be seeking attention in any way he can get it....try flooding him with things to do with you or appropriate play that keeps his attention and tires him out. Too much TV can really create a corked bottle from too little exercise and no mental stimulation. Since you have two, can you take him to playgroups or activities to help burn energy in a good way? Can someone else get him out for a while so he can do something fun/constructive away from his younger brother and get some positive one on one attention he craves?

He may need more physical exercise.....boys have alot of energy, and if they aren't allowed the right outlet for it then the energy doesn't just go away, it builds up and BLOWS by doing bad things and getting you upset! If time-outs and corners aren't working, try something else.... maybe put away the toy that he is misbehaving with for a few days or sitting WITH him in time-out to talk to him, asking him how he feels. You never know....he may turn around and feel like he can communicate and relate with you and start doing what you ask more! Hang in there! Best wishes...

I too have a head strong 3 1/2 year old. He started with his tantrums as early as 1 yr. It was always a struggle with him always wanting it his way. My other two, 10 yr boy & 8yr girl, were not like him so I had to try a different approach. I try to give him a choice, that way he feels like it was his decision, but only ones you can live with. Also if he is playing something and it is time to stop I always give him a warning. ("5 more minutes") Since they have no sense of time at this age, I set a timer and let him see how much time he has. I give him updates as it comes close to the alarm going off. I explain what will happen so he can prepare himself. ("After you get off the computer it is time to take a bath")

When he talks back he still gets time out. The more I struggle with him the worse it gets.

Still sometimes a tantrum still gets through. I let him know I do not like it when he acts like that and I will talk to him when he is done. So as long as he is not hurting himself or others I ignore him. When he calms down he is to tell everyone involved that his is sorry. Thats when I know its over and then we talk about his behivior.

I hope this helps. It has made him more compromizing and now he understands that sometimes no means no.

They say "terrible 2s", but my daughter sailed through 2 and right into "terrible 3s". As the other poster said..CONSISTANCY, CONSISTANCY, CONSISTANCY. I really realized why there are so many out of control kids in the world. It's hard to be consistant All the time. Luckily, I managed and my daughter is now turning an awesome 4 next week. She still will push, but she realized that if I give her a choice, if she tries something else, there will be a consequence. I have MS, so it made it even more difficult because of the fatigue that I experience, but it is well worth it in the end. If you weren't consistant one time, he will push even harder the next time. Good luck

C., You have to be really structured and firm with the discipline. If he throws the tantrum, pick him up and place him in his room. Do not allow him to come out until he settles down, apologizes and can talk with you about the incident. You may have to stay at the door and be sure NOT to keep commenting about the incident. Tell him, at the calmer moment, that he can not play with everything. You may even want to have a little role play to show him exactly what you mean. Every time he doesn't listen you must be ready to follow through with the consequence. It will be rougher for you than him, but chances are if you can get him under control, his brother will follow the rules better. We often times say "no" too many times, and they just become immune to it. Also, be sure to catch him making good decisions and build his confidence at those moments. I am a mother of four, grandmother of 14 and a kindergarten teacher. Hope it helps. -L.

Your son is....normal!

What you might try is giving him things you want/can accept him doing before he gets into trouble. He may be getting your attention by making choices he knows you don't like, or he may, being three, be attempting to entertain himself and just making bad choices. Either way, this should help. Another option is to make a chart or box with cards in it of his 'good play choices' from which he can pick what he feels like doing.

And when he makes needs redirection, just do it. But you can also have a contract that if, say, he sticks to his chart or box for the morning, he'll get his favorite (nutritionally adequate, of course) lunch, and that if he sticks to it through dinner he can watch a favorite program with you or his dad, and if he keeps on through bedtime he can have a special bubblebath (feel free, of course, to substitute rewards your son might actually like).

I hope this helps.

I have two girls, ages 3 and 1. We started doing "listening stones" with my oldest. She starts out on Saturday with 20 stones in her bucket (she got to decorate her bucket, pick out the colored stones from the store, we made a big deal of it). When she does not listen we have her go remove a stone. When she does things the first time she is asked then she earns one. On Fridays we count the stones and she gets to pick a prize if she has earned her stones. We have used ice cream, items from the dollar store, etc as prizes. At first she had to have 15 stones for the week, then I increased it by one stone a week until she was required to have all 20 to earn a prize. This has worked amazingly well for us but you have to be very consistent with it. Good luck!