2 1.2 Yr Old Needing to Hold My Hand to Fall asleep...slightly New Issue to My L

Hi K.,

I agree with those moms who suggest a stuffed animal, unless he has allergies, then maybe a soft blanket. Maybe you three (Mom, son and cuddly friend) could start out holding fingers and paws and then mom could leave with him just holding his critter's paw.

Take a special trip to the store to pick out the right one. Explain that his special friend wants to hold his finger so it can go to sleep. Who knows maybe it will work.

If it doesn't work, try to enjoy the time. My daughter slept with me or rather "on" me for quite a while. Now she is six with no sleeping issues. I miss the cuddle time with her now but at when it was happening what I would have done to have some space.

Good luck and remember he is only going to be this little once.

Enjoy it why you can soon they will not need you and you will cherish those special times. It seems like forever but next thing you know he will be leaving for college. Good luck!

Hi K., how long does it take him to fall aleep holding your finger ( that's to cute)? at 2 1/2 you can tuck him him, read him a story, pray with him if you guys pray, sit with him for a few minutes, tell him you love him and you will see him in the morning. it is an adjustment for some kids going from their crib to a toddler bed, You know K. my kids are grown now, my youngest is 19, and I used to rock all 3 of my babies to sleep for nap and bed time, until they were to big, actually once they got to the toddler stage they didn't need to be rocked to sleep, but they wanted rocking time and singing with mom, it did not turn into a habit, went fromthe rocking stage to the tucking in, praying and having a story, and then we countinued to pray with our kids at bed time, it's all about making them feel secure, it's different K. when the older baby/child is crying all hours of the night and the mom is getting up 3 or 4 times a night with the child those are the kinds of things that become a habit, because the baby/child knows crying will get them what they want, but your son wanting to hold your finger to go to sleep, he's falling a sleep feeling very loved and very secure, eventually got from the finger to bedtime story, we change the bedtime routine with something approprate for their age, and to day, I have a 24, 21 both boys, and a 19 year old daughter, and you know what I would love to be able to rock them a sleep just one more time. I hope this helped. One more thing I don't think you will be turning your good sleeper into a less good sleeper, especially if introduce a different bed time routine as he gets older, also it sounds like you have a very wonderful family, and love conquors all. J. L.

If he releases your finger once he is asleep, I don't see the problem - just hold his hand. He won't do it forever and it's obviously comforting to him.

My son had a similar habit except it was twirling my hair in his fingers. It was definitely a security related issue as it started when we had many changes in our lives (moving between two countries between 18 months and 2 years I'm surprised this was the only bad habit he developed). Now that we are all settled and adjusted and he is used to his new bed he is self soothing (twirling his own hair). I do miss the closeness of this bond we had and the knowledge I provided so much comfort to him even though I know at the time it was a tad frustrating. Rest assured it is only a short phase and one you will eventually miss. I did try many things to break the habit like giving him a variety of soft toys, books or blankets to hold, none of which really worked but you could try. You could see if holding his own finger would work once he's a little more used to his new bed. Take care and treasure this special time - they grow up so quick.

If he's just wanting to hold onto your finger, you are lucky!
Don't worry, it WILL pass.

In lieu of a finger... maybe you can s-l-o-w-l-y transition him to a stuffed animal... kids/babies love to hold onto the ear part of the animal...it is soothing for them. My son has done this since he was about 6 months old. Some babies/kids love to hold onto the "corner" area of a lovey or blankie too.

If you think about it... holding onto a "finger" or the ear of a stuffed animal... is like that of a "nipple." It is instinctual... ALSO in babies they have a natural "reflex" to grip & play with the nipple in order to get the milk to flow... this is called "twiddling."

This action is a self-soothing and instinctual thing. And there is nothing wrong with it. It helps them to comfort and to sleep.

Sure, maybe he "knows" how to sleep on his own...but for now, he is loving your finger for comfort. That is fine. Self-soothing is actually a healthy behavior that shows a baby/child is being self motivated in "helping" themselves.

The thing is, it IS temporary. He will grow out of it. I don't feel there is anything wrong with a child having something to fall asleep with... but you can replace your finger for something else, but as you see, he will protest. At least he is not attached to your breast still or having YOU carry him or rock him to sleep, or sucking his thumb, as many kids. So, take heart it is just your finger for now.

I don't know why, there is the thinking that a child should NOT bond/find comfort/self soothe with a "lovey" object. Many child development experts will tell you it is normal and healthy for them to self-soothe. And they do grow out of it. No worries. In our culture, we don't like kids to bond with anything or get attached to us, the breast, the pacifier, the bottle, a lovey, or anything. So no wonder they get frustrated... we don't let them "comfort." Everything is about "un-attaching" a baby and weaning them fast and quick from everything. Some say good, some say nurture. It all varies. But even in the womb... a "baby" fetus will suck their fingers and yes, self-soothe, even in the womb.

Also his age, they do all kind of things in their bed and "play" and are so mobile just when we want them to go to sleep and STAY there. It's a phase. Transitioning to a toddler bed is... a transition. A process. And it takes time. It is not a slam-dunk event. Not for them. Just keep to a nice calm routine, and keep consistent. No need to have him cry and go into a frenzy over it... otherwise going to bed will be a "negative" event for him and a power struggle. When prior, it was not.

For us, when our girl was that age. We had her go in her bed, with a flashlight, we sat in a chair nearby, read to her, and kept her company as she fell asleep. Then over time, she didn't need us anymore to go to bed. Then you "miss" that... because your child no longer "needs" you for sleep. Aw shucks. It's a double edge sword. But it's great when they do pass this phase and then can settle themselves to sleep again. Hooray!

Your son is 2.5 years old, this is a common hiccup in sleep phases/ and ages and stages. He will get regular again... as long as you keep consistent, same bed time, same routine, same everyday. No need to punish or scold or bribe. Just keep pre-sleep and sleep routines consistent and peaceful. Give him time to "wind-down" BEFORE sleep. We turn off our lights except for one, make everything dim, and give our kids a verbal head's up that "in 15 minutes get ready for bed..." kind of thing. Then we go about our routine of getting ready. The SAME sequencing and routine everyday "helps" them,a nd in turn this will nurture good habits.

Don't think of your finger in terms of "bad habit"/"good habit." Think of it as your son is transitioning... and for now at least, your finger helps him. One day he won't need it.
At least he only wants it when going to bed, and not at the Mall or something! LOL!

Well good luck and take care, just some ideas,
Susan

My daughter did the same thing (although she wanted to hold my hand)! She did it for about a month, and then she was over it. I had a love-hate relationship with it while it was going on, but now I miss it! It was too cute... I'd just give him a little time to adjust.

That is the sweetest thing. As I can attest from my big boy 5 year old, it won't last forever. My sweetie is a fabulous sleeper now, but he went through stages. Now he's secure and doesn't need much to go to and stay asleep. Take good care of yourself and try to enjoy every blessed moment.

K.,

I'm not a fan of cry it out. I know it works well for some kids and for some families but I don't think it works well for everyone. And the fact that your son gets hysterical tells me it probably isn't right for him.

Instead of making it a fight and trying to break the habit, just modify it slowly until it goes away. Tonight he holds your finger. Tomorrow you rest your finger on the palm of his hand. Then the back of his hand, then on the bed next to his hand, and so on. Kind, gentle and effective.

Personally I think having my kids want to hold my hand as they go to sleep is sweet. But you've got to do what works for you.

Good luck,
T.

remove metal box that holds mattres so it is flat on the floor then put bed on top as it was.

He should not be able to climb out, I did this and it works great. The only thing is that when

you want to change his sheets you will have to remove bed to take sheets off, but it will be

worth the trouble. Any questions email me, ____@____.com

When both of my boys switched from crib to big-boy beds, there were, of course, adjustments. My 2nd boy especially needed help. And for 3 solid weeks lay next to him singing and caressing him as he fell asleep. During the 3 weeks, I tried to make the time less & less...and after 3 weeks he was able to fall asleep on his own again. Also, what helped my little guy, is that I let him take the quilt he used in his crib to his big boy bed. I think he felt a little comforted to have that.

Hold his hand for a good long time. Then carefully put it down and tuck him in and start reading a story, without showing pictures. He'll fall asleep.

Dear K.,

If you decide to let him cry, then let him cry. Do not give in or you will have it to do alllll over again. It is a learning situation for your growing up boy, and he will make it through this trial. They can get pretty melodramatic with the crying, but don't give in. You might take a cool wash cloth in there to wipe his face it it gets too bad, and give him a sip of water too, then back to crying if he has to. Don't worry it will not hurt him, and it will strengthen your ability to impose your will upon him at other times too. This just has to be done or you will have hell during his growing up time. He will whine, cry, demand and just be miserable. So let him cry now. C. n.

Hi K.,

Stay with your son but put a time limit on it. My son used to find any excuse to get me to stay with him longer - but it got to be really long (because I'm a push over) and my husband would go crazy because it was taking away from our time together at night. So, I started the 5 minute rule. We would read 3 books then turn out the lights and I would stay 5 minutes. You can use a timer in the bedroom if your son can't tell time or you can use a digital clock. My son could read the numbers on the digital so I would tell him which time to look for when I had to leave. It worked and he stopped bugging me to stay longer. (He also learned to recognize bigger numbers.) He is 6 now and we still have the "five minute stay time" as he likes to call it.

I'm sure it's just a phase. It won't last forever! Hope this helps!

My son is just newly 2 and we have been co-sleeping since he came home from the NICU at 2 months old. But, at somewhere around 9 months old he was falling asleep on his own and not needing any kind of comfort. At that point, he had minor surgery and was uncomfortable sleeping. After months, of endless waking up in the middle of the night and trying tons of things to get back to our great sleep, we had ANOTHER surgery and more set backs. But, this time I knew what I was up against as recovery took place and began slowly with limiting our proximity. I would hold him at first then as he dozed off, place my hand on his back and once he was asleep move away altogether. As weeks progressed, he began to fall asleep on his own again and Hog my bed completely!!

I know you aren't necessarily co-sleeping, but I think with kids this age from what I have read and heard, if you do something gradually over time they get used to the new pattern without too much fear or immediate detachment.

At this point, we're working on the transition to a big boy bed and it's a work in progress, but I think with little one's everything is on their timeline and not necessarily ours.

Get him a lovey that he can hold instead of your finger