20 Month Old Wants to Be Held All the Time

I'd make sure that at times when you are sitting, ie, at a playground, that you initiate holding him - so he is not always initiating it. "Do you want Mama to hold you?" Then he can sit quietly and you are comfortable. He knows that you will hold him sometime and for as long as he wants. Just be content and don't try to put him down.

When he needs to walk, don't wait awhile and then talk to him, etc. Just leave him alone until he pulls himself together. Each time you go up to him, you are resetting his clock.

I'm going to take a different track, since you feel you are at your wits end and this has been going on for 8 months - along time!

I'm wondering if he went through all of his developmental stages including lying on his stomach to gain strength in his neck, back, and shoulders; rolling over, combat crawl, and normal crawl. If the answer is no to even one of these, he may not have developed all the motor skills he needs including the ability to balance well. These are build during that first year of life, and all stages need to be systematically progressed through for full motor abilities.

If not, he may not feel comfortable walking due to poor muscle tone or lack of balance, even though he may be able to walk. Being carried is certainly preferable!

These stages of development are also important for neurodevelopment, required for the ability to focus attention, vision development, auditory development, and cognitive development - all of which make a child successful in school.

If this is not your son's problem, I am sure the other mom's comments will be enough for him to be right on track!

Good luck with your two kids - they grow up fast!

K. Johnson,
Mom of 3 ages 17-22
Author, The Roadmap From Learning Disabilities to Success

Your son needs reassurance that you are all his. Quite normal. If carrying him has started at early months, probably it is just the tip of the iceberg. Whenever he asks you to carry him, you sit down and carry him. After carrying don't entertain him! Be as boring as you can possibly be ( it can be challenging but worth a try ) , don't wrap your arms around him, you can be just passive. Sooner or later he will find it boring himself. If he moves away from you and walks around don't get excited and start praising. Just be normal and keep him engaged with what interest and also don't forget to participate with him!

Children are smart and intelligent. Only the environment around him moulds him to the better or worse.

Good luck

Hold him. He won't want it forever, but it's what he needs right now.

Children have different personalities and also develop differently. My four-year old girl has been very independent since she learned to walk. She didn't require as much cuddling and attachment as my middle child, my two-year old, son does. Your son is learning to see if he could trust you. In order to develop emotionally he needs to be secure that you love him. Hold him for a while when he wakes up in the morning and when he wakes up from a nap (sitting down, of course). Once he is secure, he will jump off of your arms on his own. This could take anywhere between 10 to 30 minutes. Pick him up when he cries, pacify and calm him down. The little guy is pretty aggravated too, I'm sure, that he cannot communicate to you what he needs and he wants. He is not even two-years old yet technically, he is still a baby so baby him. Once he is secure and he feels loved he will be ready to get off your arms on his own. I know this will be tiring (I'm still going through it with my son) but the main point is that you are communicating to him that he is loved and he is secure with you. This will help him to develop trust and autonomy, which he needs to develop into a healthy individual emotionally. He is a little guy in a big and scary world, he needs to know he is safe and secure and you're his primary caregiver. If nothing else, no one ever died of being hugged too much, but withdrawing love and security from them is what breeds sociopaths. Not to scare you, but... Anyway, there will come a day when the only time you will hear from him is when he needs his laundry washed :P.

sooo, this has been going on for months now! You son needs to learn to self-soothe. Aid him in this effort by teaching him to use a fav blankie or toy to hold onto when he needs to be held. If you do this & help him focus on that fav ....then he will learn to redirect his focus to it & away from you. Hold him loosely, keep your words to a minimum, & put that fav btwn your bodies.

I know this sounds simplistic & goofy, but it really does work....it's just usually implemented at a much earlier age! I would also try a Mother's Morning Out program to see how he reacts to being away from you. If none of this helps, then seek diagnosis.

My second child is very clingy, too. Sweet little guy - he is number two and is now 4 yo and still wants me to hold him and rock him early in the morning when he wakes up.
I love that he is an early riser like me and we get this time.
Anywho - I hold him. It never really bothers me because I know one of these days he is not going to want me to hold him and why push that time.
the back thing - ARGH- I feel your pain. I do a lot more sitting with him in lieu of carrying and if time with 4 yo is an issue you could try holding him on the floor while you play with the 4yo??
I don't believe you should let him cry or feel left out. He is still a little guy and just needs mommy:)
Hang in there. We all have to figure out what works for us.