2 Year Old Suddenly Afraid of Me!

Yeah, Jennifer brings up a good point...does she think it's a game? I mean do you think she is genuinely terrified or not?

This is very odd, I'll give you that. Maybe you made a funny/scary face that you didn't mean to make and didn't even know you did make and it freaked her out. Who knows.

If she's verbal I would try asking her next time she does it and see what she says. I would also maybe try saying things like Mommy didn't mean to scare you and I'm here to love you and protect you or something and see if that helps. I'm guessing (hoping) she'll get over it quick, especially if you stay home with her.

My daughter went through a phase at that age where she was afraid of my husband. As their world changes from being inseparable from the primary caregiver, to knowing she is separate from you, first they get separation anxiety, and then all kinds of fears can set in. I would suggest that you act very matter-of-fact and not emotional at all. Just say something like: It seems you are feeling afraid right now, so why don't you hug your (favorite stuffed animal) or watch (favorite tv show) and when mommy is done feeding sister/doing laundry/making dinner we can play with dolls together/build a tower (whatever she likes doing). Do what needs to get done, and do not let her make you change your ways. You are still her mom and she still needs to do what you say for her safety. I think if you act scared or hurt or withdraw it will all just take longer. Even if you feel like your heart is breaking, act like everything is under control, she needs to come sit to eat lunch, it is time to put on coats and go outside, etc. If you act normal and loving but perhaps more distant, she should come to you, and if the fears continue or get worse, then it is time to check with a doctor.

Try not to be devastated - it's really not personal even though it feels that way. Kids go through phases of not liking one parent. Sometimes it happens when you look different - if you took her in the shower, you looked very different with no make-up, no hairdo, and maybe some redness in the face from the hot water. Could be anything. It happens a lot when we moms get our hair cut or colored too, or if we switch from glasses to contacts. She's starting to figure out that she is separate from you, that she's independent and perhaps vulnerable. Give it time. Do not over-react. If she's afraid, just say, "Okay, you can go play in your room until you are ready to come out." Don't let her take full control over you, and don't placate her or spoil her to win her affection - that's not what this is. Just be calm and unaffected. She needs to know that you love her and will not reject her no matter how irrational she is.

It will pass. The best thing to do is go about your normal routine with the baby and attend to her needs. You're not ignoring her but giving her space.

Did you react when she did it? Chances are she's doing it because she's getting a reaction from you.

my two year old son does in public and its very disconcerting, I heard some suggestions below that they do it for attention, even if its negative. I am pretty sure after a few of these bouts, it has to be that. I cant see that I do anything different with him and the only change is dad is not around as much. So it seems when he is tired of me, or wants something from me, he pulls this fear-mommy bit. I then try to placate him and he likes it. So I decided no more catering to him, and the fits are fewer and farther between now.

your husband is right. don't make a big deal about each phase a toddler goes through. she's processing a big, confusing world as best she can. what she needs to know is that you are there, calm and strong, always reliable even if the world is sometimes scary.
she's only 2. she's far too tiny to be in charge of your feelings.
khairete
S.

Hi, A.:

I don't think she is scared of you,
I think she is excerising her independence.

Leave her alone.
She will come to you when she gets ready.
Good luck.
D.