3 Yr 1 Mo Old Giving up Nap

Updated on September 06, 2009
A.B. asks from Littleton, CO
9 answers

Hi all. I know many kids give up their nap sometime when they are 3 but, my dtr just turned 3, 6 weeks ago and she is trying to give up her nap (it appears). Last week we started preschool and she fell asleep on my shoulder before she ate, due to a meltdown. This week she is doing everything she can to avoid the nap. She is cranky in the am and right after preschool. I feed her and she perks up. So I have tried nap this week early (IE a little after lunch) and today I waited and she did an activity that should have worn her out. Of course I hate to give up my quiet time but, mostly I dislike how clingy and needy she becomes from 5-7(her bedtime on non nap days). This is her third day of not taking a nap. She is in quiet time right now for one hour but, is still awake. I have had to help her go to sleep by laying down with her (since we transitioned out of the crib) but, she always fell asleep in 10 min.

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So What Happened?

Hi all. Well it has been a week and a half since I wrote. I have tried many things (and I am still trying and open to suggestions) but, I am also starting to concede. My DD had 4 days the first week she did not nap. She did nap three days in a row over the holiday weekend but twice she fell asleep in the car so the getting her to sleep was not an issue. She has not taken a nap since the labor day holiday (yes the 7th...one week ago). I tried telling her she did not have to nap but, she needed to rest for 20 min. She did not stay in her bed. She still had to have quiet time for a full hour. I layed down with her but, she won't hold still and close her eyes. I've held her close (like cuddling) but, she fights that too. I have gotten mad and I have had days where I said 'uh oh, no gum (or activity she wanted to do that eve) and yes held to it. I tried a movie (she had yawed 3 times while setting it up...but she did not nap. I tried doing more activity after lunch to wear her out before some of these things and still no nap.

On the happier side she is much better in the eves. She is not melting down much or getting clingy. She goes to bed easily about 7:30 (sometimes a little earlier or later). She was up late one night this weekend and I thought for sure she would nap the next day but, no luck then either. We have done quiet time every day. I am still struggling with her during this time. I have told her "you can choose the door closed or locked" but, if you come out you are choosing to have the door locked. Every day she comes out within 25 min and I lock the door. She gets angry and throws things at the door (no we don't throw things here, my husband and I are pretty controlled with anger). Today she just played with the handle most of the hour. I told her today and will remind her tomorrow that playing with the handle will mean the door will be locked. I hate to do this but, I don't have any other ideas. I just want an hour of peace but, right now quiet time is painful.

My son at 5 is in am kindergarten. He did give up his nap about the same age and did it just as she is. (three hour naps the week before then to nothing, ever). She knows he is doing quiet time also. He reads and plays by himself. Sometimes I do sneak in and read with him but, I don't believe she knows this.

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K.D.

answers from Provo on

When my son gave up his nap around 3 1/2 some days he would take a nap and some days he wouldn't. But I gave him a choice on whether or not to take a nap. Around 3 they like to be able to be more in control of their lives and letting them decide to take a nap or not is one way they can control their lives. However, he did have to have quiet time on his bed for at least 35 minutes. If he was tired enough for a nap, that was usually enough for him to fall asleep. He would still be be tired and cranky on the days he didn't take a nap, but when he was I would remind him that was what happened when he decided to not take a nap. It's hard when they stop taking naps, but you really can't make them sleep if they don't want to.

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A.G.

answers from Pocatello on

If she is still acting tired and cranky on days she doesn't take a nap then she is not ready to give them up. My daughter started trying to give up her naps around 18 months. I used to be able to just put her in her crib and she would go to sleep no problem but once she hit 18 months she just refused to nap. if i left her in her room she would just cry and if I gave her toys she would just play and never nap. But she was still cranky so I had to start staying in her room until she fell asleep. She is now 2 and 1/2 and i still have to lay with her for about 10 min. if I want her to take a nap. I don't have to lay with her for bedtime only nap but to me it is so worth it in order to still get a 2 hour break during the day. So I would lay with her so she will still get the rest she needs.

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S.B.

answers from Boise on

At this age it is the idea of a nap that they fight. If you tell her it is quiet time and let her read books, but she has to stay laying down till a timer goes off then she can play quiet in the room. They usually fall asleep before the timer goes off. Just the idea that she does not have to will let her rest enough to fall asleep.

I have used this as a nanny with four three year olds and as they got older if they were still not wanting to nap but needed one.

S.
Mother to Kai
www.HomeWithKai.com

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J.S.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Around 2-3 many kids start to exert their independence & they don't want to miss out on anything, so they start resisting naps. That does not necessarily mean that they are physically ready to give up naps. Every kid is different, but studies show that most kids benefit from naps until they are around 4. I think that it's easy confuse the struggle with being ready to give up naps. If your child is still falling asleep during the day & cranky, I think that's an indication that she's not ready. There are different ways to deal with the struggle and I've tried a few. Regardless of what I do, one of my kids will give me struggles every few weeks because that's just his personality...he pushes back on just about everything. Ironically, of all my kids, he's the one that needs the sleep the most - he's an absolute wreck without it.

Here are some things I've tried. I tell him he doesn't have to sleep, but he has to lie down with his eyes closed for a just a few minutes. Usually he's out when I go back a few minutes later. Sometimes I tell him that if he goes right to sleep, he can have gum when he wakes up (gum is his favorite thing in the world). Sometimes I tell him, if he's not going to sleep he'll have to take a nap downstairs so he doesn't disturb his napping siblings (he hates that). The point is to find something that will motivate your child. I also think the idea of having a quiet time without the pressure of napping that another mom had was great. If I can get my kids to hold still for 5 seconds, they usually fall asleep all on their own. I'm sure lying for a bit can work, too, but I've resisted going to that because I don't want to set a precedent. But I do sing them a song and give them a face tickle, just to try to get them to wind down.

Good luck! And don't give up if you think she really needs the sleep!

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S.W.

answers from Pocatello on

I agree with the hour of quiet time. If I don't give my son an hour of quiet time, I usually find him asleep in a corner of the house somewhere where he has been playing and just fallen asleep. Its quite cute, but just shows that he is tired and does need the down time still (so do I...lol). I try not to force a nap because it plain doesn't work anymore, but he likes his quiet time and 3 out of 7 days he will sleep, the other 4 days, he goes to be earlier and the rest is enough to keep him going till bedtime with an extra snack.

Best of luck and patience.

S.

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A.T.

answers from Denver on

You didn't pose a specific question, so some musings from another 3 yr. old's mama.
Don't underestimate the power of preschool. It takes a LOT for a little kid to be "switched on" all day or even part of the day. It makes them tired & cranky and of course the only person she feels comfortable with letting all that out is Mom. It's only been a couple of weeks, keep a decent basis of schedule and eventually I think you'll both settle in. Give it TIME.
Good job mommin'!

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C.C.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I hate this I don't need to nap thing...I try to tell her that later in life she's going to want naps again but won't be able to have them. of course she just looks at me like I'm the silliest mommy ever! lol.
What we do is quiet time. I let her lay down and watch a movie, (I pick one that she relaxes with like Sleeping Beauty, Robin Hood, or Mulan) some no matter how tired she won't sleep with so we don't do those ones. it has taken some trial and error. lol. anyway she can have a movie but she has to stay laying down, I have a portable DVD player she can use on her bed and that is usually what I do since she will sleep best there. when cousins/friends are over at this time we just do it downstairs and set everyone up with blankets and pillows on the couch and floor (with lots of cousins we put the back cushions from the couch on the floor and cover with a large blanket) the idea is to let my dd feel like she is in control of the situation so I give her choices of movies, (sleeping beauty or robin hood?) I let her choose 2 toys to take with her to go lay down. and if she is resisting going up stairs I race her and she'll say thats okay mommy sometimes you win sometimes you lose. (we say that so she knows she won't always win and sometimes we beat her up the stairs) anyway on really rough days I tell her to just take a deep breath and relax and close her eyes for five minutes and then she can open them and watch her movie. some days that works other days it doesn't. She naps 2 or 3 days a week is all. but we do quiet time for 2 hours every day. she needs the down time and so do I even if she isn't going to get a nap.
another thing is if we are driving somewhere at nap time, I tell her to please try not to fall asleep in the car. lol. works every time. she looks at me, closes her eyes and passes out.
I can usually then carry her in to the house and lay her down to finish her nap *unless it has already been over an hour then she wakes up*
they get so independent! but they love routine still. even when they fight it. I hope you find what works for you and your little girl.
some days I have found myself getting so frustrated and irritated when all that was working that day was to lie down with her and I stop and remind myself that this time will be over so fast and I will never look back and think gee I wish I hadn't taken the time to lie down with her at nap time. it helps me re prioritize my time, truly what is most important is the time I get to spend with my little girl. (sometimes that means taking good breaks so that time is pleasant, and other times it means taking a deep breath and reminding myself of how precious this time is--and that helps me in my pleasantness lol)
good luck, hang in there--sounds like you are doing a really good job.

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L.C.

answers from Denver on

Hi A.,
That was such a hard transition for us at 2 1/2, I sure did miss that quiet time and we had that cranky stage too. Beleive it or not it didn't last too long. And what I found was if he did get a nap he'd be up til 10pm! Quiet time in the room is perfect, we do that too. They need time to decompress, especially after school! What I thought was interesting about what you said is that she's cranky right after school, than fine after she is fed. I wonder if she is having a reaction to the snack at school? Are the snacks different or maybe high in sugar, something processed she may be reacting to.

L.

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M.C.

answers from Denver on

I didn't read all of the responses, but wanted to throw my two cents in.

My daughter is 4 1/2 and just started preschool last week. She hasn't really napped in the last year, but we still have a quiet time after lunch. She likes to listen to music and our rule is she has to "relax" as long as the CD lasts and she can have books and babies in bed. Preschool for her is only 3 hours 4 days a week, and she actually took a nap several days this week. I was surprised. Every kid and family is different, the key is to find what works for you.

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