3 Year Old Stall Tactics Before Bed Has Gotten Worse

I haven't looked at the other posts, but have you ever thought about minimizing or eliminating nap time (I know ugh, that might be a break for you) and putting her to bed earlier? Sometimes children get tired, then overtired and voila they are not necessarily going to sleep when their clock is ticking-or feeling actually sleepy.
I hate to say this however, I was always a light sleeper and it hasn't seemed to change in my entire life. Could just be her. So in that case will she look at books or something peaceful by herself for awhile?

Hi J.,

It sounds like you need some consistency in all of this. It's gonna be key in setting up some kind of routine. I know it's tough because it sounds like the reason you give in is not because you think she's in any kind of distress (which, of course, she's not) but because you are trying to be fair to your other kids and you don't want their rest disturbed.

First come up with a bedtime you are comfortable with. You can even put her down before the other two kids so her acting out is less disruptive to them. It might help to give her about 20 minutes of undivided attention. After she bathes and is ready for bed, read to her, talk about her day for about 15 minutes and then give her 5 minutes for just back rubbing and affection. Then a hug and a kiss and leave the room. I would make sure there is a drink by them bed (a small ammount of water in a spill proof cup) and that she has gone to the bathroom. I would use an egg timer and set it for the 20 minutes so that she knows there is a finite ammount of time and that is it. Then let her fuss. It's the fact that you go in eventually that gives her that ability to go the distance. In her mind she's thinking, "Eventually....."

When she wakes up in the middle of the night, make sure that how you handle that is the same thing every time. Put her back to bed in as unstimulating a way as possible. It's not about ignoring her as much as it is about not engaging her and that really active little brain she has. Don't speak, or make eye contact. Put her back to bed and walk away. If she disrupts the others make sure you deal with THEM and not her. She shouldn't get attention for negative behavior. That's what she's wanting so that is the last thing she should get because even if it's negative attention it's a payoff. Reward her good behavior and her efforts lavishly. Make sure that attention she is seeking is given to her for all the right reasons.

Let her know that she is going to bed earlier so that she doesn't bother her siblings and that if she wants to stay up as late as they do she is going to have to go to sleep cooperatively and quietly.

Hope this helps,

L.

I feel your frustration, my 4 year old went thrugh the same thing. We stopped nap time but have quiet time as long as my 10 month old naps she has to play quietly in her room. This is something you can try. Kids do better with a visual object. Try giving her 3 gold coins. Just print and cut out and stick them on her wall. Tell her she has 3 bed time coins to use as she likes. Whether its for a extra story, hug, drink of water. She gets to say but every time she ask for something you take on of the coins away. When there is no more coins she has to stay in bed and you won't come again. That way she has some control over her routine and you don't have to fight, just not show up. It might take a few nights to sink in but she will get the concept. Its hard at this age as they seem to think they are missing some fun when they are in bed. Good luck. It does get better but it takes some practice.

I am a big advocate of "no crying" way of putting kids to bed. Every child is different some need more security than others. Sometimes the child acts upset but not crying - then I would say, hold to your guns. If a kid is in disstress - something needs to be done, she needs more closeness than you are willing to give. I see that you have other kids and it is difficult to ballance, but try to give her a peacefull bedtime, maybe lay down with her for a while count to some mutualy agreed number, hold her, kiss her and then leave. My kids were/are both slow to give up being close with mommy, I like that time when I can be in the bed with the little guy, just the two of us. I am in no hurry to move him anywhere...My 12 year old wants me still to lay down next to him in the evening. He cannot sleep with me any longer because he is simply just too big but when my H travels he brings the inflatable bed into my bedroom and sleeps on the floor. I just think how fast they grow up and trying to hold on to them as long as possible.
Hope you will find some middleground with the bedtime routine for your daughter.

My daughter is a little like yours. What we ended up doing is not giving her a nap during the day and then putting her to bed by 7:30pm. I would sit in a chair beside her bed just so she knew I was there until she fell a sleep... normally only took about 10 minutes before she fell asleep. Gradually each week I would move my chair a little further away from her bed until I was outside her door. Sure it took us about 2 months to finally get the chair out of the room, but she isnt screaming for me to be with us at bedtime any more. Give that a try :)

For me, I would say this is the bedtime routine, and stick to it. My son also likes the tactics, but he knows that after stories it is a cuddle and kiss, then into bed. We usually give high fives and blow kisses. As we close the door, there are some nights that he will start crying, and especially calling out, "mommy, mommy". We stick to our guns and stay out. He is a good sleeper and is just pushing boundaries right now. That has worked up to this point.

Try the no cry sleep solution. It has worked for us! It is a book and you can purchase it :)

Sounds like my 3yo before we decided to eliminate the nap. It is hard (for mom) to give up the nap, but our little girl goes to bed and is asleep within minutes...sometimes she even asks to go to bed early.

Welcome to the Big Girl Bed. This question seems to have popped up a lot in the last week or two, so maybe search it and see what other moms have said, but in the end, yes I think you need to stop giving in. It's hard. It took us months, and months, and months to get our daughter to stay in bed. Hopefully your situation won't be that extreme, but I feel your pain. We did the "Supernanny" method and it was hard b/c there were many tears and everyone was upset but we had to stay strong and it worked. It's a powerstruggle and ultimately you have to decide if you think you should win. Good luck.