Do your preschoolers have major meltdowns over broken chips, granola bars, Popsicles and the like. I'm so over this mealtime battle it's really not the end of the world-- really buddy, just eat it! And yes if you stick your fingers in guacamole they're going to be green , and gasp slimy dirty.
I've tried sympathizing, I've tried the 'look but now you have 2 pieces,' I've tried just taking it away to find something else to eat, nothing gives. He does the same if he drops anything on the floor. He generally has a short fuse with everything, he can go from hot to cold in a blink of an eye. I don't know this kid is so draining for me, and he's been like this the moment he was born. Came out screaming and hasn't stopped. Apologizing for the vent but grrrr.....
But am looking for suggestion to help with the broken food meltdowns--he's 3 and actually very verbal for his age, just very emotionally charged too!
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If I can fix it easily I will, if not, I set it out say sorry it sucks but it's all that I have and walk away. He eventually calms down and eats it. I also try not to laugh. I have gone through it 3 times so I find it funny sometimes. 3 year olds can be a hoot.
My friend's son is like this. Sometimes she can give him a new one and sometimes she can't. She says, "Sorry, it's all have. Do you still want it?" If not, then he just doesn't get a snack. I think sometimes they can control so little in their world that little things make them crack.
Just want to add yes they can be like this BUT kids with sensory issues even mild ones will need their food just so or they will refuse it. It can't just be disciplined out of them. Only you know if it's control 3 year old stuff or the core personality.
At this age its hard. For them.
But yes, kids at different ages, get like this.
And also they can't articulately, say and communicate well, nor do they even know how to analyze their feelings. They don't even, know... the exact specific names, for their feelings etc. And they certainly do not have, fully developed coping-skills, either. They are not born, with these aptitudes or abilities.
They don't even have fully developed logic or emotions yet, and they really do not have any fully developed deductive or inductive reasoning, either. So all combined, kids at this age... have a hard time. But the adults expect them to have the ability for it because of their age. But they don't. Yet. Not even some Teens have that ability.
On Amazon, they have a good book series about each age of a child and what they are like at each age. Though written years ago, it is still pretty pertinent. I like this series. So per your child, the book is called "Your Three Year Old." Then there is "Your Four Year Old," etc. for each age. I would recommend getting it.
ALSO, when kids this age are tired or over-tired, they get like that. And again, they do not have, the communication skills or even the emotional/cognitive development... to astutely nor accurately analyze, their "problems" or emotions, or difficulties. So this gets them more frustrated, too. And their tolerance levels are not like an adults. So they get seemingly, short fused.
From when my kids were Toddlers, I worked with them on teaching them the "names" for feelings and HOW THEY can tell me... if/when something is bothering them, and also that they can tell me... and as a "TEAM"... Mommy will help them, figure it out. This has really helped. And then by the time they were 3 or 4 years old, my son for example at 3 years old, knew the differences between him being "frustrated" or just "grumpy." AND he could tell me, and he would tell me, and he would ask for help... as I encouraged him to "explain to Mommy" what it is, that is "irritating" for him. That way, the child as well, gains the ability, to say.... and know... their own cues.
And this... is very important. Along with the knowledge, that Mommy is there to assist and help them figure it out too. Instead of just scolding for any emotion. Per my son, I wanted him to learn about expressing his feelings... as a boy. And that it was okay. So I really, since he was a Toddler, focused on these aspects with him. He is 6 now, and really knows his own "cues" and emotions... and he can say it.
This can really help a child... per frustrations and coping.
And per certain ages, they get tweaked when something is not "perfect."
And sometimes, instead of arguing with my kid or rationalizing it, I will just leave them be and they figure it out.
No battles.
My son went through the same thing. I believe it has to do with his developing expectations/definitions -- he expects a pretzel rod to be whole. When it isn't, he feels frustrated because it doesn't look/feel right to his mind, which is beginning to build a library of images connected to words.
I just kept explaining to him how things sometimes get broken and it is still the same. Give him other factors to define things by -- "see, the way it fits back together? The outside is brown with little salt pieces on it..."
When my son refused to eat something, I'd replace it if i could or put a "whole" one next to the broken one. For him it was just another phase that passed.
My daughter is 2 and doesn't quite have meltdowns, but will take a bite out of something then say" Oh no, it's broken!" Then not want to eat it. And at times, the cookie or poptart is broken, I just say to her "now you have 2!" Sometimes that works, sometimes that doesn't. Sometimes she will continue to eat...sometimes she wont. She also, doesn't like to have messy hands and is always wanting them cleaned off.
My son did this around 3 as well...I clicked on your post because the subject line was exactly my kid. A broken granola bar was the end of the world! I tried to preface things, like "This granola bar has been in my bag and will probably be broken. Do you want it?" The knowledge up-front seemed to help him. Otherwise, if something broke while he was eating it, I tried to make it seem funny to him or interesting, or traded with him if an option. I am glad to say the phase has mostly passed (he just turned 4); the main leftover is that he gets really upset if someone takes food of his and eats it. Which daddy in particular has learned!
Sometimes little ones want more control over things and they can't so it frustrates them.
Just stop the battle. Your child can't fight if you don't battle back!
First, stop trying to help him. You don't have magic, so you can't fix it.
Next time he says that something is broken, just look at it and say "oh, that's too bad!" Say nothing else. Don't offer to fix it, don't offer to get him something else. Don't offer to take it from him. If he's whining that it's broken and he wants you to fix it, just simply ignore that. You can repeat your acknowledgement of what happened though. "It looks like you're upset that it's broken. That's too bad that happened."
By not offering him choices or anything else, you're essentially removing the battle. You're not trying to get him to do anything that he can refuse to do! There's nothing to fight. You're just acknowledging what happened.
If you keep doing it (and it might be tough but hang in there!) he will eventually calm down.
A typical conversation in our house used to go
"Mommy, it broke!"
"Oh, that's too bad!'
"Mommy, fix it!"
"I can't fix it."
"I WANT you to FIX it!"
"I can't fix it."
"Do you want me to get you another one?"
"NO!"
"Do you want to keep this one?"
"NO!"
I push the pieces back together
"See, it's fixed!"
Daughter breaks it again.
"Mommy, it broke!"
*Tears own hair out*
Later it went like this:
"Mommy, it broke!"
"That's too bad.
"I want you to FIX it!"
"I'm sorry it broke."
"I want you to FIX it!"
"I can see you're upset that it's broken."
"FIX IT!"
"Wow, I can tell you're really sad about this."
"I'm sad that it BROKE!"
"Yes, me too."
Daughter eats broken granola bar.
Just remember to really acknowledge their feelings. Ignore trying to fix it.
Good luck! Hope it works for you like it works for us! (And we still do it with many things, even though she's 11 now!)
My son went through this for about six months. Then I started breaking all of my food and making him see me do it. And yes heaven for bid I played with it. He got over it and still likes his chips broken up. Now we try to figure out what it looks like. As for the dropping on the floor thing. I guess DS knew from the beginning what was on the floor was yucky. So that one I dodged easily.
