2 Year Old in Toddler Bed Too soon....help!

Hi my name is S. and i have a two year old also and we just put him a todler bed two days ago and he is doing just fine!!! It was hard at first for me but iam getting use to it know!!!

OK, I had a similar problem when my daughter was 22 months. What I finally did was the "silent return" while staying in her room. It was weird, but it worked. I sat in her room and when she tried to get out of bed, I would silently and with no expression (which would excite the emotionality of it all) put her back in. Then I would sit down on the floor again. I would sit for a half hour or so, until she realized she wasn't getting out of the bed. The no talking, etc. seemed to make ALL the difference. Good luck! M.

I went through this with 2 toddlers at the same time! I took them out of their cribs (actually remove them from the room so they're not an option anymore) and we put the mattress part of their twin beds on the floor (so that there wasn't too far to fall if they did). Of course, then they were free to move around the room and out of the room. It took quite awhile (more than 3 days) for the newness of that freedom to wear off. During that time, we kind of just rode it out - setting the expectations and then following through. (Yes, this is VERY tiring and trying). After the newness wore off, we started with the incentives for staying in bed (fun things we would get to do the next morning, or even a "treat" in the morning (which consisteded of a few M&Ms) Besides the bribery, we also tried threats "if you don't stay in bed, I will take away your [whatever they treasure]" Only you know what your child's commodities are (what he values that will incentivize him) It's not too early to leverage that knowledge... the most important thing is to BE CONSISTENT with the method you choose. He will "get it" soon enough.
\Good luck.

You really have to give it more than three nights - he is two, afterall, and inclined to hold his ground until mommy and daddy break - and you broke! He now has been proven, by mommy and daddys actions, that you will give in eventually. You just lost ALL your power and control!

If you want the technique to work, you have to stick to it FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES to get him into the sleep routine you desire. If you deviate from the routine set forward by "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child", even for one night, all that work you put in the three nights before are moot. The moment you give in is the moment he wins, and it will take you even longer to get him back to his regular, healthy sleep habits.

Start all over again, and stick with it until he "gets it" and realizes that you will not give in and his bettime routine will be established regardless of how much he fights it. It may take weeks, and I realize you have a new baby and are probably exhausted already, but if you want to do this thing you have to do it ALL the way and be committed to the sleeplessness, or all this work will be useless. (Have you tried putting him BACK in the crib? We found that, after a week or two, our two year old "forgot" how to climb out of the crib and stopped doing it.)

Also, his regular sleep routine that you mention in your question is perfectly normal! One 1.5-2 hr nap a day, bedtime at 7:30 and up at 7:30 is a perfectly healthy, NORMAL sleep schedule for a two year old. My 2 and a half year old goes down at 7:30, wakes up at 6:30 without fail, and takes one 1.5-2 hour nap a day. She is a happy, healthy child - DO NOT put your son in your room with you on an air mattress, that is just asking for more sleep issues for everyone. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child technique WILL WORK - you just have to follow it, and stick to it without deviation.

Good luck!

We too used the "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" book but the cry it out method. It has been amazing and our boy has never been so happy. Go figure! Anyway, 3 days is hardly enough time to know if it is working. At the 3 day mark for us it was much worse and by the end of the week it was all better. Give it a week, if not two before you decide if it works. Plus, I think that is one of the issues, you have to been consistent always! Once you give in, even once, it all starts over again. I know it is exhausting and frustrating but you have to be firm and stick it out. You just have to teach him that you make the rules and this is how things are done. Bedtime is bedtime. Good luck!

hi S.! the other moms gave you some great ideas and i hope you find what works for you, i did just want to address that you tried the "bring him back into bed silently" approach for a time (you said 1 1/2 hrs) and then he got rocked in a chair by you or your husband? this means that you did not follow through with the silent approach, and your son "won", because if it took him 1 1/2 hrs to get your interaction again, he now knows that that's what it will take! the effectiveness of the silent back to bed approach will only work with consistency and perseverence. it's not always easy, but it's what worked for us and our daughter and it worked because of our consistency, patience, and not deviating from the technique (though there was a point where we held her door shut so she couldn't get out and, frustrated, she turned right around and went back into bed on her own!!!!) good luck!

He will want the extra attention but my suggestion would be to give it to him during the day. I have 3 boys now, when my first was around 2 years old he started getting out of his toddler bed. We tried many things: I know you aren't interested in the lock on the door. How do you feel about a gate at the door, this way he can still open the door and see out (and be in his safe enviroment) and he didn't have to feel scared. Then we spent several days and hours doing the silent return. My son had more determination than my husband and I could imagine! After a while we would silently put him back to bed, then as soon as we heard him get out of bed we would say "get back in bed," short, quiet, too the point. Finally we tried sitting on the edge of his bed (not suggested because then you have to break that habit), looking at the floor (not child) and again "lay down" when he'd try to get up. In the end, I think whatever approach you take, it will work after patience and consistency. Good Luck! Oh, I wouldn't suggest the air mattress because then you have to break that habit as well. Again, good luck!

I have a 2 year old and a six month old and I noticed my son's sleep habits change just like yours but my son is still in his crib. It did take him some time to get use to the new baby especially if she was still awake when he was going to bed. Sometimes I would have my husband put him to bed and I would pretend to put baby to bed at the same time. That seemed to make things a little easier. He seemed to bounce back to his old routine but then he started again, wide awake at 9pm, waking early, waking in the night. So a friend of my said maybe his molars are starting to come in..
Another thing to add to the list of changes he is going through, is 2 year old molars. My son's are coming in and this kind of behavior always seems to correlate with teeth coming in, that wakeful restlessness, extra cranky...oh yeah and he started sticking things in his mouth again. Part of it is mimicing his baby sister, but I tell the 2 apart.

We use Hylands teething tablets, a homeopathic way of soothing. You can find them a the health food store or Pacifica Farmers Market, I have seen them at some rite aids but not all

Hope this was of some help.

I know exactly how you feel. It will take several weeks of working on him to get him to stay in his bed (It's been almost a year for my 2 1/2 year old and we still have to keep on her). One thing I have recently tried is to give her a bath much earlier so that she has time to run that energy off after bath (cause my kid sure doesn't "relax" after bath!). Then at bedtime we read a story, drink her milk, and I rock her for one song (I play a baby lulluby cd for her while she sleeps). Then I put her to bed. If she gets up, I just keep putting her back. Eventully your son will get better at sleeping in the bed :).

It sounds like, with a new sibling in the house, that he perceives his bedtime as his play time with you and your husband. I would push his bedtime back a little, my son is 2 1/2 and I have a 10 week old little girl,and he goes to bed around 8:30 or 9pm and he is fine. My son occassionally wakes up in the middle of the night, but having a new person in the house, I'm deeming it normal. It took my husband and I a few nights to get our son to stay in his bed but we just kept putting him back with a little kiss and a good night. He eventually stayed. Remember a new baby in the house always causes some type of change. It will get better. Don't get upset with him, just be consistent. Good luck

i just transitioned our twins @ 26mos and it's gone very well...i used the theat of "if u don't stay in your bed, mommy is going to put u in the pack-n-play in the bathroom and u will have to sleep all by yourself w/out any animals or books.......one challenged me twice so out she went...didn't like it but i left her there at least 20min upset...THEN she was ready to stay back in her "big girl bed." if they had a problem of getting outta the rm (they don't as of yet and it's been 2wks), i'd put up a gate so they could see out but not get out of the rm....good luck!

Our 2 y/o son sleeps in a toddler bed. We do 2 things: 1) We have a baby gate up in his doorway so that he cannot wander around the house early in the morning unattended. and 2) He has a musical aquarium next to his bed and knows how to hit the button to start the soothing lights & music when he wakes during the night. (It's the Fisher Price one, around $30.)

You should definitely continue the silent return method, but also consider a gate for his safety and something he controls to soothe him at night. Obviously, the new baby is playing a role in your son's behavior as well, so maybe some special time just for him before bed would help, too. I always also tell my little guy we can play trains or do puzzles, etc. when he wakes up, so he has something to look forward to in the morning.

Good luck to you and congrats on the new baby!

I am experiencing the exact same thing! My daughter is turning 2.5 and I have a 5 week old. I didn't have the energy to do the Healthy Sleep Habit Happy Child method, so I bought the crib tent. That has been working out well. At the same time, I put the toddler bed in her room and put lots of her stuff animals on them. She plays in it, let her get used to it. In the past week, she asked to sleep in the big bed at night one time. And she took one nap in her big bed. I'm hoping she will slowly transition to big bed on her own. I'm not going to force her. I ask her which bed she wants to sleep in everytime before I put her down. Our new born is in a pack n play until hopefully our daughter will sleep in the big bed soon.

Hi S.,
It sounds like it will become a test of wills to see who gives in first. I would continue the silent return until he gives up, which could take 7-10 days of VERY consistent behavior. Have you tried explaining to him that he has to stay in bed? I personally would use a gate in the doorway if the silent return is too hard for you. At 2 yrs old it is hard for a child to understand imaginary boundaries like a regular bed. We keep our daughter's door closed at night and will continue to when she moves to a regular bed. I'm lucky that she is SO in L. with her crib that she has no inclination to climb out yet. Be strong, this won't be the last battle of wills you and your son have.
Sincerely,
L.

It's probably a mix of both a little jealousy and being 2 and moving to a big boy bed where he has learned he has freedom. When he gets up you need to tell him, no it's time for bed, and take him back to bed. It can take up to 2 weeks, but he will get it, just stay consistant.

Here's an idea that might help. Take him to the store and get him a little cd player that he can have in his room to play music at bed time. You can maybe get a few sleepy time cd's that he can pick from and tell him that big boys who stay in bed get to listen to the music. Just an idea. My boys (5 and 2) have a cd that they listen to at night - first a story (for my 5 year old) then some music (piano, yanni, george winston etc. but they also have sing alongs that they can listen to at other times during the day) They love it!

I know 2 weeks sounds like a long time, but keep consistant and it will pay off! Good luck!

Wow, I am so glad we never used a crib and co-slept and then family bedded with our kid, and put the toddler bed at the end of our bed when we thought she needed more room. We did not have our kid on a sleep schedule, but maintained a regular sleepytime routine to help her become quiet and restful and ready for bed.

After reading some of the stories in the responses, it's clear to me that there are a lot of folks who demand their separate time from their kids.

I had a kid so that I could rock someone to sleep and cuddle at night and read tons of stories. So far that has not become boring, sleep is pretty regular for all of us, we did not experience a lot of the problems other people are having, and our daughter goes back and forth from our bed to her "own bed" whenever she wants.

I should disclose that I have a background in psychology and have studied lots of sleep research studies. I am fairly convinced that a lot of sleep issues are due to a) separation issues from not feeling comforted at night (newborns wake up at all hours to "check" on you and make sure you are there. If they never see you, they become accustomed to waking up, but probably don't feel comforted and don't go back to sleep easily because you are not present.) and b) melatonin surges are interrupted by our hurry scurry lives and lights flash, loud noises, busy stuff, makes that hormone dissipate in the brain and become less effective. We learned this the hard way, and then I found out that sour cherries boost melatonin in children. So, that's become a regular pre-toothbrushing snack.

Melatonin surges happen fastest when the lights go out. Darkness triggers it. I believe that human beings are training ourselves to reduce our melatonin by staying up late and having lights on.

To get more effect out of a routine, make sure it is consistent, even if it isn't always at the same time. Make sure you are not rushing the routine for your own convenience. To get more effect from rocking, rock in the dark. To get more effect from reading, read by a quieter light. To get more effect from calming bathtime, use warm water by candlelight (warm water and quiet voices really does calm a child down, but you have to be PRESENT and quiet with your child. No silly playing or water squirting, just quiet talking, drizzling of water. It actually helps to get in and cuddle or nurse your child in the tub to help them get the hang of the quiet bath.) To get more effect from music, take out the nightlight and play something soothing. It takes about 35 minutes for a child in arms to become truly asleep. During that time they are calm, secure, restful. There is no peace and tranquility or security in having to scream yourself to sleep or sit in a crib waiting to see if someone will come.

Just because we develop a preference for different levels of privacy does not mean that our children come out of our bodies with that preference. It's trained. It's trained by leaving a child alone during their most vulnerable time--sleeping, time and again. I respect that people need their private time together, and that new infants need more attention. I guess I don't get why a little pallet on the floor for your toddler to cuddle and fall asleep nearby at your feet while you nurse your baby during Top Chef is a bad idea.

My son was in his crib until he was almost 3. He started climbing out before he turned 18 months so I got a crib tent and he did fine. Right before we switched him to a big boy bed I think he was figuring a way to get the zipper undone but he never got out.

We went through this with both of my kids. Both climbed out of their cribs before two and I didn't like the crib tent either. My son was only 16 months when we moved him to his big boy bed, and it was horrible. At this age they are not old enough to recognize the imaginary boundries of the bed. After two weeks of my son getting up over and over again (and I am talking hours each night, until about 10 pm), and each time taking him back without a word, we finally broke down and installed a gate on his door. It was the best thing we could have done. He immediately started to stay in bed since it wasn't any fun just standing at the gate. He never cried when we put the gate up either, it was just that he needed that actual boundry to stay in bed. With my daughter, we used the gate right away, and although she sometimes gets out of bed to get a book, at nighttime she always gets right back in and covers herself up and everything. Now for her, naptime has been another story. Not sure if she is getting ready to give up her nap early, or what, but she will get out of bed and play for over an hour pretty much most days then climb into bed and go to sleep. Since she is playing quietly I just let her do this, and then wake her up no later than 4 since I want her to go to bed at the same time as her brother. As far as your son needing the extra time with you to snuggle etc, maybe as soon as your husband gets home from work, he can take the infant and let you have some one on one time with your 2 year old, then switch, and let your husband have some one on one with him, so he is getting a little time each day from both of you of undivided attention. I know this helped my son when my daughter came along. Also, when my daughter napped during the day, instead of trying to get stuff done, I would try to play candyland or read stories, or anything my son wanted to do that day (play dough, coloring etc) that we could do just the two of us. BTW, the gate has come in handy as his sister got more mobile since he had toys that were not age apppropriate for his sister, so he knew he had to go into his room and close his gate if he wanted to play with those toys. I didn't have to worry about tiny pieces out where she could reach them and he didn't have to worry about her messing up what he was doing. He is 4.5 now and he still goes in and closes his gate (he can do it himself now) when he needs his own space (his 2 year old sister adores him, but the invasion of space can drive him crazy) We taught him instead of striking out he can just walk away to his own space for awhile to get away from it and it has worked out great. The two year old sometimes gets upset by this, but she is still easy to distract, so we just sing songs or play a game and she gets over it very quickly. Good luck and hopefully for you he will start staying in his bed. I know some people think it is mean to use a gate on the kids door, but it has worked so well for us, and I don't like closing my kids in their rooms. Like I said, my son is 4 and still asks us to close his gate at night, even though he definitely doesn't need it anymore.