23 Months Old and Pushing Those Boundries, and My Buttons.

I.,
A good book for this is "1-2-3, Magic". Yes, a 23 month old will do well with time outs. EVERY time he acts up. PERIOD! Stick to it and it'll work.
Good luck,
D.

Time out does work do it every time he acts out and sit there and watch that he does stay.If he get out put him back and tell him you will keep putting him back till he has stayed the time in time out hard on both of you but it does work.

My kids are 20+ and I don't recall time out working for them...but that was another millennium ha ha! When you think think your son is full, take his plate away from him. Before going to the store tell him that you expect him to behave, or he won't get to go with you. Pick a time to shop when your husband will be home so that if the behavior is bad, you can take him home to daddy. Hope this helps!

I. hello!!
First I'd like to tell you , you are not alone!!! We all go through that stage and it is not easy. What I can tell you is what we have done with our kids.
We tried to keep our cool at all times!! I know is not easy, but for some reason children love it, the love to get their parents. Breath , take fresh air, do whatever you need to do to not get angry at him. We used "love and logic" method a lot (you can look them up online) and it worked most of the time. Every time your son does not listen you just say, oh oh that is so sad and you either put him in his room, we used to put him on his high chair or stroller, so he could not move. Do that a few times and he will get it, that you mean it. Also, once you say its time to clean up, or its time for a nap, or its time to eat, you mean it, you have to do it immediately, not wait until you have asked him several times and when you are already irritated because he is not listening
You are doing an awesome job, parenting is not easy, practice in the evening with you husband around, so you both can be on the same page.
Thanks,
A. L.S.

Please get a Love and Logic book and read that first. there are a few things you can do immediately that will greatly reduce this testing phase. don't do everything in the book, start with the major behavior you want to curb. it really works well and will save your sanity. I wish I had it when our daughter was smaller!

The second he gives you a look like he is about to do something take him out of the chair. If he throws the food, put him on the floor and teach him to pick it up. My son dumped food on the floor at that age too. Now that he is closer to 4 he knows that he will be cleaning up the mess that he makes. He asks for a towel to clean up spilled water. He is not nearly as deliberate about making messes as he was at that age. I think being consistent is what nipped it in the bud.

As far as spitting, if he does it at home tell him where he can spit (the bathroom, outside). If he starts to spit take him to the OK locations and let him spit his heart out. When he sees he is not getting a reaction anymore he will probably stop. If you are in the store, you can take him to the grocery bathroom.

Hope this helps.

Oh, they understand time out. Mine does and he's 20 months...he understood it at least at 18 months. They also understand if you mean business or not. Tell him no to the situation and if he continues he's going in T.O. and put him there for a minute and then let him out. I don't do a lot of explaining and this is why and that is why except in the front end...I think you are supposed to explain it in the end part just a bit not on and on... You also can't expect them to do stuff they can't possibly do...like stay still through church or something...but little things they can do and feel good when they do. My son was constantly in my lap during dinner. When we got over the first T.O. and he sat int he chair he was very proud of himself. I just stated the rule and what was expected and then we did it. It's sometimes hard to listen to them cry but you have to do it...you don't want him spitting on you anywhere... Mean business!!

My suggestion is one I tell myself a million times a day: Pick Your Battles. My daughter is 19 months and knows exactly what is and not allowed. I'd gotten so frustrated repeating myself and the timeouts I talked to my sister. She laughed after having gone through this three times. Her one question was decide if it is dangerous(i.e. touching the stove)then there's no question what action to take. If on the other hand it's throwing food or something else take it or her away with no reaction. It's hard I know. During the "toss the plate and bottle" stage I thought my daughter would starve but she quickly learned "better be full before I throw" She knows how to count with her fingers now so the counting threat is done right back to me. Back to the drawing board:)

Yes he is old enough to understand time out. I started time out with my twins around 18 or 20 months I believe.

I., This is so typical. My daughter is the same age as your son and is doing the same types of things. Kids do not care what kind of attention they get (negative or positive) as long as they get it. My advice is to ignore some of the behaviors completely (those that you can tolerate). No sounds, no words, no expressions. He is trying to get your attention and by getting after him, he's getting it. I hate to tell you this but it doesn't end. For ex: We do not allow sharing drinks in our house and my 5 year old will run up to me, after he's grabbed my water bottle, and will purposely find me and drink it right in front of me (saying, "I'm so thirsty."). I used to get after him or punish but now I just let him do it and ignore. The behavior is really starting to slow down dramatically because he isn't getting any reaction from me. Just ignore the bad behaviors but overly praise the good ones. It's not going to change over night. He will learn, however, what behaviors will get him the attn he wants and which are pointless.

Hi I.-

There are a lot of discipline methods out there and pretty much any of them will work if you choose one that both you and your husband are comfortable with and commit to staying consistent with it. I believe the problems occur when either all of the authority figures in the household are doing something different for discipline or even when the primary care giver is indecisive and keeps trying something new. Time outs will work at this age if you choose a time out spot that you will keep using and you commit to seeing it through each and every time.

Also, at this age I do choose to pick my battles and avoid battles when possible. I'm sure some moms will disagree with me, but if your son can't seem to keep the plate on the table I would stop giving him a plate. I usually put my 21 month olds food directly on the table in front of him so there is no plate to throw. Other things like spitting have to be addressed and should be but other things where you can make simple adjustments to avoid the problem I would.

Good luck,
K.

At this age, a good, consistent swat on the hand or bottom will do the trick.

check out www.nogreaterjoy.org If dad is saying this, he needs to do something while he's near the child towards disciplining the child, but you can trust his judgment that something needs to be done for this little guy. Get on the same page as far as what you will do. The website I gave talks a lot about "child training." See what you think.

There are some good suggestions on this blog by a child therapist http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2009/07/24/...
We own a preschool and redirection of your child's behavior is typically effective.

I SO feel your pain. I just posted an extremely similar request a couple of weeks ago. I got lots of good responses. Here's the link: http://www.mamasource.com/request/recent/78717/1252851081...

I disagree with those that say time outs work at this age. If the child is openly defying you, he is just going to openly defy the time out. What works the best for me is to remain calm (so incredibly hard, but so incredibly important). They are definitely trying to get a rise out of you, so that will frequently diffuse the situation. Ignoring works wonders, too. For situations like the spitting in the grocery store, I would stick with distraction. I loved the post I got about breaking into song, also asking them to help, maybe play a game of "can you find whatever".

I look for cases where I can impose a consequence (ripping the book, take the book away and explain why), but most of the time it's instruction and distraction. As they get older, imposing consequences will work for more and more things. But for now, we have to be creative and practice lots of yoga breathing to stay calm. Hang in there!!!

we use spanking only as a last resort for really "big" problems. like telling him over and over not to do something dangerous when we cannot remove the danger. i was thrilled when at 19 months i found out his daycare was putting him in time out!!!! i have put him in time out once at our house. it was for a min but it worked. the rule goes a min per year of age...so next birthday its two mins. good luck.

Part of your son's problem is his age--love those terrible two's! Another part is your reaction to his defiance. I would agree with you about trying other, less physical ways of disciplining him if he was simply misbehaving, but this behavior is challenging your authority as the Mom--the one who's supposed to be in charge.

In this case, I agree with your husband. I think it would shock your son if you grabbed him up and gave him a quick swat on his backside when he defied you. You have to realize that you're spanking through an inches-thick diaper, so there will be little if any pain inflicted. (I am assuming that he's still in diapers or pull-ups.) Just the fact that you immediately disciplined him would be surprising to him.

Believe me, you'd better get control of the situation now because he'll be four before you know it, and my pediatrician called four the "terrible two's times two". (And he was absolutely right!!)

It takes time and energy to discipline children without corporal punishment. You said you Try talking to him about his behaviors. Is this after the fact? Kids do better when they know what to expect before we are in the situation. Try to let hem know, "we will be inside, so only inside voices." "We will be in a store, we do not run inside stores." "We do not touch, we look with our eyes." "In the bank, we walk with our hands, behind our back."

Time outs work great, if you do it EVERY time. Figure out ways to "time out" in all types of situations. At home there should be one place that he is placed. Out in public, he can be placed in time out by sitting on the ground right next to you on the floor. If he is in a grocery basket, Push the basket out of the way so that he is facing something boring. Let him know you will not move the basket for a certain amount of time. If he throws a fit, leave. EVERY time. It only takes 1 or 2 complete drives home for him to realize you are serious. Also let him know you are disappointed in his behavior.

When he does listen or behave, tell him. "I like the way you are staying in the basket." I like the way you are handing me your plate. Also you and your husband should also verbalizing to each other. "Honey, may I have your plate." "Thank you for handing me your plate."

Consistency is the key. Also diversion works great. He is almost two and most two year olds like to be big "helpers". Ask him to please help you in the grocery store. I used to like to call out the whole list before we walked into the store, so my daughter could help me "find" the items. This makes a part of the errand.

I would ask my daughter if she thought she was tall enough to get the plates off of the table. Could she possibly help me put the clothes in the laundry basket.

Make him be in charge of his behavior. He can do it and he wants to do the right things. It is natural to test you, but you can show him the proper behavior.

Look up Love and Logic it gives some good ideas.

Lots of folks have weighed in here, but ultimately, you've got to do what works for you and what your son responds best to. Whatever you choose to do, you and your husband should support one another and be consistent. Easier said than done, I know. I have a 25mth old daughter who is also testing her limits and my resolve. I have decided that being a parent is the hardest, most rewarding job I 've ever had. I know from watching and talking with others that if I don't work hard now, it will be even harder as she gets older.
Good Luck and God Bless!

I think you should just try what these moms have suggested

Spanking and time out are both inappropriate at this age. He IS testing his boundaries and a redirect system is usually best at this age. Hard to do at a grocery store. Say things like... "It make me so sad when you spit." "we do not spit. THat's nasty".and accompany it with fake tears. My youngest used to hate that. He would start to cry cuz he thought he made mommy cry. With the plate repeatedly tell him that it goes in the sink. "would you be a good boy and help mommy by putting that in the sink?" or "that goes in the sink, not the floor" and take him to put it in the sink. Easy stuff like that. You can give him a sharp "NO!"

Just some ideas.

Good Luck!