2 Yr. Old & Sleep Struggles

I'm a sensitive person who wants to figure things out and do what is best for children. I'm surprised at the reactions I'm beginning to feel surrounding nap and bed time issues. What I'm picking up on even from myself when I look back on the times I struggles with getting my grandkids to sleep is an over concern for what is going on for the child. Reality is, it's time to go to bed.

I didn't have an issue with my daughter who came to live with me when she was 7. We had a routine. She bathed, put on her pjs and got in bed. I sat beside the bed and read a couple of books. If she wanted to talk about anything we did that. I stayed with her until she went to sleep which happened quickly.

I now have the same routine with my grandchildren when they stay overnight with me. The are 7 and 10. This has worked quite well for the last couple of years which is when they started staying overnight. The simple it's bedtime and a routine worked for their mother for years before that. When I was staying with them, I "tuned in" to how they were feeling. When they cried, I'd go in and read another story or lay down with them until they fell asleep. I felt that I needed to understand why they weren't going to sleep.

I have a different way of looking at it now. The getting ready for bed at night does need a calm slowing down routine. I believe that it's important to spend at least 15-20 minutes with the toddler, reading or telling stories, and giving them a chance to do some talking. But then it's lights out and time for sleep. If it helps, a night light and music is good. I agree that it takes a few weeks to figure out what will help each child to remain quiet and in bed but it doesn't have to be a long drawn out process with concern for the child's feelings.

When we become overly concerned to the point that we're working hard to make this bed time routine pleasant and acceptable to the child we're giving them the message that there is a reason that they aren't settling down. This creates the anxiety that we're trying to prevent.

It's time for bed. You've prepared for it, with a calming routine. You've figured out that a night light and soft music help. You leave the room and toddler comes out wanting a drink of water or to play or. Calmly, take his hand, put him back in bed, tuck him in and say, it's time to go to sleep now. Calmly do this each time he comes out. You're not be unsympathetic to his needs. You're teaching him that he needs to be in bed and how to stay there.

If he stays in bed and cries, then yes, go in and comfort him. There is a process for doing that by gradually waiting longer before going in. Yes, you want him to know that you are there for him if he's scared or needs something but you also want him to know that he is capable of calming himself down and going to sleep.

If he gets out of bed but is quiet, that's OK. He'll fall asleep on the floor and you can pick him up and put him back in bed later, if you want to. But he's OK on the floor.

I do not believe in the cry it out process. I do believe in being sensitive to a child's feelings and physical needs. I've come to realize that all too often we handicap our babies and children by being overly concerned. Bedtime should be handled lovingly and with firm boundaries. Children thrive on routine. Make bedtime routine. Give your child confidence by expressing your own confidence that he can figure this out.

I thought my daughter was insensitive in the way she expected her kids to stay in bed. Now, I believe that she had the right idea.

Nap times are a bit different in that I don't expect them to always go to sleep. They have to stay in their room because that is the only way they'll be able to fall asleep if they need to sleep. Again, I put on soft music. I make the room comfortable for sleep. When they come out of the room, calmly take them back.

Sorry, S., I've lost track of your situation. I suggest that sleeping 2-3 hours at nap time is too long. If he were going to sleep at night then it would be OK but he isn't. My suggestion is that nap time be for an hour. If he's not asleep by then, it's time to come out and go on with the day. If he's asleep, try waking him up after an hour. Experiment until you find the amount of time for a nap that allows him to get to sleep at night.

Decide how long you're willing to spend on a bed time routine and stick with it. Once you've said it's time to go to sleep then it's doing nothing else except to put him back in his room and/or bed in a calm way using as little words as possible. Let him fuss or cry for 5 or so minutes before going back in. Rub his back, tuck him back in, say good night and leave. Repeat as often as necessary, gradually lengthening the amount of time before you respond. I suggest that within a week, if you're able to be consistent, your little one will be going to sleep.

Now, if he's a "spirited child" as my grandchildren and it seems like most children are now a days it may take longer so don't be discouraged. Just keep up the routine in a calm, quiet way. You're teaching him the routine.

The "struggle" is getting him an hour of mommy time when he is probably hardly alone with you now that the baby is here. He could be using this struggle to get your attention and alone time/snuggle time. It is just a tough transition for everyone the first few months with a new sibling - especially if the sibling isn't on the same routine and won't be for a while. The other reason may be that at school he probably ran around and got a LOT of energy out... leaving him clearly tired and ready for nap. Try setting up a routine at home that would be similar to daycare... you could try a reward chart for doing things like a big boy (like getting dressed, helping mommy with by bringing a diaper, laying down and trying to sleep). You could try play dates, community or co-op centers or other places one day a week where he could really get the energy out and come back exhausted and ready to nap.

I actually bought a clock for my 3 yr old that has a nap mode. After what ever time I set it turns color.... she had to stay in bed until the color changed - after that she could get up and skip nap... but 9 times out of 10 she actually sleept and it wasn't a timer or loud noise that went off (you could also do this with music....has to lay down until the album is over and after that they can get up etc.).

The reality though is I think it just came down to routine. She is 4 now and doesn't nap most days - but the adjustment to a new sibling meant working really hard on explaining to her why we had to balance time between family memembers....Once everyone is one more of a routing including the baby - I bet it will get easier.

I can't say I have much advice, but wanted you to know that I am having the same issues with my 2 year old. He has a big sister, not a baby in the house now, so it must be an age/developmental thing. He is also picking up on big sis and her "I'm not tired, I don't want to nap," attitude. He clearly needs a nap and I think she does, too. They share a room and it is tough to get the little guy down when sis is acting out. I usually have to lie with him awhile and make sure my dd is quiet. She gets consequences when she disrupts nap time. She knows better now, but every once in awhile, still acts out because she is mad at me for making her have quiet time.

Bedtime is also difficult for my little guy. I am definitely thinking that something developmental is going on. I noticed that my dd did this too at the same age. I thought it was the baby (her brother) but since my ds is doing it, too...

Like Marda said, take care of needs, but gently and quietly put them back to bed. It does get a little better and it is so much nicer when you can let go of the anxiousness of them going to sleep and be calmer. I used to fight it within myself and found that we all just got cranky.

Try to stay relaxed is the best advice I can give. Oh, I do know that after my son was born and my dd was having more difficulty going down for a nap, like an hour to get her down, I decided to give up on naps, it wasn't worth the hour of sleep after an hour of struggle. She does take naps pretty easily about 2-3 times per week. She finds that it takes her a little more time at night to fall asleep on days she naps. I need to wake her after about an hour with a nap, but I also think she needs the sleep. So, sleep seems to always be some struggle in this house. It doesn't help that since kids, I have insomnia periodically.

Good luck on your sleep issues and I wish I could have helped.
D.

you must put him on a nap/bedtime schedule. It took me about 2wks to put my 19mo twins on a schedule and now it's so easy and they expect it. Sometimes they even fall asleep on their own on the couch and i just take them to their cribs. i sing this 'naaaap time' song i got from 'yo gabba gabba' tv show. i take them, my son first, i tell them it's nappy nappy time! i give him his blessing, kiss him, tell him i love him and put him in his crib. once in a while he'll fuss but like in less than one minute he stops. His twin sister is at times harder and requires holding for a bit. Most of the time she's just falls asleep and i just take her to her crib. I do the same for bedtime! the song and all. When you put them on a schedule, they get used to it and he'll learn that it's expected, just like in daycare. It'll be better on him and you. But he's just testing you, trust me! Give him lot's of hugs and use your soft voice, my twins like the song. Blessings your way and good luck!

is he getting enough exercise/activity now that he is out of daycare? i have very active 2 1/2 yo boy and he plays hard at daycare. he is used to and really benefits from that activity. i know if its rainy and we dont get to be very active on a weekend, it is almost impossible to get him to take a nap. he is a good sleeper at daycare, 2 hr naps everyday and he still really needs that. so on weekends, i try to plan something active every morning b/c it results in an earlier/no battle nap and he just has better behavior all day. if he doesnt get that energy out we usually dont have a very good day.

obviously your son has also been thru a lot of change with stopping daycare, gaining a new sister and learning to share mom, but sometimes some pure old physical exhaustion (ideally his and not yours.. altho you are probably already there) really helps with sleeping. do you live near a community center that has morning play times- you could carry the baby in a pack so you're mobile. it would probably be fun for him to see other kids- he probably misses that interaction as well, but the main benefit would be to wear himself out :)

When I put my toddler down for nap, I take my baby with me. They're just over two years apart and I've been doing this for 10 months. I lay baby between the headboard and I (so she can't fall off the edge) and then toddler is on my other side. Sometimes baby is awake, sometimes asleep, but it allows my baby to be with me and safe but still allows me to give most of my attention t my toddler when she's needing me.

What is he playing with? Can that be taken out of the room? Have you tried using a timer before going to his bed? Once we started letting our toddler pick how long to play before bed (up to 10 minutes), she has been much more compliant about just going straight to sleep once we get to her bed. We also make her room a "quiet room" and pretend. Our toddler is big into make believe, so it works really well for her. We just told her that it's a quiet room and that we have to be quiet. We add an air of wonder/awe about it being a quiet room but don't actually change anything about her room.

We have a 2 year old and have been going through all the same things. As far as the getting out of bed: we went though a bit where this was really a problem. I would have to sit outside his door and tell him to get back in bed several times. Well one night my husband went up there and told him that if he got out of bed one more time we were going to take away one of his lovies (a bumble bee pillow that he sleeps on)...well he did and so we took it away and he had to take his nap without it. We talked about it with him afterwards and the next time he went down ("Do you remember why we had to take bumblebee away" "yes because I was getting out of bed" "Right- you need to stay in bed or we will have to take him away again") and that really did the trick. Since then there has been just one occasion when we have caught him out of bed and the reminder that if he is out of bed we will take bumble bee away has been enough to solve the problem. So something to try if taking away a lovie would have an impact on your son.

As far as the taking a long time to fall asleep: I don't have an answer for that one but can tell you we are in the same boat if that helps you feel any better! I think it is something to do with the age and that they just take a while to wind down. I also wonder if it is the change in season. I have decided to stop worrying about it because he always does eventually fall asleep and try as I may I cannot WILL him to go to sleep faster. I also try to remind myself that sometimes it takes me a long time to fall asleep too and he is just a little person. After the above incident at least he is staying in his bed until he falls asleep and I have decided to be content with that! Good luck and patience to you!!!

Ugh, I just spent an hour putting down my 2 1/2 year old and we have a 7 month old

I don't have much insight. We have just started having a STRICT routine, but by strict, I mean we are following it strictly more than strict for him. He is too little, so it all falls on the adults.

Little ones don't have the tools we have to sort through overstimulating days like we do and so I think it all piles up at bedtimes and they take a looooong time to settle down. That's normal and I think some kids will take longer than others.

So, we've just started a separate dinner time for him so that he is done eating EARLY. Then he can play certain activities....nothing loud, nothing wild, nothing overstimulating (we don't watch tv, but tv would be on the list if we did). He can draw, read, do puzzles with us, or play with his trains.

He takes a bath and has a cup of tea in the tub and I will massage him as he is in there.. Short bath that I time. Then out of the bath, picks out 3 books, and we read in the rocking chair. Then it's into bed where we start our loooong routine of him adjusting and trying to get rested.

You can do some massage to relax your son and also try chamomile tea. It helps to promote rest. I would dim the lights early and any wild noise from a tv or stereo, etc gets turned down, or ideally off. The phone is off, basically we act like the whole world is going to bed.

Is it going to work? I don't know ....but it's the best I've got. Remember though bedtime routines will change. This isn't going to be the way it is forever.

I think as they get older, they can process through things that are stimulating them from their day and get to bed sooner. However, adults are like that to. My husband falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, but I take a while to fall asleep.

Good luck , I feel your pain!