27 Month Old No Longer Using Pacifier and Not Happy About It

Updated on July 08, 2009
Y.R. asks from Grand Prairie, TX
17 answers

Repost: I was so distraught I told everyone I had a 15 month old !!!Here's my story. My 15 month old was too big to keep his pacifier so we took it away. Day 1 and 2 went fine. He seemed to accept our decision. Day 3 went ok.. some crying.. not too bad. Day 4 was horrible. He cried, screamed, kicked, and hit me. Here's some history. Bedtime at one point was our time. At the end of the day we would cuddle up on the couch and YouTube some children's songs. He would get sleepy and then I'd say night night... he'd say ok. We would turn the computer and lights out. We would go to bed and continue to cuddle until he fell asleep. He was out for the night. Now it's just horrible I tell you. He screams at the top of his lungs, and bucks around like a horse! I try to continue our routine inspite of the tantrum hoping he'll fall in, but he doesn't. He cries until he wears himself out. I'm trying not to loose my patience. Please tell me there is a better way. I have never allowed my son to cry it out. Even as a newborn I followed the no cry sleep solution. I just feel that something better can be done. I know he's growing and changing. I need some advice on how to get over this hump. What do I dooooooo ?????........

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So What Happened?

Here's what I did. I allowed my son to have his pacifier for the 2 minutes it took him to fall asleep. There was no argument and we didn't have the big stink fit he had thrown the night before. He was so greatful he cuddled in my lap and held me. He went right to sleep. As soon as he fell asleep I removed the paci from his mouth and put it away. I no longer leave it in the bed to be used as needed. He slept through the whole night. We will do this until he no longer asks for his paci at night. I'm hoping since he only uses it for two minutes a night that he will eventually no longer need it and give it up on his own. Thanks for everyone's support. I really needed it!

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V.T.

answers from Dallas on

I think you should stick it out. I know it sucks and he is awful, but if you give it back now, you are saying that he gets what he wants if he throws a tantrum. When he crys and throws a tantrum you continue to give him attention. Try just walking away when he starts. He'll cry, but after a few nights he will understand that the tantrum causes you to leave and it should stop. My sister has a 3 days of hell rule. Anytime she tried something new or took something away, she had three days of hell. They would scream, cry, yell, etc. She ignored it completely. She wouldn't even comment on the bad behavior. Within 3 days, most of the behavior stopped.

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H.H.

answers from Dallas on

From my experience of having three boys - there is no good solution to this. No matter what age you take away the binky you are in for a week or two of intense drama. With my youngest he actually gave it up on his own and it still resulted in drama - here is the story: http://www.junecleavernirvana.com/2009/04/toddlerphrenia/

The only thing I have heard from other moms is to let them have the pacifier only in bed and just let them use it until they grow out of it...I was going to try that with my youngest, but he decided he was going to give it up on his own so that plan failed as well!

Good luck and get earplugs?

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H.G.

answers from Abilene on

My Mother could not believe my daughter, of 2, still had a pacifier!! My little girl loved her "pacie". At three, no more pacie. I hated it for her. She missed her pacie. I swear it seemed liked she actually grieved over that little piece of rubber for 2 weeks. Even still if - 3 months later - she sees one, she lights up. You really can not go back and give it to him - that would be really confusing, unless that pacie fairy accidentally "forgot" to take one from that house!! Anyhow remember that he is still a baby - not a newborn - but a baby in the fact that let little ones be without rushing them to grow up. Once they grow up, there is no turning back. That pacie helped him and probably was doing him no harm at all. Sometimes I think parents are so rapped up in doing what "should be done" according to someone - don't know who, and really what should be done is what works for your little one. I wish you and your husband lots of luck - and good for you for setting time at night for you and your husband. My BIG mistake, I wish I would of listened to others on that one!!

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A.B.

answers from Dallas on

Give the kid the pacifier. He obviously NEEDS it... Kids give those things up in their own time, when they are ready. I feel very strongly about this, and there is much research to support it. My daughters gave up their thumb/paci (one used the thumb, one the paci) on their own, with just a little encouragement, around age 4. And NO, it absolutely does not ruin their teeth at that age. It is his comfort... he's just a baby. good luck!!

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T.S.

answers from Dallas on

Time to change the routine. It is okay for him to cry it out a bit. You are giving him so much attention for his tantrums that there is no need for him to stop them. If he is 15 months he is a little young perhaps to give up his paci at night (I would not let him have it during the day at all). If he is 2, it is time for it to go. The older they get the more they will grieve its loss. I had two who LOVED their pacifiers and we took them away just before 2. They both sucked like crazy at night on nothing but air, but eventually stopped. I'd cut the nipple like someone else suggested or have him say bye bye to it and throw it away. This too shall pass. Come up with something different for night night. Swat his leg when he throws a tantrum and/or ignore him. Good luck!

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J.W.

answers from Dallas on

If he is not ready to ditch the pacifier he will find his thumb. I still can't get the 6 year old to stop sucking his and we have tired everything. With the next two we got rid of ours during the day first. It was only available when IN Bed. A while later we said that we were going to throw them all away. We gathered them up and then our daughter watched us throw them away. When she would start to ask about them again we would just remind here that they were in the trash.

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C.T.

answers from Dallas on

Give him back the paci at night. Pedi's don't even recommend getting rid of them until 18 months and most kids keep them far longer. Look around when your out and you'll see lots of 2 and 3 year olds with pacis. My oldest had his until 4(night only) and my almost 2 year old has his when he wants it. You can't just take away a comfort object and expect him to be ok. You have to transition or replace it with something else that he is willing to accept. I just felt it was better to wait until my son was older so he could understand why he couldn't have it anymore and he never cried about not having it once. He is still a baby and he obviously still needs the comfort that his paci gives him.

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A.

answers from Dallas on

Give him back his binky! You have just taken the thing that he needs the most in his world, and in my opinion, maybe at the wrong time. He is giving you the signs that he needs some self soothing, and that he misses his binky. I have 5 kids, and likely wanted my first to do things earlier, but as I have grown in my parenting I have figured out that for us, some times it is better to think more about what the kids need than what some book says we should be doing. I have never let my kids cry it out either, it is just not an option for me, but along with that comes a child who may need extra help calming and soothing himself. I personally dont take the binky until they are older than two, and their molars have come in, cuz teething at this age can be hard. I realize many will disagree, but this is just my personal experience and advice. Best of luck to you!~A.~

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J.J.

answers from Dallas on

I agree with the other moms - give him his binky! That is how he comforts himself. When he is two or so, you can start reducing the time he has it - limit it to nap and bedtime, for example. He is still so little. I know as parents (especially the first) we tend to want to rush their growing up. Give it back to him.

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H.T.

answers from Dallas on

Maybe only let him have it at night's...

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L.P.

answers from Dallas on

Well there is a big difference in 15 and 27 months. You must really be upset! (Ha) I really don't have any advice b/c each child is different. I will tell you what we did. Our little girl was a couple months shy of turning 3 when we took hers. I was going to take it away at 1 but hubbie and nannie wouldn't let me. Then I was going to take it at 2 and was pregnant so we didn't take it b/c of all the other changes (moving out of the crib, new baby in the house, etc.) So, after everything was settled we mailed it to the paci fairy so she could give it to new babies. She wrote the paci fairy a note kind of like Santa Claus and asked if she could have some puzzles. They basically just made a trade: paci for puzzles. She only asked about it for 2 days at night time and we reminded her what happened and she was fine. BTW baby brother has a different kind of paci so that wasn't an issue. Now my 16 month old has one and will for a long time probably. He only has 8 teeth and he chews on it mostly. We did have a time that dd could only have it in bed. If she wanted it in the day that was fine but she had to lay down. Not something my dd has ever wanted to do. Good Luck with your situation.

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C.S.

answers from Wichita Falls on

We weaned my son from his pacifier right when he turned 2. One thing that we did was cut the tip of the nipple off- this way he could have his paci to hold (as he like to hold it for comfort), but he would not put it in his mouth since there's no way to suck on it with the tip cut off. After a little while he no longer needed the paci at all. 15 months is a bit early for him to understand/recognize what and why you have taken away his comfort. When he gets closer to age 2, he will take to other comfort measures better. He'll be old enough to feel like a big boy, and he won't want a paci like babies use. We told my son that it was time to send his pacifiers to his baby cousin and that made him feel big.
Good luck~ I know it's not an easy task, but something that is inevitable when you're both ready.

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P.S.

answers from Dallas on

Why do you think he is too big for a pacifier? Has your dr said something? It is not uncommon for kids to need their comfort all the way into and in some cases even past Kindergarten. I would caution if he is an oral child taking the pacifier will only leave room for other things to go into his mouth. Somedays I wish my 8 year old would take a clean binki instead of eating on a rubber band she found lying around I cant tell you how many times we have said "Take that out of your mouth." She just has to have something ALL THE TIME. Change is never fun, sometimes we want to change them faster than they are willing to change.

Be patient they are only little once and in a few years you want to remember how easy it was for him to grow up, not that you forced him and he hated it for weeks on end.

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L.S.

answers from Tyler on

Well, I'm going against the flow...and going through the same thing you are. My daughter is 18 months old and I just took her pacifier away about 3 weeks ago. In the daytime, she is GREAT. Just going to bed is hard. BUT, if I do give her the pacifier and say it is only for nighttime, she will stand in her room during the day and point to it and cry and beg for it. I don't need that.

So, at night, I now rock her until she is almost asleep and then I put her in her crib. THEN, I sit in the rocking chair in her room and read a book until she is asleep. I don't really like having to stay in there until she is asleep, but I like it much more than her begging and whining for a pacifier all day.

Additionally, I tried letting the pacifier be only a nighttime/naptime thing, but it was easy to give it to her when she wasn't feeling well (she had an ear infection during the time that it was for "nighttime only"). She is really starting to talk now and hearing her talk around a pacifier in her mouth drove me absolutely nuts.

So, in my opinion, you ought to stick to your guns and get rid of the pacifier. The next night time thing that I am going to try is some "real" music - like Elmo music that she might enjoy listening to at night.

Good luck!
L.

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D.G.

answers from Dallas on

I'm with the other mom - give it back to him. Both my kids kept theirs until they were 2. Their doctors were ok with that. Now at age 2, they wanted them off of them. With each boy as we weaned them off their paci's we made sure they had another "lovey" to cuddle with. This kind of replaced the comforting they needed. With mine, they both happened to be blanket kids. Give it back to him, give him at least another couple of months and then wean him off over a period of a week or 2. Good Luck !

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L.S.

answers from Dallas on

Don't let him hit you is the first thing I would suggest. As for the rest, I think you should not allow him to have tantrums like that either. He can be mad, just not in that way. I would abandon his routine as it is not working and work on putting him to sleep in his bed with some music and letting him cry it out. HE isn't a newborn, he is merely frustrated and angry and can't express it with words. So he is screaming. He is entitled to his feelings, but needs to still have boundaries. YOu might try telling him I know you are upset right now, but it will be ok. I never used one in the beginning to avoid this type of problem. But because I nursed all of mine they wouldn't take paci's even when I wanted them to!

good luck,
L.

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A.S.

answers from Dallas on

Kids need a soothing technique to help them goto sleep. And he always had one.....till now. Some kids bounce their head on their pillow, some have blankies, some suck their thumb, so have a pacifier....like yours. Is it really necessary to take it away now? My oldes (out of six kids) was the only one that had a pacifier aka binkie. I let him keep it till three then slowly weaned him from it.

First, one by one they started disappearing (i was throwing them away) until he had one left. Then I would test the waters at nap. take it away as he slept till he didn't need it for nap. Then did it at night....till one day the dog chewed it up & it had to be thrown away (aka I cut the tip off & showed him it was "chewed")

It worked wonderfully! I waited till he was three where he woukd understand my logic in it all. Your son is still so young, maybe give it back till HE's ready.

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