22 Month Old Sleep

I know this is late but, if you still need it try reading the book "Llama Llama Red Pajama" by Anna Dewdney. It is very sweet and captivating for little ones and it sends the message that even though mom can't be in the room all the time, she's always near. Good Luck!

My thought was maybe some sort of doll that has soft hair she can play with and have it be only for her room. It's not going to be easy, but she'll get used to sleeping on her own eventually. Good luck!

I am sorry for your problems...but my question is what exactly did you do "wrong" and why do you think that? Sounds to me your daughter is leading a confusing life of an almost 2 yr old where everything is constantly changing in her life, and she needs a little security at nite to know that is not changing her at all. I know there are all kinds of "sleep methods" but nothing else is going to teach her to trust that you will always be there for her than you showing her that. Remember, they model what we do. I have 4 children, and the oldest 2 are 9 and 5, now they sleep in their own beds all nite and have since they were at least 3. Before they were like their twin siblings that will be 3yrs July 1st. They start in their own bed and end up in mine. It is a comfort for me also, bc I know they are not roaming the house. Now that my DH is gone to Afghanistan with the Air Force for a year, I wouldn't mind if all 4 were in bed with me. Some people/kids just don't like sleeping along. My 5 yr old still doesn't, he is fine if the 9yr old brother is in the room with him, but sometimes has a hard time settling otherwise.
As for the hair "problem", a friend of mine had that with her oldest also. He is 8 now and loves little girls with long hair. For her, if I remember right, what worked for her was to let him sit on the couch with her for a little while when he was winding down at night. I think she was able to wean him from her hair a little at a time.

I don't think you did anything wrong...this is your instinct as a mom to settle your baby. Humans were not made to leave their young like many animals are. There are a coupld of books that might help you settle your own mind..."The No Cry Sleep Method", which I have not read, but have heard wonders about, and any book by Dr. Sears...he is an attachment parenting expert with lots of ideas. THe wonderful thing is with these parenting books(and any type of book) is that you take what info works for you and leave the rest behind.
Stop beating yourself up thinking you did something wrong. You sound like a wonderful mom raising her daughter the best way you can while Daddy is away most of the time. Trust me, I understand that! My DH has been in the military 15 yrs and we have been married almost 14 of them now. Because of the way we parent, our kids trust that we are there for them, but are amazingly independent, and know that they also have a bond with Daddy.
Hope that helps and good luck!

Crying it out seems to be very popular at mamasource, but please don't think it is the only way. Reading your question, I don't think you have done anything wrong at all! All children go through different stages as they develop, and some go through a period when they have great difficulty falling asleep. I really think it is often neurological, ie, the brain learning how to switch gears from waking to sleeping (speaking as a person who has had insomnia all my life, and didn't learn to put myself to sleep until I was in my teens.) I'm sure she will outgrow it one way or another, so why not let it be with kindness?

I have also heard about the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Haven't read it myself, but lots of people rave about it. One thing that has worked for us with napping is to make it a requirement for something she likes. "If you take a nap, you can do x in the evening. If you don't, you have to go to bed early." Or "If you're not tired, you don't have to sleep, just lie still and quiet for ten minutes." (Ten minutes of still and quiet and she's down, I don't know if she's noticed that yet!)

Do you have time in the day when you are together and your attention is all on her? Or are you mostly working while with her? Sometimes some good Mama/daughter time helps us.

hope this helps.

I understand your frustrations! Sleep training is one of the hardest, and most controversial, things to deal with as a parent! Some people are adamently opposed to the cry it out method...but I can tell you from experience that it WORKED for my daughter. She has been a great sleeper ever since.

The most important advice I can give you is to be consistent in whatever you decide to do. If you decide to put her crib back together and start the process of letting her learn to fall asleep on her own...you have to stick with it! Kiddos are so perceptive and she will detect right away if you waiver in your efforts. The first night I was letting my child cry (granted, she was 5 months old and not 22 months) I was on the phone with every one I could think of to try to keep myself busy. My best friend gave me the best advice. "If you go get her now, she'll know the next time she only has to cry for x number of minutes and you'll go rescue her". I believed that and stuck with it. Within 3 nights she was sleeping on her own and we haven't looked back.

Another, more gentler method you can try instead of just leaving her alone is to stay with her. There is an actual "name" and procedure for this method but I don't know it...You sit next to your child for x number of minutes and then each night move yourself farther and farther away from her bed as she is going to sleep (while talking to her and assuring her you are there) and then eventually you move yourself out of the room. Another one says you let them cry for 5 minutes and then go soothe them (without picking them up), then leave and wait 10 minutes, repeat, then 15 minutes etc...

There are a lot of ways to go about sleep training just remember that this is as much a big decision for YOU has it is for her. If you're not committed to following through, it probably won't work.

GOOD LUCK!

Don't beat yourself up. I raised by son by the book, then with my daughter, I let her sleep with me. She breastfed on me all night. It was just easier that way. Your daughter sounds like a sensual child, like my daughter, who loves to feel things. And she likes to control you. What you might want to try is a whole new routine that involves soft things. Even though there is no substitute for mom, try to figure out a new bedtime routine that involves music, a stuffed animal, a super soft blanky or something like that. Maybe by changing things up with something new and really pleasant. Perhaps the new soft things can only be in her crib at night, not in your bed. Instead of staying with her in her crib tell her you will be right back - if she is quiet. And then really do come back in one minute. Keep checking on her so she trusts that you aren't going away for too long. Hopefully, eventually she will love her new sleepytime and become more comfortable with you not being right with her.

Is your hair really long? If so what if you cut a lock of it off for her to hold? Or have her pick out her own toy/animal to sleep with at night. Good luck I'm in the same boat you are with the 2 a.m. feeding. My son is 2 months, hopefuly I'll break the habit soon!

Wow - That is a problem. G.

I'm sorry about your problem, it is very frustrating. We want our children to grow up to be happy, independent individuals. To be indepenent, they need to learn to soothe themselves to sleep. It sounds like your daughter hasn't gotten that chance to do that yet.

When I nursed my babies at bedtime, I woke them up a little so I could always lay them down awake so they would 'learn' to fall asleep on their own. So when they wake in the middle of the night, like all people do whether they know it or not, they can soothe themselves back to sleep on their own. If they always have an outside source always helping them to sleep, when they wake up in the middle of the night, they will need that source to help them sleep again.

One solution may not be what you want to hear and others here may give you sweeter advise but mine is effective and only takes (at the most) three evenings and then it's learned. At this age, it might even be hard to do. First, there should always be a bedtime routine. Read a book, say a prayer or sing a song, have hugs and kisses and lay down to sleep. She may have to cry herself to sleep because she will beg for her 'outside source'. She will wake in the middle of the night and look for her source and will cry again. During this crying, she is also looking for a way to soothe herself. After a night or two she will find it. But if you come to 'rescue' her and give her the 'outside source' you would have to start all over again. Remember, it only takes three nights and it's learned. Good Luck and God Bless.
C.

I hate to say it, but you have a hard couple of days ahead. First, convert the crib back. Second, get her a really soft blanket or clutch to rub. Then start a going to bed process. Bath, stories, prayers, cuddle, bed. Put her down, say godd night and leave the room. She will probably scream. Every 5 - 10 minutes go in and shh her - that's it - no talking. Lie her back down and leave again. My husband was on the road alot during this process. I called crying myself because my little guy would cry for 30 - 60 minutes. After 3 days of this process he was going to be on his own. In the middle of the night, I would go in, shh, pacifier, lie him down and leave. Sometimes he would cry and I would have 30 minutes of the process all over. Don;t nurse or feed in the night, it will only prolong the porcess. If you do the process at nap too, it goes more quickly. Good luck.

for the hair issue- i'd try to find a doll with long hair that feels similar to yours.

we cosleep with our 19 month old. sometimes i wish we could get him to sleep alone, but i'm generally happy with how things are. if i do ever decide to push the issue to get him into his own bed, i would definately go for a gradual method instead of just leaving him to scream in a room by himself.

right now i lay down with him at bed time and in an average of 30 minutes he's out and i can go do what i'd like until my bedtime.

We all do things wrong with our first child, but we somehow manage to live through it to tell the tale. My DD had a hard time getting to sleep. I did not sleep with her as you did, but it still took hours of singing, rocking, and nursing to get her to sleep. I Ferbered my DD repeatedly to get her to learn to comfort herself. We tried giving her a blanket that smelled like me, warm bath before bed, stories, healthy snacks, etc. There seemed no way to get her to go to sleep without 2 hours of screaming in her crib.

I used pictures on a piece of construction paper to show her the routine. You can cut them out of Parenting magazines. Books, brush teeth, cup of water, jammies, and night light, and sleep in bed. Once my DD knew what was coming next she did better after a couple weeks. I sat outside her room where she could not see me and put her back in bed without a word if she got up. She just assumed I was out there and stopped trying to leave. By week three I only sat for 30 minutes and by week 6 I did not have to sit outside at all...she was used to the routine.

I did not transition her out of the crib until she was almost 3. I used a crib tent and when she was able to open it/destroy it then it was safer to transition. I did not use a baby gate in her doorway because she was a climber and it was dangerous.

Call Parents As Teachers and they can send you free material on how to cure sleep problems and recommend a Sleep Specialist....it is free!

I don't have a solution for you. I am in the same situtation and I feel your pain. I would love to find someway to do it easily and not to have her cry all night. My daughter is very strong willed and she will not stop crying. Everyone that I tell that too doesn't believe it but it is the truth. She would cry all night if I left her in there. If you find something that works for you PLEASE let me know. ____@____.com. Thanks and good luck to you.

I agree with most of what has been said.

We don't have a going to sleep problem, we have a waking in the night problem. I can deal with that because she goes right back to sleep.

Recently my schedule changed at work and my husband has been having bedtime problems the two nights I am gone. We have given Hannah something that belongs to me and smells like me to sleep with. She has a pillow that belongs to me and now she has my robe. It is soft and cuddly and she can cover up with it (we of course took the belt off). The night my husband gave her the robe, she was crying and wanted me and did not want to go to bed. He gave her the robe and it worked.

I can relate...good luck.

Okay now this might be drastic, and I don't know how long your hair is, but how about cutting off a ponytail of your hair? Maybe even attach it to a doll of some sort and call it her Mommy doll. I've been there, my son slept with me until he was 8, it cost me a new bedroom set.

About the hair thing...have you tried to give her some sort of silky? Something that would mock your hair. Like silk ribbons attached to a silk blanket. Maybe something you have to make. But worth a try. Good Luck and God Bless.
P.S. If and when you have another one, learn from this experience.

oh my. i'm so sorry! i would just put her in her room (crib or bed, but i'd be afraid she'd climb out of the crib at this point), put up a baby gate and let her cry it out. then she's safe and can't hurt herself, assuming the room is good and babyproofed. it will be a miserable few nights but in my experience it's worth it in the long run. i have a friend who did this with her daughter, who turns 4 in august, and she JUST started sleeping in her bed. so i'd start now! good luck and let us know how it goes!
p.s. fan on hight + ear plugs = awesome. :)

I feel ya! It is so hard to not give in, it's makes things run so much smoother when we do, but we just create bigger future problems. I agree with your converting her toddler back to a crib and letting her cry it out. I think that will be the best course of action for you. I know you'll hate to listen to her crying but it's better than what your going thru right now. In the long run you'll both sleep better.

Good luck!!!!

Try cutting your hair short. I got tired of my hair being my daughter's security blanket, so I got a haircut and kept it for her in a bag and let her feel the hair if she had a need. This actually worked.