22-Month-old "Potty Interested" but Not "Potty Ready" - What Do You Do?

Updated on January 27, 2012
J.R. asks from Culver City, CA
11 answers

My daughter is almost 22 months old. She has been showing interest in using the toilet for the past month. She sees her brother use it, she sees me use. She knows what it is. She will say "potty" when she sees either of us on it. She'll tell me when she has a poopy diaper - or even when she doesn't, but maybe it's coming? Anyway, there will be times that she insists that she wants to sit on the toilet. So I do the whole thing: take off her pants, take off her diapers, sit her on the toilet. As soon as her little bum hits the seat, she'll ask for the toilet paper so that she can wipe. She never does anything at all in the toilet. It seems like she enjoys all the stuff around it: the wiping, the flushing, and (especially) the washing of hands. My question is what do I do about this??

Honestly, I hate this. I hate having to go through this whole process only to not have her poop or pee in the potty. It is a huge hassle. Bathrooms gross me out in general, and it sort of pisses me off that I spend so much time in it for nothing. How much should I be humoring this interest in the toilet?

Personally, I really don't care if she stays in diapers until she's past three. Diapers are so much easier than having to always be aware of where the closest bathroom is, rushing off to make sure they get there in time, sitting them on a possibly disgusting public toilet while they are still too young to understand that YOU DO NOT TOUCH THE TOILET SEAT WITH YOUR HANDS.

I never went through any of this with my son. He couldn't have cared less about using the toilet. When I finally forced the issue when he was 38 months old, it took him a week to get it. I really wouldn't mind if my daughter followed suit. But, at the same time, I've always heard that, if your child shows interest in the potty, you should just follow their lead and then it will be so much easier. I'm all for easy if it truly will be easy. But so far it isn't. She seems interested but not ready.

What say other mamas who have gone through this?

P.S. We do have a little potty seat for her. She likes sitting on it, but it's the same sort of thing: she sits, does nothing, and then pops back up again. Once the weather is warmer, I may just have her run around naked outside with the potty nearby. But right now it's too cold, and she ends up peeing (or worse) on my floor if I let her run around naked in the house.

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So What Happened?

Julie L - What I mean by "ready" is having the awareness to know when she needs to go and the bladder control to go when she is on the toilet. I do not think she is ready. I think she likes the idea of sitting on the potty but I don't think she can actually do it, because she has never ever peed or pooped while sitting on the toilet. If it is truly up to the parent and not the child, as you say, I personally would prefer to wait. Because I have seen parents who have pushed their children before the children were ready, and they were constantly dealing with running to the bathroom every 30 minutes, always having to have extra clothes on hand, and cleaning up accidents for up to two years. No thanks.

Maybe I will try to encourage her to sit on either the toilet or the little potty seat for longer than she has been to see if anything happens. Although honestly, I really would rather just not deal with it altogether at this time.

Thanks to everyone who has responded so far. Would love to hear more advice.

ETA: Oh Mamapedia mamas, I don't know that I've ever asked a serious parenting question that someone hasn't hurt my feelings. I have a bad attitude because I don't relish the idea of dealing with the hassle of potty training? Really? Does everyone else love it, and I'm just a lazy, selfish mother because I'm not jumping up and down at the prospect of toilet training my one year old? I asked the question, I'm asking for advice. I'm being honest - no, this is not my favorite aspect of parenting, and I admit I am probably more squeamish than most about the germs associated with a bathroom - even my own. I mean, how do you know it will only be "a few weeks" of hard work? Aside from saying the word, she has never shown any indication that she is ready to use the potty. EVERYONE I know who started training their kids before they have shown that they COULD go on the potty were dealing with accidents for over a year. But if someone were to say, "Yes, it's a good idea to follow her lead and this is what you do: x, y, and z," THAT is helpful. It is NOT helpful to tell me that I'm selfish and lazy just because I'm honest enough to admit that I don't love this process.

So I am actively asking, what should I do? When my not even two-year-old daughter says, "Potty" (a word, by the way, that most of her same-age peers neither understand nor can say intelligibly), am I supposed to run her to the toilet as soon as she does, strip her down, and make her sit on the toilet until something comes out? Or at least until she sits there for a minute, even if she wants to get up right away? Just because she knows how to say the word potty and wants to sit on it, is it advisable for me to then to keep her on it even if she doesn't want to stay? How often should I do this? Every single time she says "Potty"? And for how long? Until something comes out? Until we read a whole book? What? I mean, honestly, I can only go by the experience that I had with my son and my friends, and I can't name a single person whose child was truly potty-trained this young. Kudos to you all who have been able to do it - I am asking for practical advice on how you did it, not your opinion on whether I should be more excited about doing it at all.

Thank you to those who responded with actual advice and support.

More Answers

G.M.

answers from Phoenix on

When my oldest son showed interest at that age, I embraced his interest. I had to go at his speed for when he was ready to try out the big potty. I learned that you can't push it too hard or it will backfire. :-) Girls learn a lot quicker than boys do typically, and my oldest wasn't fully potty trained until 4 years of age. Your little girl will probably be much quicker. :-) Just go at her pace. Encourage her, but if she backs away, it's ok. Just try the next day or a couple of days later and see if she'll try again. :-D

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A.N.

answers from Las Vegas on

When my son started getting interested in the potty, he did the exact same thing. I would read to him to get him to stay there. He still wouldn't necessarily go, but he did learn that you have to do more than just sit on it for a second.

I know you say you don't care if she is potty trained now or not but I loved it when my son potty trained. He got it at 2 and a half, and we did have some accidents and stuff, it was probably a couple of months of not being fun, and then he just got it. Now he does it all by himself and I love it. I just make sure to wash hands really well when we are out afterwards, although I had to do that anyway when I went to public bathrooms since he touched everything.

If you do want to try to move in that direction, or even just for your own sanity so you don't have to undress her every time, you could try putting her in her underwear, and only underwear at home, so that she can do it herself. That is a super important part of potty training as well, they have to be able to undress themselves to actually go on the toilet. If she just keeps having accidents in the underwear, she isn't ready, and I would stop doing the whole toilet thing for a while (just tell her she can't sit on it unless she is actually going to use it), she will get bored with it soon anyway unless she actually starts using it.

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J.F.

answers from Bloomington on

My daughter just turned 21 months and we are in the very SAME boat. I let her run around in just a shirt over MLK weekend. She WANTED to go. She actually peed the first time...I thought "Oh my God. Is is it really this easy?" My first didn't PT until after 3 and it took forever to poop train (yuck) and only recently night train (age 4). Ugh.

However, it was short lived with the 21 month old. We are going on her terms, but I am with you. It's a lot of work to play around with the idea and not do anything. And then when they are at that stage it's a ton of work and observance.

Will watch your responses. I'm interested in what others tell you too. :)

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H.N.

answers from Honolulu on

I want to know how you trained your son at 38 months in one week! My son is 36 months now and needs to be potty trained to go to preschool. He's kind of doing what your daughter is doing now. I'm like you, bathrooms? Ew.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

There are portable covers/seat inserts you can keep in your diaper bag for public toilets. Bath and Bodyworks sell really cute hand sanitizers that I keep handy for times like that.

Does she sit on the big toilet or her own potty? A potty may help you in that she can sit by herself and you don't have to support her.

I told my DD, "That was a good try, but nothing came out. Sometimes that happens and we don't need to flush or wipe, but we should wash our hands."

DD wasn't ready til much later, after 3. She peed on herself many many times (lots of laundry!) and then she just seemed to "get it". She didn't like wet clothes so that was extra incentive.

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R.D.

answers from San Diego on

Thanks for your question. Your note made me laugh as I am going through exact same thing with my 22 month old twins! We spent a half hour the other day back and for on the potty. "my turn!" "no my turn!". It's making me crazy! Interested to see responses.

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H.K.

answers from Los Angeles on

OK, so I get that it sucks to sit near a toilet while your kid is learning - I am not sure anyone likes it. I literally had to hug my son while he sat on the toilet occasionally, but having said that -- I think you sound a little selfish and lazy (yes we all have these moments, and we need to make a conscious choice; it sounds like you would rather have a kindergartner in diapers then work hard at potty training for few weeks...hopefully that is not true). I know it is tough to be a mom, I get it -- but that is your job. If she is interested, take her in and make a game - or read stories while she sits there (if she gets up, no more game/book etc.) and no toilet paper unless something comes out, or she gives it a good effort. Don't let her "play" you - but if she is interested and can tell when she has to go, then in 1-2 weeks of working with her, she could be completely potty trained. It is not "easy" you will have accidents but take her to the potty every 15-30 minutes (like they do at many potty training pre-schools), have her teach a doll how to use the potty (teaching is the best way of learning) -- and be patient and willing to stop what you are doing and take her in there.

I have 2 nieces that were completely potty trained by 2, but my 2 boys were not ready until about 30 months. I apologize for being somewhat curt... I wish you and your daughter the best.

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S.M.

answers from Chicago on

Potty training..next to sleep training its one of the hardest things to handle as a parent, in my opinion!
With my youngest son, we did start very slowly as soon as he showed a few signs..we just put the potty in the living room and let him sit and watch a very cute potty movie while sitting there (but we didn't undo the clothes at diaper..like I said, we just started slow).
He loved the Once Upon A Potty Video and book, this one:
http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId...
and always asked to watch.
Not sure if it is just a coincidence or not, but he was my easiest to potty train!!
Good Luck!

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V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

Has she ever surprised herself and peed while she was sitting there? I have a picture of my little girl one of the first few times she actually peed in the potty. She popped up, turned around and looked (face down to the seat practically) to see the 3 or 4 little drops... lol.

Anyway, what I found worked the best with my impatient son, was to give him books to read. Sure, they can't READ yet, but they can look at the pictures and turn the pages. And pretend, especially if it is a book they know. Or you can sit on the side of the bathtub and read TO them.
Give it a try, and if she accidentally goes while she is sitting there, she will quickly make some connections. My daughter was trained by age 2. So it is entirely possible for your daughter also...

The best way to avoid the public bathrooms is 1) go before you leave home, 2) go again if it has taken more than 5 minutes to get everything rounded up to get into the car, 3) don't go to Walmart---my child ALWAYS needed to go when we were standing in the check-out line.

ETA: Start paying attention to meal and snack times. After she has had something to drink (like with lunch, not just a "sip" of something....actually drinking a few ounces), then about 10 minutes after that, MAYBE 15 minutes, ask her if she would like to try to pee in the potty. Take a book. Help her sit, and start reading her a story. I also have heard (and used it for bashful bladders) that running the faucet from the sink can stimulate urination). So maybe turn the faucet on slowly, and sit down on the bathtub side with the little book (maybe a book about using the potty?)... and read for a few minutes. No more than 5 or 6 minutes though. If nothing happens... "we'll try again later" (with a happy face). And then follow through. Maybe 15 minutes later, ask her if she wants to try again. Using this method, unless she goes while not on it, she is virtually guaranteed to have a success. THAT is when you go wild with excitement and praise and oohh look what you did! woo hoo! ;)
She will LEARN what that feeling just beforehand feels like, and start figuring out WHEN she needs to go.
Good luck.

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S.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

We've been going through the same motions with our 17 month old. I figure she'll really do it when she's ready and I won't have to go through the whole "I'm afraid to sit on the potty" thing that delayed my older daughter by about 6-8 months.

Honestly, I don't get the part where you're grossed out by bathrooms. I mean, public toilets, sure. But if it's your home, it should be meeting your sanitation requirements, right?

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J.L.

answers from San Diego on

Good morning, I'm not sure whatn you mean by being ready, I now in my day potty training was up to the parents not the child, but shen probably is ready as you put it, I have 3 children (All Grown) and they were trained by 21, months (Son) 19 months (Son) andn 22 months (Daughter)we just made it fun and rewarding, and can say in all honestly we had no potty training issues. I have also been potty training others peoples children forn almostm 15 years in my daycare using the same system that Im used with myn own with great success. J.

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