21 Month Old Refuses to Get in Car Seat.

Honestly, I just wrestled all my kids when they didn't get in. I would use my serious mommy voice (telling them that we are going and they need to be buckled in their seat there is no other choice), put them in and never gave them any other choice. The phase lasted a few days and then they knew I wasn't going to change my mind.

I held mine down and strapped them in. Eventually, they stopped doing it once they realized it did no good to fight. We had places we had to go.

Granted our 16 month old son is probably a little smaller and less strong than a 21 month old, but he's started doing this too.

I got a great tip from my co-worker. Put them in the carseat and when they start to arch the back, tickle their belly. Laugh like crazy! Think about it, if someone is getting their belly tickled they usually will hunch their shoulders forward and bring their knees up - perfect 'strapping in' position. It worked like a charm for us. My co-worker also says this works great for putting on coats, so we'll give it a go this fall as well.

Good luck and hope this helps! If all else fails, you can tell her that mommy and daddy will get in trouble with the police if she isn't in her car seat. You're not lying to her - it's 100% true.

I remember a little trick my husband and I used when our kids were toddlers. They want to feel like they're in charge of their decisions. Give your daughter a choice related to sitting in her carseat. i.e. Do you want me to buckle your carseat or do you want to? Do you want to climb in your carseat or should mommy lift you up? Good luck!

C.

M.

Iwould not introduce playthings or play with her in the back seat. I would take her on an outing she really wants to go such as the park. Tell her you NEED to get in your car seat or there is no going to the park. Also tell her the policeman told you and her daddy this is the law.

So tell her everyone has to buckle up or the car can not be driven. That is the rule.

You need to force her into it - like the other poster said, tickling works GREAT! They can't arch their back if you get them well enough.

Whatever you do, if you are waiting her out, do NOT play with her out of the car seat. You are just reinforcing the behavior that you don't want.

For what it is worth, my 26 month old occasionally goes through spurts of not wanting to get in the seat. I tell her we can't go to X if you don't sit in your seat, and if she still refuses, I apologize in advance and stuff her in the seat. She did it again yesterday, and as soon as I said "Mommy is sorry, but if you won't sit in your seat Mommy is going to put you in there anyways" she got in and slipped her arms through the straps. They do eventually get it...

i saw this episode on nanny 911 where the nanny brought the car seat into the house for the children to sit in to watch tv or play with toys and then when it was time to go some where they willingly got in the car for the car trip for what it's worth hope it helps

Anything that has to do with safety for my kids has been a matter of fact this is how it's going to be situation. I also have never not gone anywhere because of a struggle. I am the parent and will not give into their willfullness. My other no and ifs or buts is listening the first time. My explanation to this is if I need them to do something now, I don't want then in the practice of arguing, questioning or giving a rebuttal. EX: a car has decided your front yard is now the street. You don't have seconds for a why, they just need to be in practice to do it now.

I also use the tickling and different distractions methods. I try to get my daughter engaged in a conversation, song, or story before we get to the car. Most of the time she's halfway in the car seat before she even realizes it. If she starts to throw a fit I tickle her and kiss on her until she's submissive. Works like a charm!

We always bring her favorite toy, book or doll in the car with us. Our daughter knows that as soon as she is buckled in her seat, she will get her item that she has chosen for the car.

Try just giving her an animal cracker or some small treat or a favorite toy that is reserved only for the car seat- that being said, we do a lot of wrestling around here :)...sometimes it just is what it is, when it's time to go it's time to go and you're in charge!

My daughter went through that phase too and it drove me nuts! but then one day I asked her if she could climb into her seat by herself like a "big girl" and try to buckle it for me and it worked. Now she likes to do it by herself....and just about everything else!
I hope this helps if not hang in there it will pass.

Dear M.- I can hear your frustration, and I feel for you deeply! I've read many (but not all) of the following posts, and I think that while many may help you to get her into her car seat, very few address the core issue: Your daughter needs to learn to obey you quickly and cheerfully. She (and every other child alive!) will not naturally do this on her own. We naturally all want to be the boss of our own world. But we all learn to submit to the authorities in our lives- parents and teachers when we're young, and bosses and the police when we're older. It's your priviledge and obligation to train her to obey and to trust your judgement, whether she understands it or not. (and at first, she won't) You can tell her that you understand that she doesn't like her car seat, and affirm that it may be hot or uncomfortable. It's good to validate her feelings. But you are the mommy, and you know what is best for her at this point in her life, and she must do it. It's okay for her not to like it- but it's not okay not to do it. I hope this doesn't come off as too harsh- but this principle, when understood and mastered, will save you both from so many conflicts down the road, and lead to a much more happy, loving and conflict free home, which we all want! Bless you as you work through this phase, and raise your sweet little one. - N.
PS- There are a couple of books that really helped me to understand and implement these ideas- feel free to e-mail me at ____@____.com if you'd like.

As a mother and a teacher I cannot emphasize enough the importance of establishing an understanding of rules and proper behavior. While it might not always be the most popular stance in these times, there is a need for parents to act as the adults and not try to "reason" with a 21 month old! Setting the ground rules at a young age is possible and will benefit the child and the family when they understand what is expected. While some of the other ideas listed might work, (bribes, tickling, giving a choice, etc.) there is not always the time or the right circumstances for this to happen. Especially with another baby on the way! You will often find that you do not have the time, patience, or energy to fight when trying to wrestle 2 children into the car!!! Don't' be afraid to be firm. She will forgive you (wink) and be thankful that you took a stand that will not only keep her safe but teach her to be a respectful child. Best of luck!

My son, now 25 mo., started doing that around 18 months old. He still does it sometimes but not as often. I agree with most of the other responses, tickeling worked sometimes.
I found that some of the time he was getting upset because he wanted to climb in himself. If I got really excited and said "can you climb up in your big chair all by yourself?" He would do it. Now, sometimes if back fired and he would head straight to the back seat of the mini van.
At least youknow it is only a phase that will end.

if she can talk, reason BEFORE you get to the car.
"we'll be leaving for XYZ in five minutes. are you ready to get into your carseat?"
or perhaps you can plan a couple of trips where the offer is made for her to come along, but only if she gets into the carseat, and if she refuses she has to stay home...?
i would also ask why she doesn't want to sit in her carseat anymore and explain why it's important, with a demonstration of how the regular seat belt will hurt her if she sits in a "big" seat before she is tall enough.

Some good advice here, but the police this is way off the mark. TOO YOUNG! That would work for a teenager better then a toddler.

My sister-in-law went through this. She missed a lot of things because she just told her daughter, no car seat, we don't go and they didn't. Some things, like groceries and that, she would go with child in seat, but because of struggle, she was told she could not look at things she wanted as the consequence, such as cereal, stickers, things like that. She said she had to have her daughter learn the rules. They even considered going to the police station and havimg a police officer explain why she had to be in there. Just a friendly visit explaining that it is a rule mommy has to follow or she gets a ticket (her consequence). Mommy finally got control of the situation and all was well. It took a lot of consequences, including missing a couple parties.

I let her be in control, She was doing this and I was not going anywhere until I found that she can bucke in but cannot open.. So I let her do it we clap and do hi fi..and I am set.

Now she bucles unbucles ( which became risky at one point) while driving. She is 28 months now and is pro in putting the seat belt..I let her hop in car and do all her work while I sit at srivers seat to finish my make up!!

V.

Couple things I would do.
I would first explain to her that it is the law and mommy would get in trouble if you do not ride in you car set.
If that does not work call the local police department and as if they have any DVD's that would explain why she has to stay in her car seat.

If that does not work if you have explained to her the reasons why and she sit says no then it is time to go back in the house and into the timeout chair, then try it all again.
You could also have a reward for getting in the car seat. Do you have a portable DVD player? Let her watch that if she gets in the car seat without any problems. You could also do a sticker chart one sticker for every time she gets in her seat with not problems after so many stickers she get to maybe choose a special dessert or a special food for supper or a special toy at the dollar store or maybe a day a the beach or pool. Just something just for her be a good girl.

Good Luck,
S.

Hi...
Lots of good ideas here but I thought of another that my friend suggested. If it seems like your daughter is about to get willful and wrestle you...try jokingly putting her in sideways/upsidedown/backwards, etc. I have done this a couple times and so I'll put her in sideways and be like "Ok THIS is how kids sit in their carseats!" and my daughter will say "Noooo Mama!" and then I'll try putting her in upside down and say "Oh, then it must be THIS way!" and she'll say "Noooo Mama!" and if I am lucky she will sit right down the correct way and say "THIS way MAMA!!!!" all proud of herself.

I think toddlers like thinking they have pulled something over on us...but in this situation they are SO wrong: Mama: 10 points, toddler zero! :)

In the end, when they wrestle me, I try what I can to get them in there in a friendly manner but when all else fails, I too will resort to stern mommy voice and some wrestling. After all, it is for their safety. I do try to distract too by talking about what we'll do when they're in their seats (have some water, drive to Grandma's, listen to music". I get sweaty and frustrated but in the end I know I am keeping them safe and I have to just keep remembering I am the boss. :)

Good luck!!!
-S.

Hi M.,

My first born didn't do this however:), my 13 mos. old does:) The way I work around this by providing a distraction just before I put her in her seat. She drinks whole milk out of sippy cup. That works for her. Otherwise, what is the toy or book that she loves! Try that. The musical toys can be helpful because of the blinkty-blink. I know this part sounds annoying, use a soft talking voice and practice getting in the car seat at a time when you are not going anywhere (when the other child is not around). Find what it is that really gets them refocused so, when you are ready to go you have a routine.