21 Month Old Suddenly Hysterical at Bed and Nap Time

You moved 6 months ago, but she was sleeping fine after that, she has only been having issues since last week when you parents were here?

If I am understanding that correctly, I would wonder if she is just off her normal schedule & routine a bit? Could she be OVER tired? My kids have a real hard time falling asleep when they are too tired. Did anything unusual happen when your parents put her down?

How did your parents, handle her and put her down for a nap, when you were away at your appointment etc.?
- How do they, babysit????

Or, was she already down for a nap, and then... you/Hubby left for your appointment and outing?

Or, did you leave, while she was still awake? Or did you leave when she was not looking?
Did she know... you/Hubby would be leaving?

Sometimes, kids do not handle it well, when/if a parent leaves. Or when the parent "sneaks" out when they are napping, And then they wake up and the parent is not there.
It is, jarring... to them.
And... being this was the first time, she was left, it has tweaked her.
This age is also naturally hard, and there is "separation anxiety" and "stranger anxiety" and often both at the same time. In tandem.
So, it is hard for the child.
At this age, they do not have deductive reasoning nor do they have mastery over their emotions nor even know their emotions. Emotions are not fully developed yet at this age. And they don't know the words for every feeling they have.
And also at this age, nightmares also begins to occur.
All of this, being developmental based.
And when/if a child's routines are disrupted, it can be hard for them.

I wouldn't worry about not "wanting her to get in the habit of us having to be in the room to fall asleep" right now, because, since she is having a hard time right NOW, then as Micky said below... work WITH this hardship, not against it. It is a phase.
And certainly, kids this age cannot... tell you how they feel or why nor be able to analyze the situation. They need a parents help.

My son, when he was that age, was very attached to me. He really cried and cried when/if I was not home. Even if for 1/2 hour.
It was anguish.... for him. He didn't even want to stay with Grandma, even if he knew her. So my Husband, had to stay with him. That was the other closet person he knew/was comfortable with, besides me. I knew that. Or, I would simply take him, with me. Out.
Then he went through phases when he'd just say BYE MOMMY, to me. No problem. And then at other ages, he'd get more clingy again. Then not. Then again. Then not. And then by the time he was 4-5 years old, he was much more okay with it. And even when he entered Preschool at 4 and then Kindergarten... he had NO separation anxiety, at all! None.
Even if he was so attached to me and clingy, when younger.
My daughter on the other hand... had no problem with separating when she was 2,3,4 years old. BUT... when she was 5 and in Kindergarten... THAT is when, she had a hard time separating from me. Even if she had gone to Preschool before and had been left with Grandma to babysit her when she was a Toddler.

So, keep in mind, the age of your child, and their age-related stages. And, keep in mind the cues, of your child.
Work with it, if you can.
These stages are not, permanent.
Keep that in mind, as well.
Don't automatically think, that if you comfort your child or be in her room, that this will be a permanent "habit."

Are you sure she's not hungry or not tired yet when you put her down?

If not that, she may have separation anxiety which is normal at this age.
Just work WITH this stage instead of against it as it will pass soon.

Make sure when you put her down it's not something else that she's crying about like pain or hunger or a wet diaper.

Could you possibly be putting her down too early for bed & naptime?
Maybe try putting her down a little later to see if the crying abates.
She's most likely just trying to tell you something like she's not ready yet or she's hungry etc.

So it's day 4 and we can not even put her in her crib - for nap or bed time. She is hysterical. I had to rock her last night to put her down & then she woke up when I put her down so I had to rub her back for 20 minutes until she fell back asleep. Then she woke up 3 times during the night & my husband and I took turns rubbing her back & holding her to get her back to sleep. She seemed to be staring at the shadows alot, so I also put her closet light on & kept the door open, but there are no shadows for nap and this is so out of the blue and she is so upset. We have not strayed from our routine at all. They have gone to bed the same time and the same way. I'm not sure what brought this on other than having someone else try to put her down. My parents left today so we'll see if she gets back on schedule, but these past few days have been horrible. I hope this doesn't last long. We are all so tired.

Not sure how to fix it, but her whole house changed 6 months ago and that might be part of it. Maybe your pedi can give you some suggestions for helping her feel secure again.

We stopped naps at 24 months for that reason. And then the child was tired by 8pm easily and bedtime was a snap. Child could grab naps as needed, as wanted, be it the living room floor or carseat. But no stress, no fuss.

Maybe take a look at her whole day schedule. Are you all now in a different time zone? What time does she wake up in the morning? Good breakfast.

How active are all of you in the first part of the day.. She is really needing to test and learn her mobility in different ways. walking, climbing, crawling.. Parks are great for this. Small snack and water.. More playing or running an errand..

Then, Quiet house no TV., no loud phone calls. . Maybe quiet music..
Then good hearty lunch. Then a good wipe down with a really warm wash cloth, strong strokes.

Depending on when you want her down at night, decide what time nap is.. Not more than 2 hours if possible.. then you will have 5 - 6 hours for her to be awake. This needs to include another healthy snack, active play, dinner, and bath..

Is your child teething. molars? If so, give her some of the frozen teething rings.. Those molars hurt and can cause ear pain.. Especially laying down.

When your parents were there, did she interact with them a lot. If so, consider they were there... and now they are just gone.. To her, she may be afraid, the same is going to happen to all of you. She does not have the understanding that, when you walk out of a room, you are still in the house. She just knows the Grans were there, they walked out the door and we have not seen them since.

Play the hide and seek game with toys and blankets. Do this in her room.
Have teddy bear there with the 2 of you. Then get up and put the bear in the hallway, where she cannot see it. Then ask her to go find the bear.

Do this in different rooms and different areas. Do it with her favorite toy or blanket. Do not really hide it, but have it somewhere she can find it.

Also is there any way to do "facetime" or "skype" with your parents? This way your daughter will see they are available, just not in the same place you all are at.

This is one of those times, when she is a mystery and you just have to take a step back and look at the over all picture. What has changed? What is she going through?