I have looked everywhere, and it seems the only children hitting are boys! I have a 3 year old girl who is hitting at daycare, and lately its actually been more scratching and biting. She is such a sweet child when she wants to be, and does seem to have some personal space issues, but we have talked with her daycare, and when she has a bad day, its just time after time all day long (she got 4 incident reports in a day!)
She is the younger sibling to a 5 year old girl who is very well behaved, so we just have no idea what has brought this on or how to appropriately handle it. We have already had a meeting with the daycare, and that was good, but it doesnt seem like much has changed. She hits the boys in class, and has recently told me that she doesnt like the boys (she does name names sometimes, and it is consistent with who she seems to hit more often). Daycare refuses to think that she is being picked on, the hitting to them seems to usually involve sharing or personal space issues. Does anyone else out there have a little girl who likes to hit/bite/scratch??? I feel so lost!
My daughter went through a brief hitting stage around that age. The reason it was brief - every time I saw her hit someone, I told them to hit her back.
Hi D..
Please take a deeeeep breath. Your daughter will outgrow this. She'll be just fine.
Really, the first thing is that it's perfectly normal for a 3-year-old GIRL to hit. It's not perfect behavior, but it doesn't signal a problem in any way. Some girls are little miss perfect, and some girls are feisty, sassy little tomboys. You know who doesn't get pushed around, ever, in their whole lives? The feisty, sassy tomboy types like yours.
And, the way to handle any 3-year-old who hits is just to calmly remove her from the situation. With my own son, I had good results from (temporarily) taking away his toys. And, model talking calmly and not taking the situation too seriously. You want HER to explain the issue in a calm voice and not flip out and hit, right? So you need to respond to her the same way. If you can adopt a cheerful, unflappable sort of persona -- "Hey, young lady, what's happening here? We don't go around hitting our friends. Looks like you need some cooling off time" -- she'll eventually learn to be calm and unflappable too.
It might take some time -- 3-year-old have approximately zero control over their emotions -- but she'll get there. And so will you.
Sounds like a communication issue. She needs to be equipped with an effective form of communication. Do you encourage her to use her words? You could give her words to use and sentences to try, to be more effective.
You could have her practice on you. You need to make sure you really listen to her so she feels heard.
At the same time you have to find her currency to let her know that hitting, scratching/biting is unacceptable. if she doesn't have a clear link between what happens at school and the consequences, then you need to create one. Something that happens directly after you get the report of that day's behavior. Whether its an after school game you play, like candyland, or an afternoon treat, it depends on her decisions to act on her impulses or not.
Good luck!
Hi, D.:
The 3 year old is having issues.
Do not ignore the issues.
Do not blame her for her
behavior.
She has learned some behavior at home.
You say: "She is a sweet child when she wants to be."
You say her older sister is: Very well behaved, so we have no idea what has brought this on or how to appropriately handle it."
The 3 year old has you, her older sister, and the "we" (I don't know who you are referring to). Then you have daycare people who have reported 4 incidents in one day.
There is a problem in daycare 1) What 3 year old is going to have a bad DAY! I would consider changing the daycare center.
2) There is a problem at home as well. I can't assess what the problem is without more information about the discipline used in your home.
Good luck.
D.
