3 Year Old B-day Party - Presents or No Presents

L.-
I just had my child's 5th birthday party and it was exactly lik you wrote- too many gifts- gimmine, gimmie, gimmie. Last week I heard this on NPR and thought you would be interested.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1533...

Good luck, C.

L., I went to a party three weeks ago at the Little Gym and they had a great idea of saying please bring a gift to donate to the Children's Hospital in Columbia. It was a great way to not have too many gifts and to show the kids how important it is to help others. It also greatly reduced the time of the party...can you imagine how long it takes to open all those gifts! Good luck!

Hello! How about a craft potluck?????? Instead of gifts you could ask each child to purchase a tube of fabric paint, buttons or other decorating things and a solid t-shirt in their own size to bring to the party and then have the kids decorate their own shirts......you could also use canvas bags and make "book bags" and then specify on the invitation that instead of giving gifts that each child will be having a craft potluck making a tshirt or a book bag to take home. If you are making a book bag, the kids could always wrap a book for a gift exchange to put inside of the book bag. If you have a book exchange, you could jot a note to explain to parents that instead of a bunch of toys, that the party is to broaden their education and use of words and to create a fun way of discovering reading. Good luck! ~T.

I just had my daughter's birthday, and we didn't do gifts. Some parents asked me about it, and I was firm with the no gift rule. Some of her friends drew pictures for her. I had a talk with my daughter and explained to her that she had plenty of things, too much, and that some people might not come if they can't afford gifts. I asked her if she would rather have gifts or all her friends there. She said she'd rather have her friends there, and agreed that she has enough toys. I sort of pushed her to make the choice for herself. She had no problem with it, and she enjoys her gift-free parties just as much as she did when we had them. I also told her that the present opening takes up so much of the time at the party, time she could be playing, so she was very happy with her party. I am also very happy with it. I still give her gifts, so she's not missing out on that. Now the focus isn't on what she can get but on having fun. I also had a charity picked out for family who really wanted to do something. She really enjoyed giving to her charity. All in all it has turned out great for us, and I wouldn't do it any other way!

This is just my opinion, but at 3 years old isn't it a little much to have 15-20 kids over for a Birthday Party? I read one time the idea number of kids to have invited to a party is the same number of the age the child will be turning, in this instance 3. Three years old is a little soon to be teaching her the good feelings that come with just being with family and friends. Kids at this age want everything they set their eyes on. I think you're just making this way too hard on yourself. Scale down the party and enjoy a much less stressful gathering.

I have a friend who has done this two years in a row. The first year I honored her request only to show up to the party and see other people had ignored it. I felt bad being one of only a few who didn't get her a gift. The next year the little girl went around upset asking for gifts and telling everyone the "no gifts" rule was for last year. Most of my friends ask what to get my kids and I just try to guide them away from toys by suggesting things like books, games, character pj's, etc. Kids also love gifts like bubbles, sidewalk chalk, or craft items which don't cost much and once they are used up they are not taking up valuable shelf space. One rule I have started to follow is that you should invite about as many kids as your child is old. I too had big parties when my kids were younger and found that I was spending too much time "entertaining" all the guests and my kids did not feel like they were the center of attention at their own party. Once I downsized the parties then the concern with too many gifts was gone and the kids had a much better birthday.

Hello Dear Mom,
I am Mom of two and since last year we have started mentioning on the Invitations that we prefer gift cards, that way we can reuse them or buy stuff that we like instead of either keeping it forever or having to go and return it .
Still if some parents give gifts then we let our child use maybe one or two of them and the rest we encourage him to Donate as is, that way they learn the importance of doing good for others too as well as that their are more kids who are not as fortunate as ours.
www.yogandpeace.com
Kind Regards

For my stepdaughter's 5th birthday, we requested books she could donate to her old preschool. She has two moms, one dad, mom's boyfriend, four grandpa's, five grandma's, three uncles, four aunts and a slew of "honorary" aunts and uncles. She also had two birthday parties. She didn't need anymore presents. We got criticism from some of her family because "It's her birthday, she's supposed to be spoiled", but my stepdaughter really enjoyed "being kind" (her words). Her birthday was in June and she's still talking about doing it again next year.

I think it depends a little bit on your child. My daughter likes things kept together, and one little boy at her party was into scattering/throwing and kept disrupting all the toy groups she was making. She had a meltdown to the extent that when I was asking her about who to invite to her 4th birthday, she said her grandparents would be ok, but "no friends".

I love the idea of giving to charity. Maybe a few days before the party, explain that she will get new presents for her birthday, so she needs to go through her old toys and give you 15-20 toys she doesn't play with anymore or are missing pieces, whatever reason, so she can "make room" for the new toys. Then you can give the toys she doesn't play with to goodwill or whomever you choose. If she doesn't want to part with her old toys, then donate the new ones.

Sorry, but I'm going to disagree with the other responses. This is just my personal opinion, of course, but I would tend to say no presents -- for now, that is. When she is older, she will probably come to expect them. But at this age, I'm in favor of trying to put off the "gimme gimme" training for another year. And it's not like she won't get any presents. You said she will get plenty from family, right? (Besides, it does definitely make it easier on the moms of the kids you're inviting!!) By the way, I definitely like the idea that Mari-Lyn suggested about thank you notes with pictures. I'll try to remember to do that with my kids.

there are pros and cons to both ideas...first of all she's 3 and really won't totally understand the idea behind donating and not receiving presents from her friends when she takes presents to them for their birthday...kind of takes the joy out of having a birthday...but then on the other hand 15-20 kids certainly is an awful lot of presents!...also giving gifts is a learning experience for the children invited as well...i take my 3 year old and have done the same for all my older children to the store to choose the gift on their own and i even have them help me wrap it...gives them a little ownership and pride in the gift giving process. Is there any chance you can allow them to bring gifts but possibly keep it on a fairly small scale...maybe if some of the parents are friends they could merge gifts and keep it under a certain amount?...i also like the idea of opening some later so they get to have a whole birthday week...you can try putting a price limit...but that doesn't always work...maybe if there is a set price limit or 1 toy limit but if they insist on paying more a gift card to her favorite outing/restaurant or something...good luck...but i would keep the presents in...just my opinion :)

My daughter has given and received invitations that specify "no gifts please. A donation for *chosen charity* would be appreciated". Sometimes the charity is a food collection type organization and parents bring tomato soup and mac & cheese. Sometimes it's for a local animal shelter or the zoo. My daughter is autistic, so we usually choose autism related charities on her behalf for her own parties. Let your daughter chose what is important to her and I think she'll enjoy her party and discover the joy of giving!

Oh Go for the presents Some people have even more fun buying presents then they do getting them. It would be ok on the invite to mention what your daughter is in too or what you would like her to get into like craft stuff, painting etc.. Or mention small items. I Have a girlfriend that saved half the presents for later in the week because it was to much to open at the party and don't forget To send Thank you notes Just an idea I sent out Thank you notes the one year that were pictures of my children playing with the toy and I wrote the Thank you on the back everyone loved seeing their toy being played with.

I say gifts are ok. I have taken some gifts and re-gifted them in the past and your daughter will never know. I have a friend that on the invitation she will say "books and puzzels only please".

I struggle with this every year... My daughter, now 6, always gets so many presents. (her bday party was on the 7th and there's still a bag full of gifts just sitting in her room that we haven't tended to yet) But one thing we do every year is go through her toys and let her pick toys that she wants to donate to charity after her birthday. Out with the old in with the new. I love this because I really believe in what you give, you get and I am able to instill this in her... just because we're giving away toys (that she never really uses) doesn't mean you won't have nice things.
Also you could suggest books, art supplies, and my daughter loves do-it-yourself projects. Ex I got her a piggy bank that she got to paint herself, and it's something that she can have for a long time.
Maybe you could suggest to family to get her something small, just to unwrap, but the majority of their gift be monetary to put into a savings account.
Hope I could help. :)

I'm sure she would have fun either way.

If you go with the no presents theme, I would suggest steering away from the classic B-day party invitation. Call it a "giant" play time party or whatever the theme is. When you invite people to a "birthday party" they feel wierd not bringing a gift. I had the awful experience of being the ONLY person at a kids birthday party who heeded the parent's request not to bring a gift. My kids were embarassed because other kids brought something and they didn't. (I was pretty embarrassed too, especially when everyone gathered around to open presents and there we were empty handed.)

Could you do a gift exchange?? Ask each mom to bring a $10 gift and then let the children exchange? That way all get to enjoy and your daughter isn't focused on the gifts alone.

L., you certainly did gets lots of great advice. I don't know what more to say. I love the idea of a charity.

You know your 3 year old and your family the best. Just keep in mind if you put the no gift rule that you will have people that will not listen and this might cause others to feel badly if they do heed your request.

You could also give the option on the card and just say that you prefer no gifts, and that you would love for people to bring something for the local food bank, or pet shelter. Not to mention the lead paint thing that is going on all over the place.
Good luck !

I feel exactly the same way! My daughter is turning 3 next month and we are planning a great party for her and her friends, as we have always done. I am planning to put "no gifts please" on the invites. I'm also toying with idea of having people bring cat/dog food so that my daughter can make a donation to the animal shelter. I figure she'll be getting plenty of presents from family, plus Christmas is only another month away. She can do without all the extra presents that friends would bring to the party. I've discussed it with her and she's totally fine with it. She thinks the idea of giving to the animals is much more exciting.