All of a sudden our 3 year old is always saying he's afraid to go in his room alone, to the bathroom alone, downstairs etc. I tell him that our house is safe. There is nothing to be afraid of and mommy and daddy would never stay in a home that wasn't safe for him. Sometimes that works but alot of times it odesn't. When I ask him what he's afraid of, he says different things like a ghost, a pirate, it's dark, or just he's afraid. Do we go with him to reassure him, or tell him that he is safe and encourage him to go alone?
I don't want to make this worse and have it turn into an everytime thing, as I obviously cannot walk with him into every room of the house everytime. Thoughts?
He is what is called in the " Magic Phase" where ghost and goblins are real and things that go bump in the night are super scarry. This phase will pass.
This is a super common phase of development and a valid one. At this age kids imaginations are in full bloom and they do get afraid of a lot of things. The coat hanging o the chair really *does* look like a monster in the dark. Reassurance and validation is really important.
I would be careful about the types of books you read and the amount and type of television/ movies you let him watch for a while. these things only add fuel to an already very active imagination.
Being understanding and supportive won't make it worse, but devaluing his fears or dismissing them will. He feels afraid and insecure and needs you to help him feel safe. you can try using "monster/ghost" spray (water in a mist bottle), giving him a flashlight at night in case he sees shadows at night, a special stuffy that "scares' the bad things away.
He'll get through it:)
Would he be more comfortable with a special "keep you safe" protector? When my daughter gets afraid of being in the bed, I check everything for her and she has a special dog Dot that protects her from anything scary. Other than that, I would indulge his feelings about it when you have to. Flashlight is a good idea too. Accept his feelings though, "I know the dark can be scary so mommy will make sure nothing is in here to hurt you." "I know the dark is scary sometimes, that's why I sprayed no-monster (no-ghost) spray in the house"
Oh gosh its a phase.
It passes.
Don't make him feel weird about it.
It is normal developmental occurrences.
From this age forward, kids DO GET, general 'fears.' It won't make sense to us, we are adults.
But kids this age, have increasing cognition and imaginations.
It happens.
It is normal.
It is no big deal.
AND at this age, they have night time fears too, fears of the dark, and even night-mares and dreams. ALL of which, tweaks them.
Giving adult logic to them about it, will not make it go away.
Because we cannot turn "off" their imaginations.
Just reassure him.
Go with him.
It is a phase.
It is normal.
Give him his own flashlight to carry around and keep in his bed too.
We do that.
And my kids are 8 and almost 5 years old.
ALL my kids friends, ALSO have these developmental based, 'fears' in general.
Nothing big deal.
I went thru this with my kids - and yes, I DID walk thru every room to reassure my kids no one was there. I left lights on if they were scared of the dark. I left doors open if closed doors scared them. I sprayed "monster" spray under the beds and in the closets to get rid of monsters. (I designated one particular air freshner spray as "monster" spray and would spray as needed.) All my methods worked and in just a few days they were fine with being in their rooms, bathroom, etc. Just takes patience, love and understanding. Good Luck!!
OMG, I was going to post this exact same question! My son is 3 as well and for the past few weeks he mentions that he is afraid or things are scary. He says he sees scary shadows, one of which was an old woman trying to grab him (this is what he told me). This was the only one that brought him to tears. Othertimes it is the "scary woods" next to his toys or in his viewfinder there is that scene from cars where the scary tractor chases McQueen and Mater and he wanted it removed. The only odd one is that he told me the digital display on the clock was scary and he asked it to be unplugged both at our house and my parents house. I think it's a completely normal developmnental phase. Some of it is their incredible imagination gone wild and some of it might be for attention. I would acknowledge that is does indeed seem that there might be a monster but you promise that everything is safe. Go with him if he needs and give him a flashlight or anything that makes him feel secure.
It's probably just a phase to get attention. But he probably also needs the attention. If it's bedtime, it's also probably a ploy to stay up longer.
He's also probably beginning to grasp the fact that there actually are bad things in the world.
I would suggest going in with him if it's something he needs to do, like go potty. Same with bedtime. But for bedtime, get into a routine of potty, brushing teeth, reading story, then lights out (except for nightlight). You can let him know that you will check on him in 5 minutes, or 10 minutes. "or when the alarm goes off in 10 minutes"... If he's in bed and supposed to be sleeping, he won't know 10 minutes from an hour. Even with the potty thing, you can stay in there for a minute or so and tell him you'll be back to check on him in a couple minutes. That way you're going in with him, he's started doing what needs done... then you leaving and coming right back will show him that he was safe alone and that you will come back soon.
Now if he's going into his room to play, by choice. You can be busy, you can tell him that you will come in and play with him for a little bit after you finish washing dishes (or whatever you need to get done).
My 6 and 4 year old are going through this right now (thanks to a sleep over at the cousins house and they snuck out to the tv and watched the haunted) now they sleep in eacothers rooms and still refuse to go upstairs by themselvse. I am at a loss and I tell them the house is safe, but if the wind blows the blinds or something its a ghost.
My daughter went through it too and is just now getting out of it. It did last for about a year. She went from wanting it pitch dark in her room with the door closed to wanting the door open with a night light. She still has the night light but she is less afraid of going to the bathroom and downstairs. It will pass. I did go to the bathroom with her if she was afraid.
To encourage and motivate kids to do things they are afraid of I have found that it works very well to give little prizes. The reward is a good way to get them over the hump , and get them out of being "stuck" in their fear. For example, the next time he doesn't want to go in the bathroom alone, you could show him a special sticker or hand stamp that you will give him if he shows his bravery and does what is hard for him. He will gain confidence hin seeing that he can do it, and that he survived. I do think it is a phase, but I some kids can get "stuck" in their fears for a long time if you don't work with them to overcome their fears.
"It's okay honey. You'll be fine. There's nothing to be afraid of. But if you want to, just use your flashlight if it's too dark."
Remind him that ghosts and pirates are 'pretend.' When you read books or watch tv, remind him time and time again that it's just pretend.
It's a phase. It should pass. My 3 yr old isn't afraid, but has a wild and vivid imagination.
MY 3 year old is going through the exact same thing. My perfect little 7-7 sleeper is now afraid of the dark, noises, shadows, and her wildly vivid imagination. We're having hard time with it too, but I'm pretty sure this is normal! Let's hope it passes soon!
I told my kids that monsters and witches etc. are afraid of Mommy and Daddy and won't come anywhere near here. Since my kids have seen me really angry once or twice and it scared them, they believe it. So far, that's worked. Good luck.
