2Nd Grader Crying at School Drop Off

Give it some time. It's normal for you to be concerned, but she is adjusting and it's perfectly understandable for her to be experiencing growing pains.

So sorry to hear that your daughter is going through this. I'm just going to give you my honest opinion...let her go to the PUBLIC school with her friends. Especially if you live in an area with a good school system, which I'm guessing Wake Forest does? Educationally she will be fine, and how nice to already have neighborhood friends to go with. I would send my kids to a public school any day over a private religious one. I also think in general that teaching in a public school is a more desirable position for a teacher because the salary and benefits packages are better. If you lived in an area with a poor school system, I might consider the religious private one. I would be concerned if two weeks into the school year my child was still unhappy and the personality changes described by the teacher would also concern me.

have you talked with your daughter to ask her WHY she's crying? Why she is frustrated? Get down on her level and start talking AND LISTENING....

If she wasn't in a private school before? It's a huge change now.

I would also let her know that all the friends she has in the neighborhood are still her friends and she can play with them AFTER school...

some private schools can be... how do i say it without offending anyone? they can be snobbish. (there i said it)

i attended a private school and i didn't fit in no matter how hard i tried. teachers would bully me. students would bully me and i would get in trouble for it. i was paddled so many times i lost count (usually for someone talking to me or throwing something at me) i felt so alone and no one bothered to talk to me to find out why i hated school, why i never wanted to go, and why i would cry about it.
i lasted one month without my big brother in the same school. and a teacher started a false situation in which i was going to be suspended. i told my mom that i was dropping out of school unless she found a better solution. i started a new school the next week. this (also private school) was full of loving warm hearted and kind people and i felt accepted; the teachers were there to teach and nurture. i was no longer bullied. i stopped crying about school, made friends, and had the most wonderful experience.

please have a heart to heart with your daughter. find out whats upsetting her about school, let her know its ok to "rat out the teacher" that its perfectly ok to tell the reason and that you will help her get more comfortable with school (and please change her school if this one does not work out... had someone helped me sooner i may not be a hermit with only one friend thats not related to me)

Is there a school counselor? If so, you might ask his/her input. Your DD is in a new state with a new school and her new friends aren't at her school. It's a lot to handle and maybe it's just hitting home. She may also be missing old friends that she would have otherwise seen at school. I know when I moved as a kid, back to routine was sad for me because I knew that the classmates would not be my friends (yet). I went from a little private school to a big city school to a small town school and each was a culture shock. In some ways it was worse to go from the big school to the cliquish little one.

You may also want to do a mom/daughter day and see Inside Out (if still showing) and talk about feelings. The main character in that movie movies and deals with conflicting emotions about that move.

It is so hard for kids to move.
Not that there is anything wrong with moving!! We moved our kids too.
The hardest adjustment was for my son when he was starting 4th grade. He came home crying almost every day. He was so so so sad. It broke my heart and I was sure that we were ruining him.
He told me that he would just walk around at recess and look forlornely (wow, I spelled that wrong) at other children. He just looked sad and lost.
So, I sent out an email to his teacher letting her know what was going on. I got an email back from her that very same day saying that she would keep an eye on him and that she forwarded it to the vice principle. SHE called me later that day and we chatted about my boy and came up with a plan. He got a "friend" from the class who basically hung out with him and invited him to play on the playground and sat with him at lunch.
The vice principle came and talked with the class about herself because SHE was new and then talked with the new kids.
I can not stress enough about how fantastic my kid's teacher and VP were. Within a week my son had made a friend and by the end of the next week he had quite a few kids to play with.
He just started 7th grade (jr high!) and has made quite a few friends these past 3 years.
I feel ya mama, it was really hard to watch my boy and not feel seriously bad about the decision that we had made. But, it all worked out in the end!
I would suggest contacting your child's teacher and seeing if she is struggling in her classroom with the kids. Maybe also contacting her school counselor. Those people played a huge part in getting my boy to feel like he "belonged."
I promise, it will get better.
L.

It's not too early: Get to know the parents of her classmates, pronto, so that you can start suggesting playdates as soon as possible. (It's also a good idea to get to know these parents so you can get their take on what's happening in school in general.) Initial playdates might need to be things like staying around after school on the playground, if that's allowed, with you and the other parent there -- it's prime parent-talk time -- or meeting at a park, until you and the other parents are comfortable enough for drop-off play dates. Also, if there are clubs or afterschool activities, get your daughter involved in one that interests her, so she is making some friends who have common interests. Friendships should not be based solely on the fact another kid just happens to live near her; they should be rooted in interests they share, and as the kids get older, their friendships will be much more based on interests than on mere proximity.

Your daughter is going through a lot of change all at once (a long-distance move, a new school, finding then feeling she's "losing" ready-made neighborhood friends). The start of school might also be her first realization that yes, she's not ever going to return to the routines she knew, and now that the initial shiny newness of summertime fun is over, she's feeling very down as that realization hits her. But this will pass. Do stay in touch with her teacher and if there is a school counselor, go introduce yourself and explain that your child did a long-distance move and might be having some adjustment issues, and any good counselor will keep an eye on her.

Please don't feel guilty for doing what you felt was best in terms of school. She will make some friends eventually but you do need to help her with that to a degree - she cannot really arrange her own playdates, get herself to other kids' houses or check schedules with other parents, so you really are her social secretary for a while to come. Don't hesitate to make some playdates or offer to take her classmate/friends to a movie on a weekend etc. Don't wait for her to ask for a playdate at this point, but make it start to happen. You won't be doing it forever.

By the way, if she needs to cry, do let her cry and don't try to talk her out of it or reason her out of it, and just quietly and briefly acknowledge the feelings -- but don't let it go on at length. After you acknowledge that you're sorry she feels that way, distract by moving on to something else -- asking her to help cook dinner, or asking her to show you her her latest art project or whatever.

Sorry to hear she is going through this - it is hard for a mom to watch and of course you are concerned for her.

My best friend who lived next door went to a different school, and my kids have the same thing. Once your daughter becomes accustomed to the new school and familiar with the kids in her class, it will definitely get easier. This of course takes a bit of time. I would give it a little while yet.

Struggling with school work can make a child withdraw - this happened to one of mine last year. She was embarrassed to show her work and her self esteem suffered. I didn't even realize what was going on until half way through the year, when same thing, the teacher described more normally chatty child as quiet. I would get on that - help her at home if she needs it, keep in touch with the teacher, and make sure she's getting the help she needs. Adding struggling to a new school experience could be partly why she's crying.

Now, I do have a little one who cried at camp drop off this past summer and she's around same age. Quite frankly, it surprised me but then I looked around and a whole bunch of kids that age where also teary eyed. I think adjusting to a new place, being tired (Nervy Girl is very right here) and meeting new people is all a bit overwhelming.

I would listen to her (without prompting too much) to see if there's anything you really need to worry about, and get her bedtime moved up maybe (even being nervous can tire a kid out more than normal) and see how it goes. I would be encouraging rather than focus on her tears - I find the more I make a big deal about their fears or tears the worse it gets. I try to act like I know they can handle it. Of course, also knowing you're there to listen at end of day if they have to let it out helps too.

My husband is better at drop offs. He's very "Have a great day! Of course you will be fine!" type approach and the kids believe him. I think my face shows more of my concern (I hate tears) and as a mom, I naturally worry - they can sense this. So maybe your husband could drop her off and see how she does?

One last thought - maybe get her into some activities after school or on weekends with kids from her class or even her school? Familiar faces always helps.

Don't know much about private religious schools - just public, so can't comment on that. But if she came from a public school background there may be adjustments there too.

Good luck :)

Two weeks into school (and a new school, no less!) IS still early within any sort of 'adjustment' threshold, in my book. It may take a child a month or so to really get back into the swing of being at school and-- if the child hasn't been doing any sort of academic activity-- getting back into the work of learning.

While I don't think this is necessarily indicative of something bad going on at the school, I know why it's concerning. Let me also tell you, as the mom of a third grader, I saw plenty of teary little girls and boys at pickup time in second grade. They are *tired*. If this school is academically rigorous, the adjustment time may take longer.

I also wonder, you posted back in November about your daughter having trouble connecting with other kids. Did this resolve or is this something your daughter is still working on? You had mentioned that she tended to be a big personality and (your words) was a bit bossy and loud, scaring kids away that she really wanted to play with. So, that can make things hard too.

Having neighbor kids at the same school doesn't mean anything, in my opinion. I live in a neighborhood where our son's best buddy is a girl who goes to another school and the boy who is in his class --they hardly play with each other at all. (the really NICE thing about them going to separate schools is that no one teases either of them about their friendship. )

You've only just started-- give things time to settle down.

ETA: I just want to add-- it's great to listen to our kids when they are upset, but I would keep your own anxiety about this in check. I'm assuming that you are listening to your kid-- one thing we do at the dinner table is to go around and list our most challenging and our 'best' thing (in that order) that happened today. I would be cautious about bringing it up in a worried way or asking yes/no questions which limit how our kids can perceive things. Instead, you can ask "what do you wish your teacher knew about you?" or "who are you sitting next to right now in class?" Encourage her to look for other kids who are sitting alone and look like they want someone to play with. I think the more open-ended questions are better than quizzing for 'what's wrong' and making the conversation more negatively focused.-- plus our scrutiny of their upset turns being sad into a regular topic of conversation and way to get attention. Part of how they respond to these changes depends a lot on the cues that we give them.

Soon enough the school will have a parent presentation (and fall festival) if they haven't already. It will give you the opportunity to introduce yourself to a few moms and get to know them and you can possibly arrange a play date at a jump house or game works. If you do this, invite all the girls or kids to avoid any issues of jealousy, as she doesn't need that right now.

I am assuming at 7 years old, she is in first grade. They still like to have birthday parties and invite the whole class. Make it to as many parties as you can, to help both of you get to know the children.

Our daughter started kindergarten at her school. Many of the students in her class came from the same starter school and already knew eachother since they were as young as two. What seems to happen is that they bond and stay close at a very young age and as they turn 8, 9, & 10 years old, they begin to go in different directions. Some dance, some do karate, some play soccer, and some swim. As they go these different directions, their attitudes change, they become more competitive, and they kind of begin to break up that bond.

With that said, my daughter had a rough 3 years before she knew who she really enjoyed being around.

It's everywhere including the public schools. Moving your daughter to the public school would only show her that her friends in the neighborhood have friends at school and she wouldn't be as special as she is on the front lawn. It's sad, but true.

We have suggested reading a book over being rejected many of times.

Sometimes, kids around age 7 exaggerate. It's not that they're lying - they just get dramatic. Your daughter may have heard certain things over the summer about what the kids did last year in kindergarten or first grade - exciting things like field trips, class parties, an exceptionally cool teacher, etc. She may be assuming that over at the neighborhood school, it's a circus with pony rides every day, whereas at her school, it's uniforms and maybe a weekly chapel service, or memorizing Scripture or other important school tasks that may seem mundane or even boring to a child, especially one who thinks that her friends are playing games.

So maybe it's just a matter of expectations. Of course, her neighbor friends are doing math, and having homework, and they have class rules, but they may not have mentioned that. Try talking with her. Go for a long ride or a walk and have a good talk.

Adjusting to a move is hard for kids of any age. I would give her more time to adjust and talk to her about it (well mostly listen to her feelings).

This reminds me of the movie "Inside Out".

Why don't you invite over another girl from her class for a playdate? Do this once or twice a week (with different kids...whoever she says she likes) to make it a routine and that way she will get one on one time with her classmates. This will help her to bond with them and get to know them better. Any time we have moved this is what I do with both my kids. It REALLY helps them to make friends quickly. I don't worry if the other family reciprocates or not. I try to do it every week after we move. I also try to get to know the parents of the kid or kids that they seem to really like and eventually I invite their family over for dinner. It helps my kids to get to know other kids much better and to have something in common. That way in the classroom they feel like they know someone. It is SO hard to move for kids. Their peers and friendships are really important to them.

It can take some kids till Halloween to settle into a routine.
Give it some more time and stay in contact with the teacher.
You'll have a lot to discuss come parent teacher conference time.
In the mean time ask your daughter what nice/fun/great things happened every day to get her thinking about the positives.
It's a major transition and she'll get comfortable with it eventually but it will take time.

I think you have the right of it. Kids don't get to make all the decisions. This was the decision you made for her. She will adjust. In a few weeks all this angst will be a distant memory. You say she's meeting friends so just hang in there. She'll get past this. Be patient with her and try to talk to her about it.