3 Yr Old and the Alphabet

hmmmm....he's 3. Give him a break; i never pushed any of this and my son is now 5 and reads great. He'll learn when he's ready and if you push him at this early of an age he'll just learn to hate it...or to do it for you, not himself, which is just as bad.

Three is way too young to be doing homework. It is much more important to his brain development that he be given the time for free play....PLAY is how they learn. Consider it is job right now to play and learn that way. He will do much better in school and life if he has that opportunity.

This is a simple control issue; let it alone for a few weeks, then try again...over chicken nuggets. Make it a game, "Mommie knows this letter, she gets to eat a nugget". He'll be fine.

Don't push the issue. He is 3 years old. If he is participating at school, that is more than enough. It is the very rare child that learns through flashcards and worksheets at this age. I encourage you to read this article about early childhood development. http://wondertime.coverleaf.com/wondertime/200809/?pg=92
I encourage you to stop pushing the issue and threatening consequences. He needs to be a child and learn like children do which is through play, games, and exploration. Try things like singing the song, trying to make your body shape like letters, asking him to find the can for green beans in the pantry ("What letter does "g-green" start with, do you remember?") You can print off coloring pages for him (Google images is great for this “alphabet coloring pages”). Play "I spy" with letters, ("I spy the letter "F". Can you spy the letter "F"?"(Any letter “f” will do)) Building letters out of sticks in the park, play dough, legos, or drawing them in the sand. Hobby Lobby has a set of alphabet cookie cutters and they usually have a 40% off printable coupon online that make them around $10. You can cut all kinds of things with them. Play dough, salt dough, sandwiches, tortillas, ect. I'm sure you get the point. He needs to fall in love with letters. Learning will be so much easier for both of you. You have plenty of years ahead to fight over homework; don't put him or yourself though that now.
Leap Frog has a couple of fantastic DVD's "The Letter Factory" and "The Word Factory." Fridge magnets, though I hate them are also a fun way to play while you cook.
Of course reading to him will help. He is at the age that you can use your finger to follow the words as you read so he can see the letters and the sounds as you make them. This helps them to connect the letters to the words.
The trick is to teach them without them realizing that they are learning. Even have him teach you. You can pretend to forget what that letter is called, “What sound does it make again?” You will both have more fun and that is really what learning is all about, right?
My daughter just read (not recited, but really read!) me her first book last week. She just turned 4 two weeks ago. She did it because she wanted to. She used to cry because she couldn't read to her dolllies. I was thrilled. I cried and paid the library so I could keep it. LOL.
ETA: Most boys have a harder time with fine motor skills at this age and this can be fixed with free playdough time, playdough scissors are a fantastic way to strengthen these muscles. Boys are often not encouraged to craft as much as girls, but rather play sports and run out the energy. Their gross motor skills are better developed.

I loved your email! Boy can I relate. I'm going to start with your last question first: no, they tend to stay stubborn, it just morphs into showing itself in different ways. :)and I just plan on trying to out-smart him as he grows. My guy gives me a line similar to yours, and I homeschool. I AM the teacher :)

At 3 he's decided flash cards and certain activities are for school and others are for home. (I'm not even going to start into the idea that 3 may just be a little young to master this concept...really its just a time to expose him to the fun of learning and build up the notion in him that he's pretty great at this learning thing...trust he is performing for the teacher, unless she says otherwise...really some kids don't discern letters and how to form them correctly until much older)

What you need is a different way to practice that gets the same results. Consider: leaving the flash cards out where he can play with them himself. Don't make a big deal of them and subtly watch what happens without making any fuss. He may not do anything with them for awhile, but as he gets interested he may just pick them up and play teaching his animals to read or something. At 3 learning is all about playing. It's ok to "work" too, but it needs to be quick and in a small chunk, with a positive outcome at the end. Here's what I mean. Let him know that "Teacher wants us to practice letters at home" and do different games like:
paint the letters using a big brush and water on the sidewalk (this uses gross motor skill which are more important to develop than the fine motor skills involved in holding a pencil...if you're using pencils at this age try fat ones or pencil gripper)
Have him play alphabet hop scotch: say the letter he lands on for each hopscotch square (write letters on the square)
Write the alphabet in chalk on the sidewalk
Do alphabet saying races.
Say, "I bet you can't say the alphabet backwards?"
Say, "I think you should get a point for every time you say the alphabet correctly and two points for every time I make a mistake and you catch it (then make mistakes...they love catching us making mistakes :) Stop the game at ten points. *He'll get several times saying it in without the drudgery of doing the cards over and over.
Have him play matching games with the flash cards (have him write a new set of cards to play the game with...this might be for an older child)
Have him "write" a letter to grandma, using stamps or what ever letters he wants to put on the page. Ask him to "read" you what he wants to say to her and then write down what he says and send it to her attached to his writing. Say,"she's going to love getting this in the mail!" This is the best kind of incentive and reward.
Play with him. He won't even know he's learning, but you will, and working this way is its own reward (plus a smile from mom is always nice too).

Also, with each of mine they go through this phase where they have to come to the realization that a word/letter in one place is the same as in another, there are all kinds of quirky things the kids can go through on their road to being readers. Hang in there he'll get it, it just takes time.
Phew! I got caught up in coming up with ideas...think I'll get my just-turned-four-year old outside to practice letters tomorrow. Good luck!

I am now a stay at home mom, but I taught kindergarten and pre-k for seven years. My degree is in early childhood education. The typical three year old is NOT developmentally ready to sit an write letters and do flash cards. It is SO important that you make it a positive experience, not a threatening one. By forcing the issue you could cause your child to resent reading and formal learning. Other ways to work on letters with your child CASUALLY would be:

- Point out environmental print as you drive around. For example, "Hey there is a McDonald's sign. It starts with M just like your name, Matthew." Typically, at the beginning, children are most interested in the letters that are in their names.

- Play with play dough with him and make the shapes of letters. "Look, I made a letter S."

- Get some magnetic letters for the refrigerator.

- Most importantly, READ, READ, READ to your child. Children are like little sponges. Model pre-reading skills for him like pointing to the words as you read them. The more you read, the more your child will understand that the letters on the page make words and the words go together to make sentences. Then he will know there is meaning to what is on the page. Take him to the library and let him pick out books that interest HIM.

Good luck and have fun with him!

It is not developmentally appropriate for a three almost four year old to be forced to work on his alphabet. Just let him play and enjoy him. He will be burned out and hate school before he even gets there.
I teach first grade and am appalled at the heavy handed daycare/preschool tactics. They show no knowledge of appropriate preschool activities. Children learn through play and being read to, etc.
He is right you should not be forcing him to do that. Just be his mom and love him and read to him.

I know there is a lot of good advice out there, but I am very passionate about this subject and would love to offer any help! I, too, went to graduate school, but I studied early childhood development. As a result, I really work to help others understand the importance of emergent literacy as opposed to the way you and I were taught in school. If I had not learned about this in my studies, I would have tried flash cards and practicing, too. However, the BEST way to teach children at this age is to let them learn and practice through playing. Examples of this include: Play restaurant and have your son be the waiter. Have him take your order and get excited about what he writes even if it is just scribbling. If you go out to eat, talk about the words on wrappers. Most children know the wrapper for a McDonald's hamburger is going to say hamburger and/or McDonalds. Start pointing that out. Others have mentioned things like finding signs on the road. Make it a game to look for letters and even add the sound they make. (My daughter and I like to look for S, because she loves to say "SSSSS" like a snake says.) It is also great to do it as part of a bedtime story. We stop on a page to talk about the pictures and we look for some of the letters. I also make sure to get REALLY excited when she can find letters on the page. Someone else said something about how adults don't like to work, and we need our time away. Kid's are no different. If we present learning in a fun way, they become much more interested and engrossed. They will learn more and remember more of it later, too.
I applaud you for being proactive in your son's learning and don't give up! I know the stubbornness is frustrating and you have a lot on your plate, so I know you must be exhausted, too. Use the play time for both of you! Have fun and don't stress...I know I certainly stress over things too often. I do hope this helps, though!

"Play" school with him and see if he will do it, if not then cut the boy a break!! he's only 3!!

This is so funny. Our kid was exactly the same way. The teacher would rave about how good she was doing at school when she was 3 or so. Letters, numbers, colors, the works!! But she would not "show us" any of it at home. She is a very stubborn kid and won't do anything she doesn't want to. So- we just asked once and dropped it. We tried to not make a big deal of it. However, now she is 4 and at pre-K. She has homework on Tues and Thurs. And now she is very willing to share all she is doing at school. It is like someone flipped a switch. Kids are funny. All I can say is don't turn it into a big power struggle. Pick your battles and trust that your kid is learning on pace.

Hi Kris,
Welcome to my world, my oldest daughter was 2 1/2 and in a mother's day out program, I came ot the teacher asking for advice, I told her she doesn't even know her colors or letters or anything. I have been tryign to work with her to no avail. the teacher looked at me puzzled and handed me the cards she used in class, I flashed green at my child and she said black I flashed A at my child she said don't know. flustered I put the cards down, the teacher came over and gathered up the cards, and said good by P. and she waved me out of the class and signaled me to stand where my daughter couldn't see me. I watched as they all came to circle she called my daughter and she recognized letters, number and colors; she was plying me for fool! I spoke to her teacher later, and she leveled with me that some children do not want to entertain their parents, and she was right a few years later she is now the top student in her class and loves school, she still doesn't entertain me, but she will now ask for help when she needs it really!
Relax, I know it is frustrating, if the teacher says he participates he probably does. I bet he is the oldest or only correct, those first borns are naturally stubborn, take it form me a teacher of 27 preschool children!
P.

One of the most important things to do with your kiddo is spend time reading together, rather than worrying about flash cards and workbooks and such. There are some great books that are fun to read but also help to teach letters. A couple that my kids have loved are The Mixed-Up Alphabet by Steve Metzger and Alphabet Rescue by Audrey and Bruce Wood (one of a series, actually). My now 4yo daughter loves The Mixed-Up Alphabet because at one point the letters are in the wrong order on the top of the page, so we try to sing the ABC song all mixed up. It's a great way to help letter recognition in a fun way!

Going with the majority on this one. Have 3 teen age boys. The days of them being 3, 4 ,5....are long gone.
They are all in Honors classes and work their tails off, and I am the encourager, the quizzer and homework checker now. (you will have many years of this ahead of you.)

Take time to play with and enjoy your son!
Don't make him do academic things now. That's what you pay a teacher for. Kids that age learn so much by playing! Enjoy your time with him as a 3 and 4 year old b/c you can't get that back.

Don't fall into the parent trap of kids having to be academically advanced by Kinder or 1st grade. It puts pressure on the kids and could make them dislike school and learning.

If you try to eat dinner with him, perhaps that is the wrong time to be practicing letters. I don't know your situation; but it sounds as if you do have a full plate! If he is at school and you are at work and in graduate school; perhaps what he really wants is your time.
It is a rare 3 year old who willingly volunteers his toys to those who don't have any. There is a site called TLC Family. I heartily recommend it. Just put TLC Family into google and it will take you there. It has all sorts of activities for learning. Just put your child's age in and it takes you to crafts, nature, music, games and things you can do with your child and they learn while having fun with YOU. I use it for my Religious Education program for my preschool kids.
Much luck to you in all you do.
GJKBEAR

Hi Kris,
If your little one enjoys school, I would not push him to doing more work at home unless his teacher says he needs it. Some boys are funny that way and if you push him too much at home while he is so young you could possibly have issues when he really starts getting home work. I would just praise him all the time and let him enjoy what he is learning at school.
and by the way- chicken nuggets and brocoll sounds good to me.
blessings

I swear I had that exact same conversation with my - now 4.5 year old - son when he was 3. Rest assured, he now writes all of his letters, sight reads, etc. School has the advantage of peer pressure, so I wouldn't worry too much. Also, I have 2 kids and spend quite a lot of time with the neighbors, and I've seen that interest in sitting and learning comes at different speeds with every kid, but it seems to peak when your child is developmentally ready.

Here are some things that worked with my very active son - I invested in the alphabet blocks from Handwriting Without Tears, and we spent many afternoons "building" letters which he'd morph into spaceships and then into other letters. Another idea is to make a night sponsored by a letter. These nights we ate only foods that began with the letter of the day. If he wanted, I drew a page of the letter of the day (in dots), and he connected them. Basically I didn't push, but would make use of the 5-30 minutes I could get my son interested. Sure enough I'd see the following day or week that he'd asked teachers to help him spell or write his letters. We also started emphasizing letters when reading books. Before starting a book, I'd ask my son to find all of the [insert letter]s on the page. This grew into finding all the words that ended in __ or all of a particular word. Some nights he'd find all of the letters or words in the entire book, other nights he'd complain at the mere mention. I played it by ear and didn't press beyond his interest that day. He now reads most of the nightly books.

My final idea - I'm not a big proponent of TV, but I do think Super Why is a wonderful show. Days when we are all tired, the kids get to watch Super Why, Sesame Street or Curious George. My son spells along to Super Why, and it has definitely helped his reading. When we encounter words he doesn't know, he sounds them out using the sounds he learned on Super Why.

Best of luck. I wouldn't make this a battle, though I know how frustrating it is. Your son will become more and more interested, especially if you take advantage of the 5 minutes or 20 minute windows during which you can get him interested. OOOh, I also like the Kumon books, connect the dots (with letters or numbers), and those decks of head start cards. Try de-emphasizing the "learning" aspect, and play up the fun.

And also, don't get frustrated - both my husband and I work away from the house full-time, so I swear all of this works out even if your focused quality time is 30 minutes here and there. Finally, I'm preparing my son to start kindergarten in the fall, and I've learned that most 5 year olds can only just identify their letters, begin writing, begin to sight read basic words right around their 5th birthday. Girls are a little different, as in this all clicks for them closer to 4-4.5. So, really, you are doing a great job.

I think you need to give him a break at home. He is young for homework. You do not want to burn him out since in just a few years he will have real homework which will continue all the way through college. He needs and deserves his childhood. I distinctly remember this exact situation when I was little. My father wanted me to do this for him and to tell you the truth, out of nursery school at that age, I just could not do it.

It upset me so much that to this day, I still have bad dreams about the whole situation. My father in the living room very upset cause I "would not do my letters", when the real problem was that my mind was a blank. He even told my grandmother, he thought I "was just spoiled", because I "was given everything, but I could not do this for him".. There was punishments and shame.

Your son is very young. Why do you want him to read and write at this age? He should be playing and interacting with other children to learn his social skills and gain his own self being.

Most children do not have the fine motor skills to even hold a writing instrument correctly till 5 or later. There are children that can read, but do not truly comprehend the reading till 5 or 6. 3 is super young and if you ask any teacher, by 3rd grade, it does not matter when children first wrote or learned to read they mostly all even out in writing and comprehension in this grade anyway.

Children this age learn through play, so that's his job. Play hard and find out about the world that way. He has the rest of his life for "homework"! If he doesn't find it fun, don't make him do flashcards. It's impressive he's getting his academics so fast, but if you make it a battle you'll be sorry by the time he starts school and it really counts to get the homework done! (Trust me, I was amazed how much homework my son did in kindergarden!) Are you ready for twelve years of homework battles? Yikes, we all hope our kids will find a better way! Let him be a little boy and he may be more willing to show you what he knows on his terms. Good luck and have fun. He sounds like an amazing kid!

When my daughter was 3, she was exactly like that. You might ask his teacher to tell the class that they should go home and teach their Mommys and Daddys their ABC's etc. If it comes from the teacher and he thinks he is teaching you, then it might work. Another idea is to get him a little desk that opens into a blackboard. Then tell him, "Too bad you don't know how to write your name... or I can write my name here. etc"
The good news is that my daughter is now a college graduate. She is still mule-headed, witty, and intelligent.

If he knows it at school, i wouldn't push him. He needs time to play at home and not be forced to do what he does at school. As a former K and 1st grade teacher, I can tell you that there is enough push in school. The best thing you can do to help prepare him (aside from what they are doing in preschool) is to READ READ READ to him, and talk about what you read. Don't make it like school. Make it a conversation you're having. Point out things of interest in the book. Show how the pictures support the story. Ask little things like, "Can you show me an H?" Do it all with the books he loves, and it will be enjoyable and not like what he's doing at school. He doesn't need the pressure! and neither do you.

kids need to be kids and play and have fun, especially at this age. If he is learning at school he doesn't need to come home to structured learning. Make learning part of everyday life, like counting while you cook together (how many nuggets does mommy have? how many nuggets do you have? who has more?) Make it fun.

Don't take his toys away. If he gets an F in 3rd grade, take his toys away. But not for refusing to do flash cards. He has enough school at school. He's just a little boy.

Children also learn through play. They need unstructured play to discover how things work. They need to get frustrated and learn how to resolve problems they encounter. They need to play pretend. They need to ask questions and guide their own learning. Take your cues from him.

And I have to emphasize again, do not take his toys away for refusing to learn the way you think he should be learning. Flashcards and rote memory are not the way most children learn. Yes, it's a great way to memorize math facts when they're in school. But that doesn't take away the need to learn how to add through manipulative work BEFORE you use flashcards. He really needs a chance to be with his mommy when y'all are together, and not have EVERYTHING be about learning and practicing.

It sounds like you are a committed parent who really wants the best for your son. However, I might say that your expectations are a bit hight for your 3 year old.

If he is in school all day, he needs time to decompress, just like adults do. Plus, he probably isn't getting that much from flash cards. Kids at this age, learn from play... so maybe make up some games if you are insistent that he do learning games at home, but remember, there are lots of other things that preschoolers need to "learn"... helping around the house, playing, etc...

He is going to be on target for Kinder...really. Plus, do you really want to get into a power struggle over this? Think after a full day how much you just want to relax... so does he!

Have fun.

With all due respect, don't push the issue. It sounds like you're trying too hard at home and he's not wanting to do "school" at home.

Take it from someone that's been in your shoes (single mom, working full-time and trying to finish school), keep your time with him relaxed - as much as possible. You're son will be glad to have your attention and will also enjoy learning with you; but threatening to take toys away will only make him resent learning with you and could cause burn out. When your son brings you his toys to give away, he's trying to tell you that he doesn't want to learn the way you want him to - he's trying to avoid the argument of taking toys away.

Instead of flashcards or writing, make it fun. Keep his learning interactive. Play I spy, if you're going to the store ask him to help you make the list - ask him what letter he thinks bread or eggs start with, make a ruler out of a cereal box and ask him to help you measure the coffee table or a toy, ask him to draw a picture with you using only shapes, etc.

I hope this helps. Hang in there.

All I can say is that he only have the chance to be a kid once, and you only have right now. Tomorrow he will grow and today will be gone forever. Don't waste it pushing flashcards. Don't make learning a chore. I used to take my daughter to the park and on the way we would play games where we would choose a letter, say "P" and we would look for it on the way. Some times I would cut her sandwiches in to letters. "what are we having for lunch today mommy?" "an 'N'" But if he's not in to it, just relax. You have made his teacher aware of your concerns and I would suggest always keeping a line of communication open with her. But cherish this time with your little boy. He won't be little forever.
K.

One of my customers is a kindergarten teacher and she told me to put on www.starfall.com for my boys and they love it. They don't even realize they are learning. You could also tell him the teachers told you to practice at home with him....mine seem to do whatever the teacher says...go figure. Good luck.

I agree with your son. 3 and 4 is just waaaaay too early for "homework". I have 4 grandkids and while the 3 that are old enough know the alphabet and can read & write some, it was at their own initiative. If you push it now and he should develop a resentment towards homework, you will have major problems on your hands when he starts getting actual homework assignments for grading purposes in the higher grade levels at school later on.

My kids LOVE letters and have known them long before 3 years. However, we "play" a lot with letters.

Leapfrog games have helped us get interested. We were lucky enough to get the Leap Frog Frige Phonics for their one year old birthday. I started letting them play with it at 18 months. They were like flys to honey!

This month I discovered that you can rent Leapfrog's Letter Factory and Word Factory from Netflix (or you can buy it). My kids LOVE it. They BEG me to watch it. It's SUPER CUTE! And we sing it during the day too.

I agree this doesn't address the behavioral aspect of him telling you "no", which I feel for you there. We have our own issues with "No". But at least if you try some of the fun games out there it might take the stress out of learning letters.

And I agree that all this business about "homework" is too much for a 3 year old. Learning should start off on a good foot at this age and be all about PLAY and FUN! Not chores! No wonder why he's probably a little overwhelmed. Sounds like he's being expected to perform. I know one of my kids gets really quiet when he's "expected" to do something. I think he's afraid of not saying the right thing... too much pressue.

Keep it light, fun, and have a good sense of humor!!

Oh another thing... at this age, kids really like to show off their knowlege. Mom playing dumb and having the kids "help" mommy figure it out - always gets their attention!

Goodluck Mom!

Don't worry. It sounds like your little guy knows his alphabet, numbers, colors just fine. He's probably like so many of us who after a hard day at work, just wants to leave it all "at the office!"

You've got alot of great advice from all these mamasource gals. Read all the posts & take what you need from them.

Make the time that you do spend with your little guy quality time. That means lots of hugs and laughter sprinkled in with lifes little lessons along the way.

Keep up the good work. Sounds like you're off to a good start with him.

I agree w/Jami F. Starfall is AWESOME. My 2yo WANTS to learn the abc's so I did a search and found www.starfall.com and ALL my kids LOVE it!! The hardly even know they are learning anything!!

I would just make learning a part of your routine so he doesn't even know like getting him to help you cook and ask him (or tell him) do you know what sound potato starts with? Did you hear the p in potato, etc. don't stress over it or he will not enjoy learning! some kids are more stubborn than others and usually they stay that way b/c it is their personality!!

Wishing you the best!
M.
Mom to 5 Wonderful Kids
www.4MyChildrenSake.com

Sounds like that sweet boy wants some fun alone time with his mommy;-) Quit worrying about his ABCs. The teacher already said he knew them just fine..just sing the song for fun if you want to and quiz him every now and then but by all means, don't quiz him like he's still in school right when you get home from work;-) or even every day. Since you are full time student and work full time, I am sure any time with him, he would rather you just hold him, chase him, sing to him, read him a book, eat with him, play a game with him, do MOMMY things! So that is why he is asking you to not do the "TEACHER" things;-) Have fun with him ..he is only 3...seems like these days mommies push their kids to learn too much before kindgergarten...it all works itself out;-) There are some computer games that you might play with him online (Reader Rabbit for example) if you want to try a different approach to the ABCs and words, reading, learning, shapes, etc for the times that you DO feel the need to TEACH him things....also Barney is very educational, WordWorld, and Sesame Street for shows, and then another thing we did a LOT is write our letters on a magnadoodle real big and ask them to tell me what they are....good luck!!;-)
C. (34 yr old SAHM of 3 yr old girl and 1 yr old boy)

Hi, Kris,

I'm a single working mom, too, so I totally understand your frustration (and busy lifestyle). My best wisdom is that whenever I get into a battle of wills with my 3 1/2 y.o., it's usually about something else - like her needs not being met while I am trying to focus on completing my work/chores/ or do something non-baby related ... and not about the issue itself. I've found that when I make time for 'our reading time' and our 'singing time', my daughter becomes much more responsive to me and it makes it easier on both of us, especially at the end of a long day when we're both tired. That being said, I would encourage you to focus on fun elements and let your son know in a fun and loving but firm manner that "we learn everywhere". And if you need to follow-up with his teacher, do so - sounds as if he's testing the boundaries and needs to see what they are - from you.

RE giving the toys away, it sounds a if he following your directions, not being stubborn ... sometime we parents forget how much we influence our children.

Best of luck,

L.

Lighten up. He's only 3. If his teacher says he participates and you believe her, let it rest. It's when they tell you that he doesn't participate that you begin to worry. He just doesn't want homework, that's all. Do you tell him he had to practice, or do you ask him what he did/learned that day then ask him to show you how it's done. He just might enjoy showing off more than he likes being told to do it. He's still got plenty of time.

I agree--don't fight it now, plenty of time for homework later on! Buy the plastic letter refrigerator magnets--spell his name--when you are at the store, let him find a product he recognizes--Coke, candy, chips, or cereal--even if it's junk, let him pick one label that he can "read" and that might show him that reading & letters ARE worth doing with mama!
Oh, and if he brought you the toys, let him go with you to Goodwill to donate them. Maybe he's letting you know that he's outgrown some of them.(But if one is really precious to you, hide it away for yourself so you can remember, when he's driving a car and making you REALLY crazy, how little and cute he used to be!)
Good luck!

Have his teacher explain to him that he needs to practice at home. This will help him be even smarter. Really have her play it up. Also telling him to show people how smart he is by telling them his ABC's. Good luck.

I didn't have time to read all of the responses but I had a few small things to add.
I got letters for the bathtub (foam, you can get them at walmart, toys r us) for my son around 1 yr. and he knew most of his letters by 2 yrs, thanks to those! To continue the recognition, I've given him puzzles of the alphabet, wooden alphabet blocks, magnetic alphabet sets... Also, when he draws pictures, he tells me what it is and I write the "title" & spell it out.
Try letter recognition w/ his name. Write it w/ sidewalk chalk, crayons, bath foam and ask him what it says (my boy tells me it says "me" =D). We did flash cards (I did upper and lower case on each card so he could recognize lower) and it was too "school-like" for both of us. So we continue to practice letters and numbers through play, we both like that much better! Good luck!

My son does the exact same thing. Once we let it go and stopped trying to get him to tell us anything he was learning (colors, shapes, letters, etc) he decided he would show us himself when he was ready. My son is also very stubborn, so I get where you're coming from. The teachers would always tell us how he was excelling in class (he was actually moved to the 4yo class 3 months early, though they wanted to move him at 3.5yo), but he wouldn't show us! He's really shy about showing us what he knows until he's completely mastered it. I have no idea where a child his age gets these things (he's 4 and has done this for as long as I can remember), but his teachers told me it's normal and a lot of kids do it. BUT once he masters something, he goes all out to show us what he knows. He loves to show off at that point!

Just remember... This too shall pass and soon they'll know everything! LOL

I tend to agree with Heather H. I used to teach 5th grade Reading/Language Arts and Social Studies. I would always cringe when non-Language Arts teachers and parents were assigning children writing as a punishment. It can make kids think writing is a chore, instead of something fantastic that they can do. I think the more that we can make learning fun, and not a chore, the more motivated students will be. Teachers don't always have that option, but as a parent you can make learning something fun. Make it part of conversation. Instead of punishing him for not wanting to learn at home, give him incentives. I do sticker charts with my kids to motivate them to do various things around the house. You could adapt that to motivating him to do certain learning activities with you at home. My kids, so far, have not had a problem with "homework". For the most part, I pull out things from their backpack that were sent home. I make it something fun to do. It's a discussion of what they're doing in school, and kind of an extension and reinforcement of what they're doing in school. Try never to make learning a chore. They do have to have some of that in their lives, but it shouldn't always be that way. As a teacher, I was always looking for ways to "fool" kids into learning. I got more productivity out of them in this manner. I know they can't always have fun when learning, but the more we do make learning fun the more likely we'll have less battles of the will with our children. For ideas, I'd google lesson plans. You could also go to teacher supply stores, and see what literature they have available that offers some fun activities.

I would talk to his teacher and see if she can assign him some "homework" and have her explain what that means (that mommy has to help him practice his letters). Maybe if his teacher tells him it's okay to learn them at home, he will play along.

As for the toys, never threaten something you have no intention of following through on. I would have him pick out a few and take them to goodwill or a women's shelter or something so that he knows you are serious.

Also, I would recommend getting him a chalk board or easel or something and letting him practice writing them on that instead of sitting at the table with paper. Sometimes just a different setting can encourage them to work on it also. Good luck. Sounds like he's maybe a little nervous to let you in on what he knows/doesn't know. Just be very encouraging and never put him down. You could also try playing "I spy" (I spy something that starts with the letter "T", etc.) or other games that would show you what he knows without him realizing you're helping him practice. Just try to have fun with it and he'll come around!

Morning Kris;

All you need is for "His School" teacher to tell the entire class that they need to practice with their Mommies at home!
For her to also give a reason why that is important!!

When he hears it from her, then he will do it!
Good Luck
B. C.

Uh-oh! First thing in parenting is don't threaten anything you won't actually follow thru with. So I would take at least 1 or 2 toys and donate them (make sure he goes with you) and maybe hide the others in a trash bag until he tells you them once. He may actually know them and just does not need the practice!! One word of advice, my daughter could sing them in Kinder but they said she had to say them to get it as passing on her report card!!! I would just tell him you are the mommy and he has to tell you once. After he tells you-give him back the trash bag.

Or maybe try letting him record them in another room where you are not watching-maybe he gets nervous in front of you but does not know the word nervous!! And then you can save it and have a cute memory!!!

I wouldn't push it so much. My daughter is strong willed, and I find that as soon as I make something a power struggle, it becomes a lot harder to get her to do it. Maybe just stop mentioning it for a while, and in a month or two, maybe bring it up in a fun and relaxed way. As long as he is working on it at school, and you are reading to him at home, he will be right on track. Good luck!

I've read some of the other responses and can see both ways. Once your child gets to a grade where he'll have homework he may not stop telling you about what he learned. With my son we still practiced. It wasn't every night but once or twice a week we would pull out flashcards. Sometimes I would turn them for him to study and other times he wanted to be the teacher and I would have to tell him what they were. Sometimes I would get it wrong so he could correct me. It was more like a game. It's good to keep their mind stimulated and either way you are boss and if you think he needs to practice then he should practice even if you only go through the flashcards once. If you tell him you are going to give toys away and he brings you some, load them up in the car and haul them off to goodwill or a child resale shop and take him with you so he sees them going away. He's calling your bluff bc he doesn't think you'll do it. If you do do it then he'll most likely stop testing you. In our house if my son was suppose to study or if I wanted him to practice something he was to do it before he did anything else (playing, watching cartoons, etc). This habit has helped now that he's in school, 1st grade. I have a snack ready for him to eat while he studies or does homework then once he's done he goes and plays while I make dinner. I very rarely have to make him do his homework. Start the habit now. He is only 4 but even if it's 1 day a week, if you want him to go through his flashcards then he needs to do it. Stand your ground but don't make him do it every night. He learns at home as well as school so he has no argument there. Forgot to say that I was a single mom up until almost a year ago so I know where you're coming from. You have to be both parents and sometimes have pulled every ounce of energy you had in storage and that's when they test you. Good Luck and hang in there.

Maybe you can have the teacher send home worksheets for you and your son at home. Maybe if it came from the teacher and it was homework he would have a change of heart. Until my son got in 3rd. grade I would ask him what did you do at school today he would say "I don't know". If you ask a little girl they will tell you everything they did and want to show you what all they did. Boys, you gotta love them!! Be patient, I work at an Elementary school and even the little ones do alot of work and you would be suprised, schools expect so much out of our little ones. They are done when they get home they do not want to do any more school work.Hope this makes you feel a little better, B.

The MOST important thing you can do to build your son's future in education is to read to him. Read, read, read fun books that he LOVES. Limit his tv time and when he does watch tv, no cartoons...only educational programming like Sesame Street, Reading Rainbow, etc.
If he doesn't like those shows then..oh well he really doesn't need to watch tv anyway.
When you DO try to work with him recognizing letters make a game of it. Buy magnetic letters and a magnifying glass. Tell him you're gonna play a detective game...WHO can find the letter P...put 3 letters on the refrigerator with one being the correct letter. When he locates the correct letter give him a sticker. Be careful, NEVER play the game more than a couple of minutes at a time so he's WANTiNG to play more and doesn't have time to get bored or frustrated. Build in success at first by making the required letter you're looking for a letter that he already knows. He is to use the magnifying glass like a detective when he's looking for the letter.

ANYTIME you try to teach a young child something, make it fun or silly or exciting. You can also use a puppet that only comes out for the detective letter game..

Good luck!
Pam H

I *think* this is normal. Pretty good speech skills if he is saying you are not my teacher. Could be boring for him. Start teaching him letter sounds and sightwords!! My 5yo is the same way. Refuses to do the work at home with me. Just gotta make it fun.

You're doing great and so is your little boy! Good work, mommy! It may ease his concern if his teacher lets him know it is good to practice at home. He is pretty little for a lot of homework but there are fun games that reinforce what he's learning and he should not be shy to share what he's learned with you.

You might ask the teacher to let him know it is ok to practice at home as well. It is easy to categorize at this age. You eat at the table, you take a bath in the tub, you learn letters at school but you don't do these things elsewhere. It's often easier coming from the teacher his or herself.

good luck and keep up the great work raising a smart kiddo!

Kris,
The way I see it is you have a very smart boy. Stop worrying about his learning. If he has that much logic at 3, he is ahead of most kids. Children do not want to be judged by the one they love. He wants no conditions on your love. Let it go. I would follow his lead. Does he like going to the library and picking out books? Like being read to? Like working with a chalk board, playdoh? Write his name on things and then he will see the value of being able to read, but 3 is way too young to force anything. Use humor. "Mom loves a boy named ____________ and a dog named Fido." That is the advantage of a chalk board, you both use it. Since you are in the midst of this battle, back off and do not mention the word letter for at least a week, then get the chalk board and without speeches start writing. One part for you, he can use the other side if he wants. Kids like to do what adults do so let him see you read and write.
If you make it a power struggle, he will resist even when he wants to learn.
My 3 all are college grads- and 2 out of 3 loved school. Should have followed her lead with the 3rd and she would have had an easier time of it.
Good luck!

I'd love to hear/read the responses. I have a similar issue.
I've had to take my children out of daycare and I was going to continue to homeschool and have quite a few of the books and charts. It started OK, but proceeded to AWFUL within a few weeks. My 2 year old only wants to play and my 5 year old acts like she has no clue, lays her head down, wants to eat or has some other thing she wants. My main problem is when I know she understands but proceeds to look at me like I'm insane for trying to get answers out of her.

I'm frustrated because I didn't want to take them out of school, but economic times called for it. I'm not a teacher but have really worked hard on my attitude and knowledge to teach them and I get a 'wall' in my face and the request for TV all the time.

I take them out and go on field trips some, but most of the time we are stuck at home.

I feel the pain and will look for responses to your question. Good luck and know that there is at least one other mom who has the same issues. I just wish mine would be as open as yours and say 'you are not my teacher' b/c I"m at a loss as to why my 5 year old truly does not want to learn from me. (she even told her father that it was 'so much easier with him' to learn... right in front of me. Very hurtful....
Cross fingers, L.

Could you explain to your son that you really are his teacher, that actually you have always been his teacher as well as his mother. Help him see some of the things you have taught him. He sounds pretty precocious but still, it is sad to hear that he talks to you in the manner you describe. Please find a way to get his cooperation without resorting to threats. One thing that worked for me was to say to my child, "You must be tired now. I want you to go to your bed and rest for a while. As soon as you are ready to go through your flash cards, come back in here and we will go through them." The amazing thing is that they were often actually tired, but if they weren't, they quickly made the choice to comply. Always aim for cooperation so that life is more enjoyable for both of you. Never get caught up in a battle of wills. At the same time you have to be the parent. Pick your battles very carefully. You have a long way to go. Now, one more thing. Would you/Could you take 45 minutes Saturday morning to call this number at 10:00 AM CST? I believe it is to you benefit to make the call, evaluate it for yourself and get back in touch with me if anything rings a bell. ###-###-#### Access Code 6262# God bless you as you help your son to learn and grow.

B. King

PS: I love the answers the other moms have given you. You are going to do great and you and your son will have pleasant memories when he is grown.

I think your son just doesn't see you as his teacher. (As obvious as that sounds.) What I would suggest to do, to help change that, is start teaching him things he isn't learning in school or something they have not covered yet. That way when he sees you can teach him as well as his teacher can, he will be more willing to work with you.
As far as the standoff with the toys, follow through with what you said. Don't give away all of his toys obviously, but right now he knows you aren't going to do it. I would pick out one or two toys and tell him you are going to start giving them away until he starts working with you. Call his bluff like he is calling yours.

Show him NOW (work with his Pre-K teacher) that you can do things at home that count toward what is going on in school. Call it "homework". Apparently he just wants school to be for this stuff, but he has to get a different association- so.............. do (Make them, don't practice them yet) the flashcards, and send them to school with him. Ask him to bring them home every day, but that his teacher wants to see them from home. Get with his teacher before he brings them in and tell her what is going on, ask her to send "homework", being the flash cards. IE: practice the L words tonight/this weekend and bring your homework back in. Maybe one of you can make up a check off sheet to send as the "homework sheet"... one that "mommy signs" when he has done his practice WITH you.
Just a thought to start!