3 Year Old Potty Training Challenges - Help?!

Dear M.,
Set backs happen and will continue to happen. My suggestion is not to push her too hard. This will not help the situation. We had to go back to pull ups several times. It got the point where she did not want the pull ups because she didn't feel like a big girl anymore. She eventually would want back into her panties. Just be patient and go with the advice of the book... don't push it. All children eventually potty train (in their own time)! Think about it... there are VERY few children who actually go to kindergarten in pull ups! Think positive!
Love,
J.

My daughter has a 3yr old that goes preschool as well and I'd say listen to the teacher. She took the advice and now she goes potty on her own to pee but still in the progress of working on her poopi which she refuses to go to the potty, so at home she tells when she wants to poop so my daughter slips on a pull up.

Totally back off! You can cause so many long-term potty problems by trying to force training before she's ready. She's still pretty young---wait a few mos., then get some videos and books from the library, read the books together, watch the movies together, buy some really cool/pretty big girl panties, and ask her if she's ready to give up her diapers and start wearing the big girl panties. She'll let you know if she's ready. If not, tell her okay, you'll put these really pretty big girl panties away until she's ready. Be non-judgemental---like it's not a big deal to you either way. Good Luck!

M.,
Whatever you do don't go back. It will send her mixed messages. I potty trained my son by 3 and used several different things to encourage him along.
1. I used a "potty-timer" and set a kitchen timer for 1 hour and every time it went off we went to the potty. Even ifhe said "I don't have to go" we still took him.
2. Incentives like his favorite place. He chose Disneyland and made a deal with him that if he was in big-boy underwear and had zero accidents in his pull-up he would get to go.
3. There is no excuse at 3 years old to poop or pee on the floor, unless it was a certified accident. He was old enough to know better.

This is what my husband and I used to help and I hope you can take whatever advice you get and make a plan for your little girl. It will make it soooo much eaiser when baby #2 comes along. My son was almost 3 when we had our daughter and he did regress a little but I found that buying him the Huggies clean team flushable wipes to wipe him at the toilet, just like I was wiping his sister made him feel important too! Good luck and congrats on the new addition!

Hi There!

My daughter took what seemed like forever to potty train. She is still in a pull-up at night and she is 5. She still has accidents. Her 3 year old brother is completely potty trained and barely has accidents. It was frustrating to me at first. I got really upset with her and I showed anger more than once in the beginning and I am sure that it probably scared her when she could see how frustrated I was. I had to let go. I am not happy with how I acted. Every child is different. When I let go and accepted her as she was and her learning at her own pace it got better. There are many reasons children potty train at different paces. Some are just busy doing stuf. Some are upset about something, but that is not always it, so don't beat yourself up if you had an argument with your spouse and all of sudden your kid stops pottying. If you are having a lot of arguments then yes it may affect her. But I know I really micromanaged myself and thought oh no, I just showed emotion or conflict, that is why she is not pottying. Just follow what you feel is best. Both my kids went back and forth between diapers at first before they got it. Some of it has to do with your sanity! If you can't handle washing panties all day, then your kid is going to be happier if you give her a diaper and let her try again later. I think kids are either potty trained by 2 1/2 or 4.
Good luck!

Ask her why she won't pee in the potty anymore -- we asked my son and he said that he was afraid of the potty. So we told him he could use the little potty. I gave us an excited "that's a GREAT idea!" and was much better.

We also made him clean up his messes (supervised). That way if he pooped in his pants he had to clean it up.

Don't go back. It will make it harder to try it the next time. Good luck!

Honestly, you have to keep at it. Our son challenged us a TON on this. We told him when he was 3, he didn't HAVE to wear diapers anymore vs. GET to wear diapers. Well, we put him in underwear and yes, there were a LOT of messes to clean up, but after a week, he was fine - even at night. (He even went so far as to sit on my pillow and pee.) We rewarded him with gold coins or trains - since we don't use food as a reward and we didn't give him sugar until he was 5, so no cookies, etc. Once he saw that his dad and I were serious and a team, he stopped having accidents. It's power struggle and you have to decide who is going to win.

letting the kid decide can cause more issues later with being embarrassed when they are still wearing pull-ups at 6 years old. Seriously....there's a difference between forcing a 1 year old and punishing them for not being potty trained vs. 3 year old and rewarding them.

PS: We put pull-ups on him at night for the first week and we noticed the first night he was dry, and each consecutive night, he was wetter. My night 5, he was soaked....so we took them away, since he'd call them diapers and then correct himself and call them pull-ups. He knew full well that it was still a diaper. He'd only had a handful of accidents after that. By 3.5, he was getting up in the middle of the night to pee if he needed to.

Of course the pre school teacher says stick with it, she doesn't want to change more diapers! Regression is typical. Calmly talk to your daugher and see what she wants. My guess it's a response to the new baby. Let her choose what works for her right now. Sometimes when kids feel like they're in control the issue diappears. Don't worry, she won't go to college in a diaper.

Everyone needs pushing sometimes.
Keep at it reminder her more often, if she doesn't like trying every 20 minutes then tell her to be big and go in the potty or I have to make you try every 20 min all day.
Also if she has an accident she need to clean it up. You just stand there and tell her what to do, if she refuses you grab her hand and make her clean it up. Most kids find this discusting and when they realize I have to clean it up they stop doing it. Make her do it even if she is gaging, and let her know that if she throughs up she'll have to clean that up to. Because she is old enough to use the potty and it's her fault that there is a mess.
I know this sounds mean but it works and it usually only takes 2 or 3 times. Good Luck! remember if you give in she wins and all she learned is if I don't want to, I don't have to. Let her know your the boss now and always. J.

Hi Mlissa,
i am 38 year old mom/step mom of 3 boys ages 5-13.
My 5 year old did the same thing, he knew where to go to his business started and then stopped. I used pullups for a while, and finally one day he just started going on his own, and has never turned back. I don't usually believe in letting books tell me what to do with my kids, but i agree with the book you are reading. Being a mom is a hard job with no instructions, but i beleive that god gave us the gift of instinct.:) follow your instinct, don't push she'll do it. Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

M.,

Don't worry: She'll eventually get trained. Just put her in pull-ups and gently encourage her to use the potty. Also, remember that there may be more regression after the baby is born because children like to return to a time when they feel more secure. Just be patient with her and don't make a big deal out of it because that can lead to emotional problems later.

V.

Your husband is right. Keep her in diapers. When she's ready, she'll let you know, really.
good luck

I'd put her in 'big girl underwear' when you do have time/energy to deal with things, and pullups when you don't. Make sure she lets you know she's done her business not on the toilet/potty. . . & show her how to clean up the floor, or at least (if it's too hard/messy) make sure that she that she 'help's clean it up. But without anger - just be matter of fact and let her take resposibility for her actions. Our daughter (now almost 4) would ask for a diaper (not even a pullup) to poop for a long time after she peed in the toilet (months - at least 2). It could be a control issue (she's 3!) it could be an impending doom issue/control issue (you are expecting a baby - this will rock her world and she may be anxious about it). Patience will be your best ally in this. t'other comments are good too - sitting on the potty/toilet rather than just 'do you have to go' and hang in there!

I feel your pain. Give her time, she'll come around. My daughter will be 3 in July and we started potty training her back in Feb. She still has moments of regression. Keep at it though and don't put her back in diapers. I used "special treats" when we first started (chocolate covered raisins). One for pee Two for poop. She's beyond the special treats now, but still has accidents. When she does, we just explain calmly that this isn't what big girls do. Another thing that has seemed to work for us is letting her do it all by herself. She has a step stool to get up onto the toilet (she would never use her training potty). Either my husband or I will stand outside the bathroom where she can't see us and wait until she tells us she's done, then we help with wiping, etc. Hope this helps! Hang in there...

Hi M.

Do what feels right. Only YOU know what is best for your child. If you feel that she's taken a step backwards in her potty training, and you can't explain why (have you asked her?) and you think it's best to put her back in diapers for a few weeks, then do it. But make sure that whatever decision you make, you talk to your daughter about it, and make her understand why you are doing it, so ' we are going to put your diapers back on because you have stopped using your potty, so we'll do it this way for a few weeks and try again when you're ready'... or 'we are not going to put your diapers back on you, because you're a big girl now and I KNOW you can do this..'

Also, tell her to sit on her potty at regular intervals, rather than asking her if she wants to go.... So you ask her to sit on the potty for a minute or two, rather than asking if she needs to use it.

Hope this helps - good luck!
C. x

Hello! Working through the same challenges here. My daughter goes most days accident free - except for the pooping. Fortunately she does that mostly in the morning about the same time she wakes up, the the diaper is on, but sometimes i am not so lucky. One thing that has helped her is that she has princess panties that she loves and she gets to pick them out each day. It makes her feel like a big girl and she constantly says she is a big girl. Also, I still clap and hug her when she pees on the potty. Good luck!
k

I am currently potting training my daughter she is 2 1/2 and she is doing great except won't go poo poo in the big potty, so what I taught her was that if you have to go tell me and I will put a diaper on and you can go. This has worked. Now she does on several occasions asked to be put in the diaper instead of the underwear and I tell her you only wear a diaper during naps and at bed time and I have her pick out a new pair of underwear of her choice. I agree you should not go right back to diapers or you will be starting all over again. Have her pick out underwear she likes and see if that works. She may get a little upset but will go with the program especially if you do not show her any reaction. She is working you. Also, with a baby on the way she may feel like she wants to remain the baby and is protesting early, so maybe talk with her about how she is going to be the to teach her brother and you will need her help. Lord knows this is one of the hardest things to teach our children. Good Luck.

Hi there,
My daughter will be three in July and for a while she was really resistant to the whole potty training thing. When she said she was ready to wear panties, though, I told her that was "it"--no more diapers then. I did that because several of my friends had their kids trained and then when they regressed, they went back to diapers. Now the kids have absolutely no interest in going on the potty. So my thinking is that she knows how to do it, so I would just pack a bunch of extra clothes everywhere you go and keep at it. For a while, I was constantly reminding her, but she didn't like me forcing her to use the potty all the time. So I would just give her a bunch of water/juice/milk, and then after 45 minutes, tell her I was going to set the timer (which always works better b/c then the timer is the "bad cop") and I would set it for 5 minutes. When the timer went off, then she'd had some warning and was ready to try. I think the "don't push" advice applies when you know they really aren't ready for the whole concept--but you know she can do it. Anyway, just my thoughts. I don't know if this would help either, but I told her when she could really show me she was ready to wear big girl panties, we could go to Target and pick out some princess ones. And that definitely helped sweeten the deal. :)

Hi there,
My sister let her son go comando while he was at home. Yes, he had accidents on the floor but every day he got better and better. Soon, he was potty trained completly! I think it took about 2-3 weeks.
good luck!

I agree with your husband, put her back in diapers and wait for her to signal that she's ready again. For whatever reason she's not ready right now, but to create a struggle over potty training only causes problems down the road. she'll let you know when she's ready to get her big girl underwear back again.

You must be reading a good book. Take it's advice, as well as your husband's. Pre-school teachers tell you to potty train as early as possible because it makes life easier for them. That advice can be disregarded as self-serving. Leave it up to the child and don't push. Go back to the Pull-Ups. When they are ready there is really no training involved. Do not make a big issue of this! She is only three. Do not listen to the mommies who say their child was potty trained by this or that age. Who cares? Your daughter is not ready. So be it. She is your main concern. Wait 6 months and try again. This is not a problem or a big deal. I have four, and if you wait until they are ready, it is a BREEZE!

M.,
Try rewarding her, I did a poop and pee chart and put a sticker on the chart everytime my daughter went potty, we also did a very cool potty dance. She loved it and it felt like an big achievement for her.
good luck