2 Year Olds

I bring my sons Leapster 2 along. It is amazing how good it works. I have 5 kids & never brought any toys like that along, well they didn't have them when they were younger. But still it has been well worth the money to have bought this toy.

yes, I had about a 9 month period that we never went out to eat....
be patient, this time will pass.

We have an entire huge family of extended cousins who all discipline their kids the same way,. Harder kids take more, easier kids take less, but contrary to popular belief, ALL 2 year olds can learn not throw tantrums and to sit nicely in restaurants. My 2 1/2 year old son is one of them and so was my daughter at that age. If you are being absolutely consistent with your swat after one or two calm warnings (not 20) and you are never angry, they will absolutely learn to avoid the consequence by choosing the right behavior. We warned and then followed through as soon as a fanny left the chair even by an inch at home, and of course they didn't try to climb out of a chair in a restaurant. Use clear short commands, "seat in chair", "no banging (silverware on table) "no fits" and a consequence after the warning EVERY time and he will learn. For tantrums you do it at the very first few seconds of a tantrum EVERY time. No tantrums allowed ever. I'm blown away by kids having tantrums since none of the kids in our family do with a little attention (or a lot if they are tougher) to the very first ones.The key is doing it at home. You can't slack off at home and expect better behavior out. If anything, he will push the boundaries when out, so be ready to follow through in the restroom etc, but get him trained at home first and this will be very easy.

This is absolutely true, I now take my 4 year old, 2 year old and 9 month old out alone (husband travels a lot) to quiet cafes with no worries. Don't believe the "kids just act this way at 2" line. They only do if they are allowed to, and they're much happier when they learn the right way to behave and you take them proudly out to more places.

I was going to suggest Love and Logic, but Melissa R. already did...so I thought I would second her suggestion!!!

Try the book "Raising Your Spirited Child."
Discipline means teaching, so really think about what you want to teach and how you teach it. Even so, you have to prioritize lessons and rules which must be obeyed. Health and safety have to come before restaurant etiquette. Whatever your rules are, you must enforce them 100% no matter what else is going on. That means to survive, you must pick only the most critical rules to make a stand on. As the child ages, the things you fight over now will have become automatic and you can move on to teaching other behaviors.
My kids are 9,7 and 3....and I still hate to take them out to restaurants for many reasons. If the point is for me to have a conversation with another adult, then I suggest take out for the grown ups and fix the kids something simple that they'll actually eat at home. If we're travelling and it's unavoidable, I bring the video games for the older kids and a whole bag of tricks for the little one. We still plan to leave quickly, and my husband always ends up running the kids around the parking lot while I'm paying the bill. My husband and 7 year old are ADHD, and my 9 year old has some sensory issues (loud crowded places overload her much faster than most people) so restaurants are pretty tough environments for us. I never take hungry children into an unfamilliar environment. I feed them in the car if not at home before we leave. They can't think straight when they are hungry, and new situations require a lot more brain power and self-discipline from kids than you might realize. While there are a few kids who can be pleasant to dine in a restaurant with before their 5th birthday, they are few and far between.
The fits your child throws sound like they happen more often, so you probably need to rethink your discipline strategies. Look for patterns - when does she throw a fit? Are there any commonalities? Time of day? Hunger?

Good luck,
S.
SAHM of 3

I 100% completely agree with Rebecca. That is a TEXTBOOK 2 year old and if you weren't having stuff like this going on, it wouldn't be normal.

My best advice to you is this:
- Don't do or say things to them that you don't want reciprocated or repeated. (My son now tries to hit me when he decides he doesn't like something I've done. A lot of good those hand swats did.)
- Keep commands and directions to a 3-5 word or less sentence. Preferably less. (Sit down. Come here. Don't touch. Be gentle. Inside voice!)
- Take one big, enormous breath and remind yourself that this is a two year old... and soon, he will be twenty. Sometimes (not always... but occasionally) I take a step back and just laugh at the situation because there is nothing else to do but just shake my head and press on.

Hang in there!!

Hi W.-

I've worked with toddlers for most of my career, and what you're describing is just how 2 year olds are. 2 year olds have about a 5-10 minute attention span, much more than that and the cannot handle it. It is nothing you can punish away, because it is not something they can control.

For now, focus on family restaurants, we have a place call Me Too, which parents can eat a nice meal while the kids are in a close by playroom. Crying toddlers and nursing Moms are welcome, while it's not Applebees, it's great for families with young children.

As for the tantrums, I find providing choices, making sure the child is well rested/ well fed and providing positive reinforcement is the only way to get toddlers to obey. They naturally need to be in control, and when they are not in control, they show their frusteration through tantrums.

I've worked with kids for 16 year, and disipline doesn't work, it only becomes a power struggle. When you clearly outline your expections and TEACH good behavor instead of punish, you will see huge differences.

R. Magby

I feel your pain, I feel your pain, I feel your pain!!! What we've found to work, is to make sure we bring pleanty of "surprises" for him to play with when he gets bored with his current toy or activity. Also, we threaten the high chair. If he gets down out of his seat, we tell him, next time, he gets in the high chair, where there is a strap, and we seat belt him into the high chair. Yes, he screams and pitches a fit for a few minutes, but then he sits still and behaves. Also, we ask the hostess to please sit us somewhere that may be away from other people, and try to eat out earlier than the large crowd. I hope this helps!

Nope, my two year old is angelic... oh, wait - that's just wishful thinking.

Well, actually the going to to eat thing isn't really a problem for us (shopping is my downfall). We don't go out often, and when we do we pick child-friendly places - not MCD, but smaller family restaurants for example. Nothing fancy!
We eat dinner at the dinner table at home, so she is used to sitting at the table, when we go out, we make sure it's not too late and she's not too hungry - and yes, I will bring her a snack, just in case she doesn't make it to dinner. On days when we eat out because it's gotten too late to cook we get take out. It's not worth the tantrum.

Make sure you give lots of praise, not just discipline and that any discipline is immediate, appropriate and predictable.
Really, he sounds like a normal two year old...this too, shall pass.
Good luck.

The simple truth is that toddlers and restaurants are an unnatural combination. Kids that age are seldom able to sit still for long, and punishing them for being totally age-appropriate is not going to make them like going out to eat.

Before deciding how to deal with a child's behavior, I'd try this: stand in her shoes and consider life from her angle. Notice all the frustrating, controlling, maddening and discouraging situations for a new little person with little choice and limited language. From there, you might find creative ways to reduce as many of those frustrations as possible. This in turn should reduce her negative strategies to deal with her own frustration.

I hope you will NOT to think of her feelings as "wrong." She really doesn't choose them, any more than you "choose" to feel angry when she throws yet another tantrum. Anger and frustration are natural, and completely legitimate. If you discourage them by shaming or punishing, the feelings won't go away, they'll just go underground and emerge in some other way.

There are tricks you can use to reduce a child's frustration level, and tantrums will gradually happen less often. This reduces your own frustration as she feels more cheerful and cooperative. Things that have really helped my 4yo grandson are:

1. Making the tasks we need from him as pleasant as possible. Offer choices whenever you can. Two-year-olds are desperate for chances to act on their new abilities, so find ways to offer them those opportunities, even if you are still limiting the options to those that will help you meet your own needs.

2. Turn "must-do's" into games. Anticipate where the trouble is likely to occur, and be prepared with alternatives. Distract and gently redirect. Offer small toys or projects when they get restless in public. This is more fun for everybody, and will reduce the need for correction and discipline dramatically.

2. Participating in a task, like picking up toys, alongside the child, with a cheerful attitude. This is really important. It keeps her from experiencing the task as joyless and lonely and too big to accomplish alone. (And you know yourself that when you have negative feelings about a job, it becomes much bigger.)

3. Give advance notice that you'll need to have X done pretty soon. Then notice again that X will need to happen in one more minute. Then time for X arrives, at which point, I move into steps 1 and/or 2. Transitions tend to be really hard for young children, and this helps them prepare emotionally.

4. When something really must happen now, be as inevitable as the tides. The ocean doesn't get hung up on judgement, resistance, drama or anger. It just rises, calmly and implacably. If my grandson won't get his jacket on, or come to the table, or pick up the toy cars after my final request, I get the jacket, or guide him to the table, or bring him back to the toys and make a game of picking them up. All gently, with a smile. My attitude can make the difference between a long, drawn out episode or the satisfaction of having done what's necessary.

Having positive strategies in place ahead of time takes work and creativity on your part, but not dealing with a problem until it's in full swing is even more effortful and frustrating, for both you and your child. And at two, adding "ALOT" of discipline is probably only going to make your child more reactive, resistant, frustrated, and uncooperative.

I have a 6 year old and a two year old and they do very well in restaurants, but they have to be shown and taught how to act in public starting as babies. You must be calm and consistent. For a child as young as 2, I think distraction works much better than discipline. First, remember going to a restaurant with your child is practice for all of you until your child learns how to behave. Don't expect to sit for an hour and leisurely have a meal. Go when the restaurant is not busy and expect to stay for no more than 30 minutes. Do this a few times until your child gets the hang of how to behave. Before you go in tell her what you expect and then leave if he/she doesn't comply. Be armed with all kinds of distractions like crayons and paper, playdough, small toys. Bring a yummy treat for dessert and if he/she cooperates then they get to have it before you leave. Also, I always have a few Dum Dums in my purse in case I get in a situation where I need a few minutes of cooperation from my child like waiting while I pay the bill. Always have a few tricks up your sleeve to provide distraction for your child. Maybe special toys that only come out while your out to eat or a doll or stuffed animal that can come out to eat, too that your child takes care of. Lastly, don't be embarrassed. Children act out sometimes and everyone knows it. Don't let them scream in a restaurant, but do realize your child is just being a 2 year old. If people can't understand that then that's their problem. Good luck with everything and remember your little one is only 2 and looks at the world completely differently than you do!

First off I would start at home. When she throws these fits, walk away and pretend you don't hear her. Walk into another room. Its the attention she gets from you when she throws these fits that is like giving her ice cream. Once you feel comfortable at home and think shes' going to be okay, just go to some McDonalds' or somewhere like that. If she starts up, move to another table, even if you have to keep moving. She will get the picture. I know it sounds mean but she will appreciate you in the end. Like I said you are giving in and its like ice cream or a new toy. Don't give in. Its' sometimes hard but I have faith in you. Now you have faith in you and good luck. You will be a much happier mom when you go out as well as being at home.
Take care

Can't help much with the restaurants part... fortunately, our two boys do okay - and we entertain them with iPhone games if they start to get antsy...

But as for home issues at mealtime, I used to try the discipline approach, but then discovered it only seemed to make things worse since it was still giving them the attention they were evidently looking for.

I recently discovered that, for us, the key to success with my two year old at mealtimes was to actually just completely ignore him when he would start to cause a scene or have a tantrum. Typically, he would storm into a corner or leave the room in a huff or in tears... but then, after about 5 minutes, we were surprised to see him quietly come back into the room, sit in his chair, and start eating his dinner. So, since the first time we found success with this approach, we've adopted it as our standard.

Oh - and I wanted to point out that when he is having one of these tantrums, we don't say A WORD to him... you have to COMPLETELY ignore him. Don't even acknowledge he's in the room until he settles down. This is tough for the parents, since your instinct is to try to calm him down - but it will set the process back if you give him ANY attention during this time...

Our only battle now is getting him to stay in his chair until everyone else is finished eating.

I do have a 2 year old and we do struggle with restaurants and tantrums. We have found a few techniques to help manage the chaos. First when we order our drinks we order his meal. He is much more managable once he has food. When they bring our food we ask for the check. This gets us out quicker. If he gets restless, then usually my husband or I will walk him around calmly and return him to the table to sit. High chairs don't work any more so we request a booth when possible which allows us to block him in and also we can put him in time out if it gets really bad. We have been focusing on positive reinforcement instead of acknowledging the bad behavior. We have been working with day care on this and it is working very well. We found that our son is very eager to please and so positive reinforcement works very well for him. We also practice on restaurants we know he likes. For example, there is a restaurant in East Plano where you can see the train. He loves it there. So just find the techniques that work best for you and determine what behavior you want and what you are willing to do to get it. When I first had my son I received some very good advise that I have stuck with: "Determine if that is a hill you are willing to die on...if it is then those are the things you focus on."

Good luck. My son is now 2 years and 3 months and the 3 months has really made a difference.

There's another pamphlet that I used with my kids. It's called "Under Loving Command" by Al & Pat Fabrizio and available online. One thing it emphasizes is that the parent must be consistent all the time -- which is exceedingly difficult! God bless.

Get the Book 1, 2, 3 Magic.

while 2 year olds are certainly trouble. I firmly believe that all toddlers can learn how to behave properly. If you discipline a lot without the results you are looking for perhaps you should rexamine how you are disciplining! I would recommend Shepherding a Child's heart by Tripp. Good luck and remember you are the parent and you are in charge!!

I find that if you take the child in your arms and whisper very softly and firmly in their ear to settle down or they will face a punishment, whatever punishment you have decided on. Then if they continue to be wild, follow through with the punishment. If she does settle down, then you can produce a quiet toy or book. Some of my friends have a backpack that they bring for their children when we go out with special things (toys, books coloring books, games) that they can only play with when out in a restaurant.
Also work with her at home sitting down to eat at the table. Have the family sit down and have a meal together, and not get up until everyone is done. It could just be that she needs a little practice on sitting down and eating for a long time.

I just skimmed the answers you've been given, but our solution with our rambunctious two year old is to take a bag of things to entertain her. Books, toys, crayons, special treats or cookies she doesn't usually get. If we go out with friends, I'll even throw in our portable DVD player (which I HATE in theory, but if I want to talk to another adult, it's nice to have the distraction). And I always order her meal or appetizers when we order our drinks so she has something to eat instead of having to wait.

My poor 6 year old...LOL...I seem to use her life as an example for everything. She has put us through a huge education with her needs. She did this very same thing and still does. At age 2 we didn't understand but we knew it was not a discipline issue because of our experience with our other children. She is adopted and has FAS with multiple co-occurrence disorders. One is ADHD. The ADHD keeps her from sitting...EVER. She stands for meals, schoolwork, and homework. She even stands at school to do her work. We are fortunate she now stands in one place....LOL. I use to be so embarrassed until I read the book "Raising a Moody Child". It is about her specific condition but It explains the importance of not allowing the world to get to you. They do not know her or see her like I do. True we do not take her out to restaurants very often. My best advice is try to figure out if your child is doing this because they can’t or because they won’t. Knowing the answer to this changes everything. I hope this helps.

I suggest looking into Love and Logic (www.loveandlogic.com). Their book "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood" has been an amazing help for us with our not quite 2 year-old (has wonderful advice on dealing with fits). The goal is to teach you simple tools to help you raise to adulthood a person that can make good decisions for themselves, that values work and responsibility, someone that easily gives and receives respect. My husband and I like that it is not about managing a specific behavior at a specific age, but instead looks at the child through their whole life, newborn, toddler, teenager, adult. It makes sense to us and involves only what they say - "love" and "logic". Hope that helps - good luck!
-M.

Our daughter is 2 as well. We usually have the same problem, but we have learned to work around her. 1 we will only take her out to eat to places that will entertain her, so far Razzoos, Chilis, Ihop, & Carino's works for her. 2nd we pretty much know what we are going to get especially when we go to our fav restaurants so we tend to order pretty quickly. 3rd I have learned to carry her favorite "surprise" toy which is a toy from targets $1 section it's one of those magnetic drawing boards, its small so fits in my purse or diaper bag. I will take some of her snacks to give her as an "appetizer". We discipline a lot too and if it is out of control, I will walk her to the bathroom, to give her the sense that she is walking around, take our time, wash her hands, everything slow, and then walk back to daddy to show him her good job. We almost always ask for a booth so we let her stand on the booth until our food arrives, she knows she has to sit in the high chair. Hope any of this helps. We just have to be patient & try new things.

We only have had to do this a couple of times, but if our child did not sit nicely (with a few toys we brought of course and we also ordered their food first or brought lil' snacks until the food got there) then the child had to do 'time out' in the car, buckled in the carseat. We kept a magazine or book in the car so we could read or whatever until the time out was done (which does not start until the child is calm). I would not talk to the child or if the child screamed too loudly, I stepped out of the car and 'read' standing against the car. This hasn't happened more than 2-3 times total between our two kids.....