20 Month Old Not Sleeping!!!

It's a stage and unfortunately, letting him cry it out only works if don't get them. If you get them before they fall asleep then you haven't actually let them cry it out at all and he's gotten exactly what he wants.

The fact that he starts playing and is fine with you tells me that he just doesn't understand and can't yet respect that sleeping is to be done at night. Think about it this way. He doesn't have a job to go to. He can take a nap any time he needs it and he instinctively knows that. So it's no skin off his nose to be up and he has no reason to be able to understand why you won't cooperate with him.

As long as you know that he isn't hungry or sick or in pain from teething or something else like being scared of the dark etc.. Then you just need to let him scream til he gets sick of it and goes back to sleep. But that only works til they can't clime out of bed! :)

Hang in there. This will pass.

Suzi

Is he teething? My daughter is 19 months old and has rarely slept therough the night. this past weekend was really bad and I noticed a molar coming in. Also, for her, it probably didn't help she slept in her pack n play because we were at grandma and grandpa's for the weekend.

My son actually started (and still does) do that when he is ill with something. His problems have been strep and ear infections and I have spent MANY nights like that. If your child does seem fine then I would say that it is just a phase that stinks for mommy and daddy. Try changing his sleep routine a smidge...like maybe a half hour later to bed if possible or try adding some soft music for his room at night. Goodluck! :)

I had the same problem to the exact and unfortunately nothing was better than mommy! The only way anyone in the house could get any sleep was by her sleeping with me....it was very frustrating, but it has eventually subsided and now she is 37 months and if she falls asleep first and we place her in her bed she stays there most of the night if not all. The other option is to put a pallet on the floor in your room and let him sleep there. It will eventually fade, but for now do what you can to get some sleep.
I read the other post and no do not put him to bed later, don't change his routine at all, in fact that could be the problem, something in his routine changed. I know everyone said to let him cry it out, but thats not feasible, that teaches a child that they can't trust you and thats not a good thing. He is obviously bothered by something and at 20 months it is hard to communicate that feeling. He is most comfortable and relaxed in the presence of you so to keep order in your home and let everyone including you and him get a full and good nights sleep you may have to give in for a bit. It will pass but don't punish your son for not being able to verbally express his feelings. Crying it out is not a good choice, it doesn't work. It only makes your child feel let down.

Does he have any new teeth coming in? I have two children, 3 1/2 and my daughter turns two next week. They both have had periods where they wake up like you are talking about. But, it usually always accompanies a cold or teeth coming in. I never had to let my kids "cry it out" and I have never let them sleep in our room. The phases have always just passed. I remember my 2 year old getting new teeth though around that age.
Hope it passes soon

I second everything that Tara C. says. Even though it is very hard, hang in there and he will get through this phase. My daughter just turned 2 and is sleeping so well now, but we definitely went through everything you are now. Suddenly, she started sleeping better on her own. I never let her cry it out, I don't believe in it. On difficult nights, I brought her to bed with us or slept in her room with her. Your son wants you, and for now, it is what he needs to get through the night. But, believe me, this won't last forever! Give him all the love and support he needs to get through this. (and if possible, catch a nap if you can to refresh yourself.)

Is he taking a late afternoon nap? Sometimes I have found with my kids if they take a late nap then they are ready to be up most of the evening.

This is just a phase and it will pass, but I know it's frustrating for you and your family. Try reading the NO-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Plantely. It really helped me solve my child's sleep issues with minimal crying and in a gentle way that felt right for our family. Also, it backs up it's method with research on why kids sleep patterns are the way they are. (Biological development mostly). good luck! This too shall pass,
K.

I just read one of the responses which had links to websites - I looked at the last one and found it to be very interesting. If you read the blog from that link, my daughter is the type to get even more frustrated and builds up tension when we try to make her cry it out. See my post on here a few months ago about her throwing up when we make her cry it out. We no longer try to make her cry it out. It only makes things worse for the whole family. Now we are ALL getting sleep. My daughter needed to be held or know that we were right there next to her to fall asleep. Once in a while she'll wake up and walk into our bedroom (or call for me) and I just let her sleep with us. Many of the moms on here will tell you this is wrong wrong wrong! But, it works for us and everyone is ASLEEP! Hallelujah! We don't let her originally fall asleep in our bed - it's our bed, our limited time together (wink wink). I'm mostly saying to do what's best for your son and I think you will know it when you do it. Don't feel pressured to do what works for OTHER people.

S.,
I have read the other posts. I disagree with putting him to bed later. Sleep does beget sleep. I have a 3 yo and we have had a similar experience. And we have found that the longer you take to get him to fall back asleep on his own, the harder it is going to be for all of you to get this resolved. If he is not ill, you might consider letting him cry it out. I know from personal experience how incredibly hard it is, and how exhausting it is, but worth it! If he is still in a crib you might let him cry for 5 minutes, then go in and check on him and then keep lengthening the time between checks until he falls asleep. (i think we worked up to 10 or 15 the first night, and then 15 for a few nights then 20) it might take an hour, but I promise you if you keep it up that it will work. And we find we have to do some sleep retraining every so often, but the method works! Wishing you the best!

I agree with Elizabeth K. I don't think putting him to bed later is the answer. A well-rested baby sleeps better than a sleep-deprived one. When people get over tired, adrenaline and other hormones are released that help keep you awake. Then, it's hard to get a good night's sleep. I would keep his routine the same.

As far as what to do, I think that he probably just needs to learn that you're not going to come in or get him out of bed when he cries, as long as there's nothing wrong like an illness or teething pain. Kids do this every so often, for whatever reason, and as soon as they get the hint that it's not going to continue, they usually stop. You can maybe pat his back but not get him out for a few nights. If that makes him even more upset, maybe you should not go in at all. Or, go in and sit by his crib until he settles down. You will be able to find one thing that works, and be consistent with it. Then, eventually phase it out.

Best wishes!!

I can empathize. And, I read the other posts, but am not a fan of the cry it out method - it's just too heartbreaking.

My almost 19 month old is going through this phase, too. Yawn. Right there with ya. So, we've tried about everything, too. Bottom line is, she wants me right now, so me she shall have. (Do you feel like you haven't had a solid night's sleep since early 2007?? lol. I do.) I keep reminding myself that this is just a phase. My 14 and 9 year olds don't still sleep with me and I never let them cry it out. I'm sure that I'm not ruining her by letting her have comfort in knowing I'll meet her needs when she cries.

So. My advice? Do whatever works best for you and your family. If that goes against what other mothers or pediatricians say ... just remember ... they're not at your house at 3 a.m. having to deal with a crying baby when you have to get up for work at 6:30 in the morning. ;)

Hugs and best wishes.
J.

Hey there :)
I completely empathize with you, as I'm on the path to be right where you are. Between 18-22 months little ones go through a lot of change and usually cause sleep disruption or "regressions".... Here are some excellent links that *I* found very helpful in support, ideas, and information for understanding the stages and difficulties in sleep for little ones...

Sleep regressions in general:
http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006/02/qa_what_are_sle.html

Specifically for 18 month (to 22-month)
http://www.askmoxie.org/2006/04/qa_18month_slee.html

And heres something on CIO (cry it out) that I thought was very helpful and wished I'd read before I'd tried it...
http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006/06/babies_and_cio.html

This too, shall pass!
:)

My four year old went through a stage like that. It lasted about a month. I would just go into his room as many times as he woke up, and lay on the floor next to his bed until he fell back asleep. Sometimes i would fall asleep!! It'll get better, just think...a couple of weeks.....a couple of weeks...a couple of weeks! Hang in there!

Kids just do this periodically and the only way to stop it is to be firm and let him know that you won't be coming back in. If you let him cry for a while..THEN go get him, you're just teaching him to cry until he gets what he wants. You have to be strong. Don't apologize for leaving or convey the message that you feel so so so bad about it. Just be firm, be upbeat and confident, tell him he's just fine and you are sure he can go to sleep on his own. Then leave. You can try going in to pat him on the back w/o picking him up, etc.. instead of going cold turkey - but eventually you will have to stop going in.

Sounds harsh but really, it's all you can do. Even if he stops this habit on his own after a while...there will be another one coming soon. Then he will probably use every illness or other disruption as an excuse to change his sleep habits and keep you up all night. I speak from experience. :-(

sounds like your little man is growing up and changing his routines. i agree with the poster that suggested trying to put him down a little later. i'd go as long as you could at night before putting him down. even up to an hour later than normal bedtime (depending on when that is, i guess). also i'd try giving him some warm milk or a light snack before bed, if you eat dinner earlier. a full, dry, tired baby sleeps best (of course!). as your kiddo is getting bigger he may need less sleep than you think. maybe try shortening his nap. just a few suggestions. you'll probably just have to tweak his schedule till something works. i would not keep going in and picking him up, or take him to bed with you - he'll have to scream a bit but if none of the above work, just go in when he wakes up and pat his back, then leave. leave the lights off, don't interact with him except to let him know you're paying attention. he'll get over it soon i promise. hope it's not too traumatizing (-for you!) :)