3 Month Old Prefers Sleeping in Our Bed

Hi E.,

Your instint is correct with wanting to stop the pattern that's starting.

My first born (boy) always nursed in bed and we co-slept. When baby number two came around it was so hard/devasting for my son to learn how to sleep on his own, in his own room. I always felt bad; like I did that to him by not being more responsible early on and taking the easy route. I think it's so important for babies to sleep in there cribs in their own room. They need to learn how to self sooth and feel safe without always needing the comfort of mom or dad.

With babies number 2 and 3, they went right into their crib the first night, I nursed in their rooms, and back into their crib and they are my BEST sleepers.

Try to create a tranquill setting with soft music and soft lights. Cloud B makes a great constellation night light that my 6 month old loves. It's part of my night time routine. As soon as he sees the stars, he knows it's bedtime a drifts right to sleep.

To this day my eldest tries to climb in our bed and begs to sleep with us. We occasionally allow him to becuase once you're out numbered by the kids, it's harder to find one on one quality time with each child.

You might loose some sleep or battle upfront but with anything in life, you get what you put into it. A lesson I've learned early on with parenting.

Good luck.

E.,
If you are in fact interested in getting baby out of bed, then here is how I did it with my son (about 2 weeks ago at age 4 months)...I nursed him in a rocker in our room with lights low. I rocked and burped him, then laid him down in his crib. He cried for 1 hour and then went to sleep. I did the same routine for the next 5 days (I committed myself to 5 days in a row, no matter what). He then cried the next four days for 45 minutes, 30 minutes, 30 minutes, and no crying. Two weeks later he cries about every 3 days or so when I lay him down, but not more than 30 minutes. Before this, he slept in our bed and nursed throughout the night. He now sleeps on his own and through the night (I did make him cry for 30 minutes in the middle of the night twice to get through).
This is just how I did it and had success. I'm not at all against co-sleeping, and I also respect moms who are against "cry it out" - I believe a mom has to do what's comfortable for her. But I did want to share that this is what worked for us. Good luck!

I have done the same thing with both my sons....I put them down to sleep in their crib/bassinet first and then when they woke to feed I brought them to our bed. With my first son it was the only thing that let me keep my sanity while I was trying to work full time.....it might not be good sleep, but it's sleep. I night weaned my first around a year and once he learned he wasn't going to get what he wanted in our bed, he stopped waking up. I plan on doing the same with my 4 month old. It works really well for us and hasn't created any problems.

We made this "mistake" with our oldest also. It was sooo much easier to nurse with her in the bed and than we'd both fall asleep. We tried and tried to get her to sleep in her own bed but she would cry for at least an hour before she'd fall asleep. Finally at around a year old she actually started sleeping in her own bed because she wanted to. At 18 months we bought her a toddler bed because she was so good at staying in it all night. With our second we wised up and she always slept in her own bed. To this day our oldest can fall asleep anywhere but our youngest HAS to be in her bed. It is sooo much work getting her to bed anywhere else. She's going to be two and she has to cry herself to sleep in the car, when we camp-out, or when she stays the night with family. I believe it was very beneficial for our oldest to sleep with us. I think this is something you should consider when deciding where you baby will sleep.

Hi E. and congrats on your new little angel!

We were in the same boat with my son from day one. In fact, I think he would still want to cosleep at six years old if we would let him! As an infant, we brought him into our bed several times out of pure survival because he would only sleep for 45 minutes or so if in his own bed. I am hoping your little one is different, but we had sleep issues with him until he was 2 1/2. We often wonder if we should have just upgraded to a king bed and let him cosleep until he was better adjusted. It is a personal call, and I'm sure you are going to hear both sides from all of the moms. The fact is, you and your hubby need to decide what is best for you. It could be difficult either way, so go with your gut. If you do cosleep, consider getting one of the cosleeping infant beds that goes onto your bed and prevents you from rolling over on her. If you decide not to go that route, perhaps it is time for her to go to her room where she can't sense you as much.

Good luck and know that one day you will look back and laugh at these days!

A.

There is nothing wrong with sharing sleep. Remember, countless other countries and cultures have been doing this all along, with cribs being outside the norm.

This can be a wonderful way to be rested when you do return to work, believe it or not. It allows you the cuddle & reconnect time with your little one that you would both miss out on during the day while you're at work. And since you're nursing, it makes night nursing so much easier to not have to get up out of bed.

Remember, the only time it is NOT a good idea to share sleep is if you or your partner uses drugs, prescription medications that make it difficult to awaken, alcohol, or are overweight/obese, and are using too small a bed.

For more information, go to
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/night.php
or
http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/

A good book to read is "Good Nights" by Dr Jay Gordon as well.

Hi E.,
First congratulations! I am a new mom too with a 5 month old and can share some observations/suggestions based on our experience with our new daughter.
1) warm blankets/sheets may help
2) make sure that the sheets are clean and free of any burped milk accidents
3) put her in her bassinet with a piece of your clothing so that she can smell you and know that you are still there/closeby
4) sometimes, just indulge her for a nice treat - she is after all adjusting to a new life!

And best of luck going back to work! I found it hard in the beginning but with a good support system, I can let you know that it does get better! Also if you have nice co-workers, you will not feel so guilty about leaving her. hope this is helpful.

How long do you want your little one to sleep with you? I know some people who have co-slept with their child until they were in first or second grade. I knew from the beginning I didn't want to start because I was afraid it would become what was "easy" and then I would find myself several years later with my daughter between my husband and me.

I had the pack and play in my room at night, but when she was fussy and wouldn't go back to bed I cuddled with her on the couch until she was ready to sleep again. After only a couple weeks we moved her to her own room and she actually slept better! We found some of the waking/fussiness was because we were bothering her. She slept so soundly....at a month she was sleeping in 5 hour segments. I couldn't believe how much better I felt and it made it easier to tend to her when she needed to be fed.

The decision is so personal, but consider what others have faced with prolonging the co-sleeping, before you make a decision. Many people believe the bond that you build is worth the difficulty of transferring their child to their own bed later. Still others, like myself, wanted a routine established early on and stuck to it even when I really felt like giving up. But that was a decision my husband and I made together because it was best for us. What is best for your family?

You definitely need to break this before it does become a huge problem. My second daughter would sleep much better and longer if she were in our bed also. It is tempting because you are getting sleep, but could become a larger problem that is very hard to break. You are just going to have to let her cry it out. It is hard to do, but it does work. It would be much easier if she were in her crib where she couldn't see you but it can be done. Just comfort her after about 10 minutes or so by letting her know you are there but do not put her in your bed. It should only take a few nights but it will work, the first night will be the worst and the next few will be shorter and shorter. I know it will be hard but it will be worth it. Good luck!

Well, do you know sleeping with your child under the age of two is a high risk of SIDS? Here some websites I found very usful to many parents I provide care for. This may help you realize it is much better to be safe than sorry. I have taken many courses regarding SIDS and found these quite beneficial to my business as well as many parents who are new or experienced. parents.http://www.sidscenter.org/documents/SIDRC/BackToSleep.pdf
and
http://www.firstcandle.org/new_exp_parents/new_exp_safesl...
I hope you browse the last site and pass it forward. My solution would be for you to place the crib along side your bed at least for a few weeks to assure your baby girl that you are there. When she wakes gently pat or rub her to sooth her to go back to sleep, maybe night time music may help. Good luck and I wish you the best.

I also began co-sleeping when my son was 3 months old due to nursing. It was the only way I could get any sleep. I enjoyed the co-sleeping and it is actually healthy for mommy/baby bonding. However, it did begin to get a bit inconvenient around 14 months of age.
Luckily, at about 16 months my son started sleeping in his own bed through the night.He had never learned to "self-soothing" whatever that means, I just put him in his crib and shut the door-he fussed for 30 seconds and fell fast asleep until 5 the next morning and has been doing that for almost 3 months now!!
Good Luck.

I don't know how you feel about co-sleeping and what your time length is but a friend of mine suggested a book called the no cry sleep solution. She had her son in her bed for almost a year because he needed to breastfeed constantly now that he is sleeping on his own and through the night almost she is transitioning him into his own room. She says it's working beautifully, he now naps completely in his crib and is sleeping on a mattress in their room which will eventually get moved out of the room. She swears by the book, plus she says that she would have never been able to sleep without this technique because she had a higher need baby then most.

Hi! My baby boy is 11 months old now. I started putting him to bed in his crib around 8 weeks. That is also when I started doing our bedtime routine. We'd try to read a book (now we do three!), give him a bath, swaddle and then a bottle and if still awake I would sing and rock and then put him down. If he cried, I would give him 5 min, then 10. It took a while, but it was really the best thing - I got around 3-4 hours of sleep at a time (he STILL wakes up once most of the time). I would also suggest you try to spread out her feedings during the day to 4 hours. I did that by using a paci, swaddling, swinging (the 5 S's).

BTW - I went back to work when he was 5 1/2 months. It was REALLY hard at first!!! I would suggest you "practice" and keep yourself busy that day!!! I cried on and off - I was happy I didn't actually go to work that day!!!

Hope this helps!!! And cuddle cuddle cuddle. I sometimes have a hard time pinning down my guy for an extended hug!!!!!

Hi E.~
I had the same thing happen to me with both of my kids (5 & 18mo). I let them sleep in the bed with me while they were really little & I was nursing. However, once they were about 6 months, I transitioned from the bassinet to the crib. Surprisingly they both did excellent, and once in their own rooms, they never cried to be in bed with me. In my personal experience, it seemed to just be the need of comfort, and was just a phase. So, I'm sure it will be ok when you're ready to end it!!
Hope this helps, or at least re-assures you!!
J.

I have a 21 month old daughter. Since day 1 she wanted to be with me. We breastfeed and co-slept for 1 year. She would have nothing to do with her new crib, bassinet or any other thing, but me! I felt like a pacifer with legs. We slept on the big bed until she could crawl then we got a futon for the floor, so she wouldn't hurt herself. She is still sleeping on the floor next to our big bed. Everytime she wakes up me or my husband have to parent her back to sleep. The whole thing is very difficult!!!! I tried every thing written out there on how to break the habit and she would have nothing to do with anything!! She is very stubborn. So good luck! I hope some of the other suggestions help you. Take Care!

Hi E.,

All I can say is break this habit while she is young.

My son had open heart surgery at 20 months and that was when I let him start sleeping with me and my husband in our bed. I was up several times a night to check on him and finally my husband said, "Just bring him in here with us, that way we will all get some sleep". I wish I would have never done that. I finally got him out of my bed into his own at 6 yrs of age. It took us that long to break him. It was not bad when he was small but the bigger he got, well even a king sized bed was not big enough for all of us.

I now have a sleep filled night without getting kicked in the side or being pushed out of bed and I will tell you that it is wonderful.

K.

I always started my daughter out in her crib for bedtime. If she awoke during the night, I would bring her to my bed to nurse until morning. Somewhere around 11 months of age, she stopped waking to nurse on her own and has never been in our bed, since. She was just ready at that point. I don't think you make bad habits at this young age. Babies can adapt to any sort of routine pretty easily. She won't be nursing every 2 hours forever. In a few short months, her nursings will space themselves out and you will see a pattern to it all.

You sound exactly like us only a few months ago. My daughter is now 7 months and slept with us until she was about three months old. To be honest, the way we transitioned her to her crib was to use her cues. I was a stickler about her napping in the crib daily. One day, she didn't fight going down for any of her naps and we decided to try for the night. She was just ready and has slept in her bed ever since with the exception of our vacation....a whole nother story. We are now having to do the cry it out thing to get her down at night as if we don't we have multiple night wakings. Sorry I don't have any sage advice. The other thing I did daily was put her in her crib during some quite awake time so that I could shower, etc. and she learned to play and associate it with things other than sleep. Good luck going back to work.

You are right to be concerned about setting up a pattern that will be hard to break. However, I do think you still have a window of time before you really need to worry about that. My experience has been that until the babies are about 4 months old it makes sense to do anything that maximizes sleep! At 4 months or so (nothing is set in stone) I would start to take steps to establish good sleep habits. I believe that getting the sleep thing down leads to happiness for the whole family for years to come. So get a book about sleep physiology and talk with your husband about what kind of schedule makes sense for your family and what kind of bedtime routine you will follow. I suggest getting your husband really involved in the bedtime routine so the baby doesn't become reliant on just one person or set of circumstances to sleep. Over time you will have successes and failures, times when things go smoothly and periods of regression but it is really worth it!! Teaching your child how to handle the uncertainty and anxiety of nighttime separation sets the stage for them to handle all kinds of separations in the future!

Good luck and enjoy this wonderful time when they are in bed with you!

M. (SAHM of 14, 11 and 5 year olds)

I did exactly what you are doing and my son transitioned to his crib with no problem. Do what feels right to you, not what others or books tell you. I think it depends on the child's temperment as well. My son didn't have an issue going to the crib but the next kid may have had a harder time with the transition. If you don't mind co-sleeping do it, if it bothers you and your husband stop.

We did the same thing and our son sleeps on his own in his bed now. When they are really little and still nursing all the time it is so easy and they love being with you. Don't worry so much about "down the road" it will work itself out. Our daughter too and she is now out of our bed also. It was not hard to transition. Do what works for you now.

We co-slept from day one. Our little girl was one of those sho would cry for HOURS if I were to lay her in the crib, but when I laid her down on our bed, she would stay asleep/go to sleep. lol. We really enjoyed co-sleeping. She is two now and in her own bed. It means more bedtime stories to get her to go to bed than it might have otherwise, and honestly, it's harder for me to get to sleep without her then it is for her without me. Dr. Sear's website has a lot of info on safe co-sleeping that you might be interrested in. Good luck with that and with returning to work. Just curious, do you attend La Leche League meetings? They were a great help to me when I faced going back to work.

Hi E.! My 11 month old was the exact same way when he was 3 months old. I also found it easier to let him sleep next to me after nursing because then we would both sleep better. I transitioned my son into his crib at that point and after a few nights he did fine and began sleeping longer. Looking back I think I responded too quickly to his little "peeps" because I used to jump up at every cry when he was in my room and feed him. He still makes noises or will cry out while sleeping then roll over and go back to sleep. I bought a video monitor with a big screen so I could peek at him too--that helped calm my nerves at the time and now I love being able to check in on him with out walking in the room and disturbing him. Good luck to you!

Hi E.,

Your situation sounds very similar to mine about 6 mos. ago. If you would have asked me if I would be open to a child or baby sleeping in my bed before I delivered, the answer would have been a strong NO!

I had family and some friends questioning the practice of having my babe nurse in bed with me, but it worked for us and allowed me to get a good rest, and with returning to work after 3+ mos. of maternity leave, I couldn't afford not to sleep, but stressed about this. You'll probably get advice from parents to let your baby cry it out and to start leaving her in her own room, but the only thing that I found worked was trusting your gut instinct and tuning out well meaning outsiders.

Our doctor also pointed out to me, that I was doing the right thing by parenting my child through the night. He said that it will help keep our bond and also help him to develop security and confidence. As a working mom, I could not imagine not having this time and closeness with my baby.

PS- I do have 2 friends who have older children who did the co-sleeping thing, and they transitioned out on their own time with very little troubles. One was about one and the other child was a little older, but they are really empathetic, awesome kids. (The Baby Book by Dr.Sears is a also a good resource)

Do what your instincts tell you and remember that they are only this young for a short time. Good luck returning to work. I wish you the best!!!!!!!

You must be exhausted! I am going to recommend a book that my cousin told me about. It's called: "On Becoming Baby Wise". (I don't know the author) I bought my book used on half.com for about $7. The book tells you how to put your baby on a feeding and sleeping schedule, and it really works! We didn't start this method until my son was 2 weeks old, but then he was sleeping 7 hours a night at 8 weeks old! By the time he was 3 months old, he was sleeping 10 hours a night. (Everyone I have talked to who has used this method has seen the same results.) Then when he started sleeping through the night, I put him in his own crib in his own room. I did have to rock him to sleep though, and he did use a pacifier, but this method really works. Good luck!

E.,
Congrats on your baby girl!

I am no expert, but I do have two children. My first I worked really hard to keep in the bassinet until we sleep trained and moved into a crib at 4 months. He was TERRIBLE at falling asleep until he was 18 months old (read: scream fest before every sleep).

My daughter on the other hand (now 12 months) I allowed to sleep with us actually most nights (she'd start in the cosleeper, then would move to our bed w/t he first feeding. When she would, she'd sleep in the cosleeper (the Miracle (swaddling) Blanket was very helpful with this!) but she did sleep with us a lot. By 6 months I was ready to have my bedroom back (long story, but b/w the baby in there and an episiotomy that took more than 5 months to heal, let's just say dh and I needed to do everything we could to reclaim our bedroom). I kept her in the cosleeper more, and started having her nap in the crib, and within a couple of weeks she was sleeping in the other room, with really no problem. She woke more frequently at night (1-3 times instead of sleeping straight through), but I enjoyed those early well-rested nights to be sure!

My point is this: they are only so very little for such a short short time. your parents are probably going to be the ones who are the most critical of cosleeping -- so just don't tell them (I had to stop talking about it with my folks and inlaws). Honestly, if she is sleeping better (and you are too), AND you're getting more "snuggle" time in the face of returning to work, it sounds like a perfect situation to me. And even our friends who planned to cosleep full time indefinitely with their children: their daughter (now 2.5) "moved out" onto a small bed elsewhere in the room with absolutely no problem by age 2.

Good luck!
T.

Our son was a little younger than that when he would need to sleep with me. He wouldn't nap unless I was holding him & I spent a lot of nights half asleep with him laying next to me. You may want to consider a co sleeper to help eliminate the risk of SIDS -- that was always my concern. When he did start sleeping in his bed, the transition was very easy & he kind of did it on his own (started to not sleep well with me -- wanting to move around & me holding him confined him). I loved it!

When my daughter was nursing I kept her in bed with me till 6 months old and then I put her in the crib with no problem people always were hassling me that I am doing the wrong thing and I just listened and did what I want anyways. She went into her crib fine at 6 months with no problem, I would not worry about it you need sleep and so does the baby

I nursed both of my sons until 4 months and 7 months, respectively. After that I pumped and bottle fed EBM to them. Neither has ever slept in our bed and both were in the crib within about 2 weeks of being home. I guess I didn't mind going in there in the middle of the night to feed them. I was back at work at about 8 weeks and still did the night feedings with them. It was so peaceful to go in their room, nurse them in the rocker with the house dead silent. I actually enjoyed it.

So, although some may enjoy the co-sleeping, we went the route of having our boys getting used to their cribs at an early age. They seemed to learn to associate their bedroom with the comfort of being nursed and cuddled by Mom. It worked for us. You just need a pretty comfy rocker :)

Good luck.

It's easier to put up with her fussing in the basinet for a few nights now than it will be to get her out of your bed. It's all in what they get use to. Put a musical hanging birds toy or something over her basinet so she has something to hear and see until she falls back to sleep. Sounds like she has already gotten use to your bed but it'll only be a few nights of stress. If you feed and change her, she'll be fine.

We have been through this with both of our children (girls). There is something about the warmth and scent that is pacifying to them. We tried putting her baby mattress on the floor next to our bed (they didn't roll yet) and bundle her up as if she is sleeping with us. It took a few tries to get it right, but they did start to sleep on their own. You may consider something you wear under her for that scent of you. My oldest started sleeping with one of my shirts and that became her blanky and comfort. Enjoy it! I know it is hard and don't want to start a habit, but it is awesome to have that closeness. My doctor also told me to not be concerned, they will adapt. Congratulations and God Bless!

We've always had the same predicament. They - all 5 here- had slept in our bed to some point. We chose sleep when they were young! Once frequent nursing was starting to wane and they just would use me for a pacifier in the night, we moved the babes to their own room. They had to be out of our room, or we would wake them when we came in and they'd be right in bed again. Usually in a week, they were fine and slept through the night. You have to be consistent though as to not start the whole thing over again. Once you make the choice, keep to it.