My daughter just turned 2 in September. She was breastfed and co slept with me and my husband since she was born. After I stopped breastfeeding her, shortly after he birthday, she started having a very hard time going to sleep, which I was not surprised at since she had always just nursed to sleep.
She would lie in between us, screaming, crying, wrestling around, kicking and rolling over on us. I tried comforting her, putting her on my chest, patting her to sleep, etc. She would finally go to sleep after a half hour-45 minutes.
One night I decided to see if she would sleep with her sister (5) and to make a set routine. We would have bathtime, then I would read to them, turn on some music and we all laid down in my daughters bed. that first night, she went to sleep relatively easy and I was excited as it was the first night we had our bed back! That was last week.
Since then, we have kept to the routine, but she has started doing the kicking, screaming, rolling around thing in my daughters bed now. i close the door, leaving it open a crack and check on her a few times and she eventually goes to sleep. A couple of times she has hurt my daughter by hitting her in the face :(
We have ordered bunk beds and we are going to have my older daughter sleep on the top, with the little one in the bottom. I think she will do the same thing, even if no one is next to her. But it distresses me. I dont understand why she wont let me cuddle her to sleep, she would just rather scream and roll around kicking wildly :(
Does anyone have an suggestions?
Could you put her to bed ealier? I realize this sounds counter-productive, but she may be over-tired, and some kids then have an awful time settling down.
Do you think she's reacting to all these changes? She was used to co-sleeping for 2 years, so she was used to close quarters. She may also be reacting to the loss of her routine - no more breastfeeding, no more parents, the presence of her sister. Part of the problem is that she never learned to self-soothe - she depended on nursing to lull herself to sleep. It's often hard for kids when that gets taken away, and now you are changing the other routines as well.
Some kids need to be "confined" more to feel secure. I slept with my stuffed animals lined up on both sides of my body from shoulder to toe. Babies often like to be swaddled. I saw a simple do-it-yourself bed bumper - take 2 pool noodles and put them under the bottom sheet on each side of the bed, and it prevents the child from rolling out (the sheet holds it in place. If you pushed both noodles closer to the center, maybe she'd like the little "nest" of a confined space it makes. If you can't find pool noodles in November, try any good sized craft or fabric store for plain foam cylinders (they can be cut if too long, or 2 short ones can be duct-taped together.
Hitting her sister is obviously not acceptable, although I disagree with Sherry on "cracking on the behind". Aside from the fact that it just encourages a child who is hitting to think that hitting/whacking is okay, it's not going to help her calm down. I do think putting her to bed first is the only way to go.
I understand that you want to cuddle your child to sleep, just as you nursed her to sleep for years. This closeness feels good to all. The problem is, the child never learns to calm herself down and put herself to sleep. At some point, you're not going to want to be the only one who can get her to sleep. Just as you and your husband are happy to have your bed back now, you'll have another adjustment down the road when you want to stop the cuddle-to-sleep practice.
So I think you could read up on the Ferber method or other sleep method that you can get on board with, and follow the same procedure every night even though she'll fight you to begin with. It may take 1-2 weeks (usually it's less in a much younger child but this kid is already in a very strong routine that she has to 'unlearn". Whatever method you choose, you have to be consistent, and it has to give your daughter the confidence that she can calm herself down and drift off on her own, without a specific person to put her to sleep. This has to be a method that can be used by Dad, Grandma/Grandpa, or a babysitter.
Sharing a room is okay but your older child is going to have to get a good night's sleep and get up for school, so she can be disrupted forever even if the hitting stops.
We used Dr. Ferber's approach for the sleep training. It worked for us.
As for sleep arrangements, try finding a different space for your daughter. Maybe put the older one in a sleeping bag/ mattress on your bedroom floor. While you sleep train your little one in the girls room and you camp out on the sofa until you get her to sleep easily and reliably. then you bring the older one back to the girls room too.
Meanwhile, trundles and not bunks are in order. The little one is too young and bunks too dangerous.
Best,
F. B.
Why won't she do what you want? Because she doesn't understand why she doesn't have what you let her have for two years. She doesn't want to cuddle as a substitute for nursing and co-sleeping. You aren't the only parent on this site who has come looking for help to get their child out of their bed, by the way.
When children co-sleep or breastfeed to sleep, they don't learn how to self-soothe. Something else is doing the soothing. You have not taught her how, and are just expecting her to know how. By putting her in her sib's bed, all you are doing is substituting the sib for you, and your child does NOT like it.
Sit with her and rub her tummy or her back. Tell her that it's time to sleep once or twice, no more. Have the room dark, with a nightlight if she needs it. Each night, rub her tummy or back LESS. At some point, stop touching her, and just sit there. As that works better, put the chair farther away from the bed, until at some point the chair is in the middle of the room. Sit there less time as things get better too. At some point, you won't need to have the chair in there and you can walk out and say goodnight.
Don't try to do this all at one time. She's not an infant anymore and it's too hard to try to teach her to self-soothe all at one time at this age.
You need to teach her how to fall asleep on her own. Stop laying down with her. Keep to the routine but then kiss and leave the room. Have your older daughter stay in a different room if possible. You are going to have a difficult time of it.
This distresses you??? Well, it distresses your older daughter more. She is the one who is getting hit! That is not acceptable. Younger daughter doesn't want to cuddle to sleep because she is not getting her way. Seriously, its time to treat her like a toddler and not a baby. She understands to word NO. Use it. No, you will not hit your sister. No, you will not scream.
Our son didn't like staying in his bed. He would crawl out of his crib and walk down the hall and come into the family room with a big grin on his face. We didn't say anything, just picked him up and put him back in his crib. We did this a couple of times a night. It got to the point that we sat in the hall just outside of his room. I read the Bible. He was very stubborn. But we did this every night. Took about a month for him to finally realize that he was going to stay in his bed.
It wasn't that he could fall asleep on his own, that wasn't the problem, the problem was he was afraid he was missing out on something.
Good luck!
sometimes you have to crack them on the behind. I am not saying beat them. but the crack on the behind will get there attention. you need to just bite the bullet and go cold turkey on the cuddling. cuddle her during the daytime. but bedtime is bedtime. so no more of these long drawn out things. and if it takes it to make it work put the older one in the living room until the younger is asleep. put her in and shut the door. this exact thing is why we never did the cosleeping thing.
Oh boy just reread it. I thought she was 5. So no crack on the behind. Although if she was 5I would stand by the other answer lol.
two seems awful young for bunk beds. Can you just get her a toddler bed temporarily, or keep her safe in a crib and let her thrash safely in there? I think jeopardizeing your older child's sleep (not to mention her sense of safety in her bed), is not a good trade off. If possible, I'd get them into different rooms.
You may want to cuddle your child to sleep now, but trust me, a kid who needs a parent to lay with them to sleep is not ideal. My sister gave into this and then it just turned into a giant chore night after night without exception. Parents need a break too. Like all things kids do, one day they're doing one thing and then its onto the next obstacle. This thrashing likely won't last too long. If she must share a room, get a toddler bed cheap on craiglist and let her thrash away, if she falls off, its only 9-12 inches high. (as apposed to about 18-20" on a bottom bunk with no side rails)
Too bad about the bunk beds, they are dangerous and not for kids this age. My friends son was sitting on the top bunk and he moved to do something and missed the bed. He fell off and died when his head hit the ground.
He wasn't being rough or doing anything wrong, she was standing right there and he was gone. I'd never put a bunk bed in any kids room until they were tweens or teens.
I think they could do corner unit beds or something like 2 twin beds that make an L in the corner.
But anyway, it's your job to protect your other child and allowing her to be hit by her little sister is teaching her she has to take it. Little sister needs to go to bed first the older sister goes to bed a half hour after she's asleep.
I don't have a problem with her screaming herself to sleep but you can't let her hurt your other daughter.
That is not acceptable.
Put the younger one to bed earlier and the older can go to bed once the younger is settled down.
Sharing a room is not always what it's cracked up to be.
Please don't put her in bed with your daughter. Put a crib mattress on the floor for her and make her OWN bed. Put HER blankets, pillow, etc on it.
Go to Toys R Us and let her pick out a big, soft stuffed friend to sleep and cuddle with. Let her know that it's her sleep buddy. At bedtime go through the entire bedtime routine, and ensure her stuffed friend is included. "Get your Doggy (or whatever) and climb in bed! Snuggle doggy so he'll go to sleep! Close your eyes so doggy will sleep too! Doggy is tiiiiired."
No music, lights, toys (except stuffed friend) or distractions. Dark room, curtained. The less distraction she has, the better.
