First off I'd like to say I love the feed back you ladies give. Well we have 3 boys ages 8mo, 3 (soon to be 4) yrs and just turned 5. I'll start with our 8 mo old. About a week ago he has started not sleeping very well at night. Most nights I am up w/ him fussing ever so often during the night. And he'll fuss any where from 5 minutes to almost an hour. He is breastfeed right before naps and bed time and through the night, but I feel like here lately I may not be producing enough for him at night. Has anyone else been through this? Any suggestions on what I can do to help him sleep better? And yes he is teething, but giving him medicine doesn't seem to help him sleep either.
Now our 5 yr old. He can be the best kid ever. Doing what he's told, sharing toys, just being an all around great kid. However here lately I feel like I'm looking at him as if he's 15. If he doesn't get his way he will throw a fit, growl at us, argue w/ us, all of that mess as if he's a teenager. Its driving our husband and me crazy. I'm pretty sure he is just testing us, but sometimes I could just scream at the top of my lungs at him (which I don't). Please tell me this is just a phase. I put him in time outs, has toys taken away, is sent to his room. My husband has a very short fuse and will yell at him (yes I know this doesn't do anything to help the situation) And if I try to get him to talk to me, he just sits there w/ a blank face. I'm just at a loss for what else I can do to get him out of this bad habit. Thanks in advance for all your comments.
I'm having trouble typing this under my question, so I'm going to do it here. He still gets the same attention and he still gets one on one time w/ both of us. I don't expect him to do anything more than what I ( and him) know he can do.
My son gets a calm "Who is in charge?", and if he continues to argue, fuss, whine, etc - I just repeat it and repeat it until he answers "you are". And I say "You are SO RIGHT! I am in charge, so now do what I told you to."
Your 8 month old is stioll going thru growth spurts. DOn't feel you aren't giving him enough milk, he will need to cluster feed to keep your supply at his level of demand (look up supply and demand). Nursing more often during times of change are very common too... nothing to do with a lack of milk supply.
Your 5 y/o sounds much like mine. Moments of perfection, helpfulness, etc then a complete breakdown of communication and suddenly there is yelling and tantrum like behavior. I've come to the realization it is mainly due to her being tired or frazzled from a long day at school without enough rest.
Hi Ashely,
Well, first I never produced enough milk for my son and all the lactation specialists will tell you that supplementing doesn't work, but I actually supplemented with both my kids and I didn't stop breastfeeding very early. So, what I would do is breastfeed FIRST and then give them a bottle especially if it was before bedtime. The truth is that formula fills them up more and at that age, I would shake a tablespoonful of baby cereal into the bottle to get a little more in their stomachs before bedtime. If his little tummy is empty, he isn't going to sleep well and maybe he's going through a growth spurt so he's hungry. Anyway, if he will take a bottle, esp. with cereal, it might help him to sleep and you to sleep! Besides, you are past the real medical benefits for breastfeeding, although you may want to continue up to the year. If he won't take a bottle, you might want to feed him the cereal before bed -- the baby cereal with formula or breast milk and a little fruit juice.
As for your five-year old -- 4 and 5 are generally pretty tough ages for little boys. So, yes, it's a phase. Also, he might be acting out just to get more attention if your time is taken up by the little ones. Maybe he needs some one-on-one time?
It is very difficult for anyone-much less a five year old-to articulate what they are struggling with. I suspect it may be all the attention the baby is getting-and, of course, is entitled to. More one-on-one time spent with the older child and stuff that is so precious to him-he doesn't have to share it may help-but the number one thing is to be firm and patient-and don't yell-once the voice is raised-he has won and it's game on. You have to have a united front-if you don't want dad to yell, and he does-then even he is not supporting you-do you think the child is oblivious to this? He isn't-now he knows he's pitted you against each other-it's not really a conscious effort-it's more instinctive than manipulative-but it's still the outcome he is looking for. You can condition his behavior if you stick together-he does something wrong, bad, mean, whatever-send him to his room-tell him why-tell him you'll come get him in 5 minutes when he's had a chance to cool off, is ready to apologize and act like a gentleman. That's it.
For the 8 month old, when you go in there everytime, he is expecting to be fed, so try giving him a pacifier, and try and leave the room see if he can self soothe. Wait for a minute or two, then go back in if hes still crying. Pick him up and calm him down with a cuddle, then try and put him back down, sometimes it takes awhile but he will start to learn. It generally does for me. If he doesnt calm down then feed him a bit and try again.
As for your 5 year old, its just a phase, and he will grow out of it. He is just testing you, so dont play into his tantrums. If you tell him no for something, then stick to it, and be firm.
Maybe he feels like he isn't getting the same kind of "kid" attention that he used to before the newest baby. It is very easy to suddenly notice that your kids are older when you have a baby in the house. Sometimes without meaning to, we have higher expectations of them than their age really calls for. He just turned 5. Five is still a little kid. A LITTLE kid. Even though he may seem almost all grown up in comparison to his little brother, it isn't.
Just a thought.
8 month old- Try giving him some solid foods right before bed time and see if that helps. You do say that you give him medicine for his teeth, but that too wears off. With my 8 month old I can slip in some medicine w/o him even waking up. This helped us too!
5 y.o.- Yep this is just a phase. He will out grow it. How you handle it will either make it go on longer or stop it sooner. Also, like you said yelloing doesn't help matters. Maybe try spending some time alone with him. Just you, daddy and your 5 y.o.. He may feel that you have forgotten about him with the new baby around. He is also old enough to try to explain why he is doing what he is doing. Our best talk time is right after time out. For our time out's you have to go sit on your bed, then when time out is over either I or my husband go lay in bed with which ever child and discuss what is going on and why they did what they did. We also discuss what is going to happen if they continue doing what they did. I have found that it is much easier on them and me to talk about things after things calm down.
Best of Luck!
Edit: Maybe just give him a little extra time one on one time.
For your 5 year old, you gotta remember that he is just a kid himself.
An Eldest child does NOT suddenly grow up, just because they have siblings and are the 'oldest' by title.
Thus, "expectations" upon the Eldest, has to be kept in line per his age.
Otherwise, frustration will occur, for him. Then for you.
And, all kids, boys... need to be able to express themselves. Good or bad.
They need to know, someone understands them.
When I had my 2nd child... my daughter would actually tell me "I'M JUST A KID, NOT A GROWN UP!" when my 'expectations' were a tad too much for her.
I'd then key down myself, and let her be a kid.
Just a kid.
Like she is.
Eldest children, often get a lot of "stress" sometimes, from ALL the expectations upon them and being an 'eldest' by default.
Look at him with different eyes.
YES, also, "phases" occurs in kids, all throughout childhood.
This worked for my Daughter: I would just have chats with her. About what SHE wanted to talk about. Anything under the sun. And I would let her just chat. Not lecturing her or anything. Just let her talk. She LOVED this time with me. We didn't 'do' anything... just chatted. It made her feel 'bonded' to me. Again. Amidst all the other busy-ness going on. She just needed "Me." And it also served to let her 'vent' about things. Too. And then she knew I was there for her, and only her. No matter what. I would also verbally tell her this. That SHE is my "first baby" always. And I am there for her.
