2 Year Screaming at Bed Time- Should I Let Him Cry It Out?

Only 20 mins? What I wouldn't have given to have such an easy baby! Yes, let him CIO. But since the crying is new a trip to the pediatrician might be wise.

When my kids had a problem going to sleep I would rub their back or their head. It usually helped because I wanted to see them have a happy night sleep. I would even rock them in a recliner and let them sleep on me when they were babies. I just could never stand to hear a baby cry.

Is he cutting molars? If so, I would make sure to give him pain meds and see if that helps him be able to fall asleep more easily. It seems odd for him to suddenly start screaming when he used to just go to sleep with no issue. Seems like something must be wrong & that would make me feel like you - to not want to leave him screaming.

You could always compromise and sit in there on the floor, or something, so that you are in the room with him, offering a certain level of comfort, but he's still going to sleep on his own? Each day you could move closer and closer to the door by a few feet until you're back out of the room (saw Super Nanny do this!). Good luck.

I think your husband is right.
There is no sense in dragging it out.
I've known little kids who started crying at the very mention of bedtime until they were 5 years old. They were tired, it was their last little outburst of energy for the day before they konked.
Not easy to listen to, but dragging it out just dragged out the crying.
They were going to cry no matter what. They didn't want to go to bed, they didn't want to go to sleep, they fought it all the way until zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Little kids do that.
Put him to bed, kiss him, tell him you love him and night-night and then let him do his thing.
Stay consistant with it.
You'll both live through it. You really will.

Best wishes.

Since he USED to go to bed fine and now is screaming, SOMETHING IS WRONG. He's two, not a baby, so you might start by actually ASKING him what's wrong.
It's probably also worth a trip to the pediatrician. Ear infections can frequently present with no symptoms other than pain at bedtime (the pressure builds when laying flat).

HTH
T.

I know it seems like the longest 20 minutes in the world, but that's really not that bad - it's better than 3 hours! I tend to agree with your hubby on this one - getting him used to you being there in order to fall asleep will probably become a habit that could be hard to break later on. What if he wakes up and can't fall back asleep because you aren't there? If you don't have one already, I would have a calming routine in place that includes a bath, stories, and some cuddles, but then he still goes in his crib awake so hopefully he is relaxed and drowsy but still has to fall asleep on his own. Know that it's still just a phase, and eventually he will need to learn that screaming isn't going to get him his way.

Its a tricky one. My daughter has started this too. I normally just go in and say its time for sleep. I lay her down and put her blanket on, kiss her and leave. If I stay, she'll want to talk and get up so I feel my presence prolongs the sleep process.
So far so good. I would talk to him first and then let him cry; expanding out time intervals. You don't want to get stuck in that game of having to sleep on the floor next to your baby like a lot of parents do (Unless of course you want to!)

Good luck!

I was wondering how long, my limit was 10 mins with my oldest that was all I could stand and with the next if we didn't come back in 9 mins she woudl cry so hard she puked. If hubby insists and you think it is working, I would put headphones on really loud and try to distract yourself.

I'm wondering if you moved bedtime up just a bit if he would fuss less, sometimes if htey are tired it's worse. and I"m also wondering if you can really stetch out the relaxing unwinding bedtime routine, warm bath, dim lights, soft music. and are naps going ok??

If you had said he cries for a half hour, I would probably tell you its' not working, but 20 is sort of one the edge for me, I think most kids would proably fuss for 10, so 20 is a bit much but not a ton too much.

personanlly i couldn't do it and was consquently very very tired for several years, but to me it just felt wrong and then when they got sick you would just have to go through the crazy crying all over again when they were well.

He may be experiencing fears that have just now started. This is typical -- some moms say "How can he be having nightmares or fears at two?" but this is the age it starts. You can try asking like someone suggested but he likely cannot yet articulate what is scaring him. You may never really find out what it is -- be prepared to never know exactly what's triggering this. What matters is your response.

Check his room from his perspective. That lovely night-light that was always fine may now, to him, be throwing scary shadows because a chair moved five inches. The blanket that's folded over the back of the chair could look like a monster in the dark now. His closet door might be loose and open a few inches that terrify him. I would NOT point out things like that and say, "Is that what's scaring you?" because then those things WILL scare him if it's implanted in his mind. But look around his room and see if anything has changed even slightly.

I would definitely go to him when he cries. Here's why: He is too young to manipulate you and think "Oh, if I cry, they'll come--aren't I clever to trick them!" He only knows he is scared or in pain and feels very vulnerable alone in his room, and he wants the most important person in his world to comfort him. If that person doesn't come, as far as he knows, you've vanished, and he can't rely on that most important person. He's just about old enough to know that when you leave a room, you really don't disappear utterly and forever (which infants do not realize), but he's also just young enough that if he's scared, that knowledge probably vanishes temporarily and he figure's you're just gone.

It increases his sense of insecurity if he's left to scream himself to sleep. It increases his sense of security -- and therefore his ability, later, to put himself to sleep -- if you DO go to him. I know that last sentence seems like a contradiction but I believe it's true.

Tell your husband that the insecurity will go on longer if you DON'T respond to his needs than if you do. It's not "giving in." Your husband says it's giving in, but that indicates your husband thinks the baby's manipulating you and messing with your heads. He's not. He's scared. Who wouldn't want to go to a scared kid -- of any age?

Yes, try soft music in his room at bedtime as a distraction. Let it play until he falls asleep to it (my daughter is 10 and we've done it since she was five and will do it until she's 18 if she wants). And yes, as someone noted, try going in to comfort him briefly so he knows you're around, and then leaving quietly while he's a bit awake, rather than staying all night. But if he's really distressed -- do what your gut tells you and comfort him however you think is best.

If it is just recently happening, I would think something is wrong. I never ignore those kind of screams. Take him to the doctor to make sure he is alright! Trust your instincts, you are a mother! =)

no, cuddle that baby!

If this has only been going on for a few days what has changed?

It could be that he has an ear infection.

Otherwise if this was normal and hadn't just started I would say let him CIO, he is 2. You need to decided what your limit is. 10 minutes, 20 minutes? For me my limit was 30 minutes.

He is 2, not a small baby, and for only 20 minutes of crying/screaming, I would let him work it out himself. He is most likely just doing it for attention & testing you to see if you'll give in, or not. I have to agree with your DH on this one, giving in will work against you & will make it harder for him to learn how to fall asleep on your own, & will set a bad precedent. It's better to go through it now, while he's smaller & less aware, than try to train him later, say at 3, 4, or 5, when kids are more stubborn, vocal, fully aware of what's going on & not using a crib anymore, & they are free to do as they please at bedtime.

Maybe he has seen something that has frighten him. We do not see what our children see all the time. The TV could have been on and he saw something. This is just an example. I have always helped my kids fall asleep. HE is still a child, you said crib. Maybe he would like a toddler bed now. This may help a little. Is the room dark? I don't know, I never let my kids cry like that before bed. I would have the feeling like I am abanning them. Sorry again, this is my opinion.

How long has it been going on? If it has been a few days and it is getting better then wait and see. If it has been over a week and no end in sight then maybe it is time to look for another method. There are so many sleep books I won't even try and steer you to one. It depends on you kid's personality to some extent what method will work best.

Be prepared, you are going to get some strong opinions on this question!

I am not a believer in "cry it out" and creating a sense of hysteria with bedtime with my child. Crying it out has worked wonderfully for others and that is great, but it's not for me. I don't know much about the Ferber method but I do know that it doesn't involve just letting them scream without giving in; so I don't agree with your husband on that one. So I was very thankful when my friend recommended a book for me called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution." It's great for parents of babies/toddlers who are looking for better, less stressful solutions than crying it out. I read this book and with it, I sleep trained my daughter when she was just 2 months old. (Mind you, I didn't put her on a sleep schedule, I just trained her to go to sleep in her crib without crying.)

It was amazing! In 3 days, my daughter was going to bed on her own with no tears at all. And it wasn't like that before; she loved to scream at bed and naptime! Some nights it takes awhile to rock her to the point she's drowsy enough to fall asleep but she never cries. Some nights she wakes up and fusses and we have to go tend to her, but she never cries. It's wonderful. Tonight, she was wide awake and actually fussy and crying in my arms; after nearly an hour of rocking her I finally just got tired and put her in her crib. She fidgeted around, held her head up to look at stuff and in 20 minutes, she put herself to sleep. No crying! Yay!

I ordered my copy on Amazon for about $13 and they shipped it to me in just a couple of days. I really love it and recommend it to you! Good luck friend!

I can't either. I wouldn't resort to staying in there too long though, b/c I do think you could start a pattern of being in there for a long time each night. Our 2.5 yo tells us she has bad dreams sometimes, so I try to find solutions for her. Last night we left the light and music on for her and that helped- with the door open. They go through stages. Just don't give in to being in there every night or sleeping with him- no, no... Just my opinion. Too many parents I know can't get their older kids to sleep on their own. We're doing our best not to follow that. Good luck!

How is his talking? Can he tell you how he feels about things, or what is bothering him yet? I know mine was a big talker at that age, so when things came up I would just ask him what was up. Then maybe talk about whatever is bothering him and assure him that everything is ok. But yes beyond that, I would let him resolve it bc he is old enough to self comfort and I think if he sees that it can get him more time before he has to sleep, it will just be counter productive. I would let him cry at that age.

What you are experiencing is very common. There is help, try http://www.toddlerbedandmore.com under toddler tips for parents to see the latest in help for these problems. Good luck!

I think there's a solution here that will make both you and DH happy- Dr. Ferber's Method. It is not CIO, as people generally think of it, but a progressive waiting approach.

This book worked miracles for us! A friend gave me this book because my 1st child STILL wasn't sleeping through the night at 2 1/2. It was also a nightmare to get him to sleep every night. No problems since- nor did we have any problems with our 2nd, 3rd, or 4th!!

http://www.amazon.com/Solve-Your-Childs-Sleep-Problems/dp...

Check out the reviews too! Best wishes!!!! :)

BTW- I agree that he could be getting his 2 year molars- try Tylenol or Motrin to see if that helps.

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