M.,
You will do fine. Your concern is understandable. I certainly understand the husband wanting the quiet nights - mine does too, and though he says he is understanding, he mostly wants his nights quiet and doesn't want to get up for our son. I don't have another on the way yet, but I do get up for my son during the night to nurse him - his 'bottle'.
I too won't let him cry it out. Your daughter takes a bottle, which is more than my son will do. Is it possible to try to increase what she takes in during the day, and just before bed, so it isn't thirst she's working on?
I've been reading, and from what I have been reading, having a full belly isn't the cure-all for waking in the night like a lot of people tout it to be.
You might try rocking her before you give her the bottle, then gradually increase the wait time for the bottle, slowing the rocking while you are waiting. I am able to do this with my son at times, and he forgets wanting to eat and just falls back to sleep.
(Very rarely does he wake wanting to play - I smile at first and giggle with him just a little, then we do the sleepy strategy of lullabies, snuggling, then rocking, then sitting and rocking, then stopping rocking. Only once has he not fallen asleep this way after being perky and wanting to play. <side note> He is cute when he does this - he whispers his little comments - and it is so hard not to give in! :) He is also starting to sing with the lullaby, too.)
It can be done. It sounds like you will be persistent.
Good Luck!
M.