2 Yr Old Issues - Not Eating & Severe Separation Anxiety

Updated on September 03, 2013
K.J. asks from Lehi, UT
4 answers

Ok, so I'm trying to roll two questions into one here and see where we go from there :)

#1 - Eating Issues: My daughter is 22 months old and for the past few months has developed some really frustrating eating habits (rather, NOT eating). She has been eating solid foods since she was 6 months old without any issues or allergies. I weaned her from nursing at about 9 months and we've never really had any trouble with her eating habits. and have always had a good variety of healthy foods she's enjoyed. However, lately all she wants is milk or juice, and maybe some cheese. If I give her food and she doesn't want to eat, she simply won't touch it at all no matter how long it sits there. She's not picky, but just doesn't seem in the "mood" to eat. Occasionally I can get her to eat more than a bite or two, and when she does it's usually a pretty decent amount of food. Unfortunately, I just don't feel like it's often enough. She's not sick, doesn't have allergies and there doesn't seem to be anything else that would trigger this, so I just don't know what to do. SO...not only is she not eating, but when she doesn't eat she whines and cries for milk for HOURS, then when she finally does fall asleep (naptime or nighttime) she never stays asleep long, which I can only attribute to her tummy feeling empty. Still, all she cries for is milk and will not eat.

#2 - Same 2 year old, SEVERE separation anxiety. I literally can't even go to the bathroom without her 2 centimeters away or she has a panic attack. It's not just a little whining and crying, it's hysterical bawling to the point she can't hardly breathe. This has been going on for months and I'm literally about to lose my mind over it. It makes it nearly impossible to get anything done. It's not just when I go into another room (like the bathroom or the laundry room), I can't even walk 2 feet away from her where she can still see me. Also, it's not just me, it's my husband too. He works from home and she flips out when he goes into his office. Again, nothing traumatic has happened, no major changes at home, she's never been in daycare, has never even been away from me for more than a couple hours, which even then is very rare. Is this normal for a 22 month old? We did not have these issues with my son at this age.

Please help...this mama is about to go crazy here!!

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So What Happened?

Even still my 8 year old son will go through growth spurts where he's not hungry for several days, but then a bottomless pit the next. I have no doubts that my daughter is probably going through something similar. She certainly doesn't look or act as if she's malnourished, but she does get into that crazy "hanger" mode where she's just downright cranky because she needs to eat. Without over doing it on fruit, I've occasionally been giving her some fresh fruit and green smoothies and that's helped a bit. I just don't want to give into her every milk desire and let her think that she can get what she wants by screaming and not eating. My family learned very quickly that my kitchen is not a restaurant :)

As for the separation anxiety, I have a few friends nearby that have offered to take her for even just a quick 15 minutes to let her know that even if I leave, I'll be back. I can't imagine this going on until she's 4!! I guess only time will tell.

As for your advice, Gamma G., this is not the first time you've given responses to my questions that I find uneducated and just plain ridiculous. Obviously she does need milk, however, it is NOT the only thing she needs. Giving her milk every time she wants it is only giving her permission to have her way. i realize she's not going to starve to death. Clearly at 22 months she needs real food as well, just milk alone isn't enough to keep her healthy, and only induces constipation. Kids DO learn to eat what's in front of them. They eat what we eat, plain and simple. I will politely ask that you refrain from responding to any of my future questions. Thank you.

More Answers

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Both of these phases are fairly normal (even though they make you want to tear your hair out)..
Right around this age their growth rate slows down quite a bit - so they eat less.
As long as the food choices you offer her are healthy, it's up to her how much she eats.
Offer milk to her after she eats so she doesn't fill up on it.
She'll have another growth spurt sooner or later and then she'll eat.

Our son also would not let me out of his sight (not even to use the bathroom).
He had to be right next to me.
For awhile just putting him down on the floor so I could handle something else would cause him to cry like his little heart was breaking.
Eventually he was happy just being able to see me from across a room.
And then he'd get too busy playing to want to follow me around the house as I was doing laundry or anything else.
He was about 4 when he finally eased up a bit.

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G.♣.

answers from Springfield on

Two year olds have the amazing ability to listen to their bodies. If they are hungry, they eat. If they are not hungry, they won't eat. It is very common at this age for kids to not eat as much, as their bodies are not growing by leaps and bounds like they used to.

This can be really frustrating, as a parent, because we just never know which days our child will be hungry. They can be famished one day and eat 2 or 3 helpings, then appear to survive on two bites and air then next.

This is all totally normal! You have to trust that if she is hungry, she will eat.

The separation anxiety is also totally normal. She has not yet learned "object permanence" - that objects and people still exist, even if she can't see them. Give it some time. Again, I know it's hard, but she doesn't yet trust that you still exist even though she can't see you. She'll learn! I promise.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

If this were me I'd let her have all the milk she wants. She is needing something in it. You know, sometimes our body is craving something because there is a mineral or something in it that we need. She's craving dairy.

I'd also tell you that kids don't learn to eat what's put in front of them. They don't eat and they get sick.

As for the separation anxiety I'd say it's time to find a good Mother's Day Out program and start taking her several days per week. It will do her a world of good to learn to be away from you. She is too attached.

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F.B.

answers from New York on

The best thing you could probably do about the eating, is not to take it to heart. Keep offering healthy alternatives, set them in front of her, and give her 15-20 minutes to eat them, or not to eat them. If you give in to her whims, you will find yourself a short order cook. Speak with the ped about how much and what type of milk is appropriate. Ours set a limit of 20 oz a day at that age so as not to undermine solids. We would give him "milk water" water with a bit of milk in it to allow him access to liquid that he would take, so as not to give him glass after glass of milk.

separation anxiety is a tough one. try playing peek-a-boo at increasing distances so as to cement the notion of object permanance. Thankfully, ours wasn't difficult that way.

good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

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