21Mo Old Not Able to Sleep on Own

All I can say is have patience!!! My son is 2 1/2 and he has NEVER put himself to sleep - I mean EVER - until this past Sunday. A little background - he has slept in his crib since day one for half the night, rest of the night - on my chest. Toddler bed - slept in it half the night, guest bed with me half the night. Put him in a room with two twin beds - we sleep in separate beds half the night, me in bed with him the other half. It is exhausting!!! And every night laying right there with him until he fell asleep and generally falling asleep myself. Until this past Sunday....my son actually told me to lay in the other twin bed and he laid in his usual bed. He put himself to sleep and slept all night!!! HALLELUJAH!! And he's done it for the last three nights.
I think it's an age thing and they just start to get it. We tried EVERYTHING!! Crying it out, timed crying it out, giving up, etc, etc. I think it just took time. Now he may slip again and so will I because I do LOVE to snuggle with him - but if those nights are less than the nights he puts himself to sleep I'll take it.
Hope that helps and just to know you are not alone!!
L.

We put our oldest to sleep like this. One of us would rock him(my husband and I alternated nights, so he would be used to both of us) until he was very sleepy and then put him in his crib and sat down in his room in the rocking chair until he fell asleep. I would always take a book with a little light and read. At first our son would cry some, but since one of us was there, he never felt alone and would eventually fall asleep. If he awakened in the night, we would soothe him without picking him up and sit in the rocking chair until he fell asleep. After he was used to that, we started leaving the room when he was almost asleep and so forth. You will have to be prepared to be tired for a while until he gets used to it, but it worked for us since we do not believe in the CIO method. Good luck!

You sound exhausted but so sweet and sensitive to your son's needs.

I think sleep issues with toddlers are much more common than people realize, (we're probably all too self-conscious to bring them up!) and if it makes you feel any better, I have friends whose babies always slept by themselves in their cribs and now, as toddlers, they have started waking up, and are even insisting on cosleeping!

Children's needs change, there is so much stuff going on in the development of a 2 year old (plus your sweetie's awful cold!), so while he may be seeking independence during the day, he may crave more security and closeness at night.

I have a 28 month old who still wants us with her to fall asleep, which I don't actually mind. When she wakes up, I lie down next to her, then I can roll away and she'll stay asleep. My husband does this too, and she's gone longer and longer stretches without waking (all of a sudden, actually, which makes me think it's developmental and not something we did).

A couple of ideas. Perhaps have your husband do it more- this may give you a break and it may also not be as "rewarding" to your son to wake up and get dad instead of mom, so maybe he'll sleep more; my husband always tells me that my daughter sleeps faster with him because she's so stimulated by me.

Also, putting him back in the crib may be pretty jarring to him, so you could just leave him in that twin bed you snuggle in. Just put up a side rail, or put take the mattress off the bed frame so it's lower to the ground. My baby has slept in her crib without one of its sides for months; we put the mattress on the lowest setting and also laid a mattress topper on the floor next to the crib so if she falls it's a soft landing. (She hasn't fallen yet).

A couple of my friends put a mattress in their room next to their bed and told their toddler that she/he could come lie there if they woke up at night (but not get into mommie and daddy's bed); perhaps this would help the transition.

I'm not the crying-it-out type myself, and at this age, I think you'd be in for an all night battle. But I don't think this will last forever, it just feels like it. =)

My heart hurts for you! Nothing worse than seeing our little ones so upset. I don't know of any other way than sleep training, which can be as traumatic for us moms as it is for our children. There are two softer versions of sleep training that I have seen in action. First, you don't try to snuggle your son to sleep and sneak him into to bed. You put him in bed softly explaining that it is night time and time to go to sleep. You lay your child in his crib with whatever items he is attached to (but nothing that is noisy). You sit on the floor beside his crib, but do not make eye contact or speak other than to use some quiet shushing sounds. In theory it won't be as distressing to him because he isn't left alone and he can still see you. Each night, you sit a little further from the crib until you find yourself outside of his room and out of sight. The second option involves leaving the room, coming back to sooth after 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 15, etc. I suspect that would still be too hard on him because you would be out of sight, so I would try the first option initially. It is really important that you do not ineract though...which is hard to do. You should chose a week when your husband can provide back-up and support. Best of luck to you!!!