20 Month Old Gets up in Middle of Night!

Updated on September 12, 2008
L.L. asks from Cincinnati, OH
26 answers

And I haven't had a good night's sleep in weeks. she can crawl out of her crib. i got her a small floor bed. no good. she cried at the door with the baby gate. then she could crawl over the gate and now she comes into our bedroom and sleeps with us. if her waking and sleeping with us at this age is fine, i would love to know. but the waking up is new since she has started daycare with a larger group, but she's been there for over a month now. HELP!

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K.G.

answers from Columbus on

I know how hard it was when my kids were babies to be sleep deprived and you must be exhausted. If she is crawling over the gate you could get an inexpensive door and saw it in half so that you could see in there and she definitely won't be getting over that. Also, I've seen Supernanny have the parent repeatedly (and I've seen it approach 100 times) take the child swiftly and quietly take the child back to bed. The key is to not give them attention and be consistent.

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K.M.

answers from South Bend on

My son climbed out of his crib at 7 mos. After arguing with my husband for months (he thought kids should sleep in there own room), I told him I had to get some sleep. We would not allow my son to climb into bed but I put a sleeping bag on the floor so he could sleep in the same room if he wanted to. As far as I am concerned, it really doesn't matter who sleeps where, just who sleeps.
K.

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M.P.

answers from Indianapolis on

Sleeping with you is not a good habit to start. She is still tired or she wouldn't go back to sleep. I would give her a drink, change diaper, talk soothingly and put her back to bed. Let her know very firmly that she must sleep in her own bed. It may take a few nights, but she will catch on.

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J.C.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Geez, L., don't get pulled into what could potentially be the bad habits of some of the pro-co-sleepers on this site. If you truly WANT to be a co sleeper, than they're the ones to go. I have nothing against it if people choose that, but it sounds like you're wishing things were how they used to be when your child slept where they were supposed to....in their room, and you slept how you were supposed to...in yours, with no kids. I prefer to still have an intimacy in the bedroom, in our bed, with my husband, and also really cherish those hours after the kids are put to bed to spend time with my husband. My kids go to bed every night at 8, we have a great, peaceful bedtime with books and cuddling. Then, it's me and Doug's time. My kids are now 4 and 5, but when they were younger, they would go through periods now and then when they wouldn't sleep well at night. Usually it was because they'd wake up one night and since it hadn't happened for a while, I would allow it and even at times allow them to crawl in bed with me. Well, what do you know, the very next 3 nights, then you have your child doing the same thing. Not because they're "needing love" from you....it's because they were allowed to do it once, and therefore will try, try again. My kids are so showered with love, but they know that bedtime is sleeptime, and that unless they're not feeling good or something else is wrong, that they are to stay in bed and get their much needed sleep.

Having said that, if I were you, I would put her in a regular twin bed, with a rail on the side. It wouldn't be so enticing to want to get out of. Then, I would explain to her that it's time for bed and that she is to stay in bed until morning. If she comes into your bedroom, simply pick her up, carry her back to her room, and lay her in her bed. Do it everytime she does it. Don't say anything really to her, because you may find that she's still half asleep. You may have to do this over and over the first night, and maybe even the second and third, but trust me, she'll realize that she is not going to be allowed to sleep with you, and she WILL give up and sleep in her own bed. Since you've already allowed her to crawl in your bed, you're going to find those first few nights are going to be extremely repetitive and difficult, but they will get better. When my son decided to keep crawling out of bed during naptime when he was about 18 months old, I laid on the floor outside his bedroom door and peered under it. Every single time I saw his foot start to come down to the floor, I would go in, pick him up, and put him back into bed. I am not joking, I did this about 20 times that first day, it was very frustrating, but the second day I only did it 3 or 4 times, and the third day he stayed in bed and got a really good nap in. It's all about establishing your rules and limitations as a mother and then just following them.

I'm sure I'll get ripped apart by the co sleepers, but man, this poor woman heard from all but one co sleeper, and as a mother who really feels like she's got her kids' schedule perfected, I felt I needed to share the secret to a stress free (atleast at night, huh??:) ) naptime and bedtime, which is time that should be shared and enjoyed with your husband, not fighting or sharing beds with your children. Believe me, your child gets all the attention they need during the day. It's our jobs as parents to teach them good, healthy sleeping habits, among many many hundreds of other things.

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S.C.

answers from Dayton on

Yes, yes, yes!! Her sleeping with you is just fine, it sounds like she is feeling insecure about her new surroundings and needs to connect with you at night. You will feel at peace and get plenty of needed rest with her cuddled next to you. Don't worry about what some one else might think, it's no one's business but your own. Let your instincts guide you, listen to your mother's heart. She needs you.

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D.C.

answers from Toledo on

It sounds like she's going through a transition period. She may be feeling a little overwhelmed by daycare. It's ok to let her sleep with you, as long as it's comfortable for you. It may just be a temporary thing too. Once she starts feeling more secure in daycare, she may go back to her own bed. Do whatever works best for YOU and don't listen to those people that tell you co-sleeping is horrible.

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K.S.

answers from Columbus on

Sleeping with you is a wonderful thing. Some kids just don't like it, and I wish my son would've done it. I found that he slept better in his own room. But, my daughter has been doing it from day one and she is now 20 months. We all sleep better. We tried starting her out in her own room, but in the middle of the night, she would come in. The it would take sometimes 1/2 hour for us to go back to sleep. With her starting in our room, she sleeps all night. We love it and wouldn't have it any other way.

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N.N.

answers from Columbus on

I have this problem with my 8 yr. old. She was never a co-sleeper, but she gets lonely at night. She will tell me that she had a bad dream or a tummy ache or whatever. If I let her, she'd be in my bed 4 nights a week. Occaisionally, I do let her in bed with me, during storms, or "girls nights." More often though, I tell her if she's lonely to get in bed with her sister. I have no problem with co-sleeping. I did it with my 6yr old and 18 mo. old. We're training the baby now to stay in her own bed. She has a new big girl bed, a twin bed with a rail. She doesn't necessarily want to get in bed with us, just out of her bed. I just keep putting her in her bed, eventually she falls asleep. They all go through this at one time or another and she will out grow it and on to something else!

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D.H.

answers from Indianapolis on

Hi L..
I have to say that I am squarely in in "co-sleeping" camp. Both my boys had their own beds by the time they were 3, but they both knew that they could climb in our bed if they needed to (storms, nightmares, whatever). Since your daughter has started daycare, she is probably craving the extra cuddle time with you. Providing her with this will allow you to sleep better, she will sleep better, AND she will feel more secure and will more likely go back to sleeping in her own bed. I strongly believe that the less you push your young child away from you, the more secure they are as they get older. Why be in a hurry to make them stop acting like the little children they are?

Interesting note: my nearly 15-year-old doesn't even remember that he slept with us every night until he was more than 2. (I'd ask his big brother, but he's got his own place and isn't here right now)

Both of my sons (the other is 21) have grown into wonderful, independent young men, and neither of them has crawled into bed with us for a very long time ;-).

good luck, and treasure your snuggle time!
D.

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L.S.

answers from Toledo on

L., My youngest starting crawling/jumping out of her crib at 18 months. I was worried that she was going to get hurt. Sometimes she would jump out before I would reach the door of the bedroom. I purchased a crib tent from BabysRus. At first it was horrible. She clawed at it and wanted out. She got used to it though and now finds it comforting. She is two and LOVES sleeping in her tent and she cries if we forget to zip it up when she goes to bed.

It gives me peace of mind to know she is safe and sound and won't get hurt getting out of her bed or worse being disoriented when she wakes up and falling in the steps.

Good luck!

Good luck!

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R.B.

answers from Toledo on

I have been there with the sleep deprivation! I'm sure daycare is a big adjustment, and probably a lot of stimulation, and it sounds like your baby needs the extra reassurance of being close to you at night, as this is a young age to be away from Mom all day. You might try putting her toddler bed in your room so she can crawl in with you without waking you up so much, or get a bed rail and let her sleep with you. Yes, I think this is perfectly normal at this age. My 4-year-old still does it. We have always practiced attachment parenting. The best resource for this are books by William and Martha Sears, such as Attachment Parenting and Nighttime Parenting. It is the tradition in most families around the world to have babies co-sleep with parents. Cribs used in this country are a rare exception, so no matter what anyone says, do what works best for your family, so everyone can get a good night's sleep. Good luck!

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M.S.

answers from Bloomington on

In my opinion it is not ok to let your toddler to sleep with you for a couple of reasons. First you run the chance of the child not wanting to return to his or her own bed. It is really hard to break that habit once it is started. Second, that time is for you and your husband. I you are like most couples you have a really hectic schedule, especially when there are children. So there for that time needs belong to you and your husband. Because as it is important for your child to feel safe, it is equally important for you and your husband to at least that time together.
As far as the bigger daycare, ask yourself how besides being bigger is it different from the previous day care and then deside if you might need to go back to the other daycare or ask how the situation can be made better at the current daycare. Good Luck, I hope you get some rest soon.

Mrspunnywigit.

I.B.

answers from Columbus on

Hi L.,
You've heard now from both sides about the issue of co-sleeping. I'm glad to see a lot of moms seem to be saying that whatever works for you in your situation is OK. I agree with that. Co-sleeping is not a "bad habit" if it works for everyone in the household- it is important to make sure that your husband is in agreement with you if you do decide that co-sleeping is OK.

My daughter shared my bed until she was old enough to choose to sleep in her own bed and be comfortable there. She's now ten and perfectly well-adjusted, and we have a great relationship; I have no regrets. But I can see how that wouldn't work for everyone.

One other option that I haven't heard mentioned... maybe she could cuddle up to her sister? I have a friend whose daughters share a room with a regular bed and trundle bed for the toddler. Sometimes the toddler ends up crawling in bed with the older daughter... Just another idea, and more evidence that different things work for different families. Of course it wouldn't work if your older daughter didn't like the idea or didn't get enough sleep. Anyhow, good luck :)

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S.D.

answers from Indianapolis on

I have absolutely no advice for you. However, if co-sleeping is working, do it. There's nothing wrong with co-sleeping (you can look up lots of good resources on it from www.asksears.com and other attachment parenting websites). If co-sleeping isn't working, do what you can to get her back in her own bed. Have you checked out "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers"? Or maybe getting a higher gate? I know they make them for bigger dogs, maybe she couldn't get over those. I hope you get some sleep!

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D.I.

answers from South Bend on

Not a good idea to let a child sleep with you at any age. They will get used to it quickly and it will be very hard to break them of the habit. Unfortuntely what you and or your husband need to do is take her back to her room or tell her in a stern voice that she can't sleep in your bed with you and she needs to go back to her own. It will take some time to do this but she will get the point and she will eventually stop and start staying in her bed again. My husband and I went through this with our youngest son and it took about 3 or 4 weeks but he eventually stopped and now stays in his bed through the night. Move the baby gate a little higher but not so high that she can crawl under. Also, you can get a second baby gate to put on top of the first one. Don't let her sleep with you and your husband though.

D.

I am 31 and have been married for almost 12 yrs. My husband and I have 3 boys ages 10,7, and 4.

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P.R.

answers from Indianapolis on

Do you have a night light in her room? Can you add a radio or CD player to play soft music for her? Sounds like a security/comfort issue for her. She may be having bad dreams.

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M.C.

answers from Cleveland on

I suggest a crib tent, if you want to keep her in her crib at night. I have one and it saves us alot of concern over our son going over the wall.

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S.R.

answers from Toledo on

Hello L.. Going to daycare with a larger group might be troubling your little one. It might be that she needs more one-on-one time and more cuddle time. My almost two yo will crawl into bed with my hubby and me 'during the night' almost everynight; however it is around 7am most days (I work very late 2 and early 3 shift, so ya, 7am is middle of the night since I get to bed at 3am) We turn the tv cartoons on and she usually falls back to sleep. Some nights I can't get her to go to sleep in her bed (I put her to bed 3x/wk) and I will cuddle with her or let her lay in bed with me, but when she falls asleep I move her to her bed.
If you are okay with co-sleeping, give it a try, My hubby and I are not okay with it b.c the bed isn't big enough. If you are not wanting your baby in bed with you, you could try taking her back to her bed and laying down with her there till she falls asleep. The most important thing to do first is decide where she is going to sleep (with you or her bed) and then stick to your guns. It might take a month, but once she gets in the habbit of not crawling in bed with you it will be worth it. With our 3 yo I would have her get her sleeping bag and let her sleep on the floor next to our bed when she woke up during the night.

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J.S.

answers from Terre Haute on

I remember those sleepless nights..I still have them..lol. If you don't want your daughter to continue this, maybe a little more cuddle time and security would help. Right now, she's probably having seperation anxiety and feels like she'll never see you again. Or maybe she feels that your not spending enough time with her. At times I wish my two year old was a little more clingy...she's a little too independant! But try a little more cuddle time, story time something and maybe she'll sleep better. Good Luck!

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N.S.

answers from Columbus on

My 20 month old did the same thing. They become very imaginative and things that used to not be scary now are. I allowed my daughter complete access to me and told her she could sleep with me whenever she wanted. What I discovered was that I actually enjoyed her being with me at night! I had missed 2 years of cuddling, sleepy little faces waking up every morning. 20 month olds are still babies, and they need you more now than ever. I read the book "Sweet Dreams" and it gave me a whole new perspective about co-sleeping. Bottom line....do what works best for your family and what allows you to get the most rest. I wish I had co-slept earlier! I would have slept a lot more!

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L.B.

answers from Columbus on

Waking and sleeping with you is fine! Our daughter didn't sleep through the night until she was around 3. She got very good at coming into our bed "as quiet as a mouse". Sometimes we never even knew she was there. If she wasn't quiet, we put her back in her own bed. At 4, she still occasionally gets up and comes in with us. If it is too crowded, she sleeps on the floor.

Our son started sleeping through he night in his own bed around 2. (he's 2 1/4 now). (He had been in a toddler bed since 16 months when we moved.) He still makes a lot of fuss if he wakes and comes into our bed because he wants nursies (he's night-weaned but still wants to nurse when he wakes up), but once we remind him that it is a "quiet bed" and if he wants to stay, he has to be quiet, he quiets down and goes to sleep. There were several times when he wasn't quiet, so we took him back to his bed until he was "ready to be quiet". He would come back and say, "I be quiet now mommy." So sweet...

I would never lock my children in their room. I don't believe in it. But then, my children have never roamed around the house in the middle of the night. They always want to be with us.

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P.S.

answers from Bloomington on

Hi L.! I think that the longer she's allowed to sleep with you the harder it will be to get her to sleep in her own bed when she gets older. It may be that your daughter has separation anxiety since she started day care, especially if she's in a large group setting. She may be overwhelmed at being in a large group. In a large group the staff have less time to spend with each individual child. The reason she's not sleeping and wants to sleep with you may be happening because she needs to be with you. She may need reassurance that you are not going to leave her forever. To a child her age just being left by their parent for a couple of hours seems like forever since they have no sense of time. Chilren do experience anxiety separation when they are away from their parents. Even if she has been in day care for a month she may still be experiencing this. You may need to provide her with reassurance and security. She may need time with you being held and cuddled before she goes to day care and after she comes home. If she's reassured that she is not being abandoned, then she will probably quit wanting to sleep with you. If she continues to do this even though you've done everything you can to give her comfort and reassurance, then you may just mhave to let her cry it out. Since she can climb over the gate, you may have to keep her door shut assuming, that she can't open it. I hope this helps you out some. Good luck!

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N.B.

answers from Toledo on

Hi, L., This is so simple to fix---close her door! She should NOT be sleeping with you, and she needs to have this nipped in the bud, as we old ones say. The sooner she figures out that she is getting NO attention for this behavior, the sooner it will stop. That means no talking to her, no trying to get her back to her room, no letting her get in bed with you. That's all attention devoted to her, and a win for her. She needs to learn that getting up in the night will NOT be rewarded. You may lose a few more nights of sleep, but you already are, so you have nothing to lose. Most kids try this at one age or another, the bottom line is keep her safely in her room(she can sleep on the floor if she wants to). She'll give up if she doesn't get any attention for it, and go back to sleeping all night. Good luck!

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T.I.

answers from Columbus on

L., I think your little one is greatly in need of love from mom an dad. She is young for daycare and is very lonesome for you. She needs lots of love, cuddling in order to develop w/confidence. Give her quality time and show her love and affection when you pick her up from daycare. Ask them what she does at daycare: is she happy there? 20 months old babies are very demanding, that is how they develop. Does the 8yr old help w/her? Do they get along well? Try to instill love and care from her too. God bless you, I know you will get there w/her, it's a lot of work but so worth it. A happy child is the most important thing parents can give their children. I will keep you in my prayers!

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R.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

L., I can sympathize with you to an extent, since my two-year-old is currently having some sleep issues. Do you have or have you tried using a Pack and Play portable bed? I'm wondering if this might be more difficult for her to climb out of since it is surrounded by netting? Then you could just concentrate on helping her go back to sleep if she is contained. I think as far as sleeping with you, that just depends on the comfort level of yourself and your husband. Just consider that you will have to transition her back into a separate bed, which takes time and patience. Good Luck!

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T.D.

answers from Cleveland on

As the previous poster stated it sounds like your LO misses you and just wants to be with you as much as she can. Does everyone sleep well once your DD is there? Could you move the floor mattress to your room and just skip the crib and start the night out with her in your room? This the arrangememnt I have with my daughter and it works out perfectly. She spends half the night in her bed and then half the night in my bed and we are all happy and rested most nights. Good Luck, I hope you find what works best for everyone involved.

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