3 1/3 Year Old Won't Poop in Toilet, Only in Diaper

Hi, S.,
I would just relax if I were you. He will do it on his OWN timeframe. They all do. We, as parents, just make it worse by insisting it happen by a certain time. My son did the same thing and I let him do it for 2 months (he was already peeing in the potty) without commenting on it. Finally, I thought I would offer an incentive (jelly beans) to see if it would work and he must have been ready, because it worked like a charm. But incentives won't work if they are not ready to take the next step. Just forget about it for a month or two and try again later. He will eventually poop in the potty. They all do. good luck!

Been there...done that! My 5 1/2 year old son did the exact same thing. I initially used the suggested approach of not making a big deal about it. Pressure only makes things worse and I knew he would eventually figure it out. But then it came time for preschool and I worried about what would happen when he had to poop at school. I talked to his pediatrician and he suggested taking my son to the toy store & letting him choose 5 things. Whatever he wanted and then taking them home and placing them up on a shelf within clear view. He said to tell my son that he could have one of these toys as soon as he pooped in the toilet. We tried it and it didn't work. He definitely was not motivated by this process. Then my sister gave me another idea based on something she'd read. First step was to tell him that I would continue to give him a diaper to poop in, but that he had to use it when he was in the bathroom because that is where people pooped. The idea being that it would at least get him using the bathroom. Then after a week or so, I told him that he now had to sit on the toilet when he had to go poop. I would not give him a diaper to poop in if he did not SIT on the toilet while pooping. The purpose of this step was to get him use to sitting down on the toilet to poop rather than standing as he'd always done when pooping in his diaper. If he got use to sitting on the toilet while pooping, it would ease the transition. Next step was to secretly cut a small hole in the diaper before putting it on him when he had to poop. The idea behind this step was to have the poop fall out of the diaper into the toilet teaching him that nothing bad would happen when he pooped in the toilet. Well that step didn't go so well because I didn't cut the hole big enough or in the right place. Fortunately, the next time he had to go, Dad was home & he cut a HUGE hole & miraculously the poop fell through & my son was THRILLED!! Couldn't believe he did it and was soooo proud. The next 2 times he pooped after that he wanted a diaper with a hole cut out which was a little bit of an obstacle, but he quickly figured out that it wasn't necessary and never had a problem after that. He was almost 4 years old by the time this happened. It is not unusual, especially in boys. It is a control thing for the most part and patience, patience, patience is needed when helping him learn how to use the toilet. I know both of the above suggestions seem outlandish. I truly laughed and thought NO WAY, but had to eat my words when it actually worked. Best of luck and truly, no one ever graduated from college wearing a diaper. It will happen. Good luck!!

Try a potty chair instead of the regular toilet.

No worries, he will eventually go on the toilet. My oldest daughter used to hide in the closet and put a pull up on, poop in it, and I would change her. I never made a big deal about it and she eventually outgrew it on her own. Poop doesn't come out as easily as pee so it takes a little longer to adjust to.

My almost 4 year old did the same thing. She was totally potty trained, no pull up at night, was fine with peeing in the potty, etc. But she refused to poop in the potty. We just let it happen naturally and about 3 weeks ago we told her we didn't have any more diapers in the house and she needed to go on the potty and she did. She hasn't gone back at all, but we did give her a cookie a few times after she went. I think the key is no pressure. When they are ready, it will happen. Good luck!

You could just let it happen when he's ready -- it's much easier that way. No gum, no candy, no clapping, no parties, no discussions about poop, no reading books in front of the potty, etc. etc.

No guarantees about preschool peer-pressure, but I guarantee you that yes, something will eventually kick in. They definitely don't poop their pants in middle school.

My 3 1/2 year old boy was the same way. He pooped a couple of times in the potty when he was just about 2, then totally refused. He used to ask for a diaper when he wanted to go. Then he progressed to waiting until night, when the diaper went on at bedtime. He hardly ever had accidents. I opted to wait it out and just keep offering it as an option. One day my husband was changing my son's diaper and mentioned something about it being pretty stinky (not mean about it, just laughing with my son about it). My son said, "don't worry daddy, in 3 days you won't have to change my diaper any more because I am going to go poop in the potty." Shockingly, 3 days later, he asked to use the toilet to go poop. He still goes in his diaper in the evening sometimes, but it is definitely getting less often and his potty poops are more frequent. I was nervous about pushing him before he was ready and I am glad I didn't. Any time I tried to force him, he just rebelled and got all stressed about it. It seems to be working out for our little guy, though the process is a little slower than I would have liked. good luck!

Hi S.,

I just got through this same phase with my 4 year old grandson. One day he just said "I gotta go poop!" and ran to the bathroom. We made a huge big deal out of it and told him how proud we are, etc. He's been doing it everyday since.

Some kids just take longer. It may very well be the flush but not in the way you think. Seems that kids see that little poop as part of themselves being flushed away, not the same as when it's just going pee. For some unfathomable reason, it is terrifying to them for a while. They master it in the same way they master any other fear.

He will get tired of having the yucky poop in his pants and graduate to the potty eventually, I promise. I don't think it's about peer pressure at this age . These little guys know when they are ready and they just do it. No amount of pressure from the grown ups can force them.

It can be frustrating but I would just be patient and let him know that you understand and you know that when he is ready he will do it.

Hang in there and good luck.

L.

p.s. I think you are doing great having him peeing and flushing at this age. :)

I think you've already gotten a lot of great responses, but I just wanted to echo that your 4-year-old probably really is afraid of the flush when he poops. Preschoolers have fears that seem irrational/illogical to us adults, and I think others have made the point that poop seems more like a part of his own body than pee, thus flushing it feels scarier. You could either talk him through this gently, or just wait until he resolves it on his own.

Good luck!

This seems to be a universal problem for parents and children. I have come to the conclusion that we make it worse by trying to get them to do it on our time schedule. It makes extra work for adults, so we want to get it under control early, but we end up having to deal with it longer. I agree that to make as little issue as possible and just wait for him to be ready is the best policy. I hope your daycare/preschool is one where he is able to advance with his age group even though he doesn't have this under control I've worked for some where the child stays back with the 2 year olds until fully trained. While I understand the idea that they aren't staffed to adequately handle potty training at the older ages, I think keeping them back creates problems with the child's developmental stages in other areas. Please check with your preschool as to what their policies are in regard to potty training, and staying with the child's age group. BTW - there also seems to be a mindset that by holding the child back, that will be enough encouragement for them to decide to go... (doesn't happen in my experience) or to motivate the parents to 'try harder' to train them... another bit of wasted effort in my opinion.
Hang in there. Poopy pants don't last forever!

hi, I had the same situation with my daughter. One day she came running telling me that she had to poop and wanted a diaper on. I jumped up like I was going to get it for her and then said to her "oh no, I don't have anymore diapers and you can't fit into your sisters. Your gonna have to go in the toilet are you ready to try?" She said yes and it was a happy moment for all of us and she never went back. I did really think that I was out and when we were walking to the bathroom I saw that I had a few left, but I was not going to stop the moment. good luck!

Give all of your diapers away.
If you have to get hime a little potty chair. You can keep it in the car too for those roadside pee-poo times.