28 Month Old and Sleep

Updated on November 16, 2010
K.E. asks from Marietta, GA
3 answers

Hello all. My 28 month old daughter has had a hard time sleeping since birth. she did go through one period at age one when she would fall asleeep on her own no problem and sleep through the night. Just before she turned two that all changed. Going to bed at night is a constant struggle. At the very least she wants my husband or me in the room with her until she is asleep. We've tried slowing backing out of the room but I can't get past the door because she wants to be able to see us in the room. We have the lights off but the hallway light on and door open. Since she's in a big girl bed we want the light on so she doesn't fall out when she does try to get out of bed. She goes to bed anywhere between 8:30pm and 10pm, meaning we usually try getting her down around 8:30 and it sometimes takes her until 10 to stop getting up looking for us. We have tried the back to bed technique and it usually results in her crying until she throws up. She is very under weight, so it kills me to have her throw up any dinner she's eaten, so I usually try to avoid that. We try to keep a bed tim routine, which involves brushing teeth, reading books, saying prayers, and if I'm the one to put her down I sing some songs. My husband and I take turns putting her down cuz we need a break. Should just one of us do it for consistency? That's problem one, getting her to sleep. The other problem is that often she will wake up around 2am and not go back to sleep until 4am. She will scream and cry unless she is allowed to get in bed with us , but even so she is awake for at least 2 hours before finally falling back asleep. She is then up for good by 7am. It doesn't seem like night terrors, but I suppose nightmares could be a culprit. She gets a good nap every day, even on days that she sleeps pretty well through the night she'll take a 2 hour nap. On days when she's been up for 2 hours at night she'll often sleep 3 hours. Also, I should mention that we are all currently sleeping in the same room. My husband and I are in one bed (with a crib nearby for our 2 month old) and toddler is in another bed in the room. We did this originally because when she started sleeping in a big girl bed we wanted her nearby for several reasons that I won't go in to here. She's at the point where I feel ok putting her in a room by herself if you all think that would help. My only concern is that she may feel pushed aside with the whole family sleeping in one room except for her. I can't move my 2 month old out yet because she still wakes every 2 hrs to eat. Any advice you could give would be great. We are just so tired of not getting enough sleep and I we often get frustrated with her and that doesn't help either. Thanks so much

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J.H.

answers from Columbus on

Wow! I disagree with the PP. A 28 month old baby is not maliciously or purposefully trying to manipulate you. The child is only trying to have her needs met, whether they be emotional or physical in nature. If she is getting so upset that she makes herself physically sick it is definitely time to try a new approach. How about reading the books The Baby Whisperer and/or The No-Cry Sleep Solution. They have methods that you may want to try.

I do agree that it's time for her to be sleeping in her own room. She may be a light sleeper and the noises from other family members are waking her up. She also can't understand why she can't be in bed with you all since you're in the same room. It's great that you have a bedtime routine, but you may need to change it up because the routine currently includes her not sleeping for hours after it. You will be surprised at how much this will help.

If you're worried about her feeling pushed aside when you put her in her own room, don't be. Approach the new change with a positive attitude, don't think it's going to be fight or it will be. Be matter-of-fact about it. I recommend reading the book Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. I have five children and this book is very helpful for anyone with more than one child.

Good luck. If you still have concerns about your child talk to her pediatrician. There may be something else at work.

2 moms found this helpful

M.M.

answers from Chicago on

My kids are exactly the same age as yours. 28mos and 13 weeks.

A couple of things:
1) Put her in her own room. She needs to have that as her own space. Especially with a new baby around. It's definitely time. And sharing you with the baby is just going to be part of the equation from now on. She needs to get used to that.

2) Put her down earlier. We just moved our toddler's bedtime back to 7:30 (from 8) to combat the daylight savings fun. He was waking up at 5am. He's sleeping through again now. I'm betting if she gets down earlier, that middle of the night waking will disappear.

3) She's going to have to cry. A large part of this is her way of manipulating you to get a response. And it's been working beautifully for her up until now. She'll be fine, even if she throws up. It should only take 1-2 nights to break the habit. You can go and comfort her, but she needs to understand that she has a 5 minute limit (or whatever). No more of this 2 hr business. And if she cries when you leave the room, let her cry. It's just like any other temper tantrum, it's just happening in the middle of the night.

We lock our 28mo in his room to prevent him from coming out. We respond if he cries, so we don't just leave him in there by any means. But he's come to understand that a locked door means it's time for night-night. It's part of the routine now. We do lay down with him at bedtime - on the floor next to his bed - for about 10 minutes. Then we get up, say goodnight, turn on his nightlight and leave.
You just have to change the routine. And she's not going to like it. But it's what's best for your family and you'll be a better (more rested) mother because of it. You just have to gut it out for a few nights.

1 mom found this helpful
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D.W.

answers from Charleston on

Wow. You really need to reset everyone.

Toddler:

Needs her own room. Have her help set it up, but the bed in a corner, against a wall, with a bedrail. Let her go back to a crib if she wants to, but she needs to go to bed in her room and you need to hang tough for at least four days. Lights out, the same time, every night. Baby gate at the door so that she is not wandering around. If she gets so hysterical that she gets sick, clean her and it up, and back to bed. I promise, she won't starve and she will eventually learn to calm down because getting sick will not be a pleasant experience for her. Do not let her take the three hour nap - always two hours, max. Try giving her a snack before bed as she might be hungry in the middle of the night (nothing sugary). Invest in a kid clock that shows her when it is night time or day time, she can actually sleep with it and see it when she wakes up. Again, four nights will be really miserable. If you have to, sleep downstairs and let your husband not go in there but not let her hurt herself. You must get this straightened out because it will really go on until she is 8 or 9 - I have seen this whole thing with my brother's kids. It is a total nightmare. If you need no other inspiration, know that grandparents, siblings, etc., will not want to spend the night with your kids so that you can get away if they do not sleep.

Think about when it is time to move the baby out, too. I know that they are sweet and cuddly in the middle of the night, and closer, but they do actually sleep well on their own. Feeding every two hours leads to cuddling in bed, you not getting functional sleep because the baby is right there, your spouse not getting functional sleep because you are up fumbling around, etc. That is just shortening everyone's temper, with the upside probably being that the baby is sleeping during the day a lot, but probably starting to reverse days and nights (I have a 7yr old, 5 yr old, and an 8mth old, so I have been there, believe me). My pediatrician really likes to see the baby in his / her own room by four weeks. On our last one, we put her in there after a night. There are other factors in play, too, but she began sleeping 7 hours at a clip by 9 weeks (the first two did not, though).

I know that you are so tired that your toes probably hurt, but you are going to need to take the reins and bring some control to the situation. Your 2 yr old will respect you so much more if you lay down boundaries and actually stick to them. Consistency and known boundaries with kids are king. Studies show that both bring better self-esteem, better trust in the parent, and more affection from the parent. With the toddler, remember - she's 2, not 28 mths, she is not a baby anymore - they do not call them the terrible twos for nothing, and this is how she is visiting it on you. It is so hard to make that transition with the first one, but she really is becoming a kid.

Remember, you prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
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